Red Lion Posted October 14, 2015 Share Posted October 14, 2015 I asked if we needed eggs while I was out getting milk and bread yesterday afternoon, my mom said "no" so I figured we were good. So today at 6:30 in the morning she comes banging on my door and tells me I need to run out and get eggs because we don't have any. I ask if it can wait for a more reasonable time of day and she says "No I have to have them now!". So I drive up to the nearest open store (the only walmart in town) and grab the eggs, hop in my beat up little car and drive back home. I hand her the eggs and she asks, "Did you grab coffee creamer?". Fuck no I didn't grab any fucking coffee creamer, you didn't say you needed it and you only handed me a five dollar bill and it's 6:30 in the fucking morning, why in a blue whale's salty butthole would I think to grab coffee creamer?! Oh and while I was in line to buy the eggs some ricketty old woman who smelled like menthol and had chin stubble snuck up behind me like some kind of pale, papery 6 a.m. walmart prowler, grabbed my hair and asked in a croaky deep-south voice of doom if it was natural. It scared the bejeezus out of me and probably shaved about ten years off my life. Thanks walmart, that's just what I needed, one of your bizarre, before dawn shoppers appraising my hair while my guard is down. No doubt she was checking to see if I had a soul for her to take, (joke's on you creepy woman, I'm a natural ginger! HA!). So here I am, too awake to go right back to bed, gotta go somewhere in about three hours so there's no point going to sleep. So what's up, I'mma rant disjointedly at you guys because I'm loopy as a rollercoaster and in that weird place between royally pissed and really amused. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zytan Posted October 14, 2015 Share Posted October 14, 2015 Yeah... what is it with old women and ginger hair? I get it a lot, thank God for self service eh? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Red Lion Posted October 14, 2015 Author Share Posted October 14, 2015 Yeah... what is it with old women and ginger hair? I get it a lot, thank God for self service eh?;n; we don't have self service in my walmart yet. But yeah I noticed that trend, have red hair, old women will touch. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zytan Posted October 14, 2015 Share Posted October 14, 2015 Oh fun, yet all of our ASDA's do, go figure. You should've asked your mum if she got the coffee creamer herself, you know, because you asked her to ;P 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aeroxwolf Posted October 14, 2015 Share Posted October 14, 2015 I hope someone dressed up as the grim reaper sneaks up behind her, taps her on the shoulder and says "your time is up" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Red Lion Posted October 14, 2015 Author Share Posted October 14, 2015 I hope someone dressed up as the grim reaper sneaks up behind her, taps her on the shoulder and says "your time is up" Lol, that would have made my day.It wouldn't have been so bad if she hadn't just up and grabbed my hair. I got a pretty strict "no-touching unless you're Gator" rule so uninvited physical contact makes me uncomfortable. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zytan Posted October 14, 2015 Share Posted October 14, 2015 I hope someone dressed up as the grim reaper sneaks up behind her, taps her on the shoulder and says "your time is up" Don't suppose you're referring to a certain comic about a guy sitting in front of a TV all his life are you? ;P Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
#00Buck Posted October 14, 2015 Share Posted October 14, 2015 Egg drive. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PastryOfApathy Posted October 14, 2015 Share Posted October 14, 2015 Tfw you're cooking macaroni and cheese and realize you don't have any milk. There's just something especially undignified about running to the liquor store in my pajamas to buy overpriced milk. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Red Lion Posted October 14, 2015 Author Share Posted October 14, 2015 Tfw you're cooking macaroni and cheese and realize you don't have any milk. There's just something especially undignified about running to the liquor store in my pajamas to buy overpriced milk.Lol, sometimes there's just no time to put pants on. Lucky for me showing up to the walmart in flannel pajama bottoms and a grubby batman t-shirt is just the standard way to dress if it's after 3 in the morning. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skylar Husky Posted October 14, 2015 Share Posted October 14, 2015 (edited) I dislike this in the extreme when it is put on my shoulders. My brother and I had to move back home to further our educations. Often he and I get the groceries for everyone in my house. If our mother makes a good list, she doesn't go again, but if she is disorganized, she goes again. It works out if she does, sometimes she thinks about grabbing stuff I wouldn't otherwise pick up during my time in the store. For instance, she will go and get chocolates and candies. I usually skip over this out of habit for when I lived on my own and could not afford it. I will never turn down having a couple of fun sized M&M/Mars candy bars every couple of days.I will not go to Wal-mart though. It has reached that point with me. I wish the current ownership would either sell to someone who has Sam Walton's business model in his or her heart, soul and mind -OR- just close their damn doors forever! The place is a mere shadow of its former glory when Sam Walton was alive. It just sucks! I really despise that a trip to get something like eggs, milk or bread is a minimum 30 minute effort. There are always at least four or five people waiting in line, and only 3 check-out lines open and ten people up front standing around, talking, laughing, carrying on, cutting up and not working. It is maddening to have to stand there behind three or four other people, whilst they screw around. The Do-it-yourself lane is okay, but often has a massive line in front of it too, then you get to half of them and some cannot take cash, others cannot take credit, others cannot take debit, so you have to wait on the person overseeing the operation of four or six of these lanes and then have to wait on him or her to finish with the customer in front of you. Those do-it-yourself lanes more often than not, suck. I would rather skip all this monkey business and just pay $4.00 at the overpriced convenience store and walk out in 5-10 minutes than waste a half hour of my life in a Wal-Mart. Edited October 14, 2015 by Skylar Husky 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rook Posted October 15, 2015 Share Posted October 15, 2015 I love driving around at the crack of stupid 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dijon Posted October 15, 2015 Share Posted October 15, 2015 >6 in the morningThat's cute :3c Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Irreverent Posted October 15, 2015 Share Posted October 15, 2015 I love driving around at the crack of stupidaka "0-dark-thirty" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clove Darkwave Posted October 15, 2015 Share Posted October 15, 2015 Hand her your keys and tell her to go herself. There comes a point where you need to not let a parent take advantage of you. This of course is assuming you do your part in the home in general. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ometochtli Posted October 15, 2015 Share Posted October 15, 2015 I enioy being up early. I get to see the sun come up and the day lasts longer. Plus early walks are nice. But the way you write is great! Makes me crack up the way you told the story. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Red Lion Posted October 15, 2015 Author Share Posted October 15, 2015 (edited) Hand her your keys and tell her to go herself. There comes a point where you need to not let a parent take advantage of you. This of course is assuming you do your part in the home in general.She doesn't drive. She never bothered to learn and spent pretty much all of her adult life as a housewife. A housewife who mostly just delegates the chores to her children and husband while she watches TV or plays Farmville. Ometochli: Well thank you, Humor makes my life bearable. Edited October 15, 2015 by Red Lion Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zytan Posted October 15, 2015 Share Posted October 15, 2015 My friend used to work mornings at the news agency, and every sunday there was always a crowd of old people crowding around the front door like they were out of The Shining. One particularly cold morning he was at the checkout and as he went to pass one woman her change she quickly grabbed his arm. She then gazed into his eyes and said "WARMTH" while stroking his arm, stealing the heat from his veins. Rumour has it she took part of his soul.Certified Ginger Tryhard, she will never be as grossly incandescent as us! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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