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Rant: I'm ugly and nobody wants to date me :(


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20 minutes ago, Lucyfish said:

I dunno, I found the person I'm in love with because we got to know each other over the span of 6 years. When I needed help, she gave me everything, and it was pretty obvious who cared about me unconditionally. Now that we're living together that love just gets stronger and stronger.

Love is wonderful isn't it? And it goes so much more than just skin deep. That's part of why I feel so bad for OP, he seems to be fixating on all the wrong things.

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1 minute ago, MuttButt said:

awwww pastry noooo

have an internet hug

-hugs-

Naw it's alright.

There's a lot of reasons for it I guess, and I've gone into detail with certain people about it. A lot of it is more or less my fault and just sorta due to how my brain works for better or for worse. I think I've made it sorta apparent but I got a lot of problems lol.

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6 minutes ago, PastryOfApathy said:

Naw it's alright.

There's a lot of reasons for it I guess, and I've gone into detail with certain people about it. A lot of it is more or less my fault and just sorta due to how my brain works for better or for worse. I think I've made it sorta apparent but I got a lot of problems lol.

Acknowledging you have problems is the first step to making 'em better! I don't think anybody who is self aware is a lost cause, and honestly I feel like you have quite a bit of charisma in general, so I have no doubt you'll find somebody someday :3

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2 minutes ago, MuttButt said:

Acknowledging you have problems is the first step to making 'em better! I don't think anybody who is self aware is a lost cause, and honestly I feel like you have quite a bit of charisma in general, so I have no doubt you'll find somebody someday :3

Oh god no lol.

Irl I'm the shyest motherfucker imaginable. Doesn't matter much anyways, my main issue is I can't ever be "intimate" with anybody or open up at all. There's just this set-in-stone barrier built into my personality that prevents me from being personal with anybody so no matter what I do I'm always emotionally distant. So usually I'm just kinda resigned to being alone and bottling shit up until it inevitably breaks and start the process over. Also I'm buying one of those creepy-ass body pillows so that helps a little I guess.

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Just now, PastryOfApathy said:

Oh god no lol.

Irl I'm the shyest motherfucker imaginable. Doesn't matter much anyways, my main issue is I can't ever be "intimate" with anybody or open up at all. There's just this set-in-stone barrier built into my personality that prevents me from being personal with anybody so no matter what I do I'm always emotionally distant. So usually I'm just kinda resigned to being alone and bottling shit up until it inevitably breaks and start the process over. Also I'm buying one of those creepy-ass body pillows so that helps a little I guess.

Is it the same with physical intimacy? 

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12 minutes ago, PastryOfApathy said:

Oh god no lol.

Irl I'm the shyest motherfucker imaginable. Doesn't matter much anyways, my main issue is I can't ever be "intimate" with anybody or open up at all. There's just this set-in-stone barrier built into my personality that prevents me from being personal with anybody so no matter what I do I'm always emotionally distant. So usually I'm just kinda resigned to being alone and bottling shit up until it inevitably breaks and start the process over. Also I'm buying one of those creepy-ass body pillows so that helps a little I guess.

I'm in much the same boat, if it's any consolation. Well, I mean, except for the body pillow thing.

Edited by DrGravitas
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11 minutes ago, Saxon said:

Is it the same with physical intimacy? 

Well seeing as you kinda need the ability to connect to people before they let you in their pants I've never had the opportunity. Although I'm pretty sure it extends to that too.

7 minutes ago, Lucyfish said:

Pastry

If you come visit my girlfriend and me you're guaranteed smooches

Just saiyan

pls

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5 minutes ago, DrGravitas said:
17 minutes ago, PastryOfApathy said:

Oh god no lol.

Irl I'm the shyest motherfucker imaginable. Doesn't matter much anyways, my main issue is I can't ever be "intimate" with anybody or open up at all. There's just this set-in-stone barrier built into my personality that prevents me from being personal with anybody so no matter what I do I'm always emotionally distant. So usually I'm just kinda resigned to being alone and bottling shit up until it inevitably breaks and start the process over. Also I'm buying one of those creepy-ass body pillows so that helps a little I guess.

I'm in much the same boat, if it's any consolation. Well, I mean, except for the body pillow thing.

Another one in the boat. This is pretty much my own description as well. But in my case it's because I was bullied for years.

Regardless I always keep a tiny bit of hope that the barrier will break eventually.

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I used to think I had this same problem as you guys above, I've had more than a handful of people interested in me over the years but oh do I just not connect with most people who do. Honestly there are like 2 people I've ever met who have gotten me to open up emotionally and I knew both of them years before I even could. One was a really good friend and the other I'm currently working with to try and get into a relationship...

I doubt it's truly impossible for you all, but it does require effort on both sides.

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40 minutes ago, Lucyfish said:

Pastry

If you come visit my girlfriend and me you're guaranteed smooches

Just saiyan

I know how that one usually goes. When people actually show up in real life, everyone isn't used to how they look and act in real life, and everyone just sits awkwardly and doesn't even touch, except for the platonic hugs goodbye once the time mercifully runs out.

26 minutes ago, Jerry said:

Another one in the boat. This is pretty much my own description as well. But in my case it's because I was bullied for years.

Regardless I always keep a tiny bit of hope that the barrier will break eventually.

Dude, you're still in school. I didn't even start dating until I got out if HS.

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1 minute ago, Rassah said:

I know how that one usually goes. When people actually show up in real life, everyone isn't used to how they look and act in real life, and everyone just sits awkwardly and doesn't even touch, except for the platonic hugs goodbye once the time mercifully runs out.

I'm just very cuddly in general so that hasn't happened for me. :3c

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1 minute ago, PastryOfApathy said:

To be fair, I can see why someone would want to avoid talking to him for any extended period of time. 

oh-shit.gif?w=300&h=162

 

I'm just a very affectionate person, honestly. It's kind of a fault cuz' a lot of people don't like being touched or hugged or anything like that.

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2 minutes ago, Lucyfish said:

oh-shit.gif?w=300&h=162

 

I'm just a very affectionate person, honestly. It's kind of a fault cuz' a lot of people don't like being touched or hugged or anything like that.

It's not even like a 'burn' or something. I mean would you, or anyone else here willingly spend a day talking to him?

I mean, you it's already annoying here so nevermind real life. 

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10 minutes ago, Onnes said:

Relative to what? Furries are awkward enough on the internet that my usual experience is that real life is an improvement.

Stop changing faces. I don't know you.

I have no problem talking. It's the snuggling where things get awkward. Though it's cause I'm shy, and usually perks I visit are shy too.

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Having seen the photo, the OP is pretty unremarkable looking really.  Like, there's nothing wrong with that, they don't stand out either positively or negatively, just regular and average so no real flaws.  ...Though their personality has serious issues if this thread is any indication. =X

Edited by AshleyAshes
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34 minutes ago, AshleyAshes said:

Having seen the photo, the OP is pretty unremarkable looking really.  Like, there's nothing wrong with that, they don't stand out either positively or negatively, just regular and average so no real flaws.  ...Though their personality has serious issues if this thread is any indication. =X

That's the problem though... the other fags want a guy who stands out. I don't. I don't have the chiseled jawline or steel blue eyes or perfect beard. So I'm kinda screwed.

 

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56 minutes ago, Rassah said:

I know how that one usually goes. When people actually show up in real life, everyone isn't used to how they look and act in real life, and everyone just sits awkwardly and doesn't even touch, except for the platonic hugs goodbye once the time mercifully runs out.

Dude, you're still in school. I didn't even start dating until I got out if HS.

Well of course it starts out awkward, awkwardness is super common on or offline x3 it takes time to get to different stages but usually if you know someone well on the internet, in my experience, theyre exactly the same irl, no surprises (assuming their online persona is a somewhat reputation of themself)

Theres only one person that managed to break my barriers in record time

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1 hour ago, Rassah said:

Dude, you're still in school. I didn't even start dating until I got out if HS.

I do hope it'll improve when I'm out of school (though I'm not exactly in high school anymore)

37 minutes ago, WolfNightV4X1 said:

Well of course it starts out awkward, awkwardness is super common on or offline x3 it takes time to get to different stages but usually if you know someone well on the internet, in my experience, theyre exactly the same irl, no surprises (assuming their online persona is a somewhat reputation of themself)

Theres only one person that managed to break my barriers in record time

In my case the awkward stage would never really stop. Not sure how I'd react today in the same situations, or in different situations for that matter X3

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8 hours ago, malibu said:

Looks aren't all that important, trust me. I've seen plenty of couples where one person outshines the other in appearance. People like happy, outgoing, bubbly personalities. Maybe try your luck at a gay bar? I usually have an easy time meeting girls at a regular bar, since my bubbly personality attracts people. Maybe clean yourself up, look sharp, slap on a smile, and go to have a good time. Maybe you'll meet someone, maybe you won't, but a little booze helps lighten the mood most the time regardless.

Bars are the worst place to look for a relationship.

18 minutes ago, Jerry said:

I do hope it'll improve when I'm out of school (though I'm not exactly in high school anymore)

It's worse unless you end up going to college. You lose contact with a lot of your social circle over time and it's hard to meet local people unless you're outgoing. There's always the internet, but that's a gamble. Your life of loneliness will make you become more desperate and in return more off putting. This will make you become frustrated and even more desperate, and the cycle will continue to feed itself until you're a miserable old man, depressed and alone.

Your future self sits in a poor musty decaying house, the window blinds shut to block out the view of the progressing world outside. You think of how depressing it is that the world has moved forward, yet you have stayed in the same situation for decades,  The small broken television you once got at a bargain shop lays in front of you, no longer able to keep you entertained and distracted from the hollow shell of a life you now lead. You reach for the revolver that you have placed atop the left arm of the chair hours earlier. The contemplating thoughts that resonated through your mind have finally come to a stop; you being settled on what has to be done. This is it. Once a happy, young, determined boy now reduced to a pile of regret and despair. You take one last look at a picture on the wall; a family portrait from the 90s. It gives you a burst of memories from what life once was. "Where did it all go wrong?... How did I not see this coming?", you think to yourself before putting the gun to the side of your head. You then close your eyes, trying not to think of the gory details in which you are about to unleash upon yourself through your own will. Gently, you squeeze the trigger reluctantly. "It's almost there...No going back now". You hear the sound of birds happily chirping just outside your window, moments before the hammer clicks...

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34 minutes ago, Barnectomy said:

Bars are the worst place to look for a relationship.

It's worse unless you end up going to college. You lose contact with a lot of your social circle over time and it's hard to meet local people unless you're outgoing. There's always the internet, but that's a gamble. Your life of loneliness will make you become more desperate and in return more off putting. This will make you become frustrated and even more desperate, and the cycle will continue to feed itself until you're a miserable old man, depressed and alone.

Your future self sits in a poor musty decaying house, the window blinds shut to block out the view of the progressing world outside. You think of how depressing it is that the world has moved forward, yet you have stayed in the same situation for decades,  The small broken television you once got at a bargain shop lays in front of you, no longer able to keep you entertained and distracted from the hollow shell of a life you now lead. You reach for the revolver that you have placed atop the left arm of the chair hours earlier. The contemplating thoughts that resonated through your mind have finally come to a stop; you being settled on what has to be done. This is it. Once a happy, young, determined boy now reduced to a pile of regret and despair. You take one last look at a picture on the wall; a family portrait from the 90s. It gives you a burst of memories from what life once was. "Where did it all go wrong?... How did I not see this coming?", you think to yourself before putting the gun to the side of your head. You then close your eyes, trying not to think of the gory details in which you are about to unleash upon yourself through your own will. Gently, you squeeze the trigger reluctantly. "It's almost there...No going back now". You hear the sound of birds happily chirping just outside your window, moments before the hammer clicks...

Disregarding the rest of the post... the first sentence is so true, and nobody else sees that. But gay bars or clubs (eww) are the only places for us faggos to meet. :( Rarely are there LGBT meet-ups for adults.

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Well, we live in a day and age where online relationships are often the first stepping stone to IRL relationships. Don't knock 'em until you've tried 'em.

I agree that bars are usually bad places to actually meet decent people who aren't just going to amount to drunken one-night stands.

 

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8 hours ago, មិនស្អាត said:

Disregarding the rest of the post... the first sentence is so true, and nobody else sees that. But gay bars or clubs (eww) are the only places for us faggos to meet. :( Rarely are there LGBT meet-ups for adults.

The internet!  Heck, there's even gay gamer groups here in Toronto.  Wanna play Smash or Ticket To Ride with queer folk twice a month and maybe make friends or other relationships, you can do that!  But you won't, you just want to moan about how impossible it is, and who would want to date someone like that?

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11 hours ago, Jerry said:

I do hope it'll improve when I'm out of school (though I'm not exactly in high school anymore)

In my case the awkward stage would never really stop. Not sure how I'd react today in the same situations, or in different situations for that matter X3

You kind of have to keep going and maaaybe you'll find a situation you can open up. But its all on you, you have to learn to "get over it", per se, but on your terms since you should know yourself 

Anyways, join the awkward club, buddy. We have game nights every other Friday or once a month depending on how anxious the host is. Special activities include sitting on couches staring uncomfortably at each other making 5 second stunted conversation before retreating onto your electronic device and eventually out the door. In true club tradition

Edited by WolfNightV4X1
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I've been to IRL furmeets and geek meets where I was the only person willing to make face-to-face conversation not taking place through a device.

Particularly when people are geeky, nervous, or shy, it's often ideal to have an activity that everyone can gather around. Cards Against Humanity is great for breaking the ice. Ditto riffing bad movies.

Back to the main topic, I think the Dr. Nerdlove site is a great resource for geeky people who are looking for love:

http://www.doctornerdlove.com/2016/01/avoid-these-dating-deal-breakers/

Edited by Troj
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You're right to be concerned, since one of the most important things in life is to be as attractive as possible. However, like everyone here has already said, there are many ways to be attractive! Being kind to others is attractive. Being positive is attractive. Doing interesting things, having an open mind, making pleasant conversation, just being a generally agreeable person to be around. And hell, if you just don't like your face, there's always make-up and hairstyles that can enhance your features.

Just remember that half of all people are below average in appearance, and they still manage to find relationships, too!

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3 minutes ago, jcstinks said:

You're right to be concerned, since one of the most important things in life is to be as attractive as possible. However, like everyone here has already said, there are many ways to be attractive! Being kind to others is attractive. Being positive is attractive. Doing interesting things, having an open mind, making pleasant conversation, just being a generally agreeable person to be around. And hell, if you just don't like your face, there's always make-up and hairstyles that can enhance your features.

Just remember that half of all people are below average in appearance, and they still manage to find relationships, too!

Its like you wanted to troll, started to, then skillfully made the whole thing into a very well made point.

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6 minutes ago, jcstinks said:

You're right to be concerned, since one of the most important things in life is to be as attractive as possible. However, like everyone here has already said, there are many ways to be attractive! Being kind to others is attractive. Being positive is attractive. Doing interesting things, having an open mind, making pleasant conversation, just being a generally agreeable person to be around. And hell, if you just don't like your face, there's always make-up and hairstyles that can enhance your features.

Just remember that half of all people are below average in appearance, and they still manage to find relationships, too!

This isn't actually how averages work. As an example, most men have a penis length below the mean/brute-average length. 

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i have nothing else to add to this topic except that Onnes' new av is kawaii as hell and made me ~uguu. The old one made him seem like a wise sage. This one's gonna take some getting used to.

7 minutes ago, Saxon said:

This isn't actually how averages work. As an example, most men have a penis length below the mean/brute-average length. 

i have a 99th percentile dick easily

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11 minutes ago, AshleyAshes said:

Its like you wanted to troll, started to, then skillfully made the whole thing into a very well made point.

I'm not a troll I'm just blunt and bad at English words.

11 minutes ago, Saxon said:

This isn't actually how averages work. As an example, most men have a penis length below the mean/brute-average length. 

Tagging you as "penis length expert."

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7 minutes ago, Pignog said:

i have nothing else to add to this topic except that Onnes' new av is kawaii as hell and made me ~uguu. The old one made him seem like a wise sage. This one's gonna take some getting used to.

I love this avatar because it does a great job of screwing with expectations.

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I suppose it's good news and bad news that there's someone for just about everyone.

I'm consistently amazed/appalled by the physically-grotesque, socially-bizarre, grossly-dysfunctional, and/or dangerously-deranged folks who've actually succeeded in the romance and/or sex department--of course, in many cases, it's because they were willing to scrape the bottom of the barrel, so...

But, I'd say the silver lining in all this is that if you are a fundamentally goodhearted person, you still have a chance. You may just have to search longer and try harder than a lot of people who manage to reel in a lot of fish through their good looks or superficial charm.

 

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53 minutes ago, Troj said:

I'm consistently amazed/appalled by the physically-grotesque, socially-bizarre, grossly-dysfunctional, and/or dangerously-deranged folks who've actually succeeded in the romance and/or sex department

Like-minded people congregate together

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22 hours ago, Barnectomy said:

Bars are the worst place to look for a relationship.

It's worse unless you end up going to college. You lose contact with a lot of your social circle over time and it's hard to meet local people unless you're outgoing. There's always the internet, but that's a gamble. Your life of loneliness will make you become more desperate and in return more off putting. This will make you become frustrated and even more desperate, and the cycle will continue to feed itself until you're a miserable old man, depressed and alone.

Your future self sits in a poor musty decaying house, the window blinds shut to block out the view of the progressing world outside. You think of how depressing it is that the world has moved forward, yet you have stayed in the same situation for decades,  The small broken television you once got at a bargain shop lays in front of you, no longer able to keep you entertained and distracted from the hollow shell of a life you now lead. You reach for the revolver that you have placed atop the left arm of the chair hours earlier. The contemplating thoughts that resonated through your mind have finally come to a stop; you being settled on what has to be done. This is it. Once a happy, young, determined boy now reduced to a pile of regret and despair. You take one last look at a picture on the wall; a family portrait from the 90s. It gives you a burst of memories from what life once was. "Where did it all go wrong?... How did I not see this coming?", you think to yourself before putting the gun to the side of your head. You then close your eyes, trying not to think of the gory details in which you are about to unleash upon yourself through your own will. Gently, you squeeze the trigger reluctantly. "It's almost there...No going back now". You hear the sound of birds happily chirping just outside your window, moments before the hammer clicks...

I didn't even have a real social circle to begin with. *shrugs*

And I know all too well that getting desperate will only worsen the situation.

But yeah, cool story bro =3

12 hours ago, WolfNightV4X1 said:

You kind of have to keep going and maaaybe you'll find a situation you can open up. But its all on you, you have to learn to "get over it", per se, but on your terms since you should know yourself 

Anyways, join the awkward club, buddy. We have game nights every other Friday or once a month depending on how anxious the host is. Special activities include sitting on couches staring uncomfortably at each other making 5 second stunted conversation before retreating onto your electronic device and eventually out the door. In true club tradition

Why even bother meeting IRL then? xD 

I always thought meetings were for, like, REAL social interactions, no?

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On January 12, 2016 at 9:54 PM, AshleyAshes said:

Having seen the photo, the OP is pretty unremarkable looking really.  Like, there's nothing wrong with that, they don't stand out either positively or negatively, just regular and average so no real flaws.  ...Though their personality has serious issues if this thread is any indication. =X

Yo where is this picture?

I want to see how ugly this person is.

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16 hours ago, AshleyAshes said:

The internet!  Heck, there's even gay gamer groups here in Toronto.  Wanna play Smash or Ticket To Ride with queer folk twice a month and maybe make friends or other relationships, you can do that!  But you won't, you just want to moan about how impossible it is, and who would want to date someone like that?

Try living in the redneck south USA with no chance to move. There's no LGBT meet-ups here. I've looked near my area.

14 hours ago, Troj said:

I've been to IRL furmeets and geek meets where I was the only person willing to make face-to-face conversation not taking place through a device.

Particularly when people are geeky, nervous, or shy, it's often ideal to have an activity that everyone can gather around. Cards Against Humanity is great for breaking the ice. Ditto riffing bad movies.

Back to the main topic, I think the Dr. Nerdlove site is a great resource for geeky people who are looking for love:

http://www.doctornerdlove.com/2016/01/avoid-these-dating-deal-breakers/

Those tips are all the most obvious things that I've already done.

12 hours ago, jcstinks said:

You're right to be concerned, since one of the most important things in life is to be as attractive as possible. However, like everyone here has already said, there are many ways to be attractive! Being kind to others is attractive. Being positive is attractive. Doing interesting things, having an open mind, making pleasant conversation, just being a generally agreeable person to be around. And hell, if you just don't like your face, there's always make-up and hairstyles that can enhance your features.

Just remember that half of all people are below average in appearance, and they still manage to find relationships, too!

I am kind to others. Very kind. I am positive when on dating sites and talking publicly. I do plenty of interesting things, am open-minded, I do all that shit. It never worked.

Also, make-up is a huge no for men. Puts us in the fem zone, and most gay men will run at light-speed if they see one. I've tried plenty of different hair styles, was told I looked ugly with each one.

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On 1/13/2016 at 1:51 AM, មិនស្អាត said:

Those tips are all the most obvious things that I've already done.

That is the sound of you equating a failed attempt with proof of inevitability. And while this is only an isolated incident, your whole attitude suggests that all mediums express the same problem.

You seem just as willing to give up on yourself, more than a potential partner would. Your own sense of futility and inability to overcome failure is ultimately a greater factor in whether you'll see another relationship or not. It can be damaging, in subtle ways. If you feel that you're desperate or rely on a partner or other person for gratification and value, you'll wear it on your face, in your actions, and will successfully drive away partners if you give them the impression that you are not looking to join them in a mutual bond, rather than purely meeting your needs.

I would strongly suggest focusing on adjusting your mindset first, if you can. Be more willing to accept the fact that things aren't going your way, and try to understand what you can do to benefit yourself as well as your partner when they are. 

I don't intend this to come off as a negative comment on you, as much as I do want to underline that you need to be aware of this. It's happened to me in both relationships and friendships, and it just leaves a bad taste in your mouth. I don't know much about searching out friends, actually a lot of my closest friends and peers ended up being through an online medium first (never entirely worth rejecting as an option, although long distance obviously has caveats). But I do know where friendships went wrong, and it's when you started looking for someone to meet your needs, instead of looking for people who you want to be around.

I could be wrong. I just want to put that on the table for consideration.

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