Wish Corruptor

[Socketosis]

Granted, but whoever implemented it used non-existing relative paths to the movie files, which leads to you having to manually fix it in the browser Page Inspector every time you visit one.

I wish that eating junk food had no negative effects on the body.

[Faust]

Granted. Now it has negative effects on your mind. All MacDonalds customers turn overnight into MacDonalds employees.

I wish for a lever of infinite length and a solid place to stand.

[Fossa]

Granted. And as Archimedes said, "Give me a lever long enough and a fulcrum on which to place it, and I shall move the world." And so you do. But in doing so, you also hurl the earth into a distant galaxy, where everyone's destiny in now controlled by John Travolta, the 'Church' of Scientology, and the Ghost of L. Ron Hubbard, where you become famous for being the second incarnation of Liberace.

I wish one of these days, the Coyote would catch that damn Roadrunner, and finally, enjoy a very nice meal.

 

[Snagged]

Granted. Then Coyote looks down, realizes he already passed the cliff edge and falls

I wish for a good breath freshener

[Fossa]

Granted! You have the freshest, mintiest breath around. However, it also smells just like the most potent catnip on earth, and you are now mobbed by thousands of very frisky house-cats, who swarm around you, wherever you go.

I wish the whole world was a jungle, with no people.

 

 

[Faust]

On 12/02/2017 at 2:28 AM, Fossa-Boy said:

I wish one of these days, the Coyote would catch that damn Roadrunner, and finally, enjoy a very nice meal.

Here ya go, @Fossa-Boy - don't say I never give you nothin'

(Skip me)

[Caledonian]

Granted. You cannot enjoy it because you ceased to exist.

I wish i was scottish.

[Fossa]

Granted! And, as it happens, you discover that the Loch Ness Monster is real, after all, after being ingested by it.

I wish I had a remote controlled bat, to fly around, and scare people with.

[Zop]

Granted, but it is powered by the blood it sucks from people.

I wish work paid me to go home and play video games.

[Faust]

Granted! You are now the Angry Video Game Nerd and you only get to play the oldest, crappiest, most irritating video games.

I wish Peter Jackson would make a new film trilogy version of Frank Herbert's Dune.

Come on Petey, you can do it! We've forgiven you for the Hobbit!

[Fossa]

Granted! Unfortunately, most actors and actresses have not forgiven him, and the entire cast of all three films have to be filled by paranoid schizophrenics from a nearby mental hospital. At this point, Peter Jackson steps aside, and let's Werner Herzog and Lars VonTrier handle the bleak situation.

I wish I had a brand new Hoover, with very powerful suction.

[Lopaw]

Granted, it is very powerful and hoovers much better than your old one. But as the design is less than perfect there aren't enough air holes to cool the 5000 W brushless DC motor properly.

Eventually after hours of hoovering up fossa fluff the thing catches fire and burns down your tree home. 

I wish I could breed ferrets to be longer and less smelly.

[Fossa]

Granted! But to make them 10% less smelly, you have to make them 500% as long, and you discover that a fifty foot ferret is not only always always in the way, and getting tangled up in things, but also eats 50 times as much, and produces 50 times as much malodorous waste.

I wish everybody had a pet fox.

 

[Snagged]

Granted but they'll take over the world. You are chosen as a supreme slave overseer but are soon condemned for treason as you were caught conspiring with Fossas

I wish I was the dictator of this new empire of foxes with indisputable support from them

[Fossa]

Granted! But a virulent strain of mange sweeps the fox kingdom, leaving them all sulking before mirrors, applying fur-regenerating lotions, and pouting, rendering them helpless. Meanwhile, you are escorted back to Fossa HQ for 'questioning'.

I wish when birds pooped, it floated up, instead of falling down.

 

[Lopaw]

Granted, because the birds can't empty their waste out using gravity they start to die as it poisons them.

You end up seeing several birds in pain becoming distended as they fill up inside, the only way to save them being to turn them upside down and press slighty which makes the crap go floating out the bird's vent rather violently upwards.

I wish I could break the laws of thermodynamics to see what happens.

[Feelwell]

Granted. The fact you broke a law of the universe causes the secret universe police to kidnap you and wipe you from history.

 

I wish my hands were not as stiff, especially in the cold.

(Paying the price for working with computers constantly.)

[Zop]

Granted. Your hands no longer have bones.

I wish to have the rabbit handbones to eat and bury.

[Fossa]

Granted! But the rabbit bones are hard as diamonds, and your teeth crumble and break as you try to eat them, so that now, you must eat only soft foods that you have put in a blender.

I wish I had a huge banana.

[DrGravitas]

Granted, but somebody eats it before you get a chance to.

I wish I could cook well and had many tasty, healthy dish recipes.

[Fossa]

23 minutes ago, DrGravitas said:

Granted, but somebody eats it before you get a chance to.

I wish I could cook well and had many tasty, healthy dish recipes.

Granted! But every-time you cook, Gordon Ramsey appears out of thin air, waving his arms about and shouting profanities, while constantly berating whatever it is you make, while you're trying to relax and eat it.

I wish I had teeth made of titanium, that would never wear or decay, and allow me to tear into any food I wanted.

[Faust]

Granted! Sadly one day, while in a hurry to go out a'bouncing and a'pouncing, you accidentally put them in backwards and eat yourself.

I wish I could draw down the clouds and turn them into cotton candy. It'd make a great sideshow at carnivals.

[Fossa]

Granted! And it makes a wonderful spectacle. Crowds gasp in awe as the skies descend as a mass of bright, sugary cotton candy, only to realize they must now eat their way out of this mess, causing such a degree of tooth decay that while dentists and denture mfgrs. are happy, most people are not. You're chased by a toothless but angry mob brandishing clubs and nets, caught, tarred, feathered, and run out of town.

I wish I had a magical, singing bone that kept all harm away from me.

 

[Lopaw]

Granted, but it sacrifices itself to a big wolf that has a taste for fossa meat.

I wish I had a water bottle that never ran out of water.

[Faust]

Granted! It gets knocked over one night while you're asleep and you drown. As does everybody else in the world. Good news though, Al Gore blames it on Global Warming so you manage to get away with it.

I wish that orang-utans could speak.

[Fossa]

Granted! But all they do is mumble incoherent nonsense, and sentences that trail off to nowhere, but while maintaining a pompous attitude, mirroring Donald Trump. They also throw tantrums very easily, and quickly take to twitter, saying all kinds of mean things about bats, and threaten to seal off all caves with giant nets.

I wish I was a pizza delivery Fossa.

 

 

[Lopaw]

Granted, but it is impossible for you to carry a pizza box as you can't carry it in your mouth. Also going up and down trees the way you do makes the contents fall out.

I wish I could become a cheese weasel and go putting kraft singles under keyboards.  

[DrGravitas]

Granted, the genie is quite perplexed but soon you are laying Kraft singles under every keyboard in a large office building. Not long after, you are caught in a trap laid by building admin. You are released in a forest outside the city and eaten by a hawk.

I wish I had a private zoo, and caretaker, filled with sustainable populations ofevery type of fox in the world.

[Fossa]

Granted! Though you are among the species of foxes kept in the zoo, as the keeper searches for a mate so you can maintain a sustainable population of your kind.

I wish the US was governed by pink, sparkly unicorns, dancing on rainbows.

 

[Lopaw]

Granted, however next to nothing gets done as a result.

I wish I had a parrot sized thunderbird to use as a living battery and mutimeter that only needs to be fed a few semiconductors a day to live.

[Feelwell]

Granted. It sees you, a weasel, as prey, and eats you.

However, it does sear you to a delightful tender yet slightly crisp level with electricity before. So, that's good, right?

 

I wish I'd stop eating these peanuts.

[Data]

Granted, but in one hour you will be allergic to everything but peanuts.

I wish my uncle stopped preaching about the "ways of the Juggalo"

[Fossa]

Granted! Now, he now he follows you everywhere, holding two magnets, demanding to know how they work, in a demented, angry tone of voice.

I wish the entire world was one giant furry convention, all the time.

[Zop]

Granted. Nothing gets done, and all of our laundromats become biohazards.

I wish everyone acknowledged that coyotes are the best.

[Fossa]

Granted! Everyone acknowledges that they are the best species to hunt...at least you get a lot of exercise, this way.

I wish I was the world Hula-Hoop champion.

 

[Faust]

Granted! You eat so many of them that you become too fat to climb trees or hunt lemurs.

I wish for every weekend to have fair weather for photography and drone flying.

[Sergalus]

Granted, but now every week random drone attacks you and takes pictures of your nude wife.

I wish I was smarter.

[Snagged]

Granted. You become smart enough to realize that you're actually dumb as a brick and you become depressed

I wish I was self disciplined

 

[DrGravitas]

Granted, but now you lack the faculties to properly choose what apply that discipline to and as a result live a punishingly regimented, solitary life in pursuit of meaningless goals that have no real effect on the world or yourself.

I wish I had more sleep and never felt fatigued.

[Faust]

Granted. Waking you up now requires the kiss of a handsome prince.

I wish I was a handsome prince. Not that I'd go waking DrG up, I'd be too busy being up to my neck in princesses.

[Zop]

Granted. You're forced to marry your sister in order to maintain bloodline purity.

I wish for surgery to fix my floppy ears. I would also like a post-surgery hunt throughout the hospital so that I may dine upon the sick and helpless.

[Fossa]

Granted! Your ears are now perky and erect, after getting starched and pressed. And you are allowed to go on a hospital hunt, only to discover that during the surgery, they also wired your muzzle shut, so that all you can manage to do is slobber on the sick and helpless, and growl a bit.

I wish my frisky-fun-times Fossa tree didn't have all these noisy birds, pestering me.

[CrazyTundraWolf]

Granted, it is now infested with a nest of highly aggressive bees instead. At least it'll keep the birds away right?

I wish my laptop was fixed.

[Fossa]

Granted! And it's now among the fastest, most powerful laptops out there. However, it cost a lot of money, more then you can afford, and it's now a 'pay laptop', so each time you use it, you have to swipe a credit/debit card on its side, and it charges you $10/hr. (wifi not included)

I wish I was the ringmaster of a successful, all fur-suited circus.

 

[Data]

Granted! but instead of being the leader, you must now make every single person in the circus a custom ring and sell your excess in the giftshop

i wish i didnt just buy this faygo.

[Augmented Husky]

Granted, but now your body will only accept pure water for liquid and anything else gives you a terrible allergic reaction.

I wish for moar fur 

[Faust]

Granted!

I wish for a new British sitcom to rival the likes of Blackadder and Red Dwarf

[DrGravitas]

Granted, it lasts for 6 glorious episodes and is not renewed.

I wish never to be ill.

[Fossa]

Granted! You never become ill, but are also a very rare case where it's discovered you have and transmit the E-bola virus, while being immune to it yourself. After infecting the entirety of Anthrocon, and decimating the furry population, you are captured, placed in a Kevlar reinforced, sealed haz-mat suit, and housed in a secret government facility, deep in the bowels of the Mohave desert.

I wish the entire world reverted to the sorts of technology depicted in the cartoon 'The Flintstones'.

[Lopaw]

Granted, without the internet to spend time on most of the world goes mad.

I wish I could turn myself into a weasel and back whenever I wanted.