I dont think I bother defining my sexuality anymore

[Vallium]

 

Well, this doesnt feel like a rave, nor a rant; just a personal observation that doesnt quite seem to belongin general.

Now, dont get me wrong, I actually like labels to an extent. They shape us, they tell others who we are, and they tell ourselves what we value in us as an individual, and they describe certain important characteristics. Artist, writer, furry, sister, brother, mother, father, boss, leader, follower, and the like.

There are such things as extremes, as in, people who go too far in an attempt to feel noticed, special, and to get attention. This is where all your pseudo gender/sexualities come from. Instead of being descriptive traits, people end up making them defining traits, which is not the same thing.

 

Im not sure where this was going, this isnt really meant to spark some debate on the same old subject we wear thin all the time.

I just figured, for myself personally, I know I feel pretty solidly male. Even when its stifled and unable to show expressively in some ways its still a part of me inside that I cant really describe, just this surefire alignment that clicks. This is a descriptive trait Im sure of as far as gender goes.

But sexuality gets a little stranger, its kind of shifted as time went on and as of late I dont consider any. I know I've always been attracted to males. Normally this would make me heterosexual, but this would only describe my sex. No, if I was aligned my birth sex with my gender, I'd be gay. But then again...I find females subtly attractive too, not so much in the same way. I like 'feminine' males, I like 'masculine' females. I find I like a mix of qualities in people, I guess I can include transgender people in those who I find really attractive, as I like both qualities in transmen and transwomen. I hardly consider myself 'bisexual' though, as Im not typically attracted to women or all people.

In the end, I like who I like, I dont need a label for describing which people I find attractive. It just seems far too complicated at this point, so why bother?

Other people might feel differently on this because its easier for them to be sure of themselves. Or maybe I need to be told Im weird and be re-educated or something.

Edited November 3, 2015 by WolfNightV4X1

[DevilishlyHandsome49]

A friend of mine is pretty much the same way. He likes what he likes and doesn't feel the need to label himself and stress over it. I want to practice that but...eh I don't know. For some odd reason, I feel safer labeling myself as bi.  I'm into women and men but I'm pickier on the latter. One day I'll be into women more than men, vice versa, or I'll equally like both. I'm weird that way  

[Chrysocyon]

That's pretty much my attitude towards the topic.  I don't know or care what label I fall under, I just know I like what I like and that's good enough for me.  I don't understand all the hostility around sexuality and orientation definitions, just be comfortable with yourself and don't worry about trying to fit into a specific label or what others may call you.  Just my opinion.

[Sourdough]

Good on you, spend less time worrying about labels and more time actually having sex. Or less, or even none at all. All fine choices depending on what you like.

[Charrio]

Personally why is anyone's sexuality is the business of anyone besides yourself and family and close friends.

Why do people feel a need to tell me or the internet your sexual alignment? Isn't that best kept private as it's not a normal thing to just blurt out there in a meeting or conversation?

If I ask sure then tell me, but it really shouldn't matter what sexuality you are, are you a decent person?

[Zeitzbach]

All furries are gay.

[Lisek]

A friend of mine is pretty much the same way. He likes what he likes and doesn't feel the need to label himself and stress over it. I want to practice that but...eh I don't know. For some odd reason, I feel safer labeling myself as bi.  I'm into women and men but I'm pickier on the latter. One day I'll be into women more than men, vice versa, or I'll equally like both. I'm weird that way  

Wow, I know exactly what you mean about the switching around. If some people's preferences switch from day to day, are labels even useful? More and more I feel that sexuality is such a dynamic spectrum that you can't possibly define it accurately. Maybe we should stop trying.

[shiy0]

well while we are here how that always went for me.
 i always got labeled the other way around so i ended up in being too autistic for the normal ppl and vice versa. to gay or to straight for being bisexual and bla bla bla you probably get what i mean.

so in the end this made me think that labeling in general is not the best thing to do because there is always something wich is not in the spectrum of said label. but hey humanity likes to make easy things complicated and through that there is always confusion on one end and pain on the other. if they could just accept that there is no norm for living some problems would most likely being solved just by saying so.

[#00Buck]

I didn't read it. Too much text. So are you basically saying you'll do anything with anyone?

[Guest]

I kinda like somewhat feminine guys too. No not to full on femboy levels, simply guys who have delicate physical traits for what concerns the face especially. Oh, and they've gotta have a mohawk too or GTFO. I don't mind ''dickgirls'' either, futas, whatever.

It's different with females instead. While I still do appreciate fine looking women I just find it harder these days to get sexually attracted to them, you know? It's humiliating and frustrating.

 

Also, how can one identify with a different gender than the one they're born with? Like, how does it work. If, for example, you're a male and have a dick and all why would you say you're actually a female? You're clearly not, the evidence is right between your legs. Or on your chest, it depends. Do enlighten me please, I'm genuinely curious

[Vallium]

I didn't read it. Too much text. So are you basically saying you'll do anything with anyone?

tl;dr Sure thing, yiff party at my place. There will be bass or whatever other basic predictable things you're into.

I kinda like somewhat feminine guys too. No not to full on femboy levels, simply guys who have delicate physical traits for what concerns the face especially. Oh, and they've gotta have a mohawk too or GTFO. I don't mind ''dickgirls'' either, futas, whatever.

It's different with females instead. While I still do appreciate fine looking women I just find it harder these days to get sexually attracted to them, you know? It's humiliating and frustrating.

 

Also, how can one identify with a different gender than the one they're born with? Like, how does it work. If, for example, you're a male and have a dick and all why would you say you're actually a female? You're clearly not, the evidence is right between your legs. Or on your chest, it depends. Do enlighten me please, I'm genuinely curious

Well, it's not easy to explain, and I cant say I'm most qualified to explain it. I'm still learning myself and it's possible I could be misinformed on some things, I simply pick up what I hear from others and apply it to my knowledge on the subject, as well as how my own personal feelings relate.

But yeah, to explain it from personal experience, I do logically know I am physically the way I am. It's an immutable fact and it won't change in all respects, by physical biological characteristics it should end there. Except I don't actually feel comfortable that way physically, socially, or mentally.For  me I feel indifferent to frustrated with physical characteristics I have. It's not so much this whole dramatic "being born in the wrong body' as much as it is 'I am myself in every way except these secondary sex characteristics do not fit me right' and 'I would prefer and be happier if it was the other way'. It's can be hard to explain and I often boil it down to I 'feel' that way, and it's hard to explain feelings. Gender roles may also play a part in it, I do tend to gravitate to more opposite gendered tendencies because it makes me feel more comfortable than norms of the one I have.

I do realize it must be confusing for people to get, which is why I don't bother correcting people who see me as I am in all physical respects and call me that way. I just don't look the part, I don't have the parts, therefore I can't totally expect people to get it, I'd feel weird explaining it when it could sound just as silly as otherkin-ism to some people. However, it just feels nice to go by specific pronouns, there's this sort of 'cringe' or anxious feeling when being called something else at times.

Edited November 3, 2015 by WolfNightV4X1

[Guest]

It still is somewhat unclear to me, but what I do get basically is that you feel male in terms of your habits, mindset and whatnot, that you behave more like a boy than a girl, right? If that's so then gender roles are to blame definitely.

I get the impression that you feel the need to ''be male if you want to behave like a male'' which may be due to a very sexist upbringing, that you feel the need to necessarily HAVE to BE something if you want to DO all the things tied to that something. Now, I know assumptions can be inappropriate or at the very least unappreciated so just tell me to not snoop further if I'm going too far, Val. I don't want to tread on thin ice.

I just don't look the part, I don't have the parts, therefore I can't totally expect people to get it, I'd feel weird explaining it when it could sound just as silly as otherkin-ism to some people.

Hey, as long as you don't go all tree-kin or table-kin kind of otherkin bullshittery I have no qualms about the way you want us to adress you as

[LazerMaster5]

Meh. I'm bi but more interested in building an actual relationship with another male. I am fortunate to have found someone who wants to build a life with me, but coming out to my parents is going to be difficult. It's not like casually telling your gay friend that you have a boyfriend.

[Vallium]

It still is somewhat unclear to me, but what I do get basically is that you feel male in terms of your habits, mindset and whatnot, that you behave more like a boy than a girl, right? If that's so then gender roles are to blame definitely.

I get the impression that you feel the need to ''be male if you want to behave like a male'' which may be due to a very sexist upbringing, that you feel the need to necessarily HAVE to BE something if you want to DO all the things tied to that something. Now, I know assumptions can be inappropriate or at the very least unappreciated so just tell me to not snoop further if I'm going too far, Val. I don't want to tread on thin ice.

Hey, as long as you don't go all tree-kin or table-kin kind of otherkin bullshittery I have no qualms about the way you want us to adress you as

Well thats the thing though, I always always figured the same thing to tread carefully on that because it isnt about gender roles, I should be okay as I am and do what I want.

I had been doing that a long time though and I realize its not the same thing, there's definitely physical aspect and mental placement to being that way. Given the chance to change physical traits I'd do that, because its preferred and feels more comfortable.

 

Edited November 3, 2015 by WolfNightV4X1

[Troj]

Labels can be useful, because they can help us to gain personal clarity and insight, and can help us to explain ourselves to others, so that they understand us better.

Labels can also be constricting and dangerous, because we can jump to conclusions about others based on the labels they've applied to themselves, or that we've chosen to apply to them, or because we can feel compelled to twist or contort ourselves to fit a label we've adopted.

If a label doesn't fit you adequately, you're not obligated to adopt it.

If no label for you exists, you may have to come up with a "shpiel" that helps to clarify and explain where you stand.

[Guest]

I had been doing that a long time though and I realize its not the same thing, there's definitely physical aspect and mental placement to being that way.

I hope this will work out for you man, good luck

[Sourdough]

Labels can be useful, because they can help us to gain personal clarity and insight, and can help us to explain ourselves to others, so that they understand us better.

Labels can also be constricting and dangerous, because we can jump to conclusions about others based on the labels they've applied to themselves, or that we've chosen to apply to them, or because we can feel compelled to twist or contort ourselves to fit a label we've adopted.

If a label doesn't fit you adequately, you're not obligated to adopt it.

If no label for you exists, you may have to come up with a "shpiel" that helps to clarify and explain where you stand.

Well this cut right to my core. Could've saved myself and others a lot of pain if I realised that sooner.

Highlighted the parts that punched me right in the gut.

[MuttButt]

I totally agree. Labels for sexuality and gender are ultimately a waste of time, or at least they'll never truly describe an individual properly, because labels are static by nature and gender and sexuality are fluid. Everybody falls somewhere on the spectrum, and where they fall on that spectrum is subject to change as they grow as individuals. In a perfect world we wouldn't need any labels because it wouldn't be so damn important to shove people into little tiny boxes and decide whether or not they're "normal." Unfortunately we don't live in this world, and most people can't handle not having labels and clearly defined boundaries. Just look at the public's fixation with transsexual's genitals for instance. "Did you cut it off? are you gonna cut it off? Does it still work? How do you do sex? Does that make you gay or straight? Are you a man or a woman?" etc.

[Luka]

Seems you're into androginy. Or something like that.

[Troj]

Adding to the complexity is that certain labels carry certain connotations, so that people are more eager or more afraid to embrace them, regardless of how well or how poorly those labels actually fit.

You see this a lot with a lot of gender and sexual orientation labels, I think.

Edited November 3, 2015 by Troj

[Kaizy]

Yeah I know what you mean. I've never had an easy time pinning down what my sexuality or interests really are and I've never cared to delve into them much. I usually just consider myself something like completely pan* (as in panromantic and pansexual) since I've never had much preference for anyone. Compatibility is really the only factor that I think is important in finding a partner and relationship.

[Vae]

The older I get, the more I realize that I'm happier just doing whatever the fuck I want with myself, which changes.

The only time my sexuality and gender classification should matter to someone is if they want to become sexually / romantically involved with me,
and the amount of people I'd actually reciprocate that interest in is ridiculously low.

Edited November 3, 2015 by Vae
what the fuck

[Phausk]

Also, how can one identify with a different gender than the one they're born with? Like, how does it work. If, for example, you're a male and have a dick and all why would you say you're actually a female? You're clearly not, the evidence is right between your legs. Or on your chest, it depends. Do enlighten me please, I'm genuinely curious

I'm also confused about that. I get that trans people feel very strongly about being the wrong sex. Some will even go to great lengths to alter their bodies to achieve their desired traits. But, is this similar to people who have issues with their physical appearance? Like, wanting a smaller nose, or bigger breasts? Is it the same as body dysmorphia? If not, what's the difference?

The definition of a mental disorder is:

a mental or behavioral pattern that causes either suffering or a poor ability to function in ordinary life

 

Since many transgender people become depressed and have a high suicide rate because of these thoughts, Is it wrong to consider it a mental disorder?

I'm sorry if my curiosity offends anyone, as that's not my intention. It's just very difficult for me to understand the topic and the mindset.

 

Edited November 3, 2015 by Phausk

[Vae]

    Since many transgender people become depressed and have a high suicide rate because of these thoughts, Is it wrong to consider it a mental disorder?

I'm sorry if my curiosity offends anyone, as that's not my intention. It's just very difficult for me to understand the topic and the mindset.

I wouldn't consider it the same thing as a mental disorder based on that definition, because it's not a direct cause of suffering.

My issues, for instance, directly cause me to go into depressions and fits of emotion and hallucinations, just because of the way my brain's chemicals work.
There does not have to be provocation. It just happens on its own.

Trans issues are caused more by societal influences and the struggles in being able to be who they want.
It's more reactionary, not a direct chemical release from the brain.

[Onnes]

It'd be a pain to state any nontrivial piece of personal trivia without being able to fall back on common terms and labels. When used in this manner, the point isn't that the label is completely accurate, but that it's close enough to convey whatever you're trying to convey. Of course, once you going beyond looking at labels as tools and start looking at them as defining some discrete, finite set of essential identities, then you inevitably end up trying to conform to those stereotypical identities. Written like that it sounds silly, but once you go from individual traits to group traits then you move into realm of cultural identity, and culture is a powerful thing.

The convenient thing about sexuality is that, as these things go, it can be largely invisible. And if you simply don't give a fuck, then you gain a huge amount freedom to best choose how you describe yourself while still remaining honest.

[PastryOfApathy]

I just say bi and be done with it. I ain't bothering with that "pansexual" crap.

[Charrio]

I just say bi and be done with it. I ain't bothering with that "pansexual" crap.

Hell yeah!
No offense but you guys make this shit way more complicated then it has to be, like debating the meaning in a book.
The writer wrote it for money, the end

[Vallium]

Hell yeah!No offense but you guys make this shit way more complicated then it has to be, like debating the meaning in a book.
The writer wrote it for money, the end

....ooooooor the writer wanted to delve into a story and convey meaning?

Not going to doubt many writers wrote it for the money, though.

 

[Zeke]

I went through the same for a while, and I was lost for a while trying to figure out where I fit in.

[Spot]

Why bother defending your sexuality in the first place? Just seems like a good way to draw unwanted attention to yourself to me. If others have a problem with it well that's their hangup, but giving that type a reason for debate is asking for trouble, just let them figure it out for themselves. 

[Troj]

I wouldn't consider it the same thing as a mental disorder based on that definition, because it's not a direct cause of suffering.
My issues, for instance, directly cause me to go into depressions and fits of emotion and hallucinations, just because of the way my brain's chemicals work.
There does not have to be provocation. It just happens on its own.

Trans issues are caused more by societal influences and the struggles in being able to be who they want.
It's more reactionary, not a direct chemical release from the brain.

Indeed.

I've also argued that having to grapple with stigma makes it much harder for trans people to cope with any preexisting mental health issues they might have, and it can make those issues harder for a professional to diagnose.

The solution, then, is to strive to reduce the stigma against trans folks, by my way of thinking.