Falaffel Posted June 4, 2016 Share Posted June 4, 2016 Last night I had a dream that I finally had the courage to talk to someone - directly. Sad part is, it was still only online. I've apparently gotten to the point where I can dream that I'm behind a computer screen. It's horribly sad and i feel like I shouldn't even admit that, but ah well. May as well be honest, eh? Right, so, in this dream I sent this person a pm. It was nice and friendly, slightly witty. Just something to entice conversation. See, that's the weird thing: I have the confidence and the ability to talk to people without sounding like a complete asshole (mostly), yet i just don't have the courage to start it; I believe I could do it if I tried, but I just can't get myself to try. Anywho, I got a bite, and have a nice conversation with them. I feel genuinely happy, they're surprisingly nice and they make me laugh a bit. I feel really quite good about myself as I'm chatting with them. I felt like I finally figured this all out and I can start talking to new people again! Gah, the excitement I felt in that dream felt amazing. Everything in that dream was so real, so believable. Then I woke up. I realized that what had just occurred actually had not. I realized I still could not do what I had did in that dream. I had realized I'm still paralyzed with fear, as silly as that sounds, when I attempt to make conversation with someone I'm not already close friends with. I believe I can be a fun person to be around (most of the time. I can still be a real cunt, or a bit awkward here and there.), so my confidence, I think, is there. I just don't have the courage for starting conversations, meeting new people (outside of forcing myself onto people through public forum posts). In fact, adding to this, I've been mostly incapable of making a thread on forums, despite being part of them for nearly 5 years now. 7, if you'd count some for specific games, but I don't really count those, I was only on them sparsely. I have not made a single thread other than my intro threads for FaF and here. This'll be my first. This is actually my first step in conquering my fears a little bit! Y'know, except I'm sitting here staring at what I wrote, not liking it and wanting to delete it. Just... staring. In fact, me typing this last part is only psyching myself out. Update: Hey, I did it. Though, I now feel a bit ill. Shaking and such. Maybe it'll get easier. I have issues, good god. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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