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Diabolical Decisions


DrGravitas
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I choose the cheese. Clearly, yes, if I picked the pliers they would be more useful in more situations, but a lot of things you can do with pliers you can do with your hands, and I can't eat pliers or my hands, so definitely the cheese. Every time. The cheese.

 

Would you rather make and eat a pizza exclusively out of canned foods, or a salad made exclusively out of frozen vegetables? 

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Option one. I could buy dough in the refrigerated section by the biscuits that 'pop' open, sauce in a can, and also things like mushrooms, artichokes and olives and have very nice pizzas.

Would you rather live your life as a large, flightless bird in the wilderness of Africa, but retaining your human consciousness, or as a rat, living in the alleys of Baltimore, also retaining your human consciousness?

 

 

 

 

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Berlin! I'm off to kill Hitler!

Would you rather come on a seal-clubbing expedition where you have to personally murder at least one cute, fluffy baby seal, or slap an angry-looking Imam in the face with a burning copy of the Koran?

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Oooooooooooof. That's a hard one, but seals are just too cute. Luckily, Fossas can run really fast. Hopefully the Iman will be too busy putting out his burning beard and hair, to give me enough time to make a clean escape.

Work as a scantily clad pole dancer, at a dumpy, sleazy truck stop, outside of Tupelo, Mississippi, for 10 years, having to surrender all your tips to me, OR  work as a fursuited animal, in a 'furry' petting zoo, where people come to pet the furries, for 10 years, with me getting to select your species each day? (both 8 hour shifts, both at minimum wage) 

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@DrGravitas You have chosen wisely! First fursuit...Sparkledog!

~

Huh, I'll go with the cement. Seems less grizzly. Might make for curious artwork, depending.

Drive a car where the steering wheel will fall off suddenly (with no other means of steering available) at any moment at speeds above 40 mph, or drive a car where the breaks (normal and emergency) will at any moment fail at speeds of 40 mph, and over? Oh, and on both cars, the gas pedal sticks, causing you to surge to speeds well past 40 MPH...

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Either one is fine because I would avoid driving a car altogether. But if I was forced to drive a car with one of these conditions, I'd choose the failing breaks so that I could at least steer my vehicle into a ditch or railing instead of killing another innocent life/lives.

Be immensely tired (sleep deprivation) whenever you're NOT : 1) Thirsty 2) Hungry

???
Pick your poison

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You said whole eggshell and not raw. It is like mostly calcium carbonate. I take the eggshell and dissolve it in vinegar, then use the vinegar to make something tastier.

Let South Korea be nuked by Kim Jong Un, or be forced to marry Kim Jong un.

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Wedding bells are ringing! I'll marry Kim Jong UN, and he'll die mysteriously in his sleep, as Fossas, by legend, can paralyze people at night, and make them do anything...such as stop breathing. Then, all of that very high quality Korean red ginseng will be mine!

Work as a garbage collector in Camden, NJ, doing overtime in the hot sun, as the guy on the back of the truck, or teach middle school in a rough part of Detroit?

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  • 1 month later...

The skunks because you never mentioned you have to fight or kill them so I can flee the scene. And skunks aren't that fast or willing to chase for extended periods of time

Walk through a kilometer long carpet of legoes or ten meters of burning hot coals? Both barefoot and walking only allowed. 

EDIT: Simply crossing the paths isn't allowed either! Else I have to clarify the Lego and coal field to be a size of their total area, not length. 

 

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The Legos. I walk a lot in old school sneakers, so the bottoms of my feet are pretty tough! I think I could do this, and become the Lego walking champ.

Be locked in a cage with 12 very angry skunks and no weapons for a day, OR at a display in a perverse circus sideshow, be rolled around in rancid cottage cheese, covered in feathers, as onlookers looked on and laughed, and have this broadcast on Youtube, and be unable to bathe, for a day?

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12 very angry skunks and no weapons. sounds a lot more bad ass than the latter

heres the choice of two pills. one resets the one you love most to have the best possible life for them at the cost of your own life being halved, while not knowing what the outcome will ever be your self and onsetting a superstrain of the black plague, while the other dooms the world to a complete dystopian society  where no one survives unless they isolate themselves from everyone else

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So on the one hand you'd have a world where everyone dies unless they're completely isolated and on the other you have a world where people will have to isolate themselves to a degree and lots will die because of the plague. Well it's an obvious choice, the world will be fucked regardless so i may as well make sure a loved one has the best possible life in that situation.

 

Be locked in a dark room and forced to listen to Whitehouse at a ridiculous volume for 24 hours or be struck deaf for a month?

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1 hour ago, [null] said:

Be locked in a dark room and forced to listen to Whitehouse at a ridiculous volume for 24 hours or be struck deaf for a month?

Seems like the first option will inevitably lead to the second option, or possibly even permanent deafness, so I'll take being struck deaf for a month on the grounds that I don't have to waste one entire unproductive day.

Eat a live bug - a really revolting one like a smelly cockroach or a fly that's been crawling in poop - or eat a tasty-looking but unknown snack that's been prepared by your worst enemy, but you don't know what's in it and they're grinning at you the entire time in a really evil fashion!

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I'll take the cockroach over the snack.

Have the right answers all the time but be completely unable to communicate or have the wrong answers all the time and be unable to stop talking, ever. Even in your sleep.

EDIT: Damn mod edits... ;P

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I'm going to have to go with the right answers, just because the 2nd option almost certainly precludes leading a normal life.

However, I suppose having the right answer to everything would cause severe psychological damage... Especially if you ask some really deep questions.

 

Microwave 1000 people in a giant microwave to save a loved one

OR

Literally strangle your childhood best friend, while you're both still friends.

In front of his parents.

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  • 3 weeks later...

Bunny slippers, definitely! The actor who played Grand Moff Tarkin is purported to have worn bunny slippers when the scene didn't require showing his feet, due to those boots being too small. Furthermore, one of my coworkers changes into slippers once he's at his desk, so I can probably find a way to get away with it.

 

Spend a month as a Cash-4-Gold sign twirler or a month as a late-night TV Home Shopping host.

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Caught between antifa and neo nazis, because I think there wouldn't be too much of an overall confrontation, unless it was on the internet, in which case, I'd lay down, and read a book :P

Wear a Barney the Dinosaur Costume to a Mega-Church every Sunday, for the rest of your life, for 3 hours each Sunday, jumping up and shouting (a muffled) "Hallelujah" all the while, or dress a different Disney Princess, every day, chnaging Princesses on a yearly basis, for the next decade, 24/7?

 

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Shit, that's a bad one. I guess I'd just go to prison. After trying to prove my innocence, of course. I just would get tired of running or knowing my ability to cover my tracks, I'd just get caught in no time. 

Would you have your entire life be remotely surveyed (tracker and microphones on you and in your home etc...) or be the surveyor to someone else, reporting their every unusual activity, while also not getting paid and having to work four hours a day, every day of the week for the rest of your life. 

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