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Why do I keep doing guard and involving myself in the marching band and winterguard world? I'm not even a music student because I'm a terrible musician. The last time I did marching was with Texas A&M Commerce in 2015, for guard, a show that, while great, didn't seem as amazing compared to their 2014 and 2016 shows. I never did guard in high school, and compared to other people my age (20s), I'm not even that great at guard.
I've never been part of a winterguard, there's no guard close to my hometown, and the four guards I actually would LIKE to be a part of (CGT Dallas, CGT Fort Worth, Lake Area Independent, and Spintronix), are all too far away, with the CGT's being the closest at two-three hours away for a non-driving student. Even if I was, I wouldn't have the money for it, which is why I wasn't able to perform with Commerce in 2016. Don't even get me started on wanting to do DCI.
And so I keep asking myself, why do I keep spinning? Mostly, I guess, because I love it. Even if I can't perform, it's still a hobby to do, and I would like to teach at my old high school one day if I can.
tl;dr : I watched TAMUC's 2016 show finally after avoiding it and I feel depressed because it's so amazing and I could've been a part of it but I wasn't able to because I'm poor.

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Yea, not really about being as good as or better than the other people who do guard.

It's about enjoying it.

Not every artist is trying to beat out Da Vinci, not ever singer trying to be the next Ludwig (no not that one), and not every basketball player trying to be the next Michael Jordan. 

They do it because it's enjoyable, maybe expressive. Just plain fun. That's why you do it. 

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