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  1. Today
  2. Zaush in some hot water again

  3. Shower Thoughts

    Spiderman, spiderman, Does whatever a spider can, Spins a web, any size, Catches thieves, just like flies... ...injects them with a digestive enzyme that turns their insides to soup, then sucks out their guts.
  4. Zaush in some hot water again

    https://kiwifarms.net/threads/zaush-adam-wan.34183/page-20#post-3155810 How sad
  5. General Chat/Time-Waster Thread

    This is the funniest thing I have seen all month. https://assypoo.tumblr.com/post/172025058650
  6. Fuck this stupid fucking Statistics fucking class

    Whoever at TI came up with that calculator series deserves a fucking METAL. It's brilliant. So many educational programs have their own RIDGID requirements that only allow specific TI model calculators and it's ONLY the ones from TI too. They ALL use the same 30+ year old Z80 or 68000 processors and a few KB of RAM but they STILL sell for $100 even when they have a FRACTION of the performance if an equally priced off brand chinese made Android phone. That guy better have a boat made of solid GOLD.
  7. Tim Hortons and Bitcoin Megathread

    I didn't know crypto currency was such a large facet of so many people's personalities.
  8. Yesterday
  9. Zaush in some hot water again

    At least people are reporting his Patreon, so one of his support sources might actually be cut off, to have some kind of impact.
  10. Zaush in some hot water again

    I actually brought this up with a friend. A lot of people who claim to care as much as they do were taking shit up with the wrong people in the wrong outlets if they did anything at all. Maybe you don't need to go to the FBI, but you could at least start small to get him snuffed out from places where he's breaching guidelines. Places where it will affect him. Which, surprisingly, is what people ended up doing to his Patreon to some moderate success. I think Zaush is a smug asshole, but I'm not personally invested in taking him down so I'm not arm flailing. But for the people who were going HAM about it on Twitter, Tumblr, Change.org, you would think they'd have gone above and beyond to see about getting an investigation started if they were confident he was a predator. (Tell you what, he should have been banned from FA a loooong time ago. But if Dragoneer is YouTube, Zaush is Logan/Jake Paul.)
  11. Tired

    I'm four years into college working towards a Computer Science degree and I really don't enjoy my studies or feel that I'm anywhere near where I need to be in understanding what I've been supposed to be learning. I don't enjoy the problem solving aspects of programming. I like just knowing how to do something and then doing it, and most of the time I feel lost and/or don't know what to do or how to get from point A to point B when working on a program. I'll likely have to do a 5th year, possibly even 6th due to my ineptitude, and I'm already at a point where I can't stand what I'm doing and it takes all of my willpower just to keep working. I hate programming. I can't stand doing this anymore, but I'm 4 years in so I can't turn back. I want to switch majors or just drop out of college, but I can't bring myself to do that. I've already accumulated a decent amount of debt. I can't just accumulate all that debt and then have nothing to show for it. My family is poor and I live in an extremely small town (has a population of just a little over 2000 people). There's nothing where I live job wise aside from fast food restaurants, dollar stores, and gas stations. Were I to give up on college and grant me the rest I so desire, I would only continue to be poor and never be able to leave. I don't even have a car. Vehicles are expensive. I'd be stuck in this dead end town and poor forever if I gave up now. I don't want to be stuck on a minimum wage job. But I can't switch majors at this point either, otherwise I'll just end up with WAY more debt. I feel trapped, doing something I hate, something I loathe that I have difficulty bringing myself to do, and I have to keep doing this for another year. I don't even want to go through the next month and a half for the semester. Another year sounds nightmarish, and when I imagine myself as a programmer working at a job, struggling as I do now to understand what I'm doing, it horrifies me. I don't want to be a programmer. I don't want to suffer this constant struggle, this frustration and confusion that comes from writing code. Originally, before I latched onto the idea of CS, I wanted to study meteorology and get into weather. I'm fascinated by weather, but I put that aside because I had aspirations to get into video game development. As much as I love games now, after all this time, I'm not sure I could bear to be a programmer. But I can't exactly go back. Its too late now. I can't afford to keep accumulating debt and spending even more time in school, especially since my GPA isn't exactly amazing. I failed and had to retake classes quite a few times in some cases. This is also why I'm behind and might wind up with another year. I'm terrified that I might even wind up with a semester going into a 6th as I said. Though even beyond this, I feel like every inch of pride I used to have has died. I used to be so proud, feel so smart. I lack talent. My main source of pride in life was doing well in school. My 11th and 12th grade years I went to a new highschool and started to struggle, And once I got into college, the farther I've gotten, the worse it got. My pride has died. Everyone around me, all my peers, know more than I do about programming. I feel dumb and inadequate constantly. Group projects are especially terrible because everyone around me is discussing and doing work at a tremendously higher level than I and I feel completely useless. I want to pull my weight so that way I don't seem like I'm just trying to latch onto them for an A, but I have no idea how to help when I don't even understand what they're doing or what they want me to do. I get the feeling most of the people around me were programming before they came to college, while college for me was almost "just starting out to learn how to program" for me, minus an intro class I took in highschool that I didn't entirely understand. This is made worse when a teacher berates the class after getting a lot of bad grades or getting a lot of questions about a particular topic that he thinks we should know, going "You all should know this already!", making asking questions seem uncomfortable. But I'm at a point even where I'm not even sure what questions to ask in some cases, just plain not understanding what's being talked about in class. I'm falling apart here, struggling to latch onto things. I've learned some things in college to be sure, but not nearly enough to be useful in the workforce I imagine. But even trying to suffer through all of this, trying to deal with this confusion and lost pride.... I don't want to do this anymore. I want out of this field. I want out of this college. I don't want to go to class. But I have to. I'm trapped. I'm too far in to give up now, so I've put myself into a position of constant suffering and confusion. I wish I had someone to lean onto, to help me and guide me and go to when I'm struggling. If I wasn't so alone dealing with this wouldn't be so bad. But I don't have any irl friends to lean on that go to this school besides one, and she's constantly busy and with others. My parents used to be a source of comfort when I'm in need of someone to talk to, but they're hours away from my school. I'm completely socially inept; I have no idea how to make friends, initiate conversations, or anything like that. So I have no one to talk to when in need. Sure, there are people online, but talking to people online isn't the same as doing it in person. Its not a personal. Its not as comforting. I hate being alone so much. It eats away at me. Beyond just needing someone to talk to, I'm lonely in other ways though. I often find myself craving a relationship. I want a girlfriend or a boyfriend. Someone to love and care about who'd feel the same way about me in return. But once again, I don't know how to talk to people. I'm terrified of initiating conversations. And I'm not attractive enough to have people throwing themselves at me or fawning over me. Some suggested I try online dating, so I did simple things like downloading apps like Tinder and Bumble. But I'm terrified of messaging people, and no one ever messages me, so said apps just became wastes of phone space. I've grown a fear that I might always be alone. Its gotten so silly. Looking at fucking pictures of anime girls of all things gets me depressed sometimes because its like "I'll never have a girlfriend like this" and whatnot goes through my mind. Seeing happy couples is sad. I used to love romance, and a part of me still kind of does, but imaginging couples being happy together while I'm not and am unsure whether I could or would ever experiences such makes me sad. I see online friends and people all happy dating, and here I am, so socially dumb that I have no idea how on Earth they ever wind up finding someone to date. I often feel like a lost cause. What's the point of living? What do I have to look forward to? Video games? Granted, I love playing video games. But whenever I stop playing video games, I'm back to real life. I have to deal with real life, this real world where nothing interesting ever happens. Its all so dull and boring. There's nothing exciting about this world. Even watching anime or playing video games makes me sad since all these characters go on these amazing adventures, fighting bad guys and saving the world, being whisked off to strange and fantastical places. Yet I'm on Earth. I'm stuck here. And when I stop playing a game, I remember that. Its not like my enjoyment from games is even alone sustainable either. I've got to deal with real life at some point. I can't keep up such a hobby without making money of course, and I'm not going to be making money unless I make myself ideal for good jobs. And dropping out of college isn't exactly attractive. Nor is failing. I'm scared of failing. Right now I'm struggling to pass in Calculus III. I'm struggling to pass in Programming Languages. I'm taking a class I have no interest in and has no relevance to me called Cultural Geography and I'm doing poorly (but passably) in it. I'm suffering through Intro to Software Engineering due to a group project where everyone in the project is far beyond my CS knowledge level. I've got until the end of April to deal with all this. And then another year. And then possibly another semester solely due to my ineptitude. I hate it. I hate this all. Admittedly I frequently think about suicide. But I'm not capable of it. I can't bring myself to actually take my life. In fact, I can't bring myself to let out these feelings at all ever beyond occasionally throwing it into posts like this online. I sometimes think about screaming in the middle of class, but then I don't, because that would be disruptive and cause trouble for me. I have trouble focusing in class whenever I am reminded of these problems, which only makes my already short attention span even worse when it comes to paying attention and actually learning in class. How can I ever pay attention when I feel like bursting out crying in the middle of class? Its enough effort just to hold myself together. But that, in its own way, is frustrating. I want to let it all out. I want to get help from somebody. I don't want to deal with all this alone. But I never let myself let it all out. I won't scream. I won't cry. I keep this all in, quietly to myself, silently and internally screaming and feeling like shit on a constant basis. Seeing a mental health professional might certainly help. I don't know. I sometimes wonder what they could possibly do. How they could convince me that everything is going to be all right when I can't convince myself. I don't know what the point of telling someone these problems is beyond just making me feeling better that someone knows. They're certainly not going to suddenly make me not have spent 4 years of my life studying something that I don't enjoy and have trouble understanding. I did look into it though. But the only counseling available here would make me have to see a doctor first and pay a doctor's visit fee and then get recommended for it. The fact that one has to go through such a process, the fact that it costs money when my family is not rich and money for school is needed just makes the idea of such less than ideal. I may still do this. I'm seriously considering it. But for now I keep holding this all in and I hate it. I have no one to lean onto here in real life. I'm all alone, and I'm just so tired. Tired of having to deal with all this. I don't want to go to class. I don't want to keep pursuing this degree. But I don't have a choice at this point really. I can't afford to be stuck with tens of thousands of dollars in debt, nothing to show for it, stuck in a dead end town with no decent paying jobs and no car. Such isn't the end I want. So I must suffer. If you're reading this, I'm sorry for being such a downer. I needed to write this out and get it all out so that I could at least have some peace of mind. This won't make things better, but I can at least feel like I got my feelings out in some manner and grant myself a little temporary peace of mind. I"m not even sure this is appropriate to post here, but it does say "blog" so I figure I'd....well, blog.
  12. Things that you hate! v2

    This forum being dead.
  13. Zaush in some hot water again

    Why am I not surprised? Adam Wan never had a good reputation to begin with and I'm not going to hold judgement until proven otherwise
  14. Fuck this stupid fucking Statistics fucking class

    Inb4 someone says "well if you can't get a job that pays just above minimum wage and has dozens or even hundreds of desperate college graduates with $100k+ student loans applying for it too bad". If you're interested I can provide references to historical documents relating to education, particularly in the USA (though the western world in general has followed a similar track) to give you an idea of how education ended up in this state.
  15. FUCK STATISTICS. that is all. No but seriously, this class is fucking hard. I literally read about 1 hour of material a night with this class and still can't fucking absorb anything about it. And it's a god damn REQUIRED class if I want an IT degree. Even though it has diddly fucking squat to do about IT or computers. And this teacher literally has me doing two practice quizzes (10 questions), two homework assignments (30+ questions), and two exams (10-20 questions) a week (thankfully for only one chapter a week, but SERIOUSLY). And, for the last straw, midterms are this week, and this cuck of a teacher tells me I can't use my calculator in the midterm. I have a TI-89 I bought several years ago for Calculus I (which isn't even remotely as hard as this class). The TI-89 isn't allowed for my class. I can have a TI-84 and ONLY a TI-84. A $100 calculator on Amazon. Yea, after paying $150 fucking dollars for a book with an online code I'm not spending another $100 for a fucking calculator that I have a better version of. Fuck you. No... FUCK YOU. I think I've determined that College is only designed to screw you over, steal your money, fuck you in the ass, and leave you bleeding on the corner while you slowly die, and you're left with debt and a shitty underpaid job.
  16. Last week
  17. Zaush in some hot water again

    My general problem with these kinds of things, is that people like to go back and forth usually to enjoy causing drama especially if it's someone they dislike. Very few however do the right thing and go through reporting matters, very few actually do try to protect children and hide behind excuses as to why they don't even want to try. That bothers me greatly. Let me make this clear as I can, there is no supporting Zaush. I just feel that people hang onto the drama and go back and forth too much so that if there was any truth to the matter it's now gone cuz it becomes hearsay and investigations that could have actually had some impact become tainted.
  18. Things That You Don't Understand!

    They just want a hug:
  19. Zaush in some hot water again

    How is indulging in porn of children, fictional or not, not equivalent with pedophilia? Like how would any normal-thinking human look at something like that, and not have it raise a million and a half red flags? It takes a pretty extreme lack of social awareness and basic understanding of how people work to go "That guy who said that prepubescence was the lower end of the sexual attraction scale. That's not indicative of pedophilia at all. Nope."
  20. Tim Hortons and Bitcoin Megathread

    I have this comical mental image of Rassah trying to explain bitcoin to furries with cryptozoological fursonas...
  21. Tim Hortons and Bitcoin Megathread

    I have found my people >^.^< HTTP://t.me/CryptoFurs
  22. Videogame Creations

  23. Things That You Don't Understand!

    Overcompensating for Shamblers, maybe.
  24. The Knight of Flower, Dakini

    The Knight of Flower, Dakini is a Japanese furry webmanga created by the award winning mangaka Sho Shibamoto (Pandemonium: Wizard Village, Tsunousagi) about an aspiring artist losing his will to draw whose life is changed after he meets a warrior who is willing to fight after the town he lives in is attacked by ferocious supposedly indestructible monsters known as Sky Golems. The story is supposed to continue what was set up in his previous works and finally end the tale of the Sky Golems. To describe it from the mangaka himself: Now you might be thinking "But Battlechili, its not in English. Even if I was interested, I can't read it!" Well, as a matter of fact, Recently, Sho just launched a Kickstarter to have Dakini translated into English! This will be the first manga of his since Pandemonium to be translated into English if successful. https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/shibamotosho/webmanga-flower-knight-dakini-crowdfunding-for-eng I thought this manga looked gorgeous personally and I was thinking maybe, just maybe some others here might find it interesting, so I thought I'd share. Pandemonium was a wonderful if tragic story, and this looks to be more of that, so I'm excited. What do you all think? I've seen some people don't personally care for the art. Just to give you a taste, here's an example of some art and content in his manga taken from his Kickstarter:
  25. Zaush in some hot water again

    I don't really know what to say without sounding like I'm repeating myself. Contextually he was talking about a drawn commission. I suspect anyone taking cub art commissions will be explaining their art in ways that may seem dubious out of context (or, for those who think cub art IS CP, then its of course dubious in context). I don't believe he was saying there that he finds actual 12 year olds to be "fuckable" due to him talking about drawing art. As I said, I don't consider drawn porn to have any relationship with real life paraphilias, so I'm not going to consider someone a pedophile unless they have an attraction to actual, real, human children. Said statement within the context of his commission isn't enough evidence for me to consider him a pedo. If he says something similar without any context saying basically "I'm attracted to actual children" then I would consider him pedo. EDIT: I dunno; I spent most of my earlier internet years on an anime forum so I've seen these arguments pop up over and over again regarding certain anime. Between all the fighting I just came to the conclusion that nothing is off limits in art and things that would normally be deemed immoral in real life aren't immoral in art and don't reflect on the people who make or consume said art with regards to real life. That said, if there ever comes a day when there's concrete, definitive evidence that the content within fiction is directly related to one's real life actions, then I will change my mind. Otherwise I just see it as being similar to the "video game violence causes actual violence" argument.
  26. Zaush in some hot water again

    He literally said, in factual terms, that 12 was the lowest age for something to be "fuckable." Paint it however you want with censorship arguments or "real life versus art," a pedophile's a fuckin pedophile. And no one who's not a pedophile makes statements like this or thinks this way. He also has a story about sexually grooming a minor in his submissions so, you know, there's that too.
  27. Zaush in some hot water again

    I saw this mess on Twitter a few days ago. All the pornography within his chat logs were of adults from what I've read; there was no cp involved contrary to what many have assumed from what I understand. There were a list of names of the actors involved, but I can't find it for some reason. People overblew this. Some people might still use some of the iffy stuff in his conversations to incriminate him, but the context of the conversation was in reference to the cub art he was being commissioned. I've said it before; I do not believe cartoon porn has any relevancy or relationship with real world paraphilias and don't think its fair to conflate content such as cub art to actual CP. So I don't think Zaush actually did anything wrong here. Some might find it creepy and I guess that's fair though. As for FA, if FA wants to be a professional site they should have consistency in their moderation regarding what content they allow and don't allow. Zaush shouldn't be allowed to get away with breaking the site rules just because he's popular.
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