Wish Corruptor

[Faust]

Granted, it's permanently too hot for you to drink.

I wish I had the ability to craft simple musical instruments from living fish.

[fennecbyte]

Granted.
You create simple musical instruments from fish and play them so well that you decide to record yourself and release the recordings into an album.
The album suddenly takes over the entire world as everyone starts listening to your music in a loop, and only your music, as if it somehow hypnotized them with its charming sounds.
Soon, the media and every major music industry wishes to interview you about your wonderful music.
However, to keep your dignity and to not disgust everyone with your little fishy secret, you tell all of them that your instruments are a trade secret.
The music industry, however, declares that the music is not created by you and demands that you perform a live concert to prove otherwise.
To avoid the criticism the entire world will give you once the rumor spreads, you take on their challenge.
The biggest concert hall in the whole town is reserved exclusively for your use.
The tickets are priced at the whopping price of $1,850 per attendee. Despite that, the entire concert hall is still booked to the last seat. The revenue from this concert would set you up for a very comfortable life.

The event begins. You are given a chair and, as you requested beforehand, an aquarium with live fish.
You pull out a live fish, sit down on the chair, and begin crafting your simple instrument.
<insert overly-descriptive gory details of how one is constructed, which I shall not mention for reasons of forum rules>
Before you even finish the instrument, security is called and you are immediately arrested.
You are soon thrown into a mental asylum in the middle of nowhere, where you spend the entirety of your life.
Rumor spreads of your fish-related stunt in front of hundreds of thousands of people, which promptly goes straight into history books.
Your music is soon forgotten as well, as everybody's searches for the "true" creator have failed.
The music industry falls to an all-time low and collapses, as nobody is capable of creating something anywhere near what you have created.
Soon, the world is left without music.
All because of your decision to use disgusting live fishy musical instruments for whatever reason.
The end.

I wish computers were capable of storing and simulating a human mind.
In a sense, I wish for the singularity.
This totally isn't corrupted from the start.

[Feelwell]

Granted, but the people selected for it are all murderers and psychopaths, and use their newfound bodies and mental capabilities to dominate the world, leading us into an endless misery and lives of servitude, knowing nothing but labor. You wanted to cheat death, but now it's your only wish.

I wish I had less work to do.

[fennecbyte]

Granted. You never do any work ever again. That includes breathing.
Rest in peace.

I wish for a working HDMI-capable monitor with your average resolution.

[Faust]

On 17 May 2016 at 6:06 PM, george99g said:

All because of your decision to use disgusting live fishy musical instruments for whatever reason.

*sniff* *sniff* I just wanted to make an instrument called the Bass Bass in order to confuse etymologists... 

On 17 May 2016 at 6:27 PM, george99g said:

I wish for a working HDMI-capable monitor with your average resolution.

Granted. Since I was born in the era of the ZX Spectrum, MY average resolution is 320 x 240 pixels.

I wish people would notice me.

Edited May 19, 2016 by Faust
Why is it whenever I try and type 'Etymology' I get something slightly wrong and it autocorrects to 'Entomology'?

[Kinharia]

Granted, they notice you but they all hate you and shout abusively at you.

 

I wish I had a cute figure and boobs.

[Faust]

32 minutes ago, Kinharia said:

I wish I had a cute figure and boobs.

Right, just for that!

You now have a cute figure. It's the figure 8. Also six boobs, none of them attached to your body. That'll learn you

...I wish I hadn't done that now, I feel mean.

[Feelwell]

Granted, but Kin will always remember that you said that, even though it didn't happen. She now is your mortal enemy.

 

I wish I looked less terrible

[Caledonian]

2 hours ago, Kinharia said:

 

I wish I had a cute figure and boobs.

you have and bras are hell, trust me

[Faust]

Wow, this is rapidly becoming the 'Body Issues' thread!

...Not that I have any idea what any of you three look like, but chill! It's what's on the inside that counts, and I think y'all are beautiful people  

[DrGravitas]

2 hours ago, Feelwell the Rabbit said:

Granted, but Kin will always remember that you said that, even though it didn't happen. She now is your mortal enemy.

 

I wish I looked less terrible

Granted, you now have the looks of a movie star (somewhere between Danny DeVito and Sean Connery) and all the personality of a cardboard box.

I wish I had a better sense of what's important to people.

[Augmented Husky]

20 minutes ago, DrGravitas said:

Granted, you now have the looks of a movie star (somewhere between Danny DeVito and Sean Connery) and all the personality of a cardboard box.

I wish I had a better sense of what's important to people.

Granted but you only learn the naughtiest of things people wish for

I wish for my original body back

[Feelwell]

Granted but it's infected with a terrible disease that twists you into a terrible daemon, which terrorises all that you love.

 

5 hours ago, DrGravitas said:

Granted, you now have the looks of a movie star (somewhere between Danny DeVito and Sean Connery) and all the personality of a cardboard box.

Finally, my shallow and materialistic fantasy is fuffilled!

 

I wish for an uncorrupted wish.

[Alexxx-Returns]

33 minutes ago, Feelwell the Rabbit said:

Granted but it's infected with a terrible disease that twists you into a terrible daemon, which terrorises all that you love.

 

Finally, my shallow and materialistic fantasy is fuffilled!

 

I wish for an uncorrupted wish.

Granted, but you have been granted the ability to turn money into smaller amounts of money.

I wish I could sing like Freddie Mercury

[DevilBear]

Congratulations. You have AIDs. But what an incredible voice! Sorry about the AIDs tho.

I wish to be invincible. not immortal, just invincible. It's different. 

[Faust]

Well according to my dictionary, 'in-vincible' means 'not vincible', and 'vincible' means 'able to be overcome'. So yep, nobody can now come over you. You are now incapable of bringing anyone to orgasm and you generate an invisible forcefield directly above you that causes planes to crash. Yay etymology!

I wish for some good news!

[Feelwell]

Granted. The news is good..... to the terrorists waiting for America to fall. The U.S has been taken over by militants and all are being executed and enslaved.

 

I wish for immortality, and the ability to enure myself to pain.

[Faust]

1 minute ago, Feelwell the Rabbit said:

Granted. The news is good..... to the terrorists waiting for America to fall. The U.S has been taken over by militants and all are being executed and enslaved.

Hurray! I'm English! Maybe we can get the colonies back!

(Skip me)

[Augmented Husky]

Granted however eventually the Sun turns earth into hell and now your all alone

 

I wish for a world were furries had a more positive image 

[Caledonian]

me too, pal. 
granted, it's not this world.

i wish that the hipsters didn't ruin steampunk

[Feelwell]

Granted, now instead of hipsters ruining it, old people do.

 

I wish world war 3 begins.

Now.

[Caledonian]

granted. the USA ends it the same day by blowing up the entire plannet

I wish i still knew true happiness.

[Kinharia]

Granted, unfortunately you lose it a second later.

 

I wish Ronnie James Dio never died of cancer.

[Feelwell]

3 hours ago, Caledonian said:

granted. the USA ends it the same day by blowing up the entire planet.

That's what I wanted!

Granted, he now joins a radical terrorist group and suicide bombs your house.

I wish I understood science better.

[Faust]

5 hours ago, Caledonian said:

granted. the USA ends it the same day by blowing up the entire plannet

Oh come ON, those guys are ALWAYS late to the World Wars!

1 hour ago, Feelwell the Rabbit said:

I wish I understood science better.

Granted. The science is UFOlogy. Sadly, UFOs don't exist.

I wish for a nice cuddly furry lady to snuggle up to at night

[Feelwell]

Granted. Sadly, she is a Russian contract assassin known as "The Black Widow." That night is your last.

 

I wish for a cream pie.

Coconut cream, to be clear....

[Augmented Husky]

Granted but its a poised pie. But hey at least you died happy

 

I wish for a fursuit  

[Kinharia]

Granted. It looks really horrible even by the communities standards.

 

I wish for access to an unlimited source of high quality wine that has no ill effects on me whatsoever.

[DrGravitas]

Granted, it has no ill-effects like altered judgement or mood. You might as well be drinking water, but the taste is great as far as wines go.

I wish for the presence of mind to take on a greater variety of activities.

[Caledonian]

Granted. Theyre horrible, taxing activities and soon you damage your body beyond repair.

I wish for a place to leave all these the instant voodoo kid stickers

[TheGreatFanatic]

Granted. Though everyone, except me, knows what the fuck an the instant voodoo kid stickers is.

 

I wish it wasn't taking me so damn long to get Saryn Prime.

[Feelwell]

Granted, it's shipped to you today, improperly packaged (even in the future), and damaged. One leg doesn't work and the power source is missing. Further inspection reveals it's a cheap knock off version made of plastic and glue.

 

I wish for more gum.

[Caledonian]

granted,it's already chewed on

i wish my pc would magically just start working perfectly again, without turning against me

On 5/22/2016 at 4:10 PM, TheGreatFanatic said:

Granted. Though everyone, except me, knows what the fuck an the instant voodoo kid stickers is.

the instant voodoo kit is a band, and I got a dozen of merchandise stickers I got for free.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M1KG5ilvdS4

 

[CrazyTundraWolf]

Granted , the computer will work at full capacity for the next two weeks but will overheat at a random point afterwards

I wish I could get a shiny new fencing sword

[Feelwell]

Granted. It's a murder weapon in at least several dozen crimes, the police have tracked it to you, but despite that retains that new shininess.

 

I wish for a lot of good music that I like.

[DrGravitas]

Granted, you unable to download and keep it, instead paying a per-song subscription fee each month for as long wish to "own" each one.

I wish my co-workers were quieter.

[fennecbyte]

Granted. Nobody speaks to you again.
Ever.

I wish I knew what to wish so that it wouldn't be instantly corrupted.

[Faust]

Granted. Sadly you just wasted your one and only wish obtaining this knowledge and no longer have a use for it.

I wish I could've kept the meerkats I was cuddling on Saturday without them dying of loneliness.

(They were so soft and fluffy! You don't expect meerkats to be soft and fluffy but they are, not wiry or greasy at all!)

[Feelwell]

Granted. They all contract rabies, and eat you. They then turn on each other and terrorize the neighbors. Furthermore they recognize the taste of your bloodline and hunt down your family.

 

I wish I could make a funny corrupted wish instead of the one above....

[Thundeere]

Granted. But the wish legitimately comes true and that person will hunt you down for life.

I wish I could dunk...

[Faust]

Oh, easy one! Granted! Here's a handy pictorial guide for you:

I wish I lived in my own personal tax haven.

[LadyRadarEars]

Granted, unfortunately its only considered a tax haven by Sealand and Zimbabwe.

I wish I could function at top form on only four hours of sleep.

[Feelwell]

Granted. Your top norm becomes dead tired and grouchy.

 

I wish I didn't feel like I'm getting weird looks for wearing my furfag hat.

[DrGravitas]

Granted, you're now really ARE getting weird looks but it's clearly because you're not wearing pants.

I wish I hadn't eaten that 2nd Apple Fritter >_<

[Caledonian]

Granted. You now wish you had, because it just looks so tasty.

I wish my hayfever medication came in already 

On 25-5-2016 at 1:57 PM, Faust said:

Oh, easy one! Granted! Here's a handy pictorial guide for you:

WRONG! Faust do you even know the rules to a tea duel?

[LadyRadarEars]

Granted, but it now comes in a bag made entirely out of pollen, hay, and bird down.

I wish I had more plushies :<

[fennecbyte]

Granted. Everyone except you is now a plushie.
The consequences of that are very obvious.

I wish the latest IPB update didn't remove the subscript and superscript buttons.

[LadyRadarEars]

8 hours ago, george99g said:

Granted. Everyone except you is now a plushie.
The consequences of that are very obvious.

I wish the latest IPB update didn't remove the subscript and superscript buttons.

I could be okay with this for a few months once I got over the existential horror of having to save my now inanimate friends from being chewed by feral dogs! I'm weird.

Also: Granted, except now everyone in your home country is coming to you for tech support advice like your oldest, least-tech-savvy relatives do.

 

I wish I could explode people with the power of my mind.

[DevilBear]

Granted. Prices go too low though. There are riots in the streets. Cats are marrying dogs. Up is down. Left is right. All society collapses.

Now there is no electricity for the power drill you got for $2.48 after tax.

I wish to travel the world. FO FREE.

[LadyRadarEars]

Granted. You have been transmuted into a very virulent strain of the flu, and are now simultaneously everywhere and also nowhere.

 

I wish the poems I sent in to magazines would get published ._.