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Vallium

Rant: Another day in the life of a heathen

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Okay so...kind of shaking right now, in my break room at work.

Its not like I dont contact them and Im a nice person so I dont just tell them to fuck off, but I regularly get angry responses from my parents saying that I dont talk to them...which is well, surprise surprise because they can be jerks sometimes.

 

So...They come to my workplace today, my mom is crying and insists I talk to her. My manager being a nice lady says I should go talk to them outside. Relenting, because its my manager, I go outside to talk to them. My mother then proceeds to insult my friend/partner calling her a 'thing', and I NOPED right the fuck back in.

Since then they had been standing around in the store waiting for me to come out of employees only areas, asking my coworkers to send me out to speak to them (To which my response is "I dont want to talk to them and theyre harassing me at work")

...my coworkers have been supportive of the delicate situation. They said themselves they love me for who I am, gave me a hug, one of them called me a 'badass' ...somehow.

 

My manager went out to politely send them out of the store, which Im greatful for.

 

But holy fuck this has been such a dramafest Im so glad that the people around me are so supportive somehow what the fuckk????

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@WolfNightV4X1

You are an absolutely amazing person and everybody who hasn't rotted their brains with a florida(tm) brand mix of swamp gas and hatred.

Remember: you are amazing, and your parents are just complete bitches and hos.

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...by this point maybe you should get estrangement or something and then a restraining order on your parents, tbh.

 

which really sucks

be safe

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It sucks to have awful family, I'm sorry you have to go through that.

No one would blame you if you went no contact, your partner and yourself deserve to build a family that loves and supports you. No one deserves to be demeaned, belittled, or abused. 

I hope you guys stay safe, and that you are proud of how brave you were today. 

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@MissFleece

Thankfully those assholes aren't really dangerous besides emotionally, they did a suprise visit on us where we tried to keep up an illusion of non trans just so val wouldn't be harrassed, and it was going good keeping the peace until his mom backed him into a corner asking questions. This was months ago.

We kicked them out, because legally I can't harm them for words......

But jesus if they are going to harass him at work and call me a thing they better get ready for an asschewing and police call if they come to our apartment. And heavy metal to screw with their fragile christian minds

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They'll probably try to pour on the guilt and paint themselves as victims even more than they are if you start taking legal action. 

Stay the course, don't relent and don't let on that they're getting to you. People like that don't respond to subtlety. 

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people who can look at another human being and call them"it" or a "thing" aren't worth knowing. I don't care how much they claim to love you, people like that are selfish assholes. Going so far as to dehumanize someone because they have a gender orientation that you're uncomrfortable with is low and I'm sorry you have to deal with that.

No human being stops being a person just because you don't like/agree with who they are. That's a sentiment that I find unforgivabl and the best thing you can do is cut them out of your life. They won't change and they'll just keep hurting you and your girlfriend.

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Holy shit Wolfy (that's what I'm calling you now FYI), that's fucked. Like, sometimes I forget how blessed I am to have a family that at the very least respects my gender-fuckery for the most part.

Stay strong dude. We're here for ya, even if we can't really do much. <3

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My dad only talks to me to ask me for pictures of my dog, and says he wants to come over sometime to see him. :/

so I sort of know how you feel. The only advice I can give to you is to stick to your guns and do not give into guilt tripping. You should not be expected to put up with toxic parents just because they're your parents 

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I hope despite this fit of assholery on your parent's part you remain being one cool dude. You know who you are, that's the important bit.

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Just remember you can't change people but you can learn from their mistakes.  This is a great lesson in how not to treat your offspring.  Be strong. 

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I hate being a whiny pissbaby about my random experiences, so I'd rather not get into the detail of other previous bitter things that made me totally end up flying off the radar to begin with, but this isnt even the first time Ive had my friends or partners insulted before, and I absolutely hate how they refuse to see the good side of them, because on my end the people I love and care about have been nothing but supportive and genuine sweethearts, more than Ive gotten from the people Im supposed to befriend...

 

Thanks for hearing this out though, after my privacy and wishes being blatantly disregarded yet again, especially considering the fact Ive manned up and moved out so I cant be just an obnoxious tweenager complaining and be genuinely independant of any resources from them, I think Im going to send a lengthy message of all the bullshit theyve done, LITERALLY HARASSING me, threatening me, and manipulating me in every corner I think its safe to assume this is the last straw and I can repeat all of the things theyve done to me to them and then just not bother with them.

....I didnt want to do that because family is like a sacred thing or something and I dont want to be mean and just have a civil life but things have been far from civil

3 hours ago, Strongbob said:

Just remember you can't change people but you can learn from their mistakes.  This is a great lesson in how not to treat your offspring.  Be strong. 

My genuine goal in life is to never repeat the harms done to myself and to always repeat the wonderful and completely undeserved acts of kindness that have somehow been granted to me. So given the chance to raise an offspring or interact with young Id have a few ideas of things Id rather not repeat

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8 hours ago, PurpleTail said:

Well I'd love to hear your parents' story as well

Their story is Im going to hell for eternity for my choice of friends and whatnot, and they wanted to talk to me about future plans of spending time together, but the way things have always been I havent had any break from grief or passive aggressivity playing nice and staying together, you can see their side in the text. IDK the escalating level of behavior doesnt seem to justify any side they have, and my coworkers seemed genuinely concerned on my part rather than scoffing at me for being a brat

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If you're going to go through with a lengthy message to them, just know that they WILL use it as another way to talk to you. You will receive a message back from them picking it apart

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8 hours ago, FlynnCoyote said:

With all these loving christian types in this day and age, Hell is starting to look like a really welcoming place.

Well you can't toast bread on a fluffy cloud. Hopefully I'll see you all in hell <3

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11 hours ago, Gamedog said:

If you're going to go through with a lengthy message to them, just know that they WILL use it as another way to talk to you. You will receive a message back from them picking it apart

This.

And if you're family is anything like other families featured in similar stories then get ready for them to bring up things that are totally irrelevant or try to use guilt as a way to shame you into being quiet. They'll likely act like they're being attacked without actually stopping to listen to your side of the story.

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Whenever they visit next, don corpse paint, blast black metal, and set a church on fire. That might be what it takes to get your parents to leave you alone.

In all seriousness though, do not let anyone get to you. You are one of the nicest people I have had the pleasure of meeting, and you do not deserve such shitty treatment from anyone whatsoever. 

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i don't know exactly what went on, but there's really no excuse for that kind of behavior.  some people think being family (particularly a parent) makes them entitled to your respect without offering any in return.  don't stand for that; if people treat you and the ones you care about like shit and you're lucky enough not to be stuck under their roof any more, give 'em the boot.  next time they come sniffing around, calmly explain to whoever that you would rather not speak to them and you go about your business.  never feed toxic people.  unfortunately, family members can be some of the most toxic because they're the hardest to avoid and you feel obligated to care about them or maintain some kind of attachment.  hard as it may be, though, don't.  even if you love them from a distance, the distance has to remain so long as they refuse to see you or the people you care about as being worthy of common decency.  as far as writing letters goes, while it's true they will use it as an opportunity to respond back to you with their own feelings, it can also be helpful for you to get out anything you might not have been able to convey to them otherwise.  if they do reply and you don't feel up to hearing it, you don't have to read what they say until you're in a better place.  or you could just wait til then to even contact them at all; it just depends on how you feel. 

either way, good luck.  i know what it's like to have shitty family you can't seem to get away from.  so of course in my biased opinion, if you have the chance to get even further away, i say go for it because people like that don't ever change.  at best, you can get a few weeks of what looks like coming to an understanding before everything goes back to status quo.  but again, that's my bias talking; ymmv.

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Hello, Wolfnight. This is me again, late, as always.

I'm very sorry to hear of the problems you face. I should probably say that not all of us are like that, and it's true, but it's also false. These words and actions are born of fear. They bite, and they hurt, but they do not come from malice; your parents love you and they fear for your safety, even if they don't show love for Johanna (which speaks the worst.) I've said the same before, but if that were not the case you would be ignored. Those actions, and reactions, speak ill, but I know that I can feel the same kind of fear myself, and I think that you, and the rest of us that have known love, can find the same feelings lurking in your hearts.

If you have a situation lacking in tolerance, or more to the point, love, showing less will not help. A few calm words do wonders turning away anger, and love can shadow spite. I guess I'm asking you to try to forgive them, even if only for your sake. And I know that God loves Johanna as much as he does you, which is as much as he loves the rest of us. You might remind them of that. 

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