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Kosha

Dumb Things you Did in Games that Worked

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Yesterday, I was playing XCOM: Enemy Unknown and was doing one of those missions where you had to rescue the civilians. I had one half of my team all bunched together on the map who were about to be killed by Chrysalid and a Floater. I didn't want to lose them so I had the heavy in the group fire a rocket because the last two guys barely did damage. I tried to fire it away from every body so it'd hit them but also wouldn't hit my teammates. Unfortunately, I didn't check to see if there was anything between the Heavy and the aliens and the rocket hit a column and exploded around all my men. Luckily, all the aliens died and somehow all my men survived.

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On Command and Conquer 3, I sent two engineers to capture a Construction Yard and Refinery. Amusingly, they succeeded.

Oh, one time I made forty scout vehicles and sent them to level the enemy base, which they didn't, but the damage was so severe it crippled the enemy.

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In X2 I bought a Mammoth TL (super heavy freighter designed to deploy space stations or just carry massive amounts of cargo) and I packed it with hundreds upon hundreds of fighter drones. Fighter drones are normally just used as a distraction because they have a really tiny laser that doesn't do diddley.

I then sent this GhettoCarrier off to get attacked by something.

In the X games, activity in sectors you aren't currently in is still simulated, but at a much simpler rate (no collisions, positions and combat are only updated once a second, etc.). When this GhettoCarrier came under attack the OOS (Out Of Sector) simulation had it dump all eleventy billion fighter drones at once, all on a single Pirate ship. Eleventy billion fighter drones is a shitload of diddley. 

 

That pirate didn't last very long.

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Also in X2, the first Carrier I bought was the Teladi Condor. In X2 it's shaped like a really long and flat box. It also has the highest shield capacity of any ship in the game (SEVEN 1GW shield slots). After souping it up and maxing out its maneuvering thrusters I notices it turned really damn fast for its size, so whenever I got attacked by fighters or something I would literally just spin the ship like a giant interstellar flyswatter and slap their shit.

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In Company of Heroes 2, my friend and I were playing against a higher level American AI as the germans. As I was sinking all my research into tank batallions and such, he rebuilt the Hell's Angels.

"Hey, look at my base."
"Yea s- What the fuck have you been doing for half an hour"
"I built the Hell's Angels."
He then sent a swarm of bikers with machineguns at the enemy that managed to wreak havoc.

Sadly later we died because a tank versus a bunch of bikers is a losing battle for the bikers.

 

There's also been a couple games, like Brothers in Arms, where instead of being tactical, I said "Screw it" and just legged it across open areas with machineguns and snipers. 

It worked.

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I used to play this game called "Semper Fidelis: Marine Corps" which was a repackaged rerelease of another game called "Soldner: Secret Wars"... basically, think Battlefield 2, except with 200 different weapons and 80 different vehicles from all over the world, from dune buggies up to V-22 Ospreys, M270 MLRS and even a fucking C-130. It also had destructible buildings and deformable terrain. Sounds really ambitious, doesn't it? Too good to be true, almost?

It was. The game was a buggy piece of shit, but still fun in its own way.

 

Anyway, I was screwing around in the base camp, and I spawned both an M1 Abrams and a CH-47 Chinook, because I wanted to try out the airlift mechanics of the Chinook. Then I decided I wanted to bomb a farmhouse by dropping the tank on it. I actually pulled it off and even managed to hit the house:

 

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Tossing an armed grenade between like 8-10 agents in original X-com. Which allowed to bomb almost any area on the map, but certainly would look ridiculous IRL.

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When I was playing Torchlight 2, I wanted to test my DPS on a target dummy. If you're familiar with Torchlight 2, you know that these target dummies have several million points of HP and they auto refresh their health in less than a second.

Well. I destroyed the dummy... That was never meant to be destroyed. It just vanished. Didn't leave a trace behind. All it took was a single Infernal Collapse from my level 90 embermage (maximum is 100) and 'lo and behold, all my damage modifiers crit for 500% damage, oneshotting the dummy. It was hilarious 😂

Luckily, the dummy respawned when I reentered the area

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When deciding to play Total Annihilation for the first time on the hardest difficulty I was on a beachead defending against several ships that came in waves from the bottom of the map. As there is hardly any resources to build my own ships they take some time to get finished, over time I lost decently powered destroyers faster than I could replace them and had only weedy scout craft left.

By the time the last wave comes 5 battleships come all the same time, the base point defences get picked off before I could realize where the shots where coming from (vastly out-ranged) followed by the shipyard going up along with what little land units there are on the beach.

I then went with the commander through the water to a tiny shoal where 3 the battleships have bunched up due to the AIs awful pathfinding knowing that I'll likely lose the commander and have to start over and disintegrator gunned them. The other 2 got torpedoed by subs that took too long getting where I needed them. So I barely won the mission.

At the end of the mission the seafloor was littered with my base naval infrastructure, my ships, enemy ships, a few subs and many amphibious tanks from a earlier wave, almost all of them destroyed whist on the seafloor or soon after emerging on the beach.  

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It didn't work, but it deserves a mention for sheer stupidity - I sent some infantry at a Scrin Mastermind, because despite two year of playing Command and Conquer 3, I had no idea it had any offensive weapons; it obliterated the attackers.

Also, I keep considering buying Starcraft 2 again despite very much disliking the way it plays.

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one time won counterstrike tourny  && took big dump on keybaord than howled at moon

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Back to the X series. X3TC this time.

I have a decent little trading empire (1.3 billion credits in my bank account, 30 stations, and 200 ships). I installed a small mod that makes the "repair laser" weapon (installed in the spacesuit and compatible with quite a few ships, but not for sale) available for purchase, because I wanted some mobile recovery ships for the not-infrequent occasion that the pilot I am attacking decides to bail and give me his ship. Usually when this happens my new prize has no shields, little health, and is slow as hell, so getting it to a shipyard to repair or sell it can be a hassle.

 

I have two Recovery Tugs and one Heavy Recovery Tug (two M6 Centaur corvettes and a M7 Cerberus frigate, each loaded with a shitload of repair lasers and tractor beams and a couple of small defense guns).

8.jpg

(Centaur corvette)

 

On a whim I decided to hop into one of my M6 tugs and go screw around. Almost immediately after, a Pirate cargo ship shows up on my sensors, so I do what any self-respecting pilot in a jury-rigged repair ship would do.

I go fuck with it.

My side turrets keep a steady stream of punishment raining on the transport, while the repair lasers keep it from actually being destroyed. Eventually every optional subsystem is destroyed on this poor bastard's ship (no guns, no shields, no engine boosters, not even any sensors) and he decides enough is enough and bails out.

I pirated the pirate's ship, in a tug.

So, now what to do with my new acquisition... I don't actually need it, because again, I'm a fucking billionaire... moreover, it's so beat up that my tug (four times its size) is three times faster... so I slap the tractor beam on it, drag it over to the shipyard, and sell it for another 300k.

 

Because why not.

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