Darwin Award Pedestrians

[Wrecker]

I don't know what in the fuck it is, but there gets to be a point where you can look at a person walking up to where you're driving, and just know they're going to lemming the fuck out their life.

Head down, phone up is a big one, probably the most major one, right into the middle of the road, but fuck me there's one that is so much worse.

That's the fucking "I need to get to get into my car" fucking asshole. They're the ones that wake up in the morning with the whole fucking world owing them everything because they're da bomb, they burst their way out of their front door, and just hammer on right out to their car. Who gives a fuck if they're going to walk out onto the main drag to swing their fucking door open and clear out a lane. Nah, you should see those stupid fucks coming from a mile away, because there's giant neon "I'M A FUCKING IDIOT" signs pointing to them everywhere you go.

The other one is the same driver, parking their car in front of you and swinging their door open like they want to send a strong line-drive out to left field, bottom of the fucking 9th, full count to take the world series, walk off homer, out of fucking nowhere. Then they look at you like you're a fucking idiot for locking your fucking brakes up. FUCKKKK.

Or the ol' hesitater that isn't quite sure if they want to run right the fuck in front of you, looking all over trying to figure out where they want to go, so you hang around stopped with highway speed traffic coming up behind you while asshole McGee figures out if they want to cross the road or not.

The no-looker that just doesn't give any sign about where they're headed because they're too busy staring at the fucking pavement, they're cool too. Might as well just stop, because who the fuck knows where they're headed, could be anywhere.

 

[Victor-933]

tl;dr people are fucking stupid and you should always assume that every single human around you is actively trying to kill either you, themselves, or both.

[Tsuujou]

Fuck those people. And then you got assholes like this driving from their backseat while trying to holla at your girl.

[Vallium]

13 hours ago, Wrecker said:

r the ol' hesitater that isn't quite sure if they want to run right the fuck in front of you, looking all over trying to figure out where they want to go, so you hang around stopped with highway speed traffic coming up behind you while asshole McGee figures out if they want to cross the road or not.

Tbh probably me. Whenever a car comes rolling up as I'm about to cross the street between me and walmart or something, I stop but then the car paused so I take that as my cue to walk but then the car lurches forward again so now I'm really confused and from there it's either the car zooms past me finally or I dart forward quickly to get the situation over with

[Red Lion]

We get a lot of joggers around here and since there are big stretches of road without sidewalks they run in the street. Most of them keep to the side but there's always that one who's got his ipod on while he carves a zig-zag all over the road. Bonus if it's before dawn and he's wearing dark clothes. And I'm not even talking about joggers on the side roads in neighborhood. We get these assholes out on the main roads. 

[Feelwell]

8 hours ago, Vallium said:

Tbh probably me. Whenever a car comes rolling up as I'm about to cross the street between me and walmart or something, I stop but then the car paused so I take that as my cue to walk but then the car lurches forward again so now I'm really confused and from there it's either the car zooms past me finally or I dart forward quickly to get the situation over with

I get to handle this every couple minutes at my job ._.

Especially when no one uses turnsignals so it's anyone's guess where the heck they're turning. 

 

And then you get people pulling u-turns in one of the entrances and I'm stuck between 3 cars trying to judge it.

At the start I stopped for just about everyone, but I realized most move insanely slow in the parking lot (crawling speed), or just wait for me to go. 

 

[Therapy Sergal]

On 17.07.2017 at 10:50 PM, Vallium said:

Tbh probably me. Whenever a car comes rolling up as I'm about to cross the street between me and walmart or something, I stop but then the car paused so I take that as my cue to walk but then the car lurches forward again so now I'm really confused and from there it's either the car zooms past me finally or I dart forward quickly to get the situation over with

I can relate to that. I just make hand gestures to the driver, so they would finally move, but they INSIST for me to cross first most of the time.

[Dr. Doggo]

People at zebra crossings.

I know it's the rule that the driver needs to stop to let people waiting at them pass by, but there's always people who jump out from between the hedges and prance straight over, not even looking once while everyone else slams their brakes on to save a life. I don't know how anyone can do that in good conscience, you're supposed to wait for drivers to stop at every kind of crossing.

[Faust]

In defence of pedestrians everywhere, I am quite often almost knocked down by cars while crossing a pedestrian crossing, on green, because the stupid drivers can't read a 'no right turn' sign or just don't care.