Red Lion Posted October 14, 2015 Share Posted October 14, 2015 I asked if we needed eggs while I was out getting milk and bread yesterday afternoon, my mom said "no" so I figured we were good. So today at 6:30 in the morning she comes banging on my door and tells me I need to run out and get eggs because we don't have any. I ask if it can wait for a more reasonable time of day and she says "No I have to have them now!". So I drive up to the nearest open store (the only walmart in town) and grab the eggs, hop in my beat up little car and drive back home. I hand her the eggs and she asks, "Did you grab coffee creamer?". Fuck no I didn't grab any fucking coffee creamer, you didn't say you needed it and you only handed me a five dollar bill and it's 6:30 in the fucking morning, why in a blue whale's salty butthole would I think to grab coffee creamer?! Oh and while I was in line to buy the eggs some ricketty old woman who smelled like menthol and had chin stubble snuck up behind me like some kind of pale, papery 6 a.m. walmart prowler, grabbed my hair and asked in a croaky deep-south voice of doom if it was natural. It scared the bejeezus out of me and probably shaved about ten years off my life. Thanks walmart, that's just what I needed, one of your bizarre, before dawn shoppers appraising my hair while my guard is down. No doubt she was checking to see if I had a soul for her to take, (joke's on you creepy woman, I'm a natural ginger! HA!). So here I am, too awake to go right back to bed, gotta go somewhere in about three hours so there's no point going to sleep. So what's up, I'mma rant disjointedly at you guys because I'm loopy as a rollercoaster and in that weird place between royally pissed and really amused. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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