AlexInsane Posted January 28, 2016 Share Posted January 28, 2016 Now, I know what you're all thinking about. I mean, it's pretty obvious. But seriously? My dick pisses me off. It gets hard at all the wrong moments, such as during funerals and when I'm trying to have a social conversation with a really hot guy. I mean, you're killing me, buddy, all 9 and a half inches of you. You just have no sense of tact at all, do you, even when my brain is screaming "DON'T YOU FUCKING DARE, YOU ASSHOLE" at the top of its voice. It's just like that guy at the office who sticks his head in and, in a vain attempt to make friends, asks 'Did I just hear you say my name?'. NO, I DIDN'T. GO AWAY AND STOP BOTHERING ME. It's annoying when parts of your body rebel against your mind. It really is. Having an erection tends to weaken anything you're trying to do - the whole world sort of slowly folds up and starts orbiting your dick until it goes back to sleep. People don't take you as seriously when you're walking around like you've got a rabbit shoved down your pants. People start taking pictures with their phones. People start pointing. The police get called. Handcuffs happen. I don't like handcuffs, they're cold and they cut into the wrists. Women have it all worked out. Their bits are mostly on the inside. They never have to worry about anything except camel toe. And periods. And cramps. And cysts. And...what the fuck was I complaining about again? Yeah. Okay. So maybe getting random or not so random boners isn't that bad, but depending on the situation it can be crushing. I gotta find some Tibetans who can teach me a chant to make my erection go away. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PastryOfApathy Posted January 28, 2016 Share Posted January 28, 2016 (edited) Uhh... Yeah, no thanks. My dick-thinking space is reserved for umm, some "special someones." Edited January 28, 2016 by PastryOfApathy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlexInsane Posted January 28, 2016 Author Share Posted January 28, 2016 My dickspace is bigger than the memory they've got on the Pentagon computers. It's like every football stadium in the country stacked on each other. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr. Doggo Posted January 28, 2016 Share Posted January 28, 2016 I daydream at work and get raging boners but I'm glad I have a massive apron on at all times Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlexInsane Posted January 28, 2016 Author Share Posted January 28, 2016 I also don't like it because, and I'm being serious here, I think that the inability for the mind to control the body (specifically that part of the body) is very unattractive. It makes me feel like...I dunno, a slobbering mutt. An animal. Not human. It's like a child I have to constantly apologize for, not that I get erections in public that frequently, but even when I'm with someone who I can have one with, I find myself being a boner apologist. I dunno. Shit be weird. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yell0wf0x Posted January 28, 2016 Share Posted January 28, 2016 I clicked the thread cuz I saw dick in the title. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GamingGal Posted January 28, 2016 Share Posted January 28, 2016 And this is why dicks are weird to me. I'll stick with the ladybits. Besides, dicks make it too obvious when a guy's turned on. With a girl, you don't know till you're under the hood; gotta love the mystery! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PastryOfApathy Posted January 28, 2016 Share Posted January 28, 2016 5 minutes ago, AlexInsane said: I also don't like it because, and I'm being serious here, I think that the inability for the mind to control the body (specifically that part of the body) is very unattractive. It makes me feel like...I dunno, a slobbering mutt. An animal. Not human. Wouldn't that just make you hornier? I mean...furries and stuff. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MuttButt Posted January 28, 2016 Share Posted January 28, 2016 8 minutes ago, AlexInsane said: I also don't like it because, and I'm being serious here, I think that the inability for the mind to control the body (specifically that part of the body) is very unattractive. It makes me feel like...I dunno, a slobbering mutt. You called? >:3 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlexInsane Posted January 28, 2016 Author Share Posted January 28, 2016 (edited) 3 minutes ago, PastryOfApathy said: Wouldn't that just make you hornier? I mean...furries and stuff. Uhhhhhhh....no? Because, y'know, when you're turned on, and you're a guy, and you're with another guy, he'll notice. And they'll take advantage of that. That's what people do - if you show enthusiasm for something, they just fucking leap on it and ride it til its worn out, no pun intended. And I'm self-aware enough to know that. I don't like being taken advantage of. Yeah, I've got a boner - just because I've got one doesn't mean I want to do something with it. Yeah, thanks for acknowledging my psychological and biological response to the current situation, that's all, bye-bye. Edited January 28, 2016 by AlexInsane Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Misomie Posted January 28, 2016 Share Posted January 28, 2016 Lol, I had to wear a pad when I first started dating my boyfriend. My stupid horny body used to be sooooo bad. Just awful. So glad I grew out of that though. Younger me was just pitiful, kinda like a stereotypical teenage boy. But, less obvious about it. X D Bodies are weird and I too agree the mind should have more control. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PastryOfApathy Posted January 28, 2016 Share Posted January 28, 2016 4 minutes ago, AlexInsane said: Uhhhhhhh....no? Because, y'know, when you're turned on, and you're a guy, and you're with another guy, he'll notice. And they'll take advantage of that. That's what people do - if you show enthusiasm for something, they just fucking leap on it and ride it til its worn out, no pun intended. And I'm self-aware enough to know that. I don't like being taken advantage of. Yeah, I've got a boner - just because I've got one doesn't mean I want to do something with it. Wait, are you saying that if you're turned on, other guys will notice and just like automatically start raping you? I don't think that's how people work. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lucyfish Posted January 28, 2016 Share Posted January 28, 2016 Y'know what sucks? Having an above-average sized penis that you don't even fucking want. :U Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yell0wf0x Posted January 28, 2016 Share Posted January 28, 2016 Why not just wear an underwear so tight that even yer monster dick can't stand to the point it actually hurts and you realize having a hard on is normal and if people don't like it they can just suck yer dick... I don't know where I'm going with this. I'm too distracted by my own boner. It's quite uncomfortable having a boner in public when ye don't want to have one tho. I'm glad I use a messenger bag so I could just hide it by placing my bag in front of me. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlexInsane Posted January 28, 2016 Author Share Posted January 28, 2016 1 minute ago, PastryOfApathy said: Wait, are you saying that if you're turned on, other guys will notice and just like automatically start raping you? I don't think that's how people work. Nonono, that's not what I meant. I should have clarified. To be honest, the problem is 1 part "I don't get laid enough" and 1 part "You're really attractive" and 1 part "You have the self control of a monkey on a banana plantation." Nobody's raping me. I guess I shouldn't lay the fault completely on other people but the people I've been with have been...good at getting me to do what, in hindsight, I tend to regret. And that regret mostly stems from me going "WHY DID YOU SAY YES?! YOU ARE SUCH A COCKWHORE. STOP SAYING YES. STOP SAYING YES. SAY NO. SAY. NO." People are persuasive and I'm weak willed. I don't like it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brazen Posted January 28, 2016 Share Posted January 28, 2016 3 minutes ago, AlexInsane said: Nonono, that's not what I meant. I should have clarified. To be honest, the problem is 1 part "I don't get laid enough" and 1 part "You're really attractive" and 1 part "You have the self control of a monkey on a banana plantation." Nobody's raping me. I guess I shouldn't lay the fault completely on other people but the people I've been with have been...good at getting me to do what, in hindsight, I tend to regret. And that regret mostly stems from me going "WHY DID YOU SAY YES?! YOU ARE SUCH A COCKWHORE. STOP SAYING YES. STOP SAYING YES. SAY NO. SAY. NO." People are persuasive and I'm weak willed. I don't like it. So you're a whore? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PastryOfApathy Posted January 28, 2016 Share Posted January 28, 2016 1 minute ago, AlexInsane said: Nonono, that's not what I meant. I should have clarified. To be honest, the problem is 1 part "I don't get laid enough" and 1 part "You're really attractive" and 1 part "You have the self control of a monkey on a banana plantation." Nobody's raping me. I guess I shouldn't lay the fault completely on other people but the people I've been with have been...good at getting me to do what, in hindsight, I tend to regret. And that regret mostly stems from me going "WHY DID YOU SAY YES?! YOU ARE SUCH A COCKWHORE. STOP SAYING YES. STOP SAYING YES. SAY NO. SAY. NO." People are persuasive and I'm weak willed. I don't like it. So you don't get laid, but you're constantly fucking dudes which is bad but you wish you were doing it more... Is your issue that you're a slut? But then why is getting laid a problem? It's like a rubix cube of nonsensical sexual frustrations. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luca Posted January 28, 2016 Share Posted January 28, 2016 Tight boxerbriefs. They hide enough of it, unless you hang out with people looking at your crotch for dick outline regularly. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlexInsane Posted January 28, 2016 Author Share Posted January 28, 2016 Just now, Brazen said: So you're a whore? Well, I feel like one. Often. To be honest, the number of people I've done anything with I can count on the fingers of one hand. I'm not good at saying no. When I'm in a situation where me and the other person (hypothetically) are both turned on, I tend not to protest. I go along with it. And then I hate myself afterwards because instead of being an ice queen like YOU SHOULD BE, I just...let it happen. If I had been born a woman, this would have all been a lot easier. But then I wouldn't have a dick, and that would be sad. Plus I'd have to spend like a thousand dollars a year on bras and shit. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PastryOfApathy Posted January 28, 2016 Share Posted January 28, 2016 Just now, AlexInsane said: Well, I feel like one. Often. To be honest, the number of people I've done anything with I can count on the fingers of one hand. I'm not good at saying no. When I'm in a situation where me and the other person (hypothetically) are both turned on, I tend not to protest. I go along with it. And then I hate myself afterwards because instead of being an ice queen like YOU SHOULD BE, I just...let it happen. If I had been born a woman, this would have all been a lot easier. But then I wouldn't have a dick, and that would be sad. Plus I'd have to spend like a thousand dollars a year on bras and shit. So wait...do you wanna have sex or not? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlexInsane Posted January 28, 2016 Author Share Posted January 28, 2016 (edited) 8 minutes ago, PastryOfApathy said: So you don't get laid, but you're constantly fucking dudes which is bad but you wish you were doing it more... Is your issue that you're a slut? But then why is getting laid a problem? It's like a rubix cube of nonsensical sexual frustrations. I'm actually not fucking anyone. I engage in sexual actions with one person pretty regularly. I also talk to a lot of guys on the internet who, surprise surprise, tend to want to nail me. I'm mystified - don't they have, I dunno, fleshlights they could be using instead? I don't know what to quantify it as. I place a lot of unnecessary importance on sex. I venerate it, I guess. I don't have actual sex because I'm scared of it and the sexual stuff I do participate in just make me feel like I shouldn't be doing it. But they feel good, so I do it. I'm confused. Somebody hug me. This went from a rant about how I get a boner and I shouldn't to the warped intricacies of my sexual nature. Why God, why. Edited January 28, 2016 by AlexInsane Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Misomie Posted January 28, 2016 Share Posted January 28, 2016 5 minutes ago, AlexInsane said: Well, I feel like one. Often. To be honest, the number of people I've done anything with I can count on the fingers of one hand. I'm not good at saying no. When I'm in a situation where me and the other person (hypothetically) are both turned on, I tend not to protest. I go along with it. And then I hate myself afterwards because instead of being an ice queen like YOU SHOULD BE, I just...let it happen. If I had been born a woman, this would have all been a lot easier. But then I wouldn't have a dick, and that would be sad. Plus I'd have to spend like a thousand dollars a year on bras and shit. In all seriousness, why not try a chastity belt (the kind that prevents boners)? I'd imagine wearing one around would help kill the feelings of arousal. That or try learning to say no. You hafta be stubborn. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PastryOfApathy Posted January 28, 2016 Share Posted January 28, 2016 1 minute ago, AlexInsane said: I'm actually not fucking anyone. I engage in sexual actions with one person pretty regularly. I also talk to a lot of guys on the internet who, surprise surprise, tend to want to nail me. I'm mystified - don't they have, I dunno, fleshlights they could be using instead? I don't know what to quantify it as. I place a lot of unnecessary importance on sex. I venerate it, I guess. I don't have actual sex because I'm scared of it and the sexual stuff I do participate in just make me feel like I shouldn't be doing it. But they feel good, so I do it. I'm confused. Somebody hug me. But are you fucking him? Look I have loads of sexual issues too (shocker I know), some of which I share with you apparently. But if you pop a stiffy at an inopportune time just think of the least sexiest thing you can. Here I'll help! Worked for me. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luca Posted January 28, 2016 Share Posted January 28, 2016 I would hug you but I have a boner right now Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GamingGal Posted January 28, 2016 Share Posted January 28, 2016 5 minutes ago, AlexInsane said: I don't know what to quantify it as. I place a lot of unnecessary importance on sex. I venerate it, I guess. I don't have actual sex because I'm scared of it and the sexual stuff I do participate in just make me feel like I shouldn't be doing it. But they feel good, so I do it. Not to push you having sex, but once you have sex it'll become way less important. Part of the importance or whatever comes from it being the unknown. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlexInsane Posted January 28, 2016 Author Share Posted January 28, 2016 5 minutes ago, PastryOfApathy said: But are you fucking him? Look I have loads of sexual issues too (shocker I know), some of which I share with you apparently. But if you pop a stiffy at an inopportune time just think of the least sexiest thing you can. Here I'll help! Worked for me. Neither of us are having penetrative sex with each other. We do just about everything else, though. I dunno. It feels good when we do stuff, fool around or whatever, but then I tell myself "You're being led around by the dick. That's all you are, to him and to yourself, you're just a giant dick that hasn't got any brains to think or act with." I dunno. I can't really call myself either a slut or a whore, because I'm still (technically) a virgin, I've never been with anyone but him, and I'm not getting paid. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luca Posted January 28, 2016 Share Posted January 28, 2016 I mean if he actually thinks that little of you and you do of him, then yeah you probably shouldn't do this anymore but if that's you being a bit irrational, then do whatever feels good. Nothing wrong with casual sex dude. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spot Posted January 28, 2016 Share Posted January 28, 2016 Quality thread. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mikazuki Marazhu Posted January 28, 2016 Share Posted January 28, 2016 Fap god dammit! I wouldn't waste a perfectly good erection. Just send me your cum soaked tissues when your done Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr.Kumquat Posted January 28, 2016 Share Posted January 28, 2016 6 minutes ago, Saxon said: If I had nine and a half inches I wouldn't ever complain about anything. What he said. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
#00Buck Posted January 28, 2016 Share Posted January 28, 2016 3 hours ago, Mr. Fox said: Quality thread. Ah, the furry is very apparent in this thread. Much sexual confusion and self-loathing there is. We are almost due for the weekly suicide threat thread as well. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spot Posted January 28, 2016 Share Posted January 28, 2016 58 minutes ago, #00Buck said: We are almost due for the weekly suicide threat thread as well. Pay attention to me! >:C Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LazerMaster5 Posted January 28, 2016 Share Posted January 28, 2016 Am I the only one here who does not have problems with awkward boners during the day? I have control. Also, I am a grower. TMI, furry style. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
#00Buck Posted January 28, 2016 Share Posted January 28, 2016 21 minutes ago, Mr. Fox said: Pay attention to me! >:C Plus give undeserved sympathy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spot Posted January 28, 2016 Share Posted January 28, 2016 14 minutes ago, #00Buck said: Plus give undeserved sympathy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Señor Sal Posted January 28, 2016 Share Posted January 28, 2016 Own that erection, like it isn't anyone else's business. You got it stiff, they can too if they wanna keep lookin. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jerry Posted January 28, 2016 Share Posted January 28, 2016 It's never been a problem for me. Being asexual most certainly helps in this regard. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mikazuki Marazhu Posted January 28, 2016 Share Posted January 28, 2016 I guess some people are proud to be asexual I must be a vile creature to like having sex. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlexInsane Posted January 28, 2016 Author Share Posted January 28, 2016 (edited) 3 hours ago, #00Buck said: Ah, the furry is very apparent in this thread. Much sexual confusion and self-loathing there is. We are almost due for the weekly suicide threat thread as well. MY PENIS IS CONSPIRING AGAINST ME I MUST GO AND DROWN MYSELF LIKE OPHELIA #somanyfurrytears Edited January 28, 2016 by AlexInsane Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mikazuki Marazhu Posted January 28, 2016 Share Posted January 28, 2016 12 minutes ago, AlexInsane said: MY PENIS IS CONSPIRING AGAINST ME I MUST GO AND DROWN MYSELF LIKE OPHELIA #somanyfurrytears And I thought you lack sense of humor Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bloodshot_Eyes Posted January 28, 2016 Share Posted January 28, 2016 When I was a kid I was paranoid of getting boners. I ALWAYS wore a long hoody, just in case. It also covered up my moobs 'cause I was a fat little fuck. I was pretty much against "sticking out" in any sort of way. :V I was so ridiculously ashamed of my existence as a kid... now I'm that way as an adult, yay! :V Hooray for coming up short of our preconditioned expectations of what it means to be accepted and a "good" person! :V Schmeh... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zerig Posted January 28, 2016 Share Posted January 28, 2016 just have a boner all the time then everyone will see it and get used to it and you'll stop caring Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
malibu Posted January 28, 2016 Share Posted January 28, 2016 I feel your pain. I, too, suffer from random boners, especially at work. Working on a district map? Random boner. Working on a schedule fee? Random boner. I'm usually sitting when this happens, so it's not so bad. I also get, ahem, excited when I feel certain types of pain, so that's no good either. I'll slam my bruised knee into a desk and get a boner and it sucks. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vallium Posted January 28, 2016 Share Posted January 28, 2016 I wish I were asexual but alas my body says no Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted January 28, 2016 Share Posted January 28, 2016 I'm happy about the boner thing. I'll enjoy it while it lasts. Old folks don't have stiffies Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Azure Posted January 28, 2016 Share Posted January 28, 2016 i am ashamed that this thread has gone this far without mickey avalon even being mentioned Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jerry Posted January 28, 2016 Share Posted January 28, 2016 1 hour ago, Mikazuki Marazhu said: I guess some people are proud to be asexual I must be a vile creature to like having sex. Not exactly that I'm "proud". But I do appreciate the advantages of it. And I'm sure there's someone out there who likes naughty boys >:3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sidewalk Surfboard Posted January 28, 2016 Share Posted January 28, 2016 I'm glad nobody can see lady boners. To be honest I got a gigantic lady boner over Rolfe yesterday and I am ashamed Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlexInsane Posted January 28, 2016 Author Share Posted January 28, 2016 When I hear the words "lady boner", I imagine a whale penis slipping out of a cloaca or some shit like that. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Newt Posted January 28, 2016 Share Posted January 28, 2016 Hyenas have lady boners. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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