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Confessions Thread 2: The Revengening

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I confess to feeling I don't have much to post about here, as of late. Or have lost the motivation? 

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I've found that half my days seem to be devoted to recovering from the night before. Grass on the weekdays, booze on the weekends, occasional lines if i hang out with the right people. I just get wasted at the end of most days because it's the only way i can feel comfortable anymore. I'm paranoid about addiction because it runs in my family and i've seen what can happen if things slip too far in that direction, but in spite of the fact i get fucked up almost every night i still get all my shit done. Can fit it into my schedule. That's not so bad is it?

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I like to go around on here, just to read closed threads and see why they got closed.

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3 hours ago, Aeon said:

I like to go around on here, just to read closed threads and see why they got closed.

I confess to having a morbid interest in this as well. But then, I feel sorta depressed afterwards.

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Hey...assorted fuzzy things. I'm a lil pissed so i'm gonna have a ramble. :3

Where to start. Had a lot of things on my mind on the walk home from the pub and nowhere else to voice them so that's why i'm typing. I, fundamentally am a very lonely and depressive person. I fixate on all the connections i've lost and it just pushes me down, it stems from my childhood. I grew up in pretty much complete isolation wracked with anxiety. I didn't know anyone, i didn't have any connections with people, and it's made me a fundamentally anti social person. I just don't get on with people, so when i do, on those rare occasions when i come to let people in and even love them, that's something i value so deeply. It changes my entire view on life, gives me something to live for. That's my problem, well one of them. I don't really live for myself because i don't care about myself. I'm just meat with some idiosyncrasies (holy fuck i actually spelled that properly XD), i'm nothing really. So when i come to value other people to that degree it seems to change everything about life. Probably the same for everyone tbh. My ex and me...we were never really right for each other, part of me always knew that, but i could hold her. I could let out so much sweetness and joy that just isn't in me normally. I love loving, but i don't think i ever really loved her. Not truly. Heh, confession. She turned me, was my first woman. Was solidly a faggot before i met her and thought i always would be. Whatever else she may be she's really special, because she showed me more of myself. In so many ways. Anyway. Why am i typing this? Because i've found this is a place i don't really have any stock in. Most everyone here is from another country so i'll never meet them in person and i'm just a random username with some avatar associated with it. It's anonymity to a degree, so logically i can just let out my thoughts and feelings here without any real repercussions plus a great deal of people simply won't give a fuck so it doesn't matter. I'm grateful for that really. This place seems to be a means to be myself without fear and without caring if i'm liked for it. It's the only place i really have to let things out, and fuck me i need to sometimes. I'm posting this for no one other than myself, because i want to stand by myself and the things i say. Some people here will probably want to type up a snide, shitty response but i don't care. Another issue with anonymity. It lets some people be incredibly pathetic and toxic because they won't face any meaningful backlash. Plus...given the vast, interconnected nature of the modern world from a social perspective it doesn't seem to matter if you don't show some basic common decency and respect to people. It's just a case of, fuck you, get blocked, there are thousands of other people i can potentially come into contact with so what do you matter. That mindset, something i have observed in several places, just saddens me. Being able to completely devalue human life like that without a second thought. There's something within me that just says that's not right. We're all human beings behind these stupid fuzzy avatars, and none of us are more or less important than the next guy, so when some people are so needlessly dismissive and shitty to people simply because they can get away with it...Heh, well people can be really shitty anyway so i shouldn't be surprised, and i'm honestly not. It's just something prevalent within online encounters that disappoints me. Eh, thanks for reading this shit if you have. No idea who you may be, and that's why i'm posting these thoughts. If i'm not brave enough to say what i'm thinking and stick by it then what the fuck am i. I couldn't respect myself if i didn't.

Heh, that wall's big enough to make Trump proud. X3

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I keep realizing I'm really rather harsh on my brother when I shouldn't be, and amn't with other people.

While he's not a saint either, it's still pretty unfair to him.

Although we're actually so used to it our responses are almost reactionary now, going through the motions.

It's also pretty creepy, because now I can see how much I influenced him growing up.

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I get a little disappointed whenever it storms enough for a tornado warning but not enough for it be some kind of disaster that messes everything up.

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i keep anything of interest that i find while sweeping at work.  this includes loose change, small toys (provided they are left by customers' children and not something we're selling, obviously), jewelry (i don't wear it, but i collect discarded/lost hoop earrings for some reason--i have a lot of them), and food (if it's still wrapped and "not labeled for individual sale", i'm gonna eat it, even if i'm not sure what it is).

today's haul was 22 cents and a mini snickers.  c:

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2 hours ago, Gator said:

i keep anything of interest that i find while sweeping at work.  this includes loose change, small toys (provided they are left by customers' children and not something we're selling, obviously), jewelry (i don't wear it, but i collect discarded/lost hoop earrings for some reason--i have a lot of them), and food (if it's still wrapped and "not labeled for individual sale", i'm gonna eat it, even if i'm not sure what it is).

today's haul was 22 cents and a mini snickers.  c:

Do you ever worry that the security cameras are capturing you pick the stuff up and that your bosses will fire you for it? Main reason I'd never do that at work lol

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10 hours ago, Alexxx-Returns said:

Do you ever worry that the security cameras are capturing you pick the stuff up and that your bosses will fire you for it? Main reason I'd never do that at work lol

not really, considering i don't keep anything that belongs on the shelf or in the claims department, just loose stuff dropped by customers basically.  i've even asked like 3 different people if it was OK to pick up loose change and they all said yes sooooooooooooo screw it, dis mine.

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22 minutes ago, Gator said:

not really, considering i don't keep anything that belongs on the shelf or in the claims department, just loose stuff dropped by customers basically.  i've even asked like 3 different people if it was OK to pick up loose change and they all said yes sooooooooooooo screw it, dis mine.

Reminds me of where I work. I know other associates that do the same thing. As for me, there's this ridiculous store rule that prohibits taking money that customers offer you, but I still take it anyways. The only reason I even try is for the money, so I'll take everything I can get without hesitation.

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13 hours ago, Gator said:

today's haul was 22 cents and a mini snickers.  c:

im all for scrounging for floorbourne finances, but food? i dunno man, even if its wrapped i wouldnt touch it

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38 minutes ago, Sir Gibby said:

im all for scrounging for floorbourne finances, but food? i dunno man, even if its wrapped i wouldnt touch it

tbh the food you buy has probably been in worse places during shipping than lying on the floor

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34 minutes ago, Victor-933 said:

tbh the food you buy has probably been in worse places during shipping than lying on the floor

I don't really get the point of this comparison, because it still has to ship and go through whatever before it gets to the hands of the people who end up leaving it laying around.
So it's just compounding grode, rather than selecting one or the other.

Also picking up earrings sounds kind of ick. Those have been in holes in people's flesh.
No thx.

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33 minutes ago, Vae said:

I don't really get the point of this comparison, because it still has to ship and go through whatever before it gets to the hands of the people who end up leaving it laying around.
So it's just compounding grode, rather than selecting one or the other.

Also picking up earrings sounds kind of ick. Those have been in holes in people's flesh.
No thx.

wouldn't really call it a comparison, more highlighting the nasty shit that goes on behind the scenes... another fun example would be the FDA having acceptable limits to the amounts of insect and animal parts (rats, etc) that can be in your food...

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9 hours ago, Shiro said:

Reminds me of where I work. I know other associates that do the same thing. As for me, there's this ridiculous store rule that prohibits taking money that customers offer you, but I still take it anyways. The only reason I even try is for the money, so I'll take everything I can get without hesitation.

i wish customers gave me money... but we are also not allowed to accept gifts.  >:(

9 hours ago, Sir Gibby said:

im all for scrounging for floorbourne finances, but food? i dunno man, even if its wrapped i wouldnt touch it

more baby snickers for me

8 hours ago, Vae said:

I don't really get the point of this comparison, because it still has to ship and go through whatever before it gets to the hands of the people who end up leaving it laying around.
So it's just compounding grode, rather than selecting one or the other.

Also picking up earrings sounds kind of ick. Those have been in holes in people's flesh.
No thx.

I CAN'T HELP IT THEY'RE SHINY

just be glad i don't wear them

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21 hours ago, Gator said:

I CAN'T HELP IT THEY'RE SHINY

just be glad i don't wear them

I confess to thinking it would be cool if you did wear them...after proper disinfecting, of course!

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3 hours ago, Fossa-Boy said:

I confess to thinking it would be cool if you did wear them...after proper disinfecting, of course!

and i confess that if i were more attractive, i probably would.

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I confess that I have - and have had next to no confidence in myself for a very long time now and it sucks

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23 hours ago, Wax said:

I confess that I have - and have had next to no confidence in myself for a very long time now and it sucks

Hmm, confidence in your ability to do or be what exactly?

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2 hours ago, [null] said:

Hmm, confidence in your ability to do or be what exactly?

Just in my ability to work, socialise, my appearance, etc. etc.

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i am wearing dirty clothes to work today because i was too tired to do laundry.  couldn't do it the night before, had time to do it this morning but just didn't goddamn feel like it so i ain't.  oops.

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2 hours ago, Wax said:

Just in my ability to work, socialise, my appearance, etc. etc.

Ah, i'm a generally shitty person syndrome. Don't worry, that's a completely normal thing for a furry to have. I do know a bit about those feelings and more importantly how to overcome them so if you like send me a PM and i might be able to be helpful.

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i really like giving people gifts: picking them out, decorating them, personalizing them, etc--

even if i don't actually like/get along with the person it's for.  i am confused as to what the implications of that might be.

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I keep having this recurring nightmare that my mother has died. Every time it's either loaded with deja vu or it's a continuation of the last one. It's horrible, depressing and extremely vivid. And every time it happens I wake up shaking, then spend the first ten minutes awake trying to remember what's real. I woke up with it this morning, and it took me far longer than it should have to remember that I had visited her just yesterday for Mother's Day. The fuck is wrong with me?

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I forgot i got my name changed to data for about a week or so, and locked myself out of the forums until today.

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