U-235 Posted December 14, 2016 Share Posted December 14, 2016 Hey guys, So I'm just trying to get some prescriptive on things. I'm not sure if I've stated it on here before or not, but I'm someone who's never had a boyfriend. As a gay male things are kind of already difficult in the market, and I'm a bit different from the rest of the LGBT community with my religious views and faith that I hold. However most people can get over that, but what seems to hold me back the most is my Bipolar II disorder. You'd think people would be willing to listen and understand, but I've had at least three guys cite it as direct reason for why they decided to not get into a relationship with me. It's almost always based on stigmas held against it. I try to explain that I'm on medication that keeps me stable, but that only seems to make them feel even more certain I'll fly off the handle at some point. I've yet to find a guy recently that I'm interested in, but what the fuck? Is that just a thing now, or do I just have shitty luck with guys? It just makes me feel shitty and it makes it hard to keep hope that I'm going to find someone who understands me. It's not like I reveal it right off the bat on a first date or anything, but I'm talking like a few months into dating. It comes up casually and it's not like I'm purposefully bringing it up. I don't know. It's fucking pissing me off, and it makes me continue to hate this stuff and hate that without the medication I have difficulty keeping an emotional balance. It kept me from finding a boyfriend, it kept me from getting into the Navy's nuclear propulsion program as an officer. It's just not fair, not that I expect life to be fair, but it seems that if that wasn't there, then I'd be so much further along in life. I just needed to get that off my chest. I'm not sure what I'm asking for by posting it here, but maybe someone can give me reassurance or relate to it. I don't know. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vallium Posted December 14, 2016 Share Posted December 14, 2016 *hugs* Hang in there, dude. Im sorry to hear that. The thing is people in general dont seem to understand mental health and illness, so when "normies" hear about things like someone needing to go to a therapist, taking medication, and generally being diagnosed with a condition to them that automatically sounds "crazy". The problem is mostly ignorance and people have preconceptions of a person based on these, it takes a lot of education and understanding for people to handle mental health conditions. It might help to explain and educate people about your conditions yourself. That's not to say at some point you wont struggle with your mental health, and it takes a special person to know and understand that and stick it out with you through that. Someone can love you despite your flaws and work with you past them. If it helps on the religious aspect, I previously did a piece of couple art for two males who were in a sort of loving relationship, they were both christian's but they had feelings for each other and you can tell they cared for each other very much. So take heart, it isnt impossible to find someone who is also religious and gay, or at least respects your religious affiliation. Just keep loving life and being yourself and make friends along the way, people like that typically just happen into your life ^-^ 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Saxon Posted December 14, 2016 Share Posted December 14, 2016 Most people have their own problems that they are dealing with, so it is understandable that some men will not feel like they can take on more responsibilities. Alternatively it may simply present an easy excuse for them to leave the relationship, if there are other reasons they aren't interested, but which they do not want to share. I am surprised that you describe yourself as 'never having had a boyfriend' when you have been in relationships with men for months; I would consider those boyfriends. Anyway, I'm also gay and have never had a boy friend. I'm not really sure how to meet other gay people, and I have cold feet about the idea of becoming involved in relationships, especially given the risk of sexually transmitted infection. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fossa Posted December 15, 2016 Share Posted December 15, 2016 Hang in there, @U-235. Gay men can be very flaky, fickle and superficial, I've found. When I came out; I never really related to what is called, 'The Gay Community' very much, and never felt much in common with gay 'culture'. It felt cold and catty. I recall staying with a friend in San Francisco for a few weeks, and though it was a very nice looking city, it seemed very superficial, phony, and rather depressing; I mean, the gay people I met all seemed like the cardboard cut-out stereotypes, from TV or even The Village People. I can't say I had a very decent opinion about the place; beautiful veneer, not much under it. It's when I wasn't really 'looking' that I met my mate in college, who I never would have guessed was gay. But it can be depressing, especially these days, with how commodified the dating 'scene' has become, with people being sorted, graded and rated by this or that dating site and its forulae, or rejected by a swipe of the hand on a screen. I still think getting out and meeting people in actual physical places is best: coffeeshops, bookstores, furry meets, concerts, just being out and about in the city or on campus, and whatever other social meets and spaces you can get to know others in, that are not specifically 'gay'. You seem among the most level-headed, considerate folks around these parts, so I tend to think you'll meet somebody...just be yourself, and it may be best not to 'announce' the bipolar diagnosis, per se...that could come later. If a person comes to know and love you, they'll be accepting...trust me, I'm pretty crazy, and me and my mate have been together well over a decade, and my mood swings have been pretty insane. Someday, I will have to write a memoir based simply on all the therapists I have seen, approaches I have taken, and meds I have tried...it would be an amusing exercise! Well, hang in there, I have a positive feeling you'll find somebody; you may even have a line, waiting! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
U-235 Posted December 15, 2016 Author Share Posted December 15, 2016 3 hours ago, Saxon said: Most people have their own problems that they are dealing with, so it is understandable that some men will not feel like they can take on more responsibilities. Alternatively it may simply present an easy excuse for them to leave the relationship, if there are other reasons they aren't interested, but which they do not want to share. I am surprised that you describe yourself as 'never having had a boyfriend' when you have been in relationships with men for months; I would consider those boyfriends. Anyway, I'm also gay and have never had a boy friend. I'm not really sure how to meet other gay people, and I have cold feet about the idea of becoming involved in relationships, especially given the risk of sexually transmitted infection. I could see that, but it still doesn't feel like it's based on a stigma and not on reality.And in general it's kind of an inconsiderate move. If things have been working out well and they know I'm stable on medication then why withdraw then if the evidence has contradicted it? I guess I didn't consider them boyfriends because to me it's an agreement that should be reached at some point, and also I didn't have any sexual relationships with them. Also I should clarify, by months, I mean the longest being 2 and a half. I completely understand how you feel. I mean honestly a lot of it is either done online or through knowing friends who know friends. I've never just randomly met another gay guy and started dating. It always either started online or through mutual friends. It's just how it is within the LGBT community unfortunately. I feel like maybe you've answered this already, but I'm not certain, but are you in college by chance? Are live near or in a large city? There have to be places to mingle as long as you're safe about it. I've never done it myself personally, aside from the LGBT club at Tech, but that didn't result in anything, as I stated earlier everything's been either online or through mutual friends. 6 minutes ago, Fossa-Boy said: Hang in there, @U-235. Gay men can be very flaky, fickle and superficial, I've found. When I came out; I never really related to what is called, 'The Gay Community' very much, and never felt much in common with gay 'culture'. It felt cold and catty. I recall staying with a friend in San Francisco for a few weeks, and though it was a very nice looking city, it seemed very superficial, phony, and rather depressing; I mean, the gay people I met all seemed like the cardboard cut-out stereotypes, from TV or even The Village People. I can't say I had a very decent opinion about the place; beautiful veneer, not much under it. It's when I wasn't really 'looking' that I met my mate in college, who I never would have guessed was gay. But it can be depressing, especially these days, with how commodified the dating 'scene' has become, with people being sorted, graded and rated by this or that dating site and its forulae, or rejected by a swipe of the hand on a screen. I still think getting out and meeting people in actual physical places is best: coffeeshops, bookstores, furry meets, concerts, just being out and about in the city or on campus, and whatever other social meets and spaces you can get to know others in, that are not specifically 'gay'. You seem among the most level-headed, considerate folks around these parts, so I tend to think you'll meet somebody...just be yourself, and it may be best not to 'announce' the bipolar diagnosis, per se...that could come later. If a person comes to know and love you, they'll be accepting...trust me, I'm pretty crazy, and me and my mate have been together well over a decade, and my mood swings have been pretty insane. Someday, I will have to write a memoir based simply on all the therapists I have seen, approaches I have taken, and meds I have tried...it would be an amusing exercise! Well, hang in there, I have a positive feeling you'll find somebody; you may even have a line, waiting! I'm just curious but how did you and your mate meet? What were you both studying? I like hearing these stories and it sort of gives me some hope for my own future. Also thank you, I really appreciate the compliments! My mom and sister have essentially told me the same thing with regards to how it'll probably happen. I might just be pushing things more than I need to. I just don't want to be rejected again because of that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fossa Posted December 15, 2016 Share Posted December 15, 2016 Well 15 minutes ago, U-235 said: I'm just curious but how did you and your mate meet? What were you both studying? I like hearing these stories and it sort of gives me some hope for my own future. Also thank you, I really appreciate the compliments! My mom and sister have essentially told me the same thing with regards to how it'll probably happen. I might just be pushing things more than I need to. I just don't want to be rejected again because of that. Ah, we first met in college, Freshman year, and lived in the same dorm, and had pretty much the same group of friends. We both liked punk/goth music, so we sorta stood out from a lot of people at the time, at Michigan State University. So we'd also tend to run into each other at the local coffeeshops, record stores, small concerts where punk bands played in basements, and then we were housemates, off campus for a few years,in a house with maybe 5 friends. It wasn't till that 4th year one night, while tipsy, we sorta made out, and well, we slowly became a couple...it was a bit bumpy at first, as he is very visual, and I'm very 'wordy', and I'm very neat, and he is rather messy...but we also had much in common. I'd had one bf before this, for about two years; he'd had a few unsuccessful crushes, but I never thought he was even gay...so after I had left my first bf, maybe a year later, is when things started to fall into place, almost as if by chance. Well, now we are legally married, even! Feels funny to say, and I can't say it feels any different, but it's good because he can get good benefits now, via my low-paying but benefit-rich library job 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
U-235 Posted December 15, 2016 Author Share Posted December 15, 2016 5 minutes ago, Fossa-Boy said: Well Ah, we first met in college, Freshman year, and lived in the same dorm, and had pretty much the same group of friends. We both liked punk/goth music, so we sorta stood out from a lot of people at the time, at Michigan State University. So we'd also tend to run into each other at the local coffeeshops, record stores, small concerts where punk bands played in basements, and then we were housemates, off campus for a few years,in a house with maybe 5 friends. It wasn't till that 4th year one night, while tipsy, we sorta made out, and well, we slowly became a couple...it was a bit bumpy at first, as he is very visual, and I'm very 'wordy', and I'm very neat, and he is rather messy...but we also had much in common. I'd had one bf before this, for about two years; he'd had a few unsuccessful crushes, but I never thought he was even gay...so after I had left my first bf, maybe a year later, is when things started to fall into place, almost as if by chance. Well, now we are legally married, even! Feels funny to say, and I can't say it feels any different, but it's good because he can get good benefits now, via my low-paying but benefit-rich library job I won't lie, that put a smile on my face. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shiro Posted December 15, 2016 Share Posted December 15, 2016 4 minutes ago, Fossa-Boy said: Well Ah, we first met in college, Freshman year, and lived in the same dorm, and had pretty much the same group of friends. We both liked punk/goth music, so we sorta stood out from a lot of people at the time, at Michigan State University. So we'd also tend to run into each other at the local coffeeshops, record stores, small concerts where punk bands played in basements, and then we were housemates, off campus for a few years,in a house with maybe 5 friends. It wasn't till that 4th year one night, while tipsy, we sorta made out, and well, we slowly became a couple...it was a bit bumpy at first, as he is very visual, and I'm very 'wordy', and I'm very neat, and he is rather messy...but we also had much in common. I'd had one bf before this, for about two years; he'd had a few unsuccessful crushes, but I never thought he was even gay...so after I had left my first bf, maybe a year later, is when things started to fall into place, almost as if by chance. Well, now we are legally married, even! Feels funny to say, and I can't say it feels any different, but it's good because he can get good benefits now, via my low-paying but benefit-rich library job That's quite the story, almost like something out of a movie, but I'm glad things worked out well for you. @U-235 I really wish I could give you some advice, as you seem like a great guy from the short time that I have been here. However, I have only been in one true relationship, which lasted almost 2 years and ended in disaster. After that event, I have kind of given up on trying to find a relationship with someone. Anyways, I wish you the best in your endeavors, and I hope you find that special someone someday. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fossa Posted December 15, 2016 Share Posted December 15, 2016 6 minutes ago, U-235 said: I won't lie, that put a smile on my face. Aw, thanks! I'm glad I could help! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LazerMaster5 Posted December 15, 2016 Share Posted December 15, 2016 Patience is key, my padawan. Some day you will find the guy of your dreams, you just can't push things. Also, this thread is really fucking gay. which is a good thing 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jtrekkie Posted December 16, 2016 Share Posted December 16, 2016 Hello! I'm a Christian, and in a homosexual relationship for (oh dear) coming close to three years. These things, and pretty much everything else that is a major aspect of your life, takes candid discussion to reach understanding. Issues or mental health are, unfortunately, scary, and bipolar disorder especially so. It may help if you are able to build some level of trust before going there, that way the other person will have a feel for your personality and will be less likely to think that you're crazy. A few months sounds like a long time, but maybe not for you. And, maybe you should bring it up on purpose. Finding a partner is a huge step in life, so it must be difficult (getting that one wrong will bring a lot of misery for both of you.) That just makes it even more special. So don't despair! You're you, so take yourself as far as you can. You're bound to find someone along the way. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vallium Posted December 16, 2016 Share Posted December 16, 2016 Holy hell Trek didnt think you were three years in with Luke :0 How the time does indeed fly Listen to this guy he's knows what he's talking about. If there ever was a more member who displays the best of Christian attributes its him 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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