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Some people can't afford to be assholes.


Red Lion
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I'll preface this by saying: If you need to rely on other people to help you write a check, cook a meal, do your laundry, or order a damn pizza then you have zero room to act like you're too good for everyone around you. 

I'm talking about certain high functioning autistic spectrum people who believe autism is synonymous with genius. Escalate that to them thinking that their genius/disorder means that they are exempt from having any kind of manners or common courtesy and now you've got a douchecanoe who's seen too much House M.D. and thinks he's a Sherlockian anti-hero who can get away with treating other people like garbage. 

Yeah, some of these guys show some talent in their specific areas of interest, but I'd hardly call them experts and not a single one of them is irreplaceable. I've had to tutor people like this off and on since I started college and one of them is my co-worker at my current job. He's got aspergers, you wouldn't really know it if he didn't make a point of telling everyone and using it as an excuse not to interact with customers, answer phones or take regular showers. But he still likes to make out like he's too smart for the rest of us regular blue-collar people to comprehend him. We are but simple plebs and his genius is too complex. In spite of him bragging about his creativity and intelligence I've seen no evidence of it. He's not artistic, he does some writing but it's just another thing in a long list of stuff he claims is brilliant but won't show anyone. He sometimes tries to make witty comments but he doesn't have enough charm or confidence to really make them stick. 

Lack of social graces isn't a cardinal sin, needing to be shown how to do things doesn't make you worthless, but when you combine those things with being an asshole to everyone around you, acting like they need you more than you need them, all you really deserve to get is resentment. 

Sure, this dude is a self-proclaimed genius savant, blah blah blah, but at the end of the day, it's the rest of us who have to make up for his shortcomings. Every phone he can't answer, every order he can't take and every failure to communicate falls to someone else. Someone else who doesn't get paid to pick up his slack on top of their own work load. But I guess saying "please" and "thank you" takes too much humility and of course, when you're a genius, a little grace and humility is just asking far too much. 

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People behave the way others allow them to behave.

If he can shirk job duties, condescend to you, demand respect without consummate achievement and just generally *act* like he's better than you and suffers no negative consequences for doing it then he *is* better than you, for all intents and purposes. He's held to a different standard and that makes you functionally unequal.

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36 minutes ago, Zaraphayx said:

If he can shirk job duties, condescend to you, demand respect without consummate achievement and just generally *act* like he's better than you and suffers no negative consequences for doing it then he *is* better than you, for all intents and purposes. He's held to a different standard and that makes you functionally unequal.

Also, if he can do all of this and NOT get fired then, contrary to your threat title entirely, he actually CAN afford to be an asshole.

Now, if your OP ended with 'Thank god they fired that fuckwit today' it'd be a different story entirely but from the sounds of it, he'll be at work tomorrow.

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Well, people with Asperger's aren't known for having the acutest self-awareness. Unless they've been taught differently general apathy and obvious social blunders are par for the course, neither of which add to the likability scale. Then for some, intelligence is really all they have going for them and the alternative is accepting the status of being a useless, friendless, waste of space. So that's what they fall back on.

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1 hour ago, Zaraphayx said:

People behave the way others allow them to behave.

If he can shirk job duties, condescend to you, demand respect without consummate achievement and just generally *act* like he's better than you and suffers no negative consequences for doing it then he *is* better than you, for all intents and purposes. He's held to a different standard and that makes you functionally unequal.

 

24 minutes ago, AshleyAshes said:

Also, if he can do all of this and NOT get fired then, contrary to your threat title entirely, he actually CAN afford to be an asshole.

Now, if your OP ended with 'Thank god they fired that fuckwit today' it'd be a different story entirely but from the sounds of it, he'll be at work tomorrow.

ehh you guys may have a point. Unfortunately. DX 

Though the title wasn't really meant to be a threat. More of a, "This guy doesn't manage to make the genius/asshole thing work for him." Idk maybe I should have made that more clear :/ 


This dude's attitude has gained him no friends. No one likes him and at best some people on the staff are resigned to "he's got a disability, he can't help it" he usually ends up being sent to the back of the building to load and unload trucks behind the warehouse or doing other supervised manual labor after he fails at basic customer service. He bitches about it and as time goes on people are less and less willing to actually help him out or do him favors. Does this mean it's only a matter of time before he gets fired? I have no idea. 

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Yeah, many times I've remarked that a particular person can be X (incompetent, dependent on others, stupid, etc., etc.) or an asshole, but they can't get away with being both.

Some assholes luck out for a while, but then there comes a day when others run out of patience, or where the asshole slips--even just a bit--and the others eagerly dive in for the kill.

Your Aspergian asshole here may not be able to detect the steadily-brewing animosity towards him, and may be taken utterly by surprise when things finally blow up.

Really, whether he has a disability or not, he needs to be appropriately called out here. He needs to learn that this stuff won't fly, and if he's autistic, he may not be able to infer that without somebody sitting him down and having a candid heart-to-heart with him.

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19 minutes ago, Troj said:

Yeah, many times I've remarked that a particular person can be X (incompetent, dependent on others, stupid, etc., etc.) or an asshole, but they can't get away with being both.

Some assholes luck out for a while, but then there comes a day when others run out of patience, or where the asshole slips--even just a bit--and the others eagerly dive in for the kill.

Your Aspergian asshole here may not be able to detect the steadily-brewing animosity towards him, and may be taken utterly by surprise when things finally blow up.

Really, whether he has a disability or not, he needs to be appropriately called out here. He needs to learn that this stuff won't fly, and if he's autistic, he may not be able to infer that without somebody sitting him down and having a candid heart-to-heart with him.

From what other people on staff have said, they've tried but he's not been open to it. Honestly though these are nice people, they're mostly older ladies who have grandmotherly dispositions, I doubt they were really blunt or harsh with him. Which makes it even more infuriating to see him treat them like they're beneath him. They've been nothing but nice and helpful to me and to him and he doesn't show them an inch of gratitude. He thinks people are nice because they're simple or naive. 

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If he's seriously affected by his condition then he may have a case worker who his immediate superior can talk to. That'd probably be the best way to help both yourselves and him; pass the job along to someone better equipped to handle it.

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Autism isn't an excuse for being a dick. Even disabled and neurodivergent people need to be held accountable for their actions.

People may just have to incentivize this guy the old-fashioned way--meaning, they may need to identify what he wants, and withhold it when he's a a shitlord, and happily give it when he's appropriate. Of course, you have to be very blunt and clear about the expectations, and what will happen if they are or aren't met.

What's his claim to fame, anyway? Memorizing the train schedule? Identifying all of the science mistakes in Star Trek? Having perfect pitch, and being able to sing all of the songs from MLP?

 

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2 hours ago, Troj said:

Autism isn't an excuse for being a dick. Even disabled and neurodivergent people need to be held accountable for their actions.

People may just have to incentivize this guy the old-fashioned way--meaning, they may need to identify what he wants, and withhold it when he's a a shitlord, and happily give it when he's appropriate. Of course, you have to be very blunt and clear about the expectations, and what will happen if they are or aren't met.

What's his claim to fame, anyway? Memorizing the train schedule? Identifying all of the science mistakes in Star Trek? Having perfect pitch, and being able to sing all of the songs from MLP?

 

He is allegedly a gifted writer (he's never published anything and never shown anyone any writing he's done.) and he's good at memorizing random trivia. Also when anyone brings up any kind of video game he likes to chime in with how he only plays on hard mode because it's the only thing that comes close to challenging his skills. 

He occasionally tries to make deductions about people but he's not good at it. I had absently put one of my sister's toys in my coat pocket on my way out the door one morning and he "brilliantly" deduced from that that I have a child who is female and that she leaves her toys lying around. The toy was a plastic Belle figurine. Anyone with eyes would have concluded the same thing. But he tends to make obvious observations and educated guesses like they're stunning revelations. 

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Dunning-Krugerites annoy me. Ergo, autistic people who've forgotten that they're autistic annoy me. There are few things more cringeworthy than hearing an autistic person propose some grand theory of human nature, or speculate on another person's motivations. It's probably not that different from hearing me talk about math or try to give directions, or hearing Kellyanne Conway say anything, period.

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1 hour ago, AshleyAshes said:

But not employed to do any writing, right?  What is he even employed to do?

Right now he's employed part time at a small business that sells seasonal decorations. He typically works in the warehouse moving boxes and unloading trucks but sometimes they try to get him to work the phones and the storefront. Before working here he worked at Subway that let him go after his trial period was up.

 

1 hour ago, Troj said:

Dunning-Krugerites annoy me. Ergo, autistic people who've forgotten that they're autistic annoy me. There are few things more cringeworthy than hearing an autistic person propose some grand theory of human nature, or speculate on another person's motivations. It's probably not that different from hearing me talk about math or try to give directions, or hearing Kellyanne Conway say anything, period.

Yup. He's that type who equates autism with eccentricity and genius. He flat refuses to consider that it's a disorder that affects his ability to function on a normal level. He can't keep track of orders or organize the inventory. He thought this job was going to be more creative but a lot of it is just cataloging and record keeping. Customer A ordered 5 packs of velvet bows, check the back to see if we have any in stock, if not, have one of the owners order more shipped to the store. Have a basic idea of how popular an item is and try to keep track of what we run out of and what we tend to have left over. Occasionally when a customer buys an item tell them about certain deals or show them related items. Basic stuff, most of which, he cannot do without being overwhelmed and needing someone else to come and help him figure out how to get from step one to step two. He resents working stock but it's all he can handle. 

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19 hours ago, Red Lion said:

 

ehh you guys may have a point. Unfortunately. DX 

Though the title wasn't really meant to be a threat. More of a, "This guy doesn't manage to make the genius/asshole thing work for him." Idk maybe I should have made that more clear :/ 


This dude's attitude has gained him no friends. No one likes him and at best some people on the staff are resigned to "he's got a disability, he can't help it" he usually ends up being sent to the back of the building to load and unload trucks behind the warehouse or doing other supervised manual labor after he fails at basic customer service. He bitches about it and as time goes on people are less and less willing to actually help him out or do him favors. Does this mean it's only a matter of time before he gets fired? I have no idea. 

Maybe you should just eat him.

 

 

 

IMG_20170830_070031.jpg

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8 hours ago, Red Lion said:

Right now he's employed part time at a small business that sells seasonal decorations. He typically works in the warehouse moving boxes and unloading trucks but sometimes they try to get him to work the phones and the storefront. Before working here he worked at Subway that let him go after his trial period was up.

...I don't know how to say 'If he's such a genius, why does he have a crap job?' without also insulting you in the same turn... >_>

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53 minutes ago, AshleyAshes said:

...I don't know how to say 'If he's such a genius, why does he have a crap job?' without also insulting you in the same turn... >_>

Meh, I'm not too proud to do this job, in this town work is work and there are way worse places to end up. The environment is nice, it's busy so I'm never stuck doing nothing and since I'm an administrative assistant I spend most of my time on the computer, behind the counter in front, or in the back office. I never have to bust my ass in the warehouse unless we're short staffed. Unfortunately I end up having to drop what I'm doing to help this guy out when they pull him out of the warehouse and try to put him at the register. 
 

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Chiming in as an autism spectrum person - dude's an asshole. People pretend like being autistic makes you have zero empathy but here's the thing: you can still learn it even if you don't feel it. There's literally no excuse for that behavior when you're functioning well enough to be a condescending prick. 

I actually had a talk about this with my counselor the other day because I was like "everyone keeps calling me polite and empathetic but I don't really feel that??" and he's like "if you give the impression, or try at all, there's functionally no difference". And yeah, you know, there are autistic people who can't learn that, but not when you're able to talk about how good you are at video game. If you can be articulate, you can be empathetic, even if you're "faking" it. 

Also god I really wish people would stop equating being on the spectrum with being a huge apathetic asshole because it's even different for people raised male or female. Guys tend to get the apathy thing because that's "normal" for guys - raising voices, being a prick, that's "typical". Yet females with autism (myself included, being a trans guy) tend to be quieter, more polite, and more empathetic - and get diagnosed less often because of it. But that's more a tangent about how people see the face of autism as goddamn Sheldon from Big Bang and not the woman he's constantly putting down for not being nerdy enough.

 

Anyways yeah screw that guy, you can be spectrum and empathetic/polite; it's really not that fucking hard to learn. 

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People on the spectrum can be incredibly empathetic, to the point where they can empathize readily with inanimate objects, animals, and weird or random fringe groups on Tumblr. ("That word is hurtful and triggering to toaster-kin!") The trick is that you may have to actively connect the dots for an autistic person in the event they can't intuitively relate to someone or something, or aren't seeing the consequences of their actions. But, once you connect those dots, an autistic person will often be quite willing--sometimes overly so--to be accommodating.

So, your guy sounds like he's autistic AND an arrogant Sheldon Cooperesque asshole who's possibly been flattered, enabled, and humored too much.

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9 hours ago, Plants said:

Chiming in as an autism spectrum person - dude's an asshole. People pretend like being autistic makes you have zero empathy but here's the thing: you can still learn it even if you don't feel it. There's literally no excuse for that behavior when you're functioning well enough to be a condescending prick. 

I actually had a talk about this with my counselor the other day because I was like "everyone keeps calling me polite and empathetic but I don't really feel that??" and he's like "if you give the impression, or try at all, there's functionally no difference". And yeah, you know, there are autistic people who can't learn that, but not when you're able to talk about how good you are at video game. If you can be articulate, you can be empathetic, even if you're "faking" it. 

Also god I really wish people would stop equating being on the spectrum with being a huge apathetic asshole because it's even different for people raised male or female. Guys tend to get the apathy thing because that's "normal" for guys - raising voices, being a prick, that's "typical". Yet females with autism (myself included, being a trans guy) tend to be quieter, more polite, and more empathetic - and get diagnosed less often because of it. But that's more a tangent about how people see the face of autism as goddamn Sheldon from Big Bang and not the woman he's constantly putting down for not being nerdy enough.

 

Anyways yeah screw that guy, you can be spectrum and empathetic/polite; it's really not that fucking hard to learn. 

And honestly, I've met plenty of autistic spectrum people who were no problem to work with. Maybe every now and then they got anxious or felt overwhelmed, maybe they didn't always pick up when someone was being sarcastic or they had trouble doing something without someone to walk them through it. None of that is a big deal, none of it ever got in the way, and the people were always self-aware enough to know that they needed some help and they weren't jackasses to the people giving them a hand. 

Those people are 100% ok. I've never considered them to be a burden and it didn't kill me to give them a little more of my time and attention. 

4 hours ago, Troj said:

People on the spectrum can be incredibly empathetic, to the point where they can empathize readily with inanimate objects, animals, and weird or random fringe groups on Tumblr. ("That word is hurtful and triggering to toaster-kin!") The trick is that you may have to actively connect the dots for an autistic person in the event they can't intuitively relate to someone or something, or aren't seeing the consequences of their actions. But, once you connect those dots, an autistic person will often be quite willing--sometimes overly so--to be accommodating.

So, your guy sounds like he's autistic AND an arrogant Sheldon Cooperesque asshole who's possibly been flattered, enabled, and humored too much.

Basically. People handle him with kid gloves and praise him for being able to do mundane shit. Soon as he drops the A word everyone's attitude towards him changes to be more accommodating. That's how he even ended up at this job in the first place, someone did him a favor and got him in. 

1 hour ago, Alexxx-Returns said:

I know I don't know your coworker but I already hate him

He is universally resented, even by people who started off trying to help him out. 

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most people who claim to be on the zx spectrum online are either subtly making things up or have been convinced that they are that way because they're extremely undersocialized and pop culture blares out the message that you need friends and dates 24/7/365 for things to not be wrong with you

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