Disillusioned Rambling

[Red Lion]

I'm finding it harder and harder to sympathize with fellow queers around here. Whenever someone around here comes up to me to talk to me about lgbt issues they all seem to have the same thing in common. They're complete and total assholes. They aren't interested in actually having a debate, they don't want to discuss the topic, they want to point fingers and find a "Bad guy" because if the other side is the villain they're automatically right. Thing is, some of the things they try to bring up are actually legitimate issues that NEED to be talked about. Transgender rights are a joke, LBGT portrayal in the media is still not what it should be. Religion. Culture. Gender roles. These are all things we should be able to discuss without trying to guilt and shame each other. You know what? Yeah, I know there are problems in my life most straight people around here can't even imagine. Like the total lack of sex education I had that involved same-sex sex. Having no idea how to approach people of the same sex, to this day I deal  with people who don't know what bisexual is. You know what absolutely doesn't help any of that? Telling straight people that it's their fault and they aren't allowed to ever say anything ever because "straight privilege". It doesn't help at all. And pointing out someone's socio-economic advantages as a way to silence them or beat them down from ever having an opinion just further widens the gap. At that point we're not talking, we're accusing. We're picking out a villain and even going so far as to dehumanize the other side just so we can justify perpetuating this asinine villain/victim narrative so many people seem to have fallen in love with. Yeah a lot of Christians around here suck, the overall culture is mired in traditions and beliefs based around fear and hatred. That's not going to be fixed by vandalizing a church or harassing a shop owner or beating the shit out of someone.  Not to sound corny but I absolutely do not believe in revenge. If someone calls you a faggot and then you grab some of your friends and go beat him up in the woods somewhere the one who was wrong is YOU. No you weren't justified by a history of abuse towards gays. You don't respond to WORDS with VIOLENCE. You don't respond to hate with even more hate. You just don't, because once you've done the things you condemn other people for then you no longer have a moral high-ground. 

The guy I'm rambling about is someone I've never gotten along well with. He's the type of guy who uses being gay as a way to make other people uncomfortable. Going up and flirting with guys he knows to be straight, Making a huge point of demeaning women because they aren't men and therefore he has no sexual use for them. He's an all around piece of shit. People let him get away with being a piece of shit because he's the victim of a cishet society, and this time he managed to actually jump somebody with a couple of his friends and beat him up. I wasn't shocked by this, I know the dude well enough to know he's an asshole but when the rest of the community just shrugged and said "Meh, one straight guy getting beat up by a gay guy is nothing compared to a hundred gay guys getting beaten and killed," I was done. Is that really going to be the mentality? An eye for an eye? Are we going to ignore individual cases because the only picture that counts is the big picture? Cause frankly that's bullshit. The straight guy in question never did more than run his mouth, you can't blame him for history, you can't just shrug off ASSAULT AND BATTERY because the dude was a dick. But hey the guy who did the beating is LGBT so he's still cool right? He's "one of us" so let's never call him out on anything. 

I'm sick of being part of an "us". Fuck communities, fuck groups, fuck "standing on solidarity". Much as I wanna take a stand with gay rights and for the love of god get this transgender bathroom bullshit fixed I can't talk to these people. I'm LGBT, you're LGBT and that's all we have in common. We don't share ideologies or culture so what even makes us a community? I don't see a point in being part of a community of millions of diverse people when I'm not close to most of them. Heck I don't furry, at all, I don't even like the aesthetic half the time but I feel much more like part of the goddamn furry community than I do the gay community and today I have never felt less of a sense of community with the LGBT individuals I know. 

You know what else I get sick of? Everyone clamoring to be the underdog/victim in this oppression Olympics. Being disadvantaged in someway or part of a minority doesn't mean you stop being accountable for your words and actions. 

[Troj]

That's a big, complicated ball of wax you've got there!

The first thing I hear you saying--and correct me if I've got it wrong--is that you feel a sense of disconnection from the LGBT community because so many of the LGBTs you've encountered are SJWy and act like all LGBTs should be part of some fabulous Borg hive mind.

On top of that, you sound like you're embarrassed by LGBTs who act like assholes or douchebags, and you really hate it when LGBTs feel justified in acting like assholes towards cis and straight people because they see it as "karma" or exacting "justice."

Finally, you just don't feel connected to the community because you don't feel you share values or interests in common in both the little and big ways.

Am I warm?

I sympathize with all of that, as someone who is also sometimes disgusted, embarrassed, or annoyed by members of various tribes or groups that I belong to.

What have you done with these feelings so far? How've you dealt with this?

[Red Lion]

32 minutes ago, Troj said:

That's a big, complicated ball of wax you've got there!

The first thing I hear you saying--and correct me if I've got it wrong--is that you feel a sense of disconnection from the LGBT community because so many of the LGBTs you've encountered are SJWy and act like all LGBTs should be part of some fabulous Borg hive mind.

On top of that, you sound like you're embarrassed by LGBTs who act like assholes or douchebags, and you really hate it when LGBTs feel justified in acting like assholes towards cis and straight people because they see it as "karma" or exacting "justice."

Finally, you just don't feel connected to the community because you don't feel you share values or interests in common in both the little and big ways.

Am I warm?

I sympathize with all of that, as someone who is also sometimes disgusted, embarrassed, or annoyed by members of various tribes or groups that I belong to.

What have you done with these feelings so far? How've you dealt with this?

That's p much right on the money, troj. 

I honestly haven't done much of anything except walk away. I tried once or twice to talk to some people but they don't really want to talk, they just want to be angry. And tbh I can totally feel that, sometimes I just wanna be angry and vent. I can see the appeal of wanting to wallow in anger and pity. It's tempting to do that here in the bible belt with everyone and their grandma trying to scream hellfire but how can someone feel any pride if they devolve into self-pity? It feels like a lot of them, in some twisted way, get a morbid joy out of being oppressed, like it adds something interesting to their personal narrative to have a big scary antagonist trying to beat them down. Even when their own individual situations don't reflect that narrative they enjoy being part of a group that has an ongoing struggle. It feels like everything has gotten so murky with finding actual conflict, vs exaggerated conflict, vs trendy conflict. Who actually cares and who's rebelling for rebellion's sake? 

I'm not even immune to the idea of privilege. I've been the victim of sexual assault, had a drinking problem, had an abusive family and just generally had an uphill battle with poverty so when a sheltered hipster kid starts trying to educate me on cis-privilege my eyes glaze over and I check out.  But deep down I know this kid is still a person and he probably actually believes the things he's saying, he probably even has good intentions and grumpy as I am outraged condemnation won't help in the long run. I also know that all things pass and it's likely that in ten years I'll live in a very different culture from the current one. I still vent because I'm mad RIGHT NOW, but right now isn't forever, these kids aren't forever. So I guess I cope with all of this by being.....an optimist? 

[Vallium]

I absolutely 100% agree. The us vs. them mentality runs high on both sides, and that obnoxious tension never goes away so long as people insist on casting evil on a whole group of people when not everyone is to blame for something wrong.

I tend to roll my eyes anytime I hear that the cis het able white man or any variation thereof is evil and the trans gay disabled black woman is a god/goddess/genderless deity on a pedestal.

Im tired of a lot of the infighting. I dont care who you are or what you believe, if someone is an asshole that's one person alone, not the entirety of people like them.

I've been on both sides of the line, and both sides claim to be oppressed or silenced, both sides claim the other are evil. Its a mess and I'd rather people stop devastating and beating down on others for no good reason, and just let things be or differences stand.

[Feelwell]

Am I the only one who finds the name calling kinda funny?

Like I can't take someone calling me "queer" seriously.

Or faggot.

It does make me giggle however.

 

It is sad that people are actually hurt and limited due to it, though.

But I guess if anyone can claim to "represent" or "stand for" something like LGBT rights, you're going to get a bad name because you'll get the good people and the crazies.

[Red Lion]

19 minutes ago, Feelwell the Rabbit said:

Am I the only one who finds the name calling kinda funny?

Like I can't take someone calling me "queer" seriously.

Or faggot.

It does make me giggle however.

 

It is sad that people are actually hurt and limited due to it, though.

But I guess if anyone can claim to "represent" or "stand for" something like LGBT rights, you're going to get a bad name because you'll get the good people and the crazies.

the problem I have here isn't so much the one crazy (I mean he is a problem but he's just another asshole) it's everyone's response to him. The way they gave him a pass for assaulting someone because he belonged to THEIR particular community. 

[Troj]

So, how old are these people, and where do you know them from?

Some quick and dirty thoughts:

1) You need to establish what you share in common with other people--in terms of interests, goals, values, destinies, social settings, mutual friends and acquaintances, and more--and what you don't, and then set your expectations accordingly. For instance, if you're gay, technically, an aspect of your fate or destiny is intertwined with the destinies of other gay people at some level. But, just because you share some interests or experiences in common with someone doesn't necessarily mean you'll share moral values, personal goals, hobbies, or the like--but, if you find that you do share some of those other things in common, that's a real chance to celebrate.

Basically, you'll be disappointed if you expect people to be your soulmate when all signs point to "Neh," and you'll get hurt if you force relationships with people who are actually toxic.

2) You need to start thinking of the other "tribes" you might belong to, and what kinds of social connections you want to forge with people.

3) It may help to take an inventory of where and how you tend to meet people you like, and where and how you tend to meet duds.

4) You may have better luck with LGBT people who don't claim LGBT as their primary core identity, and/or who've come to terms with being gay.

5) You may have better luck with LGBT people who have numerous healthy relationships with cis and straight people.

6) Don't let a few bad apples spoil your feelings towards the bunch. There are shitheads in every tribe.

[Red Lion]

10 hours ago, Troj said:

So, how old are these people, and where do you know them from?

Some quick and dirty thoughts:

1) You need to establish what you share in common with other people--in terms of interests, goals, values, destinies, social settings, mutual friends and acquaintances, and more--and what you don't, and then set your expectations accordingly. For instance, if you're gay, technically, an aspect of your fate or destiny is intertwined with the destinies of other gay people at some level. But, just because you share some interests or experiences in common with someone doesn't necessarily mean you'll share moral values, personal goals, hobbies, or the like--but, if you find that you do share some of those other things in common, that's a real chance to celebrate.

Basically, you'll be disappointed if you expect people to be your soulmate when all signs point to "Neh," and you'll get hurt if you force relationships with people who are actually toxic.

2) You need to start thinking of the other "tribes" you might belong to, and what kinds of social connections you want to forge with people.

3) It may help to take an inventory of where and how you tend to meet people you like, and where and how you tend to meet duds.

4) You may have better luck with LGBT people who don't claim LGBT as their primary core identity, and/or who've come to terms with being gay.

5) You may have better luck with LGBT people who have numerous healthy relationships with cis and straight people.

6) Don't let a few bad apples spoil your feelings towards the bunch. There are shitheads in every tribe.

The people in question are all people I went to college with and their acquaintances so most of them are in my age group, some a little younger, a couple who are older. One of them was actually a friend from highschool that I drifted away from. Running into these guys started off well, they wanted me to sign a petition to repeal the NC trans bathroom law. Which I did and that got us chatting. 

more and more I feel like my "tribe" is exclusively the individuals I have in my close inner circle. These are my closest friends and honestly I don't really want more than them. There's no one thing that ties us together and I'm good with that. I try to venture out of my social bubble sometimes but rarely find people I actually want to spend time with. To be honest I'm not a big community person, I don't work well in groups and I find it hard to feel like part of a unit, even when feeling like part of a unit is a positve thing

On #5 that seems to be hard down here, I live in the rural south where people come in two flavors, extreme conservative and extreme liberal. The more one side pushes the harder the other pushes back and it feels like there are very few people in the middle. Post election that number seems to have shrunk even further.

[Troj]

Aha, thanks for some context.

So, you get how living in the South has forced the people you know to "do or die." You can't be halfhearted or lukewarm when you're constantly under siege.

It's good and important that you know that you're not a "team player" and that you generally don't do well in groups.

Why do you feel being part of a unit is a positive thing?

 

[Red Lion]

2 hours ago, Troj said:

Aha, thanks for some context.

So, you get how living in the South has forced the people you know to "do or die." You can't be halfhearted or lukewarm when you're constantly under siege.

It's good and important that you know that you're not a "team player" and that you generally don't do well in groups.

Why do you feel being part of a unit is a positive thing?

 

Mostly because I've been known to be a bit of a hermit among my close friends. It's not really healthy to be completely closed off so I try to socialize a little from time to time but generally I don't enjoy it. Over the years I've gotten more and more isolated, to the point that I even withhold from people who are close to me. I think maybe if I can open up a little more with some of my peers I'll feel less anxious, lonely and depressed. It's a process though and it's very hard to have positive experiences when all anyone in town cares about is "us" vs "them" and every conversation turns aggressive. It's not really something that can be easily resolved, people are angry. They live in a town that's been slowly dying for the past ten years with the older generation fighting change and progress as hard as they can and the younger generations wanting someone to blame for being poor, unemployed and beaten down by religious dogma left and right. 

And I do feel being part of a unit is good, it's healthy and normal for humans to form "clans". My circle only has a handful of people. Gator and a couple of close friends, but these people are like my family, the minute one of us needs something we do our best to help out. It's good to have a form of safety net. I know that these are people who would never let me be homeless or see me abused. Likewise the minute one of them really needs me I find a way to get to them so I can help. I can't say the same for my own family. But when it comes to friends of friends or casual acquaintances I find I rarely have the interest or the energy to invest in them. 

Having this close circle doesn't stop me from feeling isolated though. Even though I've known them forever it took years for me to open up to them and actually tell them about things that had happened to me. It was nearly seven years later that I opened up to Gator about being assaulted by an ex. Of my friends he's the only one who's aware of just how much that has affected me over the years. I've found that keeping things like that to yourself just puts a wedge between you and other people and keeps you locked in a constant state of isolated because if you don't tell people what happened to you there's no way they can understand or empathize and without understanding and empathy you can never get close to anyone. And the more others love and care for you the more guilty you feel about keeping secrets from them.

 

I think to sum it up, I feel like I need to stop being an observer and start being a participant. 

[Troj]

Yes, it is generally healthy to have some meaningful social contact with other people.

But, I'd argue that it can also be unhealthy to force yourself to be around people just because socializing is supposedly "healthy" according to "people" or "some experts."

My sense is that it's better to be happy and alone than miserable with people.

You need to ask yourself what kind of lifestyle and what sorts of relationships you'd have if you could wave a magic wand, and why you'd want your life and relationships to look that way.

Then, you can ask yourself what's standing in the way of your ability to make your dreams a reality.

You need to ask yourself which of the obstacles in your path are due to your own flaws, fears, desires, assumptions, beliefs, feelings, or habits, which are due to problems with people and the outside world, and which are a bit of both.

So, basically, you need to ask yourself if you tend to isolate yourself because you have trouble trusting or feeling comfortable around people in general, or because the people in your immediate circle aren't a good fit for you, or because a voice in your head tells you that you need to socialize a certain way, because reasons--or hell, all of the above.

Does your tendency to pull away or isolate yourself serve you in the long run? Does it make you feel good, and does it help you to achieve your goals? Why or why not?

How do you feel when you force yourself to connect with people or rely on them? Do you feel good, and does it help you to achieve your goals?

[Red Lion]

2 minutes ago, Troj said:

Yes, it is generally healthy to have some meaningful social contact with other people.

But, I'd argue that it can also be unhealthy to force yourself to be around people just because socializing is supposedly "healthy" according to "people" or "some experts."

My sense is that it's better to be happy and alone than miserable with people.

You need to ask yourself what kind of lifestyle and what sorts of relationships you'd have if you could wave a magic wand, and why you'd want your life and relationships to look that way.

Then, you can ask yourself what's standing in the way of your ability to make your dreams a reality.

You need to ask yourself which of the obstacles in your path are due to your own flaws, fears, desires, assumptions, beliefs, feelings, or habits, which are due to problems with people and the outside world, and which are a bit of both.

So, basically, you need to ask yourself if you tend to isolate yourself because you have trouble trusting or feeling comfortable around people in general, or because the people in your immediate circle aren't a good fit for you, or because a voice in your head tells you that you need to socialize a certain way, because reasons--or hell, all of the above.

Does your tendency to pull away or isolate yourself serve you in the long run? Does it make you feel good, and does it help you to achieve your goals? Why or why not?

How do you feel when you force yourself to connect with people or rely on them? Do you feel good, and does it help you to achieve your goals?

I feel my quality of life has improved by having a close inner circle but I still have issues to work through. Mostly with trust, being comfortable with people and such. Honestly I'd be perfectly happy to just have a small, close-knit family. But I find it hard to open up, I find it hard to trust others. A lot of my problems started when I was sexually assaulted as a teenager. That's when I shut down and started closing myself off from everyone. I've always been introverted but my anti-social behavior escalated in the years that followed, it wasn't helped by my drinking problem and before long I had almost disappeared off the face of the earth for a full year. When I started college I was forced to be around people again and I little by little I started changing. But it was a change that I feel stopped half-way. 

That's the thing, I do know why I have these problems, I have PTSD and I still try to avoid triggers. I got some counseling, which helped, but real therapy is expensive so I've been doing most of my coping on my own. Unfortunately dealing with everything on my own has only served to make me feel more and more isolated. And no, that doesn't feel good it feels....very lonely. But it's hard for me to talk about these things in person with people I have to see everyday because deep down part of me loathes the idea of being some kind of victim. I don't think I can stand to be pitied and for some irrational reason I feel ashamed. I don't even understand my own feelings half the time because they don't make sense. I know objectively that it's not my fault but objectivity doesn't change how I actually FEEL. I deal with feelings by just not dealing with them. I tend to over rely on patterns and formulas because predictability is stable and secure. A + B = C, D or E. I never just jump in and do things anymore, I always sit and analyze things to death so I can try and predict an outcome and brace myself. I feel like my guard is always up and it's a very taxing feeling. But I don't know how to turn it off. 

[Troj]

Well, there we go!

You survived an incredibly traumatic experience, and parts of your psyche still want to protect you from future harm. Good for them! This is a very healthy, good instinct, which can sometimes go overboard or off the rails when taken too far or channeled in the wrong ways.

So, it sounds like your major dilemma involves keeping yourself safe, while staying connected to the world, and forging bonds with safe, good people.

It also sounds like your radar for people has been thrown wildly off-kilter as a result of your experiences. You don't know who's safe or good, and you have a tendency to fall in with people who sound pretty damn toxic.

You may not be able to turn off your thoughts and feelings, so instead, you'll have to name or identify them as best you can, accept them, and then consciously decide what you want to do with them.

Thoughts and ideas:

1) You've got to cultivate self-acceptance and self-compassion. There are parts of you that have been profoundly wounded as a result of not just your sexual assault, but likely other upsetting, tragic, or traumatic experiences as well. When we try to ignore or tune out these parts, it's like trying to tune out a crying child---it might work for a bit, but that child will typically try to find other ways of getting the attention and nurturing they crave. When you notice yourself feeling, wanting, or thinking something weird, irrational, or unhelpful, instead of attacking yourself or shutting yourself down, treat the part of you that expressed that sentiment like you would a sad or scared kid who needs some support and reassurance. Instead of forcing yourself into uncomfortable situations because it's "good for you," sit down and ask those parts what you can do to help them feel safer and more energized, and then strike a compromise.

You just need to remind yourself that healing takes time, and that while parts of you want to connect with people, other parts of you are trying to keep you safe from real danger, and that both urges are legitimate and good.

2) When you have a feeling, you can try to identify the assumptions, thoughts, or little scripts underneath, and then ask yourself how these little narratives are true, how they're false, how they're helpful, and how they're unhelpful, and if there are any alternative perspectives you could take on the situation.

3) Dare to imagine your dream and nightmare scenarios. When you notice yourself feeling weird, scared, worried, or awkward about a situation, imagine the best possible outcome, and then imagine the worst possible outcome. Imagine what would need to happen for each scenario to unfold. Then, plot out possible steps for making your dream scenario more likely, and your nightmare scenario less likely. Most importantly, plot out things you could do or ways you could react *productively* in the event your nightmare scenario actually came to life.

Lots of people find that the monster in the closet seems bigger and scarier when they avoid naming him. Naming the monster helps to give him shape and form, which makes him easier to see and fight.

4) You might try journaling, if you don't keep a journal already. Journals can be great for organizing and expressing your thoughts, especially when you don't have anyone to really confide in. One thing you might consider journaling about is the whole topic of trust--what it is, how a person earns it, how they lose it, and how you can tell if someone is or isn't worthy of yours. Another possible topic might be your own strengths, assets, and skills, since a lot of people with anxieties or fears often mistrust *themselves* to handle tricky or bad situations or obnoxious people, because they've never taken an inventory of their own "toolbox."

Don't know if any of this sounds helpful or interesting to you?

 

[LazerMaster5]

Never be Tumblr gay.

[Red Lion]

20 hours ago, Troj said:

Well, there we go!

You survived an incredibly traumatic experience, and parts of your psyche still want to protect you from future harm. Good for them! This is a very healthy, good instinct, which can sometimes go overboard or off the rails when taken too far or channeled in the wrong ways.

So, it sounds like your major dilemma involves keeping yourself safe, while staying connected to the world, and forging bonds with safe, good people.

It also sounds like your radar for people has been thrown wildly off-kilter as a result of your experiences. You don't know who's safe or good, and you have a tendency to fall in with people who sound pretty damn toxic.

You may not be able to turn off your thoughts and feelings, so instead, you'll have to name or identify them as best you can, accept them, and then consciously decide what you want to do with them.

Thoughts and ideas:

1) You've got to cultivate self-acceptance and self-compassion. There are parts of you that have been profoundly wounded as a result of not just your sexual assault, but likely other upsetting, tragic, or traumatic experiences as well. When we try to ignore or tune out these parts, it's like trying to tune out a crying child---it might work for a bit, but that child will typically try to find other ways of getting the attention and nurturing they crave. When you notice yourself feeling, wanting, or thinking something weird, irrational, or unhelpful, instead of attacking yourself or shutting yourself down, treat the part of you that expressed that sentiment like you would a sad or scared kid who needs some support and reassurance. Instead of forcing yourself into uncomfortable situations because it's "good for you," sit down and ask those parts what you can do to help them feel safer and more energized, and then strike a compromise.

You just need to remind yourself that healing takes time, and that while parts of you want to connect with people, other parts of you are trying to keep you safe from real danger, and that both urges are legitimate and good.

2) When you have a feeling, you can try to identify the assumptions, thoughts, or little scripts underneath, and then ask yourself how these little narratives are true, how they're false, how they're helpful, and how they're unhelpful, and if there are any alternative perspectives you could take on the situation.

3) Dare to imagine your dream and nightmare scenarios. When you notice yourself feeling weird, scared, worried, or awkward about a situation, imagine the best possible outcome, and then imagine the worst possible outcome. Imagine what would need to happen for each scenario to unfold. Then, plot out possible steps for making your dream scenario more likely, and your nightmare scenario less likely. Most importantly, plot out things you could do or ways you could react *productively* in the event your nightmare scenario actually came to life.

Lots of people find that the monster in the closet seems bigger and scarier when they avoid naming him. Naming the monster helps to give him shape and form, which makes him easier to see and fight.

4) You might try journaling, if you don't keep a journal already. Journals can be great for organizing and expressing your thoughts, especially when you don't have anyone to really confide in. One thing you might consider journaling about is the whole topic of trust--what it is, how a person earns it, how they lose it, and how you can tell if someone is or isn't worthy of yours. Another possible topic might be your own strengths, assets, and skills, since a lot of people with anxieties or fears often mistrust *themselves* to handle tricky or bad situations or obnoxious people, because they've never taken an inventory of their own "toolbox."

Don't know if any of this sounds helpful or interesting to you?

 

To be honest I think the whole culture in my town has gotten super toxic. Post election everyone is either outright aggressive or subtly venomous. Even my instructors on campus can't contain their spite lately. They're supposed to leave their religion or their politics at the door but they can't help themselves. 

#1, Gator has said pretty much the same thing in different words. It's another one of those thing where I know objectively he's right but getting to that point is harder than it sounds.

Most of this sounds like things I can at least try. I think mostly I just need time, practice and patience. I have gotten better over the years but I hit these stagnant patches that seem really hard to get out of.

 

1 hour ago, LazerMaster5 said:

Never be Tumblr gay.

I think this may also be a problem, most of the LGBT people I went to school with who are in my age bracket and younger fall into "tumblr gay" territory. So when I run into them it's inevitable that we're going to clash. 

[Troj]

Basically, I've just offered some ideas that have worked for other folks dealing with stuff like PTSD, social anxiety, phobias, and shyness--but, what works for one person doesn't always work for another, so you've got to experiment to find the tools that work for you.

You're absolutely right that you just need practice and patience. Everybody hits stagnant patches, and everybody has times where they regress back to bad habits or automatic reactions.

I'm not surprised that your town has gotten super-toxic after the election. That definitely adds another, erm, layer of complexity that you have to deal with, and that's not your fault. There may not be a whole lot you can do about that, other than deciding what you're going to do to keep yourself sane, safe, and happy. You may have to limit or even, terminate your interactions with certain toxic people, eh?

[Red Lion]

2 minutes ago, Troj said:

Basically, I've just offered some ideas that have worked for other folks dealing with stuff like PTSD, social anxiety, phobias, and shyness--but, what works for one person doesn't always work for another, so you've got to experiment to find the tools that work for you.

You're absolutely right that you just need practice and patience. Everybody hits stagnant patches, and everybody has times where they regress back to bad habits or automatic reactions.

I'm not surprised that your town has gotten super-toxic after the election. That definitely adds another, erm, layer of complexity that you have to deal with, and that's not your fault. There may not be a whole lot you can do about that, other than deciding what you're going to do to keep yourself sane, safe, and happy. You may have to limit or even, terminate your interactions with certain toxic people, eh?

I definitely appreciate that you took the time to try and give me some advice. And it is good advice. So thank you, Troj

[Troj]

No problem--my pleasure! Just as long as it's helpful and appreciated.

Something I'm coming to terms with in the wake of this election is that I may have to *temporarily* avoid or limit contact with some folks who've gone a little loco, but I haven't totally dismissed the possibility that they'll chill out someday so that we can hang out again.