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Terminal7
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I want you to make a sharp guess if what I'm thinking about. 

I have no reason to tell you exactly, nor do I expect you to care:

Clots only lead to strokes. Hearts to death. Eyes receive darkness and minds know pain. Ears belong to the deaf, mouths to the mute. The smell of poison is sweet while the taste is sickening.

And at the end of all this, you feel nothing. 

You're faceless.

"Try to breathe" with no lungs. 

Piss it out when there's nothing to piss on, but always take your medicine and stay weak. 

Tornado alley is a time, not place.

-I'm genuinely curious-

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1 minute ago, Terminal7 said:

So I can let the cycle perpetuate like it always does?

Holding out has done nothing but let me be taken advantage of. 

 

I go through the same thing. I was in a pretty damn dark place myself just this afternoon. 

But you don't know what better things the future might contain; maybe closer than you think. 

They always say its darkest before a dawn.... 

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Just now, Endless/Nameless said:

I go through the same thing. I was in a pretty damn dark place myself just this afternoon. 

But you don't know what better things the future might contain; maybe closer than you think. 

They always say its darkest before a dawn.... 

6 years of waiting for the sun to shine is not worth it.

Especially when it raises your hopes to crush them again. 

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Just now, #00Buck said:

Ah, I get it.

This is the weekly thread. We were due for another one. 

I don't know what you expect anymore.

I understand your complaint. I understand that it's concerning that people function negatively around here. I understand that it's recurring.

So your resolution is criticism, and this much I can't understand. I don't think you even remotely understand his issue, but you've determined it as part of a string of cries for attention not worth acknowledging. Which I also understand why; validating whining is negatively reciprocal. 

But you place your criticism on everything. You don't give any context for this statement. You just believe it before considering your place.

 

I don't say this expecting you to change.

I just say this so that you know I'm disappointed.

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3 minutes ago, evan said:

I don't know what you expect anymore.

I understand your complaint. I understand that it's concerning that people function negatively around here. I understand that it's recurring.

So your resolution is criticism, and this much I can't understand. I don't think you even remotely understand his issue, but you've determined it as part of a string of cries for attention not worth acknowledging. Which I also understand why; validating whining is negatively reciprocal. 

But you place your criticism on everything. You don't give any context for this statement. You just believe it before considering your place.

 

I don't say this expecting you to change.

I just say this so that you know I'm disappointed.

Nobody can understand it because they are being cryptic on purpose.

I don't criticize everything. I said Sidewalks new hair colour looks nice.

Disappointment is a part of life that makes the better moments even more enjoyable. 

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I wish I knew what to say because I know all too well those feels. Unfortunately, the answer lies within yourself and nothing any of us can say or do will change your mind if you're really set on dying. I hope you have at least given life a fair chance to prove itself.

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1 hour ago, #00Buck said:

Ah, I get it.

This is the weekly thread. We were due for another one. 

I was starting to wonder what happened to them.

 

Get some sleep.

Make an appointment with your doctor and psychiatrist in the morning.

Have a nice long shower.

Have a good breakfast.

Do some rigorous exercise.

Profit.

Depression is no laughing matter but everything you do to help ease it is a step to beating it. Also try something new tomorrow.

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Stop being so cryptic and tell us what's going on. If you're clearer we may have an easier time at trying to give you a hand, just tell us what the problem is

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12 minutes ago, Amiir said:

Stop being so cryptic and tell us what's going on. If you're clearer we may have an easier time at trying to give you a hand, just tell us what the problem is

This is the simplest I can possibly write.

It should be fairly obvious. 

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6 hours ago, Mr. Fox said:

I was starting to wonder what happened to them.

 

Get some sleep.

Make an appointment with your doctor and psychiatrist in the morning.

Have a nice long shower.

Have a good breakfast.

Do some rigorous exercise.

Profit.

Depression is no laughing matter but everything you do to help ease it is a step to beating it. Also try something new tomorrow.

Yes. Seek professional help. 

That is the best advice. 

There are a wide variety of options in terms of getting help on an as needed or emergency basis.

Use them. That is what they are there for. 

The furry forum isn't the place to go for help with your mental state. 

Good luck! 

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Tried that and only made the situation worse. 

Instead of ignoring the problem,  I want to deal with it once and for all. All I need is the right trigger to end it, 1 out of the 1000 or so.

I wish Zeke knew how badly I want this trigger pulled.

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You cannot be happy by simply choosing to be happy. In fact, I believe depression is our default state and only the blissful distraction of happiness keeps it away

But even though you cannot decide to be happy, you can decide to do happy things. Your favorite things; the things you love or loved to do and the happiness comes itself

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5 hours ago, Terminal7 said:

This is the simplest I can possibly write.

It should be fairly obvious. 

You silly, I mean IRL stuff. Something must have happened to make you act this way so let us know what it is

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1 hour ago, Amiir said:

You silly, I mean IRL stuff. Something must have happened to make you act this way so let us know what it is

Ever felt extreme levels of guilt & regret? And on top of that, things that you can't come close to changing?

Sit out every time because I'll have it all anyway,  all of the dust that I've come from: the story of my life. 

Now people question why my heart is cold, when you sat across the room watching me bleed with no whisky,  no candle. I can't trust you anymore! You've mocked me while I was at rock bottom,  so I choked myself.

Even then,  you didn't care.

I still feel the noose around my neck, all since December 25th , 2010 : the day I grew from man to demon. 

 

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I don't even come close to being qualified to help out with this sort of thing, and I doubt anyone else here does either, so all I can really do is suggest that you talk to someone you trust and seek professional help.

I really don't want to come off as a jerk here, but posting cryptic poetry to a furry forum will not accomplish anything. If you really want support from us, at least be upfront about it.

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3 minutes ago, Rabbit Head said:

Trolling confirmed. 

You don't even know me.

Nobody really does,  and that's my issue. 

I'm purposeless here and I want to leave. I've asked for this account to be banned because I come here out of habit. Of course that never happened, since my personal problems will never matter to people that I'm barely acquaintances with. Hell,  it happens with people that I thought  was close to me, my family gets tired of it too.

Honestly, I'm no longer suicidal but  I do want to die. 

But no,  I'm definitely trolling. 

 

 

 

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You don't get banned here just for asking. I tried.

Look you obviously have psychological problems, if you're not seeing a psychologist or something then start. Even if counseling doesn't help, some form of medication might. Unless you just want to wallow in your own self pity among various differently reacting furries online, then by all means keep at this, waste as much time with us as you feel you need to. Just don't expect genuine empathy from a bunch of people you haven't left a good impression on.

A few months back I lapsed into some heavy anger issues and managed to piss off more than a few people here. Therapy helped, I'm on top of my own problems now for the most part, and I've settled back into more regular lighthearted activity here. I don't think anyone really cares if I come or go here either, but ultimately that's not really why I stick around.

Nobody really has a purpose here. You want people to give a fuck? Be a more positive influence. Be someone that people actually want to give a fuck about. And that's all there is to it. Any deeper problems won't yield solutions on some online furry forum.

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@Sylver Well, you have the reason why I joined FAF and Phoenix (nobody bothered to contact me about the new site). 

When my mother and father broke up, I lost most of my friends (even those part of my extended family) due to court and depression(they ignored it because I was still going through puberty). My mother showed me an article of my father stating that he was in possession of cocaine. I loved my father enough to believe his side and he took advantage. He made me rebel against my mother [multiple timed] and then write an order of protection against her - when I was the one who should of gotten it : I "experimented" with my best and only friend and I feel guilty about that as well.  I'm lucky to still have him as a friend at all. He says he forgave me but I don't believe that. That's not something you brush off that easy. Then there's that homicidal part of me that I still suppress by a religion that most of you guys are skeptical of. Hell, I asked a girl out with the little heart that I had to taste rejection - before(IS) and still happens now(HS). I lost a good friendship to it,  and I've been romantically and emotionally flat ever since.

Reminds me of a time I thought I should be the one that took her hits. She's now as joyous as I was talking to her. (HS Sophomore)

I joined the forum after 10th grade, which was my worst year of any school year.

When I attempted suicide(IS 7th grade)  they put me in therapy for family court,  which connected my interpersonal issues with my home life. They diagnosed me with "anxiety" which is now officially major depression and SAD just a few weeks ago. The only reason why I'm even typing this right now is because I was described as being on the borderline of hospitalization and out-treatment (which I'm waiting for now).

During those years I wrote in a diary that my pastor holds on to and that my father consistently read. To stop that I wrote in my own language and in "riddles" that I'm well known for around my school. Sometimes it seeps into my natural speaking. I thought of myself as a demon

Funny thing is,  now he understands what it's like to feel empty and depressed. I mean,  my grandfather died a few months ago (I've only met him once) and his history made me snap on him. His persona is literally encased by an orange mask and always tells me how he used to be "the man" that I'm the complete opposite of. 

There you go,  an abridged version of the important parts of my life. 

 

 

 

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Ok,  so I tell just about everything that's bothering me and this is my response:

Silence. 

Just to make this clear, Circlejerk-esque activities are "blood clots" to me,  since I have no group to call friends that's the real reason I want to leave. Nobody has passed my measure of a good friend, just some group that's going to make me feel awful about myself (but better than the other heartless bastards that roam the streets of New York. )

 

 

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So your parents got divorced, you did some gay stuff with a friend, you asked a girl out once and she said no, and a grandparent died?

Almost everyone I know has divorced parents, has been rejected, and has a dead grandparent or parent. 

I know lots of gay people who have all of the above problems. 

None of them are suicidal. 

Which means your mental state is not normal.  

Go get yourself some professional help now. 

Check yourself in somewhere and let a doctor or psychiatrist help you sort out your problems. 

If people are not responding to you here the reason is there isn't anything to say other than get professional help and people have already said that. 

Please get help now. Thanks. 

 

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Take a chill Term, Life can be tough.  As for me, my wife had an affair with my cousin and then decided to leave me while my mother was dying of cancer on a hospital bed, so I'm pretty familiar with pain and loss.  It's taken me years to recover from all of that, but I'm a stronger person because of it.  Giving up and giving in may seem to be the comfortable thing to do, but alternatively you could stand up and take the pain and the doubt and prove how strong you can be.  Not for your parents or your friends or your church but for you.  No one is responsible for your happiness but yourself.   So how are you going to get there?

The woods are lovely dark and deep

But I have promises to keep

And miles to go before I sleep 

And miles to go before I sleep

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