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AP (Australia)

FlynnCoyote, devourer of whole animals, dies at 28

FlynnCoyote was found unresponsive this morning, deep in the outback. A coroner's report revealed the cause of death to be organ failure due to ingesting a venomous toad. Always one to be seen swallowing small animals whole, he had also been hospitalized several times for having rodents lodged in his esophagus. His mother recalled, "He was a great pup. Once I had Fylnn's litter, we never had a single problem with rats or mice. He might have been a bit different then the rest of the litter. You know, I'd come home, and look at the goldfish bowl, and he'd have this sly grin. It was hard, sometimes, but we'll really miss him".

Flynn is most famous for his circus acts, which he performed to the delight and horror of millions across the country, swallowing animals live, almost as big as he was. Several times, PETA tried to stop the shows, but Flynn interjected, "Anyone who eats meat does the same thing, really. And a coyote does have to eat meat. We're carnivores"

A spokesperson for the VTS (venomous toad society), T. Thomas Toad, said in a terse statement: "While we know such a creature has to eat, we hope this will build awareness about venomous toads. It's not that we're out to get anyone; just don't eat us".

Flynn will be remembered by furries the world over for his quirky wit and antics, and DNA tests are underway to find any remaining litters of kin.


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