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I don't understand the problem. I just kinda lose control of my actions. I just let things happen. I understand the repercussions but I lack the self control to moderate my behavior. Without constant distraction I panic and start to fall apart

That's why counseling or talking to therapists is usually a good idea. When you discuss your problems enough with them, they can approach it from a neutral stance, and figure out what the issue might be.

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Definitely sounds like you need to get some help. You don't need to understand your problems in depth to get help, that's what trained professionals are for. Something as drastic as not being able to control your actions needs some prodding at and quite possibly medication and fast before you do something bad to yourself or others.

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I tried professional help. When I was a kid. Even now. Being hospitalized did not help me. I didn't learn anything

I feel like it's easy to blame the kind of person I am on my upbringing but everything just seems like an excuse now. I am to run away but I don't know where I could go. I can't be homeless again that's for sure

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maybe tonight I'll be brave enough to jump in front of a car

That would be a real awful thing to do. 

Someone is driving along minding their own business and you jump out and get splattered all over their hood?

Why do you have to wreck someone else's life? They're just driving home. Leave them alone. They've done nothing to you. 

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But if you jump in front of a car you might miss the next installment of Ashley v. Clayton.

I tried professional help. When I was a kid. Even now. Being hospitalized did not help me. I didn't learn anything

Not all professionals are created equal, and finding someone who you could talk through your problems with would be a huge improvement upon whatever you're thinking of at the moment. Even if not a professional, at least find someone you can talk to.

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I know you're the king of shitposting around here, but you seem like an alright guy, no need to go jumping in front of cars.  I don't really know what the problem is either, but it's good to admit it and want to talk about it.  There's always somebody willing to listen, just try not to push everyone away.

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when I ate rat poisoning they pumped me full of charcoal

when I stepped into that busy road it was by mistake

I tripped down the stairs

I let the infection go until it was too painful to deal with

when I got out of the car and was going to jump off the over pass they convinced me not to

I'm mostly scared that I'll survive but be in constant pain. Everything already hurts but it can get worse 

 

I try to think about the difficult things but I can't focus and I skirt around it

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somedays it's hard to put thoughts together or stay coherent or leveled and it's maybe the scariest thing ever

Yep, states like that are always fun. I had a little (well, extended) mental wobbly recently and as soon as i was able to actually get out of bed for more than four hours and stop thinking about killing my best friend's family i got back in contact with my therapist. They really do help, talking to one doesn't have to involve meds or contact with the kind of people who can section you, not that you really have to worry about that because it's always a last resort. They're just a neutral person to talk things through with and help you make sense of yourself. It really could help and it can't hurt can it. Especially if you're thinking about throwing yourself in front of traffic (probably not a good way to kill yourself btw, good way to do a decent amount of damage but not necessarily more than that). Think of it this way, what do you have to lose by trying to make yourself happy/stable before ending your life?

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it's getting harder to even pretend to be malicious. I just don't have the energy. I've forgotten why I do it. It's just habit. A bit of stability that I can hang on to. Like rationalizing my actions. I could just sit here forever. Sometimes I have a lot of questions. Someone was talking to me about their time in prison. It reminded me of my time in the orphanage. I started to draw uncomfortable parallels 

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it's getting harder to even pretend to be malicious. I just don't have the energy. I've forgotten why I do it. It's just habit. A bit of stability that I can hang on to. Like rationalizing my actions. I could just sit here forever. Sometimes I have a lot of questions. Someone was talking to me about their time in prison. It reminded me of my time in the orphanage. I started to draw uncomfortable parallels 

I know a guy named Bruce who lived in one of those. 

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:T I hope this venting is really getting your thoughtstogether at least, Im always worried when I see posts like these.

I dontknow you, but I dont think it's worth hearing you were gone. I dont like the sound of people hurting and Id wish them better.

 

...you sound like you're in a bad place cycling through bad memories. If you need to put down the internet and call a hotline...seriously.

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:T I hope this venting is really getting your thoughtstogether at least, Im always worried when I see posts like these.

I dontknow you, but I dont think it's worth hearing you were gone. I dont like the sound of people hurting and Id wish them better.

 

...you sound like you're in a bad place cycling through bad memories. If you need to put down the internet and call a hotline...seriously.

I call hotlines sometimes. 

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My real dad spent most of his time doing heroine and pushing my shit in but when he wasn't fucked up he seemed to care. I'm 100% sure that I was his favorite. He'd let himself starve if it meant I got to eat. My brother used to be a nice kid but the developmental problems and mental illness changed him. When he tried to stab me I knew that it was impossible to salvage what was left of our family. Mom was so missed up but she didn't deserve to be pushed down those steps by her boyfriend

I want to finish college but it's so difficult to stay focused

If I hadn't have been put into the system I'm fairly sure things would be worse. I'm only in school because the states allows it. They only allow it because they're dead 

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Maybe you should have given him crack. 

Clearly his maliciousness is from his ow mental illness, He's a bully because he's lashing out at his own problems. No need to react back..

 

Not that he couldnt handle it, but still.

Edited by WolfNightV4X1
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Clearly his maliciousness is from his ow mental illness, He's a bully because he's lashing out at his own problems. No need to react back..

 

Not that he couldnt handle it, but still.

 

Not

Hello no, if he is ok to say things like I should scold my son for having to take medications to be normal etc then imma dish it back. There is no excuse for being a bully. Don't give it if you can't take it.  

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Hello no, if he is ok to say things like I should scold my son for having to take medications to be normal etc then imma dish it back. There is no excuse for being a bully. Don't give it if you can't take it.  

I actually thought it was kinda funny. It reminds me of this story about this guy I know who gave a mentally disabled dude LSD. This was like, in the 80s for him so it was the good shit.

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I actually thought it was kinda funny. It reminds me of this story about this guy I know who gave a mentally disabled dude LSD. This was like, in the 80s for him so it was the good shit.

it takes a messed up mind to think that something like that is funny. My son is an innocent 6 year old who cannot help his condition. Why on earth would any sane parent scald their child for being ill? 

its the cool thing to do. Vomiting your baggage on a sad, dpressing thread of your life for all to read and feel concern for. That's what we're all on this sub thread for.

actually im on it because it said "aaaa" and I wanted a sticky beak 

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it takes a messed up mind to think that something like that is funny.

Okay here's another. It's pretty fucking funny. So my brother has some sort of episode and he doesn't leave his room for like a month. He has people bring him food and water bottles. For context his room has no windows and only a single exit. He removed the closet door and the drop ceiling tiles. He never leaves his room but everyone just assumes he comes out at night to use the bathroom and whatever. Turns out he pissed in bottles, punched holes in all of his walls, and filled the in betweens full of piss bottles and god knows what else. He drinks -only- bottle water.

Problem is, no matter how sick you are - there is no sympathy to anyone who takes their issues out on others. 

So has your kid made a fagsona yet or what. Kids his age really like sonic the hedgehog so you can start there and help him make an OC

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That is pretty selfish. 

what is pretty selfish? 

He's gonna be shitting out on those drugs you're giving him so it's going to be a REALLY good oc

My son is not a furry as far as I know. If he turns out to be, then he will have my full support. I am not overdosing my son on drugs. Flaming shut up. U know nothing 

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