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U-235

Convergence

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Do you have moments where you're thinking.....why am I up at 2 am? Why are you listening to the Yawhg sound track with the same song on repeat for 2 hours on end? It's strange. And yet the first thing I went to was math, and in particular, a Taylor series. They can in essence converge or diverge depending on the pattern they follow. Some converge for all real numbers. However some only converge for a given interval (i.e. between -2 and 2). After that they diverge and don't result in a useful result.

I thought about how it ties to life. I can't help but feel it's only meant to work if the right interval is found and kept. After that, the results are usually useless. This is the 2nd time this month this feeling's set in. It's so stupid and annoying to. There's no reason for it. Why? I know my mind already isn't totally balanced, but it's such a piss off. I keep running in the same circles because in the end, I know that I'll only know if my life had convergence until it's near the end. And that disturbs me. I love my boyfriend, and there's no reason for now that things would end, but what if it's all for naught? It could end because we part ways, or one of us could go into a coma. The unknowns are unsettling, and I hate not being in control. There seems to be so little that I'll know until it's already happened, because hindsight is 20/20. And then there's myself, and it's no more settling knowing how much of me feels it's built on the grounds of a shifting base.

 

I think I can summarize this whole post with this. I'm afraid of the future because I'm afraid of feeling emotion. I hate that so much, and I don't want it to inhibit me, but it does every damn time. And by the time I know if it's going to become worse, it's too late.

I just honestly needed to vent that out. Thank you my furry friends.

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I rarely ever question myself or the things I do, but at the same time, not being in control is the beauty of life. Miracles happen, and so do atrocities, but in the end, we can only witness these things, not control them. Try not to worry about the "what if" and live in the now.

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19 minutes ago, Shiro said:

I rarely ever question myself or the things I do, but at the same time, not being in control is the beauty of life. Miracles happen, and so do atrocities, but in the end, we can only witness these things, not control them. Try not to worry about the "what if" and live in the now.

I wish I had a mind like that, though I appreciate the sentiment.

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Worrying about the future and our lack of control in it is something I sit down and think about a lot as well.

It's a scary, scary thought, and I wish it was easier for us to know. Scared as we may be, all we can do is keep pressing on, I suppose.

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15 hours ago, U-235 said:

Do you have moments where you're thinking.....why am I up at 2 am? Why are you listening to the Yawhg sound track with the same song on repeat for 2 hours on end? It's strange. And yet the first thing I went to was math, and in particular, a Taylor series. They can in essence converge or diverge depending on the pattern they follow. Some converge for all real numbers. However some only converge for a given interval (i.e. between -2 and 2). After that they diverge and don't result in a useful result.

I thought about how it ties to life. I can't help but feel it's only meant to work if the right interval is found and kept. After that, the results are usually useless. This is the 2nd time this month this feeling's set in. It's so stupid and annoying to. There's no reason for it. Why? I know my mind already isn't totally balanced, but it's such a piss off. I keep running in the same circles because in the end, I know that I'll only know if my life had convergence until it's near the end. And that disturbs me. I love my boyfriend, and there's no reason for now that things would end, but what if it's all for naught? It could end because we part ways, or one of us could go into a coma. The unknowns are unsettling, and I hate not being in control. There seems to be so little that I'll know until it's already happened, because hindsight is 20/20. And then there's myself, and it's no more settling knowing how much of me feels it's built on the grounds of a shifting base.

 

I think I can summarize this whole post with this. I'm afraid of the future because I'm afraid of feeling emotion. I hate that so much, and I don't want it to inhibit me, but it does every damn time. And by the time I know if it's going to become worse, it's too late.

I just honestly needed to vent that out. Thank you my furry friends.

Life is unpredictable, for better or worse. Try to be more comfortable in the chaos.

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