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I'm a self-hating nerd. :[


Kellie Gator
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This person doesn't shower...that guy keeps talking about how much he hates women/feminists and sends death threats.

To be clear, I've only championed fun that doesn't harm themselves or others.  Sending death threats is universally not cool.  Not that you have to be a nerd to send death threats to people you ideologically disagree with. >_>

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I probably am and I should stop, I just have this voice in my head telling me "why is no one reacting, why is no one saying anything? This person doesn't shower, that person acts like he's five, this guy has no social skills whatsoever and that guy keeps talking about how much he hates women/feminists and sends death threats. And then there's the guy who who kills people with a sword and other basement dwelling subhumans just celebrate him."

I'm like... why does no one react? Why does it have to be me? It's like people don't have standards anymore.

Actually, I react to those sorts of things as well. We should hold people to some kind of social standard.

The problem is that geeks are often afraid to confront one another about these things--and when they do, they do it in an excessively hysterical, petulant, insulting, defensive manner, usually online.

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Looks like you're also quick to project characteristics of other people onto people you've just met.

First impressions are everything but maybe you're right, idfk. I know not all geeks are, well, evil harassers but I certainly feel like a lot of them are doing great harm to society because of their lack of social awareness and how the world works.

i want to say this kindly, but you sound like you live ina box only aware of your existence and not realizing other people feel the same way you do and react as you do, at least some of them. Everyone has different perspectives of what is and isnt tolerable.

You probably have a point. I just always feel alone, alienated, not like everyone else. It's hard for me to imagine other people feel like me. I just feel alienated by almost everyone lately.

To be clear, I've only championed fun that doesn't harm themselves or others.  Sending death threats is universally not cool.  Not that you have to be a nerd to send death threats to people you ideologically disagree with. >_>

I know, I just... have less faith in geeks, I guess. So many of them strike me as rude, too socially inept to be fun to hang around or obsessive about the evils of "SJWs", I had to ditch two friends 'cause I fucking tired of hearing them blabber on about Anita fucking Sarkeesian or whatever.

Lately I just feel like nerds are becoming increasingly more evil and that's an uncomfortable thought.

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I wouldn't say geeks or nerds are becoming "evil," but I have had concerns that as they've become more "mainstream," they've become more complacent, entitled, and self-assured as a subculture, and they've taken on more of the attitudes and qualities of the jocks, preps, and populars that they used to hate and fear.

Additionally, it strikes me that common geek attitudes and behaviors that were understandable or not problematic when geeks were a marginalized group are now becoming very problematic now that they're gaining social power and respect. Thirty years ago, it didn't matter if geeks had shitty attitudes about women or minorities, because geeks didn't have the power to meaningfully act on those opinions or feelings, and minorities were largely invisible anyway.

Now, geeks have the power to really hurt or marginalize other people when they air or act on certain basic attitudes--attitudes, mind you, which are often rooted in a "poor me" mindset that's long since passed its expiration date.

 

Edited by Troj
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First impressions are everything but maybe you're right, idfk. I know not all geeks are, well, evil harassers but I certainly feel like a lot of them are doing great harm to society because of their lack of social awareness and how the world works.

...

Lately I just feel like nerds are becoming increasingly more evil and that's an uncomfortable thought.

You're posting on a furry forum with a Looney Tunes avatar complaining about geeks and nerds. As others and yourself have repeatedly pointed out, there are many ironies here. I'm guessing that every poster here would be placed into one of the aforementioned categories, and most would be at the pretty extreme end in terms of geeky interests. Yet here you are, posting in this place about very personal things. You need to stop being so quick to pass broad sweeping judgments on people. You need to separate your own insecurities and desires from your perception of others.

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You're posting on a furry forum with a Looney Tunes avatar complaining about geeks and nerds. As others and yourself have repeatedly pointed out, there are many ironies here. I'm guessing that every poster here would be placed into one of the aforementioned categories, and most would be at the pretty extreme end in terms of geeky interests. Yet here you are, posting in this place about very personal things. You need to stop being so quick to pass broad sweeping judgments on people. You need to separate your own insecurities and desires from your perception of others.

The thread title says I'm a self-hating nerd so I can understand some of the irony, yes.

I can't say for sure how I'd feel about you guys 'cause I haven't met you IRL but I'd probably be able to find some common ground with y'all 'cause, well, furries.

I've had many bad experiences with other geeks/nerds so I guess that's what's shaped my attitude for the last six years. Always being surrounded by geeks and/or people with asperger's syndrome who all act rude, have no regard for my feelings and personal space, or who can't stop whining about how much they hate women or whatever. People who made me feel uncomfortable, unsafe, embarrassed, cringe.

I've been hurt a lot by these people. It's not a justification but when I reflect on things, maybe that's why I'm such a hypocritical mess after all.

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*reads this thread while sending facebook invites to her friends for a Halloween party that is just video games, junk food, and Tree House of Horror episodes, just like her teenaged Halloweens after she became 'To Cool' to Trick Or Treat*

Yup, yup, people gotta act their own age, always.  They totally can't get drunk and scream at each other while playing slappers only on Facility.  *nod nods*

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*reads this thread while sending facebook invites to her friends for a Halloween party that is just video games, junk food, and Tree House of Horror episodes, just like her teenaged Halloweens after she became 'To Cool' to Trick Or Treat*

Yup, yup, people gotta act their own age, always.  They totally can't get drunk and scream at each other while playing slappers only on Facility.  *nod nods*

No need to be smug, mate. I'm not trying to be right here. >w>

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I can't say for sure how I'd feel about you guys 'cause I haven't met you IRL but I'd probably be able to find some common ground with y'all 'cause, well, furries.

See: The Rainfurrest thread.

The thread title says I'm a self-hating nerd so I can understand some of the irony, yes.

...

I've had many bad experiences with other geeks/nerds so I guess that's what's shaped my attitude for the last six years. Always being surrounded by geeks and/or people with asperger's syndrome who all act rude, have no regard for my feelings and personal space, or who can't stop whining about how much they hate women or whatever. People who made me feel uncomfortable, unsafe, embarrassed, cringe.

I've been hurt a lot by these people. It's not a justification but when I reflect on things, maybe that's why I'm such a hypocritical mess after all.

You yourself have more or less acknowledged multiple times within this thread and others that the way you perceive people is often unkind and unfair. But we're now on page 2 of this thread, which has largely just been going around in circles on that very issue. If you know that the way you see people is wrong, then why try so hard to defend it? You'd be far better off telling yourself that you really have no reason to harbor disdain for those who differ from you or have had opportunities that you have not; it does nothing to help and only limits the people you are able to interact with.

In all these threads, you tend to mix statements about other people with statements about yourself. The former just seems to distract from the latter, yourself, which is the person I assume you care about more. 

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But, like I said above, Kellie does have SOME valid beefs about how geeks sometimes talk about and act towards, for example, women and minorities.

What we've established in this thread is that geeks do some things that are socially awkward or quirky, but benign and fine, and that they do other things that are rude, counterproductive, and sometimes, downright harmful to themselves and/or others.

 

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But, like I said above, Kellie does have SOME valid beefs about how geeks sometimes talk about and act towards, for example, women and minorities.

Yes, but these are hardly 'Geek' things and are problems that exist in culture much broader than geekdom.  You could easily say the same of NFL fans or any number of other demographics.  That's a societal problem rather than a trait unique to geeks.

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Sure.

Of course these problems aren't unique to geeks, so we shouldn't get so narrow in our focus that we miss the threads of deeper, more widespread problems, or that we start turning geeks into whipping boys or scapegoats.

But, calling out your own people is one way to start to chip away at those sorts of widespread problems. While I acknowledge that, say, otakus engage in some of the same problem behaviors as furries, I feel like my energy is generally better spent calling out furries for those behaviors because I'm a member of the furry community.

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But, like I said above, Kellie does have SOME valid beefs about how geeks sometimes talk about and act towards, for example, women and minorities.

What we've established in this thread is that geeks do some things that are socially awkward or quirky, but benign and fine, and that they do other things that are rude, counterproductive, and sometimes, downright harmful to themselves and/or others.

That is of course true. But acting as an individual, one is best off only concerning themselves with those issues at the level of individuals. If you go to a convention and find that the prevailing atmosphere is crude and bigoted, your best option is to leave and not return. There's nothing you can do in that moment to change the behavior of the many, many strangers there.

I know I'm just stating the obvious, but I think the emphasis is important. We're already assuming that there exist geeks -- or insert whatever group one cares about -- that behave in an acceptable manner. Therefore, if one is, at least for the moment, mostly concerned with one's own well-being as opposed to broader cultural issues, then one is better off trying to find groups one actually enjoys being around as opposed to dwelling on those one doesn't want to associate with in the first place.

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I'd say, your interests and how you engage with them determine whether you're a "geek" and/or a "nerd"---well, that, and whether you choose to self-identify as a geek or a nerd (or both).

So, your therapist may be right that you're more mature than geeks or nerds your age.

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Which ones are you specifically referring to. I have a lot. D:

all of em

as long as you put society at the top of things, ya gonna have a bad time as you then also refuse to follow society's view on things with folks who are your friends but fall into those spots you deem as bad.

You say that what Society have set up should be correct but time and time again you see things that completely break those "rules" but you wish to keep on following those "rules".

Ya worry so much about "fitting in" when folks don't really do that anymore...
"You want what everyone else has, but you don't want to fall out of that line"

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all of em

as long as you put society at the top of things, ya gonna have a bad time as you then also refuse to follow society's view on things with folks who are your friends but fall into those spots you deem as bad.

You say that what Society have set up should be correct but time and time again you see things that completely break those "rules" but you wish to keep on following those "rules".

Ya worry so much about "fitting in" when folks don't really do that anymore...
"You want what everyone else has, but you don't want to fall out of that line"

The reason I obsess is because society keeps insisting I follow these rules and don't give me the choice but let others ignore it just like that. I have to get out and meet people IRL, no one else does. I have to be constrained to look for people locally, no one else does. I have to lower my standards, no one else does. I have to stop being a fucking a fucking basement dweller, which I DID stop, but no one else does. It really fucking wears on you.

I'm sorta going off-topic here I guess, idfk.

In other news I've been thinking that maybe going to this furry convention here in Sweden might do me some good, although money is a bit of an issue. I can't find proper places to stay all three nights that are close enough to the hotels so I might have to settle on living at the hotel. I know some people I could technically stay with but they live an hour away by train so it'd just be inconvenient and messy.

Or maybe I shouldn't go because it'll just make me hate nerds even more. I dunno anymore. I wanna believe this is right for me but you never know... nerds will be nerds.

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Don't listen to society, it's trying to trick you! D:  And punch it in the face if it keeps pestering you!

 

Society doesn't give me a choice, though. It forces me to obey. I keep being rejected by people I keep hoping to have relationships with because I don't follow the rules, and then everyone tries to "help" by keeping insisting I follow the rules even though I don't see other basement dwellers forced to obey who seem to find love interests or whatever at the drop of a fucking hat.

I feel like retard that can't do anything right. Either that or some people like to push me around because I don't do what they expect me to.

Edited by Kellie Gator
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Society doesn't give me a choice, though. It forces me to obey. I keep being rejected by people I keep hoping to have relationships with because I don't follow the rules, and then everyone tries to "help" by keeping insisting I follow the rules even though I don't see other basement dwellers forced to obey who seem to find love interests or whatever at the drop of a fucking hat.

I feel like retard that can't do anything right. Either that or some people like to push me around because I don't do what they expect me to.

PSH, you PICKED to obey, cause you really fear of making your own rules to live by. 

As long as you pick to obey society's rules and guidelines on how things should be, you won't ever be happy cause you are too busy working for someone else, NOT yourself.

So I will ask you this, if you wish to follow society's rules, then I will ask of you to start viewing me as those basement dwellers you hate cause I match up with those folks you dislike... If you refuse this, you have to give me 10 reasons of why...

Your self destructive views is slowly killing ya, and it was bad enough for me to get out of mines, it's just worst to see someone who have the drive to want to change things but held back because it's against the rules they wish to follow...

"People fear of being the outsider, but they never realize that being the outsider means you are free"

Edited by Deskai
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PSH, you PICKED to obey, cause you really fear of making your own rules to live by. 

As long as you pick to obey society's rules and guidelines on how things should be, you won't ever be happy cause you are too busy working for someone else, NOT yourself.

So I will ask you this, if you wish to follow society's rules, then I will ask of you to start viewing me as those basement dwellers you hate cause I match up with those folks you dislike... If you refuse this, you have to give me 10 reasons of why...

Your self destructive views is slowly killing ya, and it was bad enough for me to get out of mines, it's just worst to see someone who have the drive to want to change things but held back because it's against the rules they wish to follow...

"People fear of being the outsider, but they never realize that being the outsider means you are free"

I never chose anything, it's more like not being allowed into a club despite fitting all the specified criteria to be a part of it.

Fucking no one lets me in.

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Well, you do kinda come off as a big time party pooper who wants to tell everyone that they suck... ^^;

I'd never do that in someone's face, no. I mean, I've badmouthed nerds here but I'm not pretending I'm right. I know it's a flaw that needs to be worked on.

But does it make any difference? We live in an age where ranting all the time about YouTube makes you a fucking celebrity but I'M the party pooper? For fuck's sake.

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There's a difference between ranting and complaining.

Not really. I dunno how people can like losers like Amazing Atheist or Thunderf00t or who the fuck ever and then say I'm being toxic.

It's a strange world we live in.

But whatever. I had to call a suicide hotline tonight since I'm clearly going fucking bonkers, if they can't help me then god knows who can.

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Not really.

Yes. There is.

An excerpt from The Rant Bully:

Complaining is sometimes justified and necessary, but it is usually considered negative because someone feels wronged. Feeling wronged can become symptomatic. Some people may be just upset because they don’t want to take responsibility for their actions or attitudes. As a result, complainers are usually pessimistic.

Ranting seeks to improve the world by standing up for firmly held principles. Rants focus on meaningful change by showing leadership with hope in a prosperous future. For Example: by persuading others through artful and effective use of language, the world can become a better place. Others will begin to respond to the ranting leadership to promote valid justified causes. Ranting is an optimistic focus to improving the world. Such a focus is critical as the world evolves.

Now where do you and those people you mention fit into?

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An excerpt from The Rant Bully:

Who?

Oh well. I've done some changes in my medication so if that doesn't make me sane I dunno what the fuck will.

Also hoping I'll have me some fun at that furry convention if I go to it. I'll probably book a single room, though, I have trust issues so I'd hate looking for a roommate. :S

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**sigh**

Still beating around the bush by phishing for more attention. Kellie, I truly hope you one day get out of this toxic mindset and venomous vortex you're stuck in. Until the day you can get by without these short-term validations and comforts you get from everyone.

You should count your blessing for once. You have more than some people out there do. You have a life someone out there would want. 
  You have a home; shelter, food, and a bed. That's more than some could hope for.

I wish that one day you'll actually realize that you're the one purposely holding yourself back because you're lazy to work on the long-term goals of bettering yourself.

You won't be hearing from me after this. I also don't want to hear your response because it's honestly quite predictable. 

I hope your life turns out  how you want it.

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But, like I said above, Kellie does have SOME valid beefs about how geeks sometimes talk about and act towards, for example, women and minorities.

Geeks are among the most inclusive groups of people in the world with the one caveat that you can match their interest, enthusiasm, and expertise at whatever the subject of their geekiness is.

I have no idea where this "nerds hate women and black people!" horseshit came from because at least when and where I was growing up, no body even cared if you were gay, trans, ugly as sin, fat, autistic, an ethnic minority, or any and all of the above. This is the kind of stuff that was never even MENTIONED even though it was widely pervasive. I recognize that I've got like a 5 year gap on most of you in terms of the times changing though, and I don't have the temperament to deal with large groups of turbo-nerds anymore so my field experience with them is dated.

Now that being nerdy is trendy and every dorky hobby has been colonized by normies maybe it's more prevalent than I remember because fleshbags brought their obsession with the superficial details of physical realm with them. So maybe everyone talks like an unfiltered /pol/tard and catcalls every tubby hambeast that waddles into the comic shop, but I strongly doubt it.

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