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  1. Pizza has been a topic of admiration and contention throughout the ages. For example: What counts as pizza? I almost typed "pineapple", but that's not pizza. That's heresy. That's not delivery, that's devilry. But hey, eat and enjoy it if you so choose. Plenty of people get a kick out of pagan sacrifice, too. I'm not the one who has to live with it. Just wait until Papa John becomes president, then we'll see how long you stay in this country. I'm digressing here, though. Pizza has fueled sleepovers, study sessions you wouldn't have otherwise gone to, and office meetings that you had to go to anyways. In light of all the events that pizza facilitates, it has in so doing fueled empires, most notably the United States of Pizzamerica. Pizza grease is what oils the great capitalist machine, and perhaps if Italians had perfected the art that they pioneered they might have won WWII instead of being crushed like from beneath the boot their country resembles. Instead, Pizzamerica has harnessed all the potential that can be wrought from this super food. Super food it is-- the embodiment of every food group. Grains, dairy, vegetables, fruit, meat, and gratuitous oil. Together, they form the Supreme Covenant, our mighty protectors from hunger, depression and healthy eating. Good heavenly grains, what would we do without this glowing discus of the gods to spin a path through this dreary world we live in?
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