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Summercat

Wish Corruptor

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Granted! You are now bursting with energy, and have the combined skills of every celebrity chef on The Food Network; however, you develop a rare disease in which your mouth must be permanently wired shut, and must now intake all your nutrients via an IV, unable to taste them. But to your friends, you're an amazing chef, and they help raise the money to buy you a restaurant which is quickly awarded three Michelin stars. You say, "mmmmf', to thank them.

I wish all of the world's land mass was one huge tropical forests, no more fields, no more cities, and that Fossas were the boss, and with me as Boss Fossa.

 

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Granted, the global jungle you wanted works fine until a fire breaks out, with no treeless areas to act as a firebreak and contain things the entire forest burns down.

I wish I had a fossa as a pet.

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Granted. Every day, your pet werewolf transforms into a boring human who really likes to make a mess in your place of living. 

I wish something exciting happened to me every night

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Granted. Captain Riker quickly gets sick of you flying at him and phasers you mercilessly.

I wish I could invent a brand new form of super-immersive VR that doesn't make people feel sick and make a fortune selling it.

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Granted, however it is such a pain for people to make software that works with it that very little titles are made for the system. Whist you make a fortune on it the failure of it to sell loads wipes out 95% of your profits.

I wish there where more hours in the day.

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Granted. It's a sewer worker. 

I wish shooting stars actually granted wishes if you see them

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Granted! Sadly, due to rising carbon and sulfur dioxide emissions, nobody on the earth ever sees them anymore, and thus, no wishes are granted. Also, everyone dies. (except ants, for some reason)

I wish I was a Space-Fossa, in my invincible Fossa space-suit, bouncing around in my special lunar jungle.

 

 

 

 

 

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17 hours ago, Snagged said:

Granted. It's a sewer worker. 

That is EXACTLY what I was going to post, but I thought better of it because I didn't want to hog all the good ones :D

(skip this)

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On 13/06/2017 at 9:33 PM, Fossa said:

Granted! Sadly, due to rising carbon and sulfur dioxide emissions, nobody on the earth ever sees them anymore, and thus, no wishes are granted. Also, everyone dies. (except ants, for some reason)

I wish I was a Space-Fossa, in my invincible Fossa space-suit, bouncing around in my special lunar jungle.

 

 

 

 

 

Granted, it works until you bounce so hard you break the glass dome containing your lunar jungle and cause it to undergo explosive decompression, wreaking all the trees.

I wish I had a ferret trained to run cables through small conduits like what NASA has used for doing wiring for launchpads

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Granted. You ferret now demands an unreasonable promotion and a rise of wage because it's a smart ferret. 

I wish I could juggle things

 

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Granted, you now have to juggle your social life, your job, and three hair trigger loaded shotguns.

I wish I had tesla's research papers

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Granted! Elon Musk sues you for industrial espionage.

I wish I could control frogs using simple somatic gestures.

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Granted! But because I'm not sure what one is, you become a star wars Princess Leah action figure, that some boys pretending to be Darth Vader blow apart with firecrackers, sometime in the 1970s.

I wish that I could kiss a frog that would give me riches, longevity and fame.

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Granted! However, you turn into a frog yourself. You are now rich in protein, it takes awhile to prepare your dish, and people all over the US hear about how good your legs taste.

Riches, longevity, and fame.

I wish I had seen the full eclipse

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Wish granted, however you saw it from the perspective of the moon, and therefore were transported to the moon, where your promptly died as a result of being exposed to space.

I wish I had my own nuclear reactor!

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Granted! Velcome to Chernobyl, Comrade U-235!

I wish that pigeons were extremely healthy and carried no diseases.

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In order to do that we had to irradiate them to kill off the disease. However they ended up mutating and becoming 

GIANT ZOMBIE MUTANT PIGEONS

And promptly took over the world. Welcome to your new post-apocalypse!

 

I wish I had a GPA that was above a 3.0 while still remaining a Nuclear Engineering major. 

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Granted. You're so smart that you're kidnapped by the military to work on secret government projects involving nuclear power, which are then used to cull millions of masses, including the people of your hometown. 

 

I wish I was more relaxed.

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Granted! You are now narcoleptic. Every time you get even a teensy bit excited you fall fast asleep.

I wish for a funky face mask to wear while robbing banks at halloween parties.

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Granted, however it's a cheap dollar store Iron Man mask for kids. Anywhere you go Spiderman will sneak up and proceed to web you in the face while trying to dodge a gravity gun.

 

I wish it were easier to please people

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Granted. Pleasing people is now a breeze. They all see how good a job you do, though, and hound you day and night with odd jobs and favors that only take you moments to finish. You have no peace, but you frantically seek out new tasks because your simple toil is the only thing that keeps you from dwelling on the fact that the only person you are unable to please is yourself.

 

I wish I was more fun. 

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Granted, but now everyone wants to spend every last second with you, leaving you no freetime or privacy.

I wish I was having better luck with my job search.

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Granted :D but now you are so busy from your success you no longer have free time and have to leave behind everything you hold dear

I wish that I had my optimism back 

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Granted, but the definition of 'better' is given by a super-strict Islamic Imam, so the Internet now contains nothing but a plain text version of the Koran and a recording of a Muezzin calling the faithful to prayer goes off very loudly in your earhole every morning at daybreak.

(If this offends any super-strict Muslims, I can only say: what are you doing looking at this sinful page in the first place?!)

I wish I was immune to fatwahs.

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Granted! But you are not immune to issuing them, and not understanding the language of your followers, end up issuing one calling for the (slow) death of all bats.

I wish I owned a chain of highly successful, tacky, cheap colorful clothing stores called, ''Burka Barn".

 

 

 

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