KookyFox Posted March 6, 2017 Share Posted March 6, 2017 Hey.. So er.. I don't fucking know what's going on. I've felt like utter shit for the last month, but these past few days have been absolutely hellish. My appartement is a mess, the worst mess it's ever been. There's empty bottles and dirty clothes all over the floor, a wall of cardboard boxes and I can't be bothered to get rid of, two garbage bags, a pile of dishes that haven't moved for a week from the sink that is slowly tearing the joint that is supposed to keep it from falling from the wall. I've been wearing the same dirty clothes for a week in a cycle, I can't be bothered to go to the laundromat. There is dried puke all over the floor of my bathroom floor, that's been here since the night of the 25th when I drank so much I forgot I even had puked. I have so much things to review for uni, I have two exams this week, including a math one, but I can't be bothered to even take out my fountain pen and a sheet of paper to try and practice. I have CAD project to advance on for friday, the prof gave me extra work to do for it.. I just don't feel like doing it either. Whatever I do.. I can't do it anymore, the single thought of making an effort makes me feel like my brain wipes itself.. it's horrible. I can't stay focused on anything.. I can't do nothing but sit on my stool, all day, in front of this screen.. and hit refresh every 10 minutes on whatever page I happen to be on.. even if it makes no sense.. I found myself refreshing the home page for Housepets! for an hour today... It feels like time escapes me.. I can't bring myself to do anything.. even feeding myself or filling up my water bottle feels like a pain to do.... I just stare into the abyss of my screen, while blasting my ears with the same music over and over again. At times I also find myself craving to drink, to smoke, or to drug myself... I don't know what's happening I keep on having horrible nights of sleep, I keep on being caught into lucid dreams, eerie dreams, sleep paralysis, and worst of all nightmares where I see those that have disappeared... Add to that the theft of my phone, and no way to reach anyone "real" outside of my uni friends.. at uni.. and I feel lost.. in time? At least my body shakes and spasms seem to have diminished.. I guess that's good. I feel very strange.. I feel like I could sit on this stool until I die .. well I actually.. I already feel that way.. dead? I feel like I'm no longer alive in this world.. like... I'm floating around aimlessly, with only a little impact on things around me... I do kind of feel depressed... but all those things I've described surely don't come from it.. I'm used to depression and I know how to handle it.. surpass it even! But in this case it's something I can't surpass.. it just feels like there is something in my brain limiting me.. like I'm mentally hard-blocked.. everytime I try to go past that block.. every time I try to tell myself that "I gotta do something" and that I try to do it.. well suddenly everything wipes out.. and I'm back to blankly stare in front of me. My head feels weird at times.. especially now, as I write.. help 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vallium Posted March 6, 2017 Share Posted March 6, 2017 Sorry to here Kooky :[ Honestly if I was there I would help you throw that shit away and clean the damn house. When my house was in disarray it was this dark hounding cloud in my brain that wouldnt go away and when you buckle down and get it done, it's a huge relief at last. Usually you feel more free to do things when things look good. If I could help do that for you to ease the load I totally would. I hope you find a way to work through...something. For now you have my support and winghugs ^^ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lopaw Posted March 6, 2017 Share Posted March 6, 2017 It sounds kind of like disassociative disorder, which can come about from stress. Though what you discribe doesn't sound like depression there can be overlap. The lack of sleep may likely be making things worse. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KookyFox Posted March 6, 2017 Author Share Posted March 6, 2017 1 hour ago, WolfNightV4X1 said: Sorry to here Kooky :[ Honestly if I was there I would help you throw that shit away and clean the damn house. When my house was in disarray it was this dark hounding cloud in my brain that wouldnt go away and when you buckle down and get it done, it's a huge relief at last. Usually you feel more free to do things when things look good. If I could help do that for you to ease the load I totally would. I hope you find a way to work through...something. For now you have my support and winghugs ^^ *hugs da valziefloofs* TwT ... I usually force myself to clean it th music.. but it's not working as well as it used to. Especially now that all I'm left with is my vinyls... 1 hour ago, Lopaw said: It sounds kind of like disassociative disorder, which can come about from stress. Though what you discribe doesn't sound like depression there can be overlap. The lack of sleep may likely be making things worse. Dissociative disorder? let's be serious x3 The lack of sleep is really fucking me up for sure... and the thing that gets me depressed is the nightmares.. that and the theft of my phone that real do make me feel like I'm cursed or something .. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Socketosis Posted March 6, 2017 Share Posted March 6, 2017 Er uh, sounds like depression to me, but I'm not an expert. It might be a bout that is just hitting you harder than ever before. Also sounds to me like you're feeling overwhelmed. I mean, that's generally when I feel "drained" and have an impossible time trying to force myself to do things. A good sleep can help you feel less useless, and starting off with small things first can fire off a chain reaction of activity. I'd focus on trying to get a decent rest before anything else though. I'm only going by what I occasionally experience, so your issues could be entirely different. You might want to see a doctor about it if things don't start changing after a while. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chrysocyon Posted March 7, 2017 Share Posted March 7, 2017 Aw, that sounds awful. I hope things get better for you. I know that the more things like that pile up, the harder it is to get motivated to do anything, which just leads to more things piling up. It's a vicious cycle, and it sucks, and leaves you not wanting to do anything at all. You need some motivation and some kind of routine to help keep everything in check. It may be hard, but cleaning house might give you a big relief and morale boost. It can really affect your mood, which in turn can affect your sleep, and it sounds like you could really use some rest. Staying in constant contact with friends and having people to talk to can be a big help too as a source of encouragement and inspiration to get stuff done. Really sucks about your phone in this case too. I'm not sure if you have many folks you're close with, but maybe hang out more in-person somewhere or at your apartment. This could also be a good motivation to get it clean as well. Once you start to make some progress, it'll get easier to keep going, you just gotta take those first steps. At the very least I'm sure there's folks here who will help cheer you on. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vallium Posted March 7, 2017 Share Posted March 7, 2017 3 hours ago, KookyFox said: *hugs da valziefloofs* TwT ... I usually force myself to clean it th music... Oh yeah totally, thats the best way to clean! Makes it less boring Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jtrekkie Posted March 7, 2017 Share Posted March 7, 2017 Yeah, that sounds awful. Do you think you're feeling the affects of excessive stress? I don't know if it will help, but you might try taking your pens to someplace tranquil. A park, maybe, some place totally unlike your house, and practice there. Just some kind of peaceful distraction to pull your mind out of its current patterns. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LazerMaster5 Posted March 7, 2017 Share Posted March 7, 2017 You should focus on getting some rest. Maybe what you need is some energy and a clear head. And if everything is weighing down on you, I recommend taking things one at a time so they aren't as overbearing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KookyFox Posted March 7, 2017 Author Share Posted March 7, 2017 2 hours ago, Jtrekkie said: Yeah, that sounds awful. Do you think you're feeling the affects of excessive stress? I don't know if it will help, but you might try taking your pens to someplace tranquil. A park, maybe, some place totally unlike your house, and practice there. Just some kind of peaceful distraction to pull your mind out of its current patterns. it's been raining all day long for the past weeks, I'm pretty much stuck in my appartment.. except for my daily walks to uni. ANd yeah I guess at this point it's more thn just stress.. it's pressure, tremendous amounts of it. 1 hour ago, LazerMaster5 said: You should focus on getting some rest. Maybe what you need is some energy and a clear head. And if everything is weighing down on you, I recommend taking things one at a time so they aren't as overbearing. I can't really get much rest though, I'm gonna have to wake up at 6:00AM for the whole week... an I'm gonna be finishing classes between 5:30PM and 7PM epending on the day.. if you add to that the 40min walk back to my place, there isn't much time left, considering I have a few hours of personal work to do then,that kinda forces me to go sleep at 00:00 . I swear Uni is gonna get me killed one of these days. this nonstop pressure is unbearable... I'm tired of having to sleep in class to make up for the lost sleep hours. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Toshabi Posted March 9, 2017 Share Posted March 9, 2017 Dr. Toshabi here. Looks like you got a bad case of the Lazybones. that'll be $50 please. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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