Trying to teach my younger brother to drive a car.

[Red Lion]

He won't do it.

Just flat out won't. He's about to hit 24 and doesn't have a drivers license. These next few months are probably all the time I have left to try and teach him to drive and he flat out just "doesn't want to" at any given time I suggest practicing. Our dad has given up trying to teach him, he won't take formal lessons and he said he would practice with me but hasn't made any real move to do that. If we lived in a big city with public transportation his lack of driving ability wouldn't matter too much. He could just take the bus to his college classes.  I don't know what he'll do when he gets a job, his non-driving ass is going to have to bum a ride because our neighborhood is out in the fuckin' boonies. The nearest bus or train stop is more than 15 miles away. 

For the past few years he's been going to a local community college so I've been the one dropping him off and picking it up in between my own classes/work/errands or whatever I had going on at the time. During which he was a terrible passenger. He would immediately take over the radio without asking, leave garbage in the passenger's seat and if I wasn't paying attention to the things he was trying to tell me because I was watching the road he'd get pissy. I once tried to show him how to check the oil in the car and put gas in the tank. He opted to shove his face in his DS and play pokemon. 

His school of choice is a fucking hour and a half drive. I am NOT driving him there. He's mentioned that part of his reluctance stems from general resentment at the idea of having to learn something from his older sibling and I honestly have no idea what to do about that. I'm trying to be patient with him but I'm so tempted to say "quit being a baby and suck it up".  I know that ain't gonna help but he's getting on my last nerve with his petulant attitude and I can't afford to keep waiting around for him to make up his mind. 

At the end of the day I just don't know how to deal with my younger brother. He's not a little kid anymore, he's a grown ass man but he doesn't act like it. He practically runs screaming from any kind of responsibility and he threw a fit when I refused to drive him to his choice of school next semester. He wants to go to school in fucking CHARLOTTE. That's more than an hour away and I cannot afford the gas to drive him there and back 5 days a week, I don't have the time or the money for that. 

He also jumps on any excuse he can. Last week I set up Friday evening for driving practice but the day before we got a call from my younger sister's school about meeting with her teacher. My sister is in first grade and she's been having some behavioral problems. Since neither of my parents were willing to go I went to the meeting and talked with her teacher and I had to cancel driving with my brother. He jumped on that as an opportunity to say "See I was TOTALLY gonna practice on friday but YOU canceled on me!". At that point I'm to tired to argue so I just walk away. 

I seriously do not know how to deal with this. I don't want to just give it up, that's what everyone else did but I'm barely home most days and I have my own shit to deal with.

[grassfed]

Sounds to me like your brother is 14, not 24..

Quite simply, you need to stop driving him places. You're only furthering his laziness by being his personal taxi cab. There's really only so much you can do for a person like that before it starts negatively affecting your life. He's certainly at the age where he needs to take care of himself and his responsibilities, has been for years. He'll never learn to take care of shit if people keep wiping his ass..

Not trying to sound like a dick or anything, just keepin it real haha

[Jerry]

Looks like it's time to confront him to an ultimatum: driving or biking.

As you mentioned yourself, you've got your own life and other things to do than driving him around.

[Glowing Glass]

Strap him on top of the car every time you have to drive him.

That'll teach em!

[Vallium]

Solution: Give the forums his phone number so we can all personally tell him to get his shit together

 

But for real stop enabling him theres literally no reason for you to drive him, his problem, not yours

[Gamedog]

Stop being his chauffeur, you are an enabler.

[Red Lion]

At this point I'm not actually driving him anywhere.

 I flat out refused to drive him to Charlotte. So he's been out of school for about a year since he has no way to get a ride. 

[KittenAdmin]

You can only guide him. If he doesn't want to do it, you can't physically force him. My wife was 24 when she moved down with me from Chicago and she had no license. Initially she was very hesitant, but persistence and convincing her to drive even if she didn't want to when we had places to be eventually got her motivated to bite the bullet and do it.

[Moogle]

It's understandable to not want to give up on your younger brother, he's family after all. But in the best interest for his growth, like others have stated, it might be best to give him some 'tough love'. Being the youngest out of all my siblings, I wish I had gotten more of that when I was in my teens so I'd have learned to do stuff for myself rather than always relying on my brothers (& even parents) as a safety net. In the long run, he'll be thankful I'm sure.

Glad to hear though you're putting your foot down about driving him places, that's definitely a good start. It's a shame he hasn't tried to make some progress throughout the year while not in school.. that would have been the perfect time for learning how to drive, but that should only linger over his head, not yours.

[Strongbob]

Simple, get a good disguise and a sawed off shotgun.  Barge into his room and tell him he's going to drive you to Charlotte or he gets a load of buckshot to the head.  He'll learn how to drive quickly and you'll get an afternoon of entertainment.  Everybody wins!

[Red Lion]

26 minutes ago, Strongbob said:

Simple, get a good disguise and a sawed off shotgun.  Barge into his room and tell him he's going to drive you to Charlotte or he gets a load of buckshot to the head.  He'll learn how to drive quickly and you'll get an afternoon of entertainment.  Everybody wins!

If I thought for a minute I could get away with that ;u;

[Fossa]

I think you'll be able to talk him into trying it eventually. Get a helmet, though, and maybe knee and elbow pads---could be in for a bumpy ride.

[Jtrekkie]

You mentioned that he had some negative feelings about learning things from his older brother. Could you get away with raising the situation as you requiring his help?

[Red Lion]

26 minutes ago, Jtrekkie said:

You mentioned that he had some negative feelings about learning things from his older brother. Could you get away with raising the situation as you requiring his help?

not sure how though that's not a bad idea.

I'm also not sure he WOULD help me if he thought I needed it.

[Wrecker]

that's crazy, why wouldn't somebody want the freedom to go - fucking anywhere? especially at 24, wow. your brother should have damn near 10 years of driving under his belt...

fuck 'em, you did what you did, if he doesn't want the luxury of having a set of wheels, it's his own deal.

[Jerry]

14 minutes ago, Wrecker said:

that's crazy, why wouldn't somebody want the freedom to go - fucking anywhere? especially at 24, wow. your brother should have damn near 10 years of driving under his belt...

fuck 'em, you did what you did, if he doesn't want the luxury of having a set of wheels, it's his own deal.

Well if he's playing Pokemon instead of learning how to check fluid levels on a car, he may have other transportation methods in mind:

 

Just sayin', I dunno :V

[Red Lion]

1 hour ago, Wrecker said:

that's crazy, why wouldn't somebody want the freedom to go - fucking anywhere? especially at 24, wow. your brother should have damn near 10 years of driving under his belt...

fuck 'em, you did what you did, if he doesn't want the luxury of having a set of wheels, it's his own deal.

yeah, p much everyone I know has at least tried to get a driver's license and car. There have been a few who couldn't because they can't afford insurance but they at least sprang for a moped or fucking SOMETHING to get them from place to place. He's the only person I know who's 100% ok with always getting a ride from someone. Heck I got my own license while I was still in my teens. I can't imagine life without a car.

[Vallium]

what else is enabling him if youre no longer driving him and he's apparently now not going anywhere and bumming in the house?

Is someone offering him free food, rent, videogames?

...because how long can he be a leech before those resources are tapped and he's fucked?

He sounds like such a NEET its groan inducing

Tell your parents to stop feeding his habits, get him a bike or something. And hell if he doesnt want to bike then he can learn to fucking drive

How miserable can you be if youre surrounded by people your age who can do a basic skill as drive and if not drive then have the independance to get from point A to point B on their own

[Feelwell]

I mean you may actually just have to tell him to "suck it up and do it, or you're screwed. Here's how it is, what you do is up to you. Make the right choice."

 

Also 

8 hours ago, Red Lion said:. He's about to hit 24 

 

I thought you said "hes hit 24 (cars) and i was going to say crashing 24 times is a pretty good reason to never drive.

(Stupid quote system.)

[Lucyfish]

My little brother apparently picked up driving a lot better than I first did. Parents also got him a WAY nicer car than I have. whaddafuk lol

[Strongbob]

Ok, solution #2.  Drive him into the desert and have a friend follow you.  Stop the car, leave the keys in the ignition, and handcuff his ankle to the bumper. Give him a hacksaw and say "Those cuffs are made of hardened steel.  It will take you an hour to hack through the chain.  It will take five minutes to cut through your ankle".  Drive off in your friends car Mad Max style (if he gets the reference you have the option of tossing him the keys as you drive by).  

[Gamedog]

If you want something done you do it yourself

let him suffer

cut him off

[Khaki]

1 hour ago, Strongbob said:

Ok, solution #2.  Drive him into the desert and have a friend follow you.  Stop the car, leave the keys in the ignition, and handcuff his ankle to the bumper. Give him a hacksaw and say "Those cuffs are made of hardened steel.  It will take you an hour to hack through the chain.  It will take five minutes to cut through your ankle".  Drive off in your friends car Mad Max style (if he gets the reference you have the option of tossing him the keys as you drive by).  

 

[Azure]

How difficult can it be? Push pedal spin wheel don't hit nobody. I can't imagine someone not even having the aspiration to acquire a driver's licensem especially if they don't even have a bus available to them. Does he just permanently sit in his room forever? Sounds like deeper issues are at play.

[Alexxx-Returns]

Damn, I couldn't WAIT to learn to drive and get my licence when I was old enough. Like you guys, we live so far out from any public transport, having a car or getting a ride from a family member is the ONLY way to get out to town and get stuff done. I got my licence a year and a half after starting to learn to drive and I was one of the first of my friends to be able to drive. Just such a feeling of relief knowing you don't have to be a burden on your family any longer for rides.

[Therapy Sergal]

I'm 30 and have no idea how to drive as well.

[Socketosis]

20 hours ago, Red Lion said:

His school of choice is a fucking hour and a half drive.

Wow and I thought I had it bad...

Also I've never heard of a guy not wanting to drive unless it was for medical reasons.

[Vallium]

11 hours ago, Lucyfish said:

My little brother apparently picked up driving a lot better than I first did. Parents also got him a WAY nicer car than I have. whaddafuk lol

lol same here on both ends. Must be a favoritism thing :v

[Alexxx-Returns]

17 minutes ago, WolfNightV4X1 said:

lol same here on both ends. Must be a favoritism thing :v

It was my older brother who got the much nicer car. The reason I got a cheap chappy one was because my brother had a crash when a deer ran out and there was ice on the road, so they learned their lesson about getting me a nice car.

I'm really glad they did because I had a few scrapes in my first car, if that had been my current car I'd never have forgiven myself.

[DrGravitas]

43 minutes ago, Socketosis said:

Wow and I thought I had it bad...

Also I've never heard of a guy not wanting to drive unless it was for medical reasons.

I have. Many times it due to cost, or access to better options, or sometimes because they live in a city where it would be faster to walk. A few times it has been due to personal preference, but they always have access to good public transportation options and good friends willing to help with the rare tasks that can't be done through public like moving apartments.

[Red Lion]

18 hours ago, WolfNightV4X1 said:

what else is enabling him if youre no longer driving him and he's apparently now not going anywhere and bumming in the house?

Is someone offering him free food, rent, videogames?

...because how long can he be a leech before those resources are tapped and he's fucked?

He sounds like such a NEET its groan inducing

Tell your parents to stop feeding his habits, get him a bike or something. And hell if he doesnt want to bike then he can learn to fucking drive

How miserable can you be if youre surrounded by people your age who can do a basic skill as drive and if not drive then have the independance to get from point A to point B on their own

My parents don't really do much with him, they might ask him to take out the garbage every now and then but in general they never push him to do anything. They won't kick him out unless he royally fucks up. He's blaming me for not taking him to school anymore but I've told him either he learns to drive a car and takes himself or his education is indefinitely on hold. 

[Jaysen]

On 9/18/2016 at 2:51 PM, Red Lion said:

He won't do it.

Just flat out won't. He's about to hit 24 and doesn't have a drivers license. These next few months are probably all the time I have left to try and teach him to drive and he flat out just "doesn't want to" at any given time I suggest practicing. Our dad has given up trying to teach him, he won't take formal lessons and he said he would practice with me but hasn't made any real move to do that. If we lived in a big city with public transportation his lack of driving ability wouldn't matter too much. He could just take the bus to his college classes.  I don't know what he'll do when he gets a job, his non-driving ass is going to have to bum a ride because our neighborhood is out in the fuckin' boonies. The nearest bus or train stop is more than 15 miles away. 

For the past few years he's been going to a local community college so I've been the one dropping him off and picking it up in between my own classes/work/errands or whatever I had going on at the time. During which he was a terrible passenger. He would immediately take over the radio without asking, leave garbage in the passenger's seat and if I wasn't paying attention to the things he was trying to tell me because I was watching the road he'd get pissy. I once tried to show him how to check the oil in the car and put gas in the tank. He opted to shove his face in his DS and play pokemon. 

His school of choice is a fucking hour and a half drive. I am NOT driving him there. He's mentioned that part of his reluctance stems from general resentment at the idea of having to learn something from his older sibling and I honestly have no idea what to do about that. I'm trying to be patient with him but I'm so tempted to say "quit being a baby and suck it up".  I know that ain't gonna help but he's getting on my last nerve with his petulant attitude and I can't afford to keep waiting around for him to make up his mind. 

At the end of the day I just don't know how to deal with my younger brother. He's not a little kid anymore, he's a grown ass man but he doesn't act like it. He practically runs screaming from any kind of responsibility and he threw a fit when I refused to drive him to his choice of school next semester. He wants to go to school in fucking CHARLOTTE. That's more than an hour away and I cannot afford the gas to drive him there and back 5 days a week, I don't have the time or the money for that. 

He also jumps on any excuse he can. Last week I set up Friday evening for driving practice but the day before we got a call from my younger sister's school about meeting with her teacher. My sister is in first grade and she's been having some behavioral problems. Since neither of my parents were willing to go I went to the meeting and talked with her teacher and I had to cancel driving with my brother. He jumped on that as an opportunity to say "See I was TOTALLY gonna practice on friday but YOU canceled on me!". At that point I'm to tired to argue so I just walk away. 

I seriously do not know how to deal with this. I don't want to just give it up, that's what everyone else did but I'm barely home most days and I have my own shit to deal with.

Wow, your family sounds a bit messed up. 'A' No offense! I'm sure you're great. ^^

Btw, I'm a few hours from Charlotte. Glad I'm not in it lately, though I hear it's not so bad as the media says.

[Wrecker]

On 2016-09-18 at 9:24 PM, Red Lion said:

yeah, p much everyone I know has at least tried to get a driver's license and car. There have been a few who couldn't because they can't afford insurance but they at least sprang for a moped or fucking SOMETHING to get them from place to place. He's the only person I know who's 100% ok with always getting a ride from someone. Heck I got my own license while I was still in my teens. I can't imagine life without a car.

yep, fuck him. let him learn the hard way then, and a million times over the fact you've actually gone out of your way to get him mobile. not your deal anymore, what the fuck does he do spending 100% of his time at home, anyways?