Rant: Courage and Dreams

[Falaffel]

Last night I had a dream that I finally had the courage to talk to someone - directly. Sad part is, it was still only online. I've apparently gotten to the point where I can dream that I'm behind a computer screen. It's horribly sad and i feel like I shouldn't even admit that, but ah well. May as well be honest, eh?

Right, so, in this dream I sent this person a pm. It was nice and friendly, slightly witty. Just something to entice conversation. See, that's the weird thing: I have the confidence and the ability to talk to people without sounding like a complete asshole (mostly), yet i just don't have the courage to start it; I believe I could do it if I tried, but I just can't get myself to try. Anywho, I got a bite, and have a nice conversation with them. I feel genuinely happy, they're surprisingly nice and they make me laugh a bit. I feel really quite good about myself as I'm chatting with them. I felt like I finally figured this all out and I can start talking to new people again! Gah, the excitement I felt in that dream felt amazing. Everything in that dream was so real, so believable. 

Then I woke up. 
I realized that what had just occurred actually had not. I realized I still could not do what I had did in that dream. I had realized I'm still paralyzed with fear, as silly as that sounds, when I attempt to make conversation with someone I'm not already close friends with.

I believe I can be a fun person to be around (most of the time. I can still be a real cunt, or a bit awkward here and there.), so my confidence, I think, is there. I just don't have the courage for starting conversations, meeting new people (outside of forcing myself onto people through public forum posts). In fact, adding to this, I've been mostly incapable of making a thread on forums, despite being part of them for nearly 5 years now. 7, if you'd count some for specific games, but I don't really count those, I was only on them sparsely. I have not made a single thread other than my intro threads for FaF and here. This'll be my first. This is actually my first step in conquering my fears a little bit! 

Y'know, except I'm sitting here staring at what I wrote, not liking it and wanting to delete it. Just... staring. In fact, me typing this last part is only psyching myself out. 

Update: Hey, I did it. Though, I now feel a bit ill. Shaking and such. Maybe it'll get easier. 
I have issues, good god.

[Conker]

Eh, we all have issues. Nothing crazy about that.

Congrats on posting a thread, I suppose!

[Falaffel]

4 minutes ago, Conker said:

Eh, we all have issues. Nothing crazy about that.

Congrats on posting a thread, I suppose!

Having issues is not crazy, no. What feels crazy is attempting to fix the issues.

And thanks, I suppose!

[#00Buck]

Good for you.

Cheers! 

[Endless/Nameless]

It's not an unusual issue you experience.

For the longest time I felt the same way.
Only 6 1/2 months ago I couldn't even dream of talking to anybody online, aside from a random comment thread here and there. Entering any sort of public internet space felt like walking over to a group of strangers and rudely interrupting their conversation. And I can barely handle talking to humans in real life, so fuck me.
But over time I've really started to overcome a lot of it!
Here I am today, I'm an active user here and in the chats, I know all you fine people, and I've even slowly begun to overcome my fear of voice chat so I've been able to play games online with one of my favorite artist/comic creators and their friends!!
I never expected to be in the place I'm in right now. :3

What helps is just throwing yourself into the fray.
It's fucking terrifying and mind-rending at first; but if you just dive in, you quickly realize it's not actually all that bad, and you'll start to gain confidence.
It's a skill you have to exercise. You have to learn how to take your rightful seat at the table.

Have you joined the any of the discord channels? That's a good place to start.
And congratulations on your first thread. [genericpartysounds.mp3]

[Falaffel]

22 minutes ago, Endless/Nameless said:

It's not an unusual issue you experience.

For the longest time I felt the same way.
Only 6 1/2 months ago I couldn't even dream of talking to anybody online, aside from a random comment thread here and there. Entering any sort of public internet space felt like walking over to a group of strangers and rudely interrupting their conversation. And I can barely handle talking to humans in real life, so fuck me.
But over time I've really started to overcome a lot of it!
Here I am today, I'm an active user here and in the chats, I know all you fine people, and I've even slowly begun to overcome my fear of voice chat so I've been able to play games online with one of my favorite artist/comic creators and their friends!!
I never expected to be in the place I'm in right now. :3

What helps is just throwing yourself into the fray.
It's fucking terrifying and mind-rending at first; but if you just dive in, you quickly realize it's not actually all that bad, and you'll start to gain confidence.
It's a skill you have to exercise. You have to learn how to take your rightful seat at the table.

Have you joined the any of the discord channels? That's a good place to start.
And congratulations on your first thread. [genericpartysounds.mp3]

It's real nice to hear stuff like that. Gives me confidence, thanks <3.

I really do like the lot of you. I hope to ingrain myself here a bit more (and I hope, too, that it doesn't bother anyone).

As for Discord, I've been afraid to join. I didn't really want to shove myself into something like that in the case people don't actually like me. I'd feel it'd be me imposing on the chats. However, I should give it a shot. I was just about to say "I'll do it in a bit" but I may as well figure it out now, eh? 

Edit: Discord called me fam. I hate it >:v

[Endless/Nameless]

1 minute ago, Falaffel said:

I'd feel it'd be me imposing on the chats.

Ahh, but aren't we all?

Give it a shot if you feel like it.
Like I said, if you want to take part in anything, you have to take your seat.

[Guest]

Since you're a chill guy that I like, I wish to see you succeed at overcoming your problems. Most of luck to ya pardner, this is already a good start

[Gator]

i've had a couple of dreams in the past about doing things that i was scared to do in waking life; they actually helped give me the confidence to do those things.  big changes don't usually come overnight, but dreams do (hurhur).  must have done at least some good if you're posting your first thread now, and the more little steps you take, the easier things will get.  just remember... we believe in you!

[DrDingo]

To me, you'd always given off the impression of being a really respectable personality. I mean, you're popular here. And I like you.

I doubt any of us would push you away if you wanted to say hi. Hell, I'd chat with you.

[Falaffel]

30 minutes ago, Saxon said:

I'm stilling have dreams about my final exams. C:

But honestly, wither, you've never given me the impression of being a cunt, and if you're worried that anybody might think that of you, screw them; who cares what they think?

Eheh... I don't act it on forums. Forums aren't the place for personal bickering. 

I lost a whole group of friends in one fell swoop because I acted like a bitch. It's a mistake I've hopefully learned from. It's also a mistake that's forced me back into my shell. Now that I'm in a place where I can be truthful about this stuff, though? Fuck them.
I know there's no real context here, but I'll keep from spouting personal dramas in a public place. I'm not against talking about it, but just not here. 

10 minutes ago, DrDingo said:

To me, you'd always given off the impression of being a really respectable personality. I mean, you're popular here. And I like you.

I doubt any of us would push you away if you wanted to say hi. Hell, I'd chat with you.

I'm popular...? Er.. okay. ^^;

Despite knowing you'd likely not push me away, it's really not that much easier to say something. Thanks, though, it does make me feel good. It helps my ego :v
 

11 hours ago, Amiir said:

Since you're a chill guy that I like, I wish to see you succeed at overcoming your problems. Most of luck to ya pardner, this is already a good start

I do enjoy awkward Volde-hugs. Real talk? I don't even think that's acting. I think the cameraman just captured Ralph Fiennes (Voldemort) fucking with Tom Felton. Like, what the fuck even? 
(Thanks by the way)

[Therapy Sergal]

23 hours ago, Falaffel said:

 I just don't have the courage for starting conversations

This is a serious problem for a lot of introverted or socially anxious people. They (we?) start to plan the conversation, taking into account all the possible and impossible negative outcomes, come up with a plan on how to avoid them, just to realise that it's impossible and thus abstaining from contacting someone. I often have to put up a status message on skype  like "I'm safe to approach", just so shy people wouldn't be afraid to message me.

[#00Buck]

Who cares if people don't like you?

Vast numbers of people dislike me. 

So what? 

I'm awesome.