emotions and the lack of them

[MissFleece]

So my roommate has been upset over her lack of emotions. She only has emotions when she reacts off other people, they're never her own, or so shes says. 

She is annoyed over how overemotional I am. Mainly how sad I am all the time. 

The thing is, I try NOT to be sad all the time. I go out of my way to be happy in front of people. I've only broken down twice in front of her in the 8 months she's been living here, rather than once a week while I was living alone. 

I hear it all the time though, from many people, about how overemotional I am. I don't understand why that's a bad thing? Just because I don't hide my feelings doesn't mean it's a terrible thing. You know exactly what's going on, if I look pissed it's because I am. If I look happy it's because I am. If I look sad, well, that's because I fucking am. 

I'm not saying this is better than being emotionless, I'm just saying that it's different, and society shouldn't have such a taboo on emotions. 

[Wolflich]

Well that's just silly: being upset about her lack of emotions is an emotion, so she does have at least one of her own.

Seriously though I think when people say you are over-emotional or too sad or whatever the (hidden?) subtext is 'I cannot deal with your feelings on top of my own right now'.

[MissFleece]

Well that's just silly: being upset about her lack of emotions is an emotion, so she does have at least one of her own.

Seriously though I think when people say you are over-emotional or too sad or whatever the (hidden?) subtext is 'I cannot deal with your feelings on top of my own right now'.

They even say I'm too happy, though. I think the issue is I exaggerate my emotions...

And nah, she has emotions, she's just trying to come to terms with her aro ace stuff. She can still lay the fuck off though, she's crabby as fuck and keeps lashing out at me. I think it'll pass though. It's not that big of a deal. 

I get what you're saying though. Some people just can't handle me  

[Summercat]

When your cup is overflowing all over the table, the other people at the table will look at you and go "WTF."

[Machine]

People seem to think I'm mad all the time because my default expression is a sort of blank look, and the shape of my eyebrows apparently makes it so that I look like I'm constantly glaring. I don't typically have strong emotional reactions around people because all I've gotten was negative feedback, so keeping that to myself is a priority to avoid tensions with people.

As such, I'm not really pleased by people who get worked up by the emotions of others, especially if they feel miserable or angry.

Edited September 29, 2015 by Machine

[Wolflich]

As an introvert that makes perfect sense to me because super-happy people are fucking exhausting.

[Phausk]

Totally understand.

I also hate how guys aren't supposed to cry or they're "weak".

[Lucyfish]

I could do with some emotionlessness. I'm pretty tired of crying on a daily basis lol

[MissFleece]

Apart from emotion, does your roommate seem to adopt traits or characeristics of the people who is currently around? It sounds like she's a bit of a social chameleon.

I think it's a bit rude of her to complain over that sort of thing when she could instead be supportive. I'm curious, if she is a bit of a chameleon, I wonder if there's a way to trick her into benig more supportive?

Honestly I think she is. Or she just doesn't like me as much as she pretends to. When we were in highschool we were best friends, but every time someone else wanted to hang I was unimportant. Then when she went to college and had a bunch of new friends she stopped talking to me. She only started up again when she flunked out and had to leave all her friends behind. Can you tell I have some lingering resentfulness towards that?

People seem to think I'm mad all the time because my default expression is a sort of blank look, and the shape of my eyebrows apparently makes it so that I look like I'm constantly glaring. I don't typically have strong emotional reactions around people because all I've gotten was negative feedback, so keeping that to myself is a priority to avoid tensions with people.

As such, I'm not really pleased by people who get worked up by the emotions of others, especially if they feel miserable or angry.

I got a resting sad face. My friends took a picture once a couple years ago.

[Wolflich]

Honestly I think she is. Or she just doesn't like me as much as she pretends to. When we were in highschool we were best friends, but every time someone else wanted to hang I was unimportant. Then when she went to college and had a bunch of new friends she stopped talking to me. She only started up again when she flunked out and had to leave all her friends behind. Can you tell I have some lingering resentfulness towards that?

I got a resting sad face. My friends took a picture once a couple years ago.

You know that desktop wallpaper that's like a bunch of miserable sphere/emote things with one smiley one in the middle? You're like the opposite of that.

[MissFleece]

You know that desktop wallpaper that's like a bunch of miserable sphere/emote things with one smiley one in the middle? You're like the opposite of that.

lol. That was like 3-4 years ago too, I still have it though. I've had strangers come up and ask me what's wrong. It only happens when I'm deep in thought though. 

 

Ya'know, this could be why people think I'm sad all the time

I am the dumb. 

[Machine]

In middle school, I had a teacher take me aside and outright demand that I "stop glaring" at her.

Like holy fuck, it's my eyebrows, I can't fucking stop them.

Edited September 29, 2015 by Machine

[Luca]

I have a sort of opposite problem. My feelings themselves aren't anything abnormal, but I don't emote my feelings very well in person. I come off as a bit uncaring or bored. I get a lot of "Oh you're not happy?" when I am, or in general a lot of people just ask me "What's wrong?" when I'm perfectly fine. I feel like I have to cartoonishly express myself just to give off an appropriate vibe sometimes. My sense of humor is pretty dry as well and that always leads to fun times when people take everything I say at face value. Most people get with it after being around me a while, but I still have to deal with it.

[MissFleece]

I have a sort of opposite problem. My feelings themselves aren't anything abnormal, but I don't emote my feelings very well in person. I come off as a bit uncaring or bored. I get a lot of "Oh you're not happy?" when I am, or in general a lot of people just ask me "What's wrong?" when I'm perfectly fine. I feel like I have to cartoonishly express myself just to give off an appropriate vibe sometimes. My sense of humor is pretty dry as well and that always leads to fun times when people take everything I say at face value. Most people get with it after being around me a while, but I still have to deal with it.

I was the same when I was younger, so I started doing a lot more of the "cartoonish" responses and now they're my own natural response. Fucking sucks, lol. 

In middle school, I had a teacher take me aside and outright demand that I "stop glaring" at her.

Like holy fuck, it's my eyebrows, I can't fucking stop them.

Shave them off and draw them on surprised. 

[Onnes]

I was the same when I was younger, so I started doing a lot more of the "cartoonish" responses and now they're my own natural response. Fucking sucks, lol. 

I had the same problem and ended up with the habit of laughing often just to make things obvious. It also doesn't help that with my beard most people have trouble telling at a glance what my facial expression is unless I put way too much muscle into it.

[Azure]

In middle school, I had a teacher take me aside and outright demand that I "stop glaring" at her.

Like holy fuck, it's my eyebrows, I can't fucking stop them.

i have this problem too

intensity is born into me i guess

also smiling when you dont mean it is for chumps

[Kaizy]

There's nothing too wrong with being sort of "emotionally dead", some people just can't express themselves the same way others can. Some people just repress their emotions a lot as a natural defense mechanism for personal reasons. I've dealt with similar issues.

I'm usually seen as really apathetic to people who don't talk to me or just take me at face-value, and some people are apparently even intimidated by me. The funny part is, I'm a horribly emotional person and a bit of a bombshell. I'm just really good at repressing my emotions. It's something I started doing when I was young and would always get mocked by a lot of close people anytime I exuded any emotional response that could have been interpreted as either "concerning" or "hysterical". It left a pretty big impact on my emotional health over the years. I had scattered "outbursts" where I could go into crying fits over small stupid shit. I couldn't open up to pretty much anyone because I interpreted it as an emotional response and mentally refused to do so. People couldn't read me at all and had no idea whether I whether I was being serious, sarcastic, upset, ect and it irritated and drove off a lot of people through my life, and I hadn't began noticing until close friends began pointing out constantly how fucking apathetic and overly sarcastic I was. I hadn't even noticed either, it was normal for me to not express myself much at all. I had hit a pretty low point around the beginning of high school, when my depression started hitting me more severely and it made my mood swings more frequent and I just made small problems worse (just ask anyone from the old GTW forum around 2012, I was an absolute mess).

The internet has been a godsend for my emotional health though. It gave me an appropriate outlet to vent through, and I met a lot of great people who have slowly helped me over the years to open up and get my emotional health properly situated. I've gotten a hell of a lot better from where I was a few years ago. I'm actually at a really good point in my life with my emotional and mental health. Not perfect, but I'm getting there. I'm definitely emoting healthier a lot more than I used to lol.

[Clove Darkwave]

Chiming in here with the people who are very low-key about their emotional responses. It's what makes it somewhat tiring to deal with people who aren't my other half (whom I cannot hide ANYTHING from haha). Now what sucks is when you have a somewhat blunted effect to your emotions, it makes it very challenging to give people the response they obviously want. You feel nothing or next to nothing, so one has to force the expression that they want. You can see it in their eyes, the search for empathy. It's not a trivial matter so you cannot give a trivial answer, but to you it is extremely hollow and fake. You simply don't feel it.

But I digress. Your roommate sounds like an emotional vampire, MissFleece. If you aren't familiar with that term I recommend reading up on it.

[Kinare]

I have a hard time being appropriately emotional IRL or through voice chats online. I can express myself decently through text (sometimes ends up as text walls tho), but I struggle to vocalize words or make the proper facial/body expressions and if I get overwhelmed I'm more likely to just shut down than allow emotions to be expressed. However, when people push as they sometimes do because they expect certain responses and won't stop until they get them, they get many bad emotions tossed at them and a lack of a controlled response because I will do anything at that point to get them to fuck off.

But yeh, I can't generally stand anyone who is overly emotional, especially if overly happy. I'm not sure what to do with people who are overly sad or angry, so I come off as cold and uncaring, which is not the case (unless I don't know them, then I probably don't care too much). Overly happy people just drain me and they're easily my least favorite people. Give me the choice between overly sad or overly angry to be with for an entire day, I'd pick sad any day.

[PheagleAdler]

I don't cry at funerals, and that makes me very sad.

[Lucyfish]

Since July I've felt like maybe i've been becoming bipolar. My mood swings just get more and more extreme each day, and all I want is for these feelings to go away. I want to be a zombie for at least a day.

[Luka]

I used to be a lot more emotional when I was younger, but as I grew I kinda trained myself to stop feeling so much. It's really difficult for me to cry now.

 I wish I could go back :c

[LazerMaster5]

Emotions cause trouble. If only I could just disable them all together.

[Ayattar]

Emotions cause trouble. If only I could just disable them all together.

Then you should watch Equilibrium or read Orwell's 1984.

As for your friend Miss Fleece, it's normal. Humans are made to respond to stimuli.

About crying, I haven't cried a single time because someone died since I was 9, untill 2 months ago, so for 16 years. If people doesn't mean much to you, it's nothing wrong with -not- crying. Being a member of family, even a very close one, doesn;t make you automatically important to someone else.

Personally, for 90% of time I just function, not feeling any particular emotions, with short outbursts in the meanwhile. That said, I can't be happy, nor sad, nor angry for a long period of time. It's almost always like an explosion, which lasts for maximum few minutes and then everything goes back to zero.

Edited September 29, 2015 by Ayattar

[Jerry]

I can only speak for myself here. But nowadays I'm a lot less sensitive than I used to be (if you guys think I'm sensitive, that's nothing!). At the end of the day it's a matter of personal experience and personality. I had to try and detach myself from a lot of things so I didn't turn nuts. Probably some sort of defense mechanism, or simply the evolution of life.

The best thing one can try to achieve is a balance in this regard. Not too much sensitivity, not too little. I wouldn't trade mine for all the gold on this earth. I just need to cap it to a proper level.

'cause there must not be a single thing more terrible than a life of dull, emotionless gray.

[LazerMaster5]

Then you should watch Equilibrium or read Orwell's 1984.

Equilibrium was an awesome movie. I would love to be able to do all those stunts.