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Fucking Flashbacks


MissFleece
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I have had a fucking terrible day.

So I was already on edge from a dumb I did two days ago, but I went to class and we were watching a movie about a school shooter. 

About 8 years ago, I found the dead body of my grandfather who had been shot in the head, the heart, and covered in a blanket on the couch by my uncle, who committed suicide. I still remember the facial expression and the entire ordeal still haunts me, but I'm fine with gore usually.

Unless someone gets shot in the head, or describes shooting someone in the head in detail. 

Guess what happened in the movie! 

The movie described in detail how the shooter shot his mother in the head, the heart, and then showed actual footage of his parent's dead body covered in blankets. 

So I had a panic attack in class, that was fun. 

I was still shaking when I went to the table my friends hang around in a student commons. I tried to talk to them about what happened but they kept talking over me. The only other girl at the table asked me to take her to Starbucks to talk, and I figured, yay support! 

Lol

She complained about how her boyfriend doesn't talk to her enough. Like, she complained that he didn't talk to her while he was working or at class, and that he didn't respond to her when he played video games. Every time I tried to talk, she'd interrupt me and talk over me. 

God I need new friends. 

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Damn, I'm really sorry you had to deal with that. I'll get flashbacks too of bad things that happened to me. Something similar will trigger it to play back in my head with every little detail and it frightens me. At that point, yes, you gotta talk to better friends cause what she did with you was straight up selfish. 

If you dont have anyone to talk to at that point, then what I do is I try to isolate myself for a bit. If I can, I lay down or sit down, take deep breaths and do other things to keep me occupied.

Hey if something like that happens again and you're not able to talk to anyone physically, just message me or anyone else on Skype to talk it out and I guarantee we won't bitch about relationship issues or whatever :P

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Damn, I'm really sorry you had to deal with that. I'll get flashbacks too of bad things that happened to me. Something similar will trigger it to play back in my head with every little detail and it frightens me. At that point, yes, you gotta talk to better friends cause what she did with you was straight up selfish. 

If you dont have anyone to talk to at that point, then what I do is I try to isolate myself for a bit. If I can, I lay down or sit down, take deep breaths and do other things to keep me occupied.

Hey if something like that happens again and you're not able to talk to anyone physically, just message me or anyone else on Skype to talk it out and I guarantee we won't bitch about relationship issues or whatever :P

This! Find your happy place, pack what you need to get there into a small "emergency"-box and use when needed. 

For me, that'd be bathstuffs, a fuzzy blanket and hot cocoa, but anything that makes you happy and takes your mind off of it should work, really. 

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I'm really sorry to hear that MF you can always talk to me on Skype joelemcgraw I'm surprised that you wern't warned about the graphic content of the movie v 

lol when the internet uses "THEY DON'T HAVE TRIGGER WARNINGS IN REAL LIFE!!!1!"

They mean it. I feel dumb going "MUH TRIGGERS" but yeah. And it was a dateline thing, you'd think they wouldn't have put that on TV but whatever. I'm not mad about it, it happens. It's just exhausting. 

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lol when the internet uses "THEY DON'T HAVE TRIGGER WARNINGS IN REAL LIFE!!!1!"

They mean it. I feel dumb going "MUH TRIGGERS" but yeah. And it was a dateline thing, you'd think they wouldn't have put that on TV but whatever. I'm not mad about it, it happens. It's just exhausting. 

I wouldn't say that it isn't real what you went through was a traumatic experience  like with PTSD with veterans there are multiple things that can cause panic attacks 

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I wouldn't say that it isn't real what you went through was a traumatic experience  like with PTSD with veterans there are multiple things that can cause panic attacks 

I had PTSD for a number of years after the incident, but I got through it. This is the first panic attack I've had for like 3 years, so it kind of swept my feet out from under me. 

Lol, surprise! 

Nah, but thanks (to everybody!) for the support. I appreciate it. 

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This is heartbreaking, but thank you for sharing your story. I'm so very sorry. People who haven't experienced serious trauma in their life can often fail to recognize the lasting impact it has on those of us who have. That doesn't make your friends' responses any less shitty.

I have more issues with hypervigilance than I do flashbacks, but I tend to develop exit strategies from any room/situation I'm in before it can flare up. I used to respond by exercising myself into exhaustion, but that led to hyperventilation and panic attacks. I've learned to compromise with long walks with earbuds in. (My goto is NPR, because I am a stick-in-the-mud who likes the editorials and interviews). Just getting out and away until I'm in the headspace to deal works very well from me.

Personally, there is only one person I feel comfortable opening up to, but it might help to have someone who is willing to be there day or night. If your real life school friends aren't able to do that, get some good phone and skype contacts you can reach out too. I'd bet several of the folks posting here, myself included, would being one of them.

And I really love the idea of Ansitru's emergency kit.

I wouldn't say that it isn't real what you went through was a traumatic experience  like with PTSD with veterans there are multiple things that can cause panic attacks 

You don't have to be a vet to have PTSD. Trauma is trauma, and the way the body and mind respond to it even years after it happens isn't dependent on having been in a war or not. Survivors of natural disaster, rape, hostage situations, domestic violence, childhood abuse, and absolutely tragedies like MissFleece's have been known to struggle with it.

 

Edited by Signy
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This is heartbreaking, but thank you for sharing your story. I'm so very sorry. People who haven't experienced serious trauma in their life can often fail to recognize the lasting impact it has on those of us who have. That doesn't make your friends' responses any less shitty.

I have more issues with hypervigilance than I do flashbacks, but I tend to develop exit strategies from any room/situation I'm in before it can flare up. I used to respond by exercising myself into exhaustion, but that led to hyperventilation and panic attacks. I've learned to compromise with long walks with earbuds in. (My goto is NPR, because I am a stick-in-the-mud who likes the editorials and interviews). Just getting out and away until I'm in the headspace to deal works very well from me.

Personally, there is only one person I feel comfortable opening up to, but it might help to have someone who is willing to be there day or night. If your real life school friends aren't able to do that, get some good phone and skype contacts you can reach out too. I'd bet several of the folks posting here, myself included, would being one of them.

And I really love the idea of Ansitru's emergency kit.

You don't have to be a vet to have PTSD. Trauma is trauma, and the way the body and mind respond to it even years after it happens isn't dependent on having been in a war or not. Survivors of natural disaster, rape, hostage situations, domestic violence, childhood abuse, and absolutely tragedies like MissFleece's have been known to struggle with it.
 

Thank you for sharing your experiences as well, it always helps to hear other people struggle with the same things. 

And thank you for the emergency kit idea, I have something a bit like that I did, including baths, tea, and youtube, but maybe making a kit would be beneficial. Especially if a friend needs it. 

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You don't have to be a vet to have PTSD. Trauma is trauma, and the way the body and mind respond to it even years after it happens isn't dependent on having been in a war or not. Survivors of natural disaster, rape, hostage situations, domestic violence, childhood abuse, and absolutely tragedies like MissFleece's have been known to struggle with it.

 

I know this I was simply giving an example everyone would know as unfortunately PTSD amongst non veterans isn't that well known 

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That sucks. 

Sounds like the kids in your class are all self centred and only care about themselves.

Which is pretty typical for young people. But yeah, it would be nice if you had someone to talk to. 

*Hugs*

I'm in college, but this girl is the youngest who hangs out. I just thought maybe she'd listen, but I should have known better. After her, I'm the youngest being 20. I think she just turned 18 this year. 

I don't know why I keep expecting younger people to be more mature than they are. It's really my bad for expecting as much. 

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i feel for ya girl. i have some memories that make me go to unpleasent places as well, and that girl being totally oblivious to your pain is pretty awful. panic attacks are awful shit, they make you feel like you are pretty much dying but your brain doesnt know whatfor and that freaks it out even more. hope your tomorrow is better c:

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That sucks. 

Sounds like the kids in your class are all self centred and only care about themselves.

Which is pretty typical for young people. But yeah, it would be nice if you had someone to talk to. 

*Hugs*

It's not just young people. Normies are insufferable and largely incapable of empathy in part because western society is largely devoid of urgency and common struggles. This results in people being primarily concerned with problems that are either typically not very relatable and/or utterly trivial, and also because the average person isn't reflective enough to be cognizant of this fact.

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It's not just young people. Normies are insufferable and largely incapable of empathy in part because western society is largely devoid of urgency and common struggles. This results in people being primarily concerned with problems that are either typically not very relatable and/or utterly trivial, and also because the average person isn't reflective enough to be cognizant of this fact.

Sorry, I was checking my phone. I have no idea what you just wrote. 

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Sorry, I was checking my phone. I have no idea what you just wrote. 

I'm breaking it down because I think it was an important comment

"It's not just young people. Normies are insufferable and largely incapable of empathy in part because western society is largely devoid of urgency and common struggles."

Folks who have no 'classic' problems, like where their biggest concern is figuring out an outfit for a dance or wondering if you got a good grade on a test. Folks who have never experienced really difficult and life altering hardship tend to be kind of shitty supports to people who have. I'm a great example in that I've experienced a lot of horrid stuff, and my friends- while I love them and support me the best they can- all they can go is "oh... sorry" whenever they ask "What's wrong?" and they get anything other than "My homework is hard." Most people in western society- upper middle class, most notably in northern states, tend to not be exposed or have these issues. American culture as a whole still pushes forward the idea that nothing is wrong and you gotta buy stuff, so there's no "common" problem the american people can understand. A good example of a "common problem" would be everyone who got dicked over in The Great Depression. 

This results in people being primarily concerned with problems that are either typically not very relatable and/or utterly trivial, and also because the average person isn't reflective enough to be cognizant of this fact.

I can't relate to my friends when they whine that their car is too old. OR that their parents aren't supporting them fully financially and they need to get a part time job to cover food. I have lived on no familial support, homelessness, and living on ~500 or less a month and these people are telling me their problems to my face as I was homeless right that second they were telling me this. I'd argue that people don't have true empathy until they have went through something terrible, but I also recognize that could be a survivalist view and not a healthy one. 

--

Missus Fleece- obviously, get new friends. If you're on campus, invest in a therapist. Seriously. Your friends will never be enough to help you through your mental issues, and a professional can be on your side and help you deal with it. A therapist through my college was the best thing that has ever happened to me, and I really encourage my friends who aren't neurotypical to invest in mind doctors. You'd see a doc if your foots fucky, so why wouldn't you see one since ya mind is? Good stuff.

Also yes, invest in a get-better kit. 

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I'm breaking it down because I think it was an important comment

"It's not just young people. Normies are insufferable and largely incapable of empathy in part because western society is largely devoid of urgency and common struggles."

Folks who have no 'classic' problems, like where their biggest concern is figuring out an outfit for a dance or wondering if you got a good grade on a test. Folks who have never experienced really difficult and life altering hardship tend to be kind of shitty supports to people who have. I'm a great example in that I've experienced a lot of horrid stuff, and my friends- while I love them and support me the best they can- all they can go is "oh... sorry" whenever they ask "What's wrong?" and they get anything other than "My homework is hard." Most people in western society- upper middle class, most notably in northern states, tend to not be exposed or have these issues. American culture as a whole still pushes forward the idea that nothing is wrong and you gotta buy stuff, so there's no "common" problem the american people can understand. A good example of a "common problem" would be everyone who got dicked over in The Great Depression. 

This results in people being primarily concerned with problems that are either typically not very relatable and/or utterly trivial, and also because the average person isn't reflective enough to be cognizant of this fact.

I can't relate to my friends when they whine that their car is too old. OR that their parents aren't supporting them fully financially and they need to get a part time job to cover food. I have lived on no familial support, homelessness, and living on ~500 or less a month and these people are telling me their problems to my face as I was homeless right that second they were telling me this. I'd argue that people don't have true empathy until they have went through something terrible, but I also recognize that could be a survivalist view and not a healthy one. 

--

Missus Fleece- obviously, get new friends. If you're on campus, invest in a therapist. Seriously. Your friends will never be enough to help you through your mental issues, and a professional can be on your side and help you deal with it. A therapist through my college was the best thing that has ever happened to me, and I really encourage my friends who aren't neurotypical to invest in mind doctors. You'd see a doc if your foots fucky, so why wouldn't you see one since ya mind is? Good stuff.

Also yes, invest in a get-better kit. 

Wow. That's a lot of typing. 

I wonder what is says?

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I know a lot of what you're going through with that. I have flashbacks like that myself, and it seems like I've gotten just this super thin hair trigger of things that bring me to dark places.

Really hope you feel better and that help with your problems becomes more readily available to you.

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Apparently even mentioning will get me blasted, but whatever, I want to ask if you have sought professional help for this? That is a very traumatic thing to have gone through and sometimes even good friends aren't enough. I had a mental breakdown many years ago and had panic attacks near constantly that did not stop until I sought a psychiatrist. I could have gone through it on my own but it would have come back for certain. I have been free of attacks, even when triggered, for almost ten years now. This is something a lot worse than what I've gone through, so I feel this would help you a lot more that it helped me.

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I have more issues with hypervigilance than I do flashbacks, but I tend to develop exit strategies from any room/situation I'm in before it can flare up.

Didn't expect to find a post that I could quote and go "That". I'm so very glad I don't have flashbacks (not often, anyway). I'm sorry to hear what happened, MissFleece, and that you had to go through that in the first place. That kind of trauma is horrible to go through, and a lot of people don't really understand what a "trigger" really is. Mine, for example, is being touched by people... Which in a hug-happy fandom, is kind of a big problem. But I know from experience, that a lot of people don't understand real life triggers, PTSD, and long lasting trauma from events and how they effect people.

People also tend to have a terrible grasp on empathy. I know from experience that many people either can't tell, or simply ignore when someone is in need of someone tot talk to. Lack of ability to read expression and body language is insane, sometimes... I mean, I can read that shit immediately, even if they're doing a good job of hiding it. How does someone like me (see: ASD) have a better grasp of body language, non-verbal communication, and all that crap?

 

I don't know why I keep expecting younger people to be more mature than they are. It's really my bad for expecting as much. 

Now, I figured I'd interject here and say that sometimes, young people can surprise you. Some of the most mature, level headed people I've met have been young. But they are indeed a rare breed... Maybe expecting more from them is a recipe for disappointment, but one should never assume that mature young people don't exist.

 

Sorry if this kinda turned into an unproductive rant.
I'm seriousposting at 3:20am and lost my train of thought a minute after starting this post =X

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Apparently even mentioning will get me blasted, but whatever, I want to ask if you have sought professional help for this? That is a very traumatic thing to have gone through and sometimes even good friends aren't enough. I had a mental breakdown many years ago and had panic attacks near constantly that did not stop until I sought a psychiatrist. I could have gone through it on my own but it would have come back for certain. I have been free of attacks, even when triggered, for almost ten years now. This is something a lot worse than what I've gone through, so I feel this would help you a lot more that it helped me.

I kind of put too many years on it for some reason, it actually happened about 5 years ago. Don't know where I got 8 from, but yes I have got help for it. My mother put me into therapy as soon as it happened, but I was only there for about 3 months before we learned that a "friend" of the family was going through the files and telling our dirt to people. Didn't know you could sue for that either, so she took me out and I've been using the things I've learned to handle my anxiety and such on my own. I meditate every night, drink tea and take long baths when I'm feeling especially stressed, it's been handled for the most part. 

During the small amount of therapy I got, we managed to work through the issue of my grandfather's murder. We had yet to touch on the fact that it was my uncle who was very close to me that did it. So this is kind of an open wound and I've been thinking of returning to therapy for it and some other issues soon, I just have to save up some cash for it first. 

 

Now, I figured I'd interject here and say that sometimes, young people can surprise you. Some of the most mature, level headed people I've met have been young. But they are indeed a rare breed... Maybe expecting more from them is a recipe for disappointment, but one should never assume that mature young people don't exist.

 

Sorry if this kinda turned into an unproductive rant.
I'm seriousposting at 3:20am and lost my train of thought a minute after starting this post =X

I understand, I was just being bitter about it that day. I shouldn't write when I'm feeling strongly about something one way or another, it just ends up terribly. 

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