Faust Posted May 31, 2016 Share Posted May 31, 2016 Granted! They're published in a new column entitled "Awful Poetry: Let's Laugh and Point!" I wish my neck didn't hurt so much today (honestly, I'm supposed to make other people's necks hurt. Oh the irony. It hurts and stings.) 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Caledonian Posted May 31, 2016 Share Posted May 31, 2016 granted, but only for today. it will hurt twice as much for the rest of your life. I wish for a highland dress. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fossa Posted June 2, 2016 Share Posted June 2, 2016 Granted! But it's infested with fire ants, and leaves you covered in welts, in all the worst places. I wish all furries had to go around naked, covered in glitter, riding unicycles, whilst playing the trombone. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CrazyTundraWolf Posted June 3, 2016 Share Posted June 3, 2016 granted, furries are now ridiculed more and the fandom is treated as a psychological disorder due to the relation between it and public nudity. i wish my families cleaner would be good at her job. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Faust Posted June 3, 2016 Share Posted June 3, 2016 16 hours ago, Fossa-Boy said: Granted! But it's infested with fire ants, and leaves you covered in welts, in all the worst places. Bet you really wanted to be covered in CELTS. Also, granted! She's so good at her job that she demands a higher wage and subsequently leaves to be the cleaner for the President. Your new cleaner is... well... not so good... I wish I had an ultra-realistic fursuit to wear 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LadyRadarEars Posted June 3, 2016 Share Posted June 3, 2016 Granted, but its so real that the next time you take it to a furcon, some drunk idiot mistakes you for a wild animal and/or sasquatch and shoots you. I wish I would win the lottery. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Caledonian Posted June 3, 2016 Share Posted June 3, 2016 Granted. Taxes are so high there's basically nothing left of the price I wish there was something i was really good at. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Faust Posted June 3, 2016 Share Posted June 3, 2016 Granted! Welcome to the sharp end of sewer maintenance! I wish I had a nice strong portable amp for my theremin. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fossa Posted June 3, 2016 Share Posted June 3, 2016 Granted. But the transformers alone weigh 200 pounds, and it requires obscure tubes that cost $500 each, when you can find them. I wish there were more Fossas in the furry fandom, because we are so awesome. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frig Posted June 4, 2016 Share Posted June 4, 2016 Granted, but they are the most disgusting and creepy individuals in the fandom. I wish I had something sweet to snack on right about now! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LadyRadarEars Posted June 4, 2016 Share Posted June 4, 2016 Granted, but the moment you take a bite all of your teeth fall out. I wish I had a transformation gun :3c Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frig Posted June 4, 2016 Share Posted June 4, 2016 Granted, but the "all guns are banned act" passes and you go to federal prison for owning said firearm. I wish when I broke my teeth from said sweets I get really really good dentures. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fossa Posted June 4, 2016 Share Posted June 4, 2016 Granted! You get a set of dentures fashioned from pure titanium, with diamond tips. Sadly, you're mugged the first time you wear them out, and they are violently tugged from your mouth. Having spent so much on the first set, your next set is made of cheap, glittery plastic, in rainbow colors. I wish I had a solid gold toilet, sink and bathtub. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LazerMaster5 Posted June 6, 2016 Share Posted June 6, 2016 Granted, but they leak like crazy. I wish I could punch Donald Trump in the face. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frig Posted June 6, 2016 Share Posted June 6, 2016 Granted, but then you are sodomized and torn apart by Trump supporters while security escorts anyone away from trying to stop the supporters from doing said act. I wish I could take out the muggers who stole my dentures and become a vigilante..Where they would then make a "Death Wish" style movie out of it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LadyRadarEars Posted June 6, 2016 Share Posted June 6, 2016 Granted, but the movie bombs and you go to prison, thrown into an isolation wing where your only companions are the ones you draw on the walls. I wish I had animorph powers :V Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Faust Posted June 6, 2016 Share Posted June 6, 2016 Granted, you can now change animals into other animals. You've no control over what though, so every time you use your powers there's a distinct risk that you'll turn a poodle into a panther. I wish I owned Google. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fossa Posted June 6, 2016 Share Posted June 6, 2016 Granted. But a new regime sweeps into Washington, and the newly constituted Supreme Court rules that Google has infringed upon millions of copyrights, trademarks and even patents, leaving you owing several billion dollars. Unable to pay these debts, you are forced into bankruptcy and spend your remaining days in a rusty mobile home, in a dumpy trailer park near a shady Truck-stop near Tuscaloosa, where you work as a lap-dancer. I wish I had a luxury villa on the French Riviera, where I could trow wild furry sex parties. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Faust Posted June 6, 2016 Share Posted June 6, 2016 Only a few billion? Feh, Google is worth $500 billion! I can cope with that no problem! (Skip me) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LadyRadarEars Posted June 6, 2016 Share Posted June 6, 2016 Granted, but it gets trashed in a refugee riot two days before the party is to be held. I wish I could set fires with my mind. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fossa Posted June 6, 2016 Share Posted June 6, 2016 Granted. But the first thing to catch on fire is always your hair, which gets to be really annoying. I wish all vampire bats became vegetarians, and had to live off of a special species of turnip, which only I grew in my secret underground green houses. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kinharia Posted June 8, 2016 Share Posted June 8, 2016 Granted, the Vampire Bats kill you in your sleep and keep the turnips for themselves and begin to build more underground green houses all over the world that leads to them conquering the world. Good job. I wish I was able to play the Bass Guitar at an expert level whils't singing at legendary levels and playing the keyboards at a mediocre level all at the sametime and also seperatedly. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Faust Posted June 8, 2016 Share Posted June 8, 2016 Granted! You learn to play the keyboard with your feet. Sure it means you have to perform sitting down with the guitar in your lap, and it looks kinda weird but at least you're a one-leopard band. Of course all bands split up to pursue solo careers sooner or later, and it's not long before your legs are performing in London while your torso does Paris and your head's singing in a sleazy New York bar to make ends meet. I wish that Quidditch was a real sport. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Enigma Posted June 8, 2016 Share Posted June 8, 2016 Granted. You can't play, watch it, or know it even exists because you are a muggle. I wish I had slept more. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DrGravitas Posted June 8, 2016 Share Posted June 8, 2016 Granted, you fell into a 3000 year coma. A world-conquering cult is built up around you, fueled by the interest on your bank account. When you wake up, the concil of high priests that managed your fund manipulate you for a while with you as "ruler" of the world. A rebellion manipulates you into helping them overthrow your mutual oppressors before ultimately betraying you and beating you into another coma. A coma from which you awake from in 80 years and then die horribly from ANOTHER, angrier rebellion. I wish for a fortune cookie. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Enigma Posted June 8, 2016 Share Posted June 8, 2016 Granted. It's empty. I wish I could control time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LucidLynx Posted June 8, 2016 Share Posted June 8, 2016 Granted, but you only can only do it once. I wish I could walk through walls Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Enigma Posted June 8, 2016 Share Posted June 8, 2016 Granted. You can only walk through walls made of construction paper. I wish for all the wishes! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DrGravitas Posted June 8, 2016 Share Posted June 8, 2016 You are transformed in to a genie and get all the wishes... from other people that you have to grant, leaving you no time to do as you wish. I wish for an awesome, professional-looking haircut. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Enigma Posted June 8, 2016 Share Posted June 8, 2016 Granted. Best looking pubic hair in all the land. I wish for the next person to be happy. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frig Posted June 8, 2016 Share Posted June 8, 2016 Granted but it comes at the expense of your misery. D: I wish for unlimited wishes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Enigma Posted June 8, 2016 Share Posted June 8, 2016 If my misery is necessary for others happiness, so be it. Granted. You can only wish of one thing over and over again. I wish for a root beer. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LadyRadarEars Posted June 8, 2016 Share Posted June 8, 2016 Granted, you get one that's flavored with dandelion sap! I wish long hair was easier to take care of ._. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frig Posted June 9, 2016 Share Posted June 9, 2016 That's an easy wish to grant, Cause it already is! (Shorter haircuts are actually quite higher maintenance, no more throwing it up on a bad hair day!) I wish for a perfect smile. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DrGravitas Posted June 9, 2016 Share Posted June 9, 2016 Granted, your teeth fall out but dentures you replace the with are uncannily perfect-looking, if a bit of a pain to deal with. I wish I was a highly successful entrepreneur. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Enigma Posted June 9, 2016 Share Posted June 9, 2016 Granted. You has all the monies. At the cost of your health, friends, family, and local community. I wish I had a 30 amp fuse. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DrGravitas Posted June 9, 2016 Share Posted June 9, 2016 5 hours ago, Enigma said: Granted. You has all the monies. At the cost of your health, friends, family, and local community. This not as different from my current situation as I'd hoped. :| 5 hours ago, Enigma said: I wish I had a 30 amp fuse. Granted, but the sound quality sucks. I wish didn't miss all the interesting stuff that happens while I'm away at work. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Käpt'n Posted June 9, 2016 Share Posted June 9, 2016 Granted! But now nothing interesting happens outside your workplace anymore. I wish cold Guinness beer would come out of the faucet in my bathroom. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LadyRadarEars Posted June 10, 2016 Share Posted June 10, 2016 Granted, but now your water bill matches the price of guinness by the gallon and you can't afford to turn it on anymore. I wish I could screech at people like a fennec when they make me angry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Enigma Posted June 10, 2016 Share Posted June 10, 2016 Granted. You are a feral fennec now. Good luck, I wish the world was a gentler place. 2 hours ago, DrGravitas said: This not as different from my current situation as I'd hoped. Granted, but the sound quality sucks. Im sorry. Also the fuse wasnt for sound equipment. I was at work and needed one for a sealant mixer. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DrGravitas Posted June 10, 2016 Share Posted June 10, 2016 39 minutes ago, Enigma said: Im sorry. Also the fuse wasnt for sound equipment. I was at work and needed one for a sealant mixer lol, I was just joking Also, shoot! It was almost a fantastic pun on the 'sound quality' of an amp versus sound quality of the song "30 Watt Amp" oh well. (Skip me, respond to Enigma's wish) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Faust Posted June 10, 2016 Share Posted June 10, 2016 11 hours ago, Enigma said: I wish the world was a gentler place. Granted! The world is so gentle now that your ordinary, everyday behaviour is considered shockingly extreme. You are convicted of 'ruffianly behaviour' and sentenced to be gently cuddled by compassionate psychiatrists until such a time as your mental state readjusts. ...ok I think I just made that one better, not worse. Let me into your dream world, I think I like it! I wish that nice women came to me for something other than complaining about their lives. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Enigma Posted June 10, 2016 Share Posted June 10, 2016 5 minutes ago, Faust said: Granted! The world is so gentle now that your ordinary, everyday behaviour is considered shockingly extreme. You are convicted of 'ruffianly behaviour' and sentenced to be gently cuddled by compassionate psychiatrists until such a time as your mental state readjusts. ...ok I think I just made that one better, not worse. Let me into your dream world, I think I like it! I wish that nice women came to me for something other than complaining about their lives. Me too. Granted. Now they only complain about yours. I wish I didn't have to work 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Faust Posted June 10, 2016 Share Posted June 10, 2016 Granted! However you DO have to starve. People as wants to eats, gots ta woyk. Sorry to leap in again so quickly, but I had a really important wish! I wish someone would offer a valid, accurate explanation of the implications of Brexit that didn't rely on hyperbole and misinformation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LadyRadarEars Posted June 10, 2016 Share Posted June 10, 2016 Granted, but the answer burrows into your mind and makes you weep in despair at how humanity is incapable of working together towards common goals without fear or greed as the motivating factors. Also you may or may not start a deathcult that summons Cthulhu. Ia Ia C'tool f'tagn! I wish that the episodes of doctor who that were lost from the archives were restored, and in my possession, so I could extort money out of the bbc. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheGreatFanatic Posted June 10, 2016 Share Posted June 10, 2016 Granted, though, the series is then removed from Netflix. ... I wish Netflix was smarter. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Enigma Posted June 10, 2016 Share Posted June 10, 2016 Granted it is now self aware and is taking over the world. I wish I could fly. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frig Posted June 10, 2016 Share Posted June 10, 2016 Granted, but then al-qaeds hijacks you D: I wish my damn bread wouldn't burn as much when I attempt to toast my sandwiches. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Faust Posted June 11, 2016 Share Posted June 11, 2016 Granted. It is now completely impervious to heat and won't toast at all. It also tastes suspiciously... asbestos-y I wish I could mentally control flab so that I could make anyone as fat or thin as I liked with the power of my brain-melon. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LucidLynx Posted June 11, 2016 Share Posted June 11, 2016 Granted, but excessively using that ability causes you to implode and turn into a black hole. I wish I could summon any food I want onto my empty plate. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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