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  1. Battlechili
    Latest Entry

    I'm four years into college working towards a Computer Science degree and I really don't enjoy my studies or feel that I'm anywhere near where I need to be in understanding what I've been supposed to be learning.

    I don't enjoy the problem solving aspects of programming. I like just knowing how to do something and then doing it, and most of the time I feel lost and/or don't know what to do or how to get from point A to point B when working on a program. I'll likely have to do a 5th year, possibly even 6th due to my ineptitude, and I'm already at a point where I can't stand what I'm doing and it takes all of my willpower just to keep working. I hate programming. I can't stand doing this anymore, but I'm 4 years in so I can't turn back. I want to switch majors or just drop out of college, but I can't bring myself to do that. I've already accumulated a decent amount of debt. I can't just accumulate all that debt and then have nothing to show for it. My family is poor and I live in an extremely small town (has a population of just a little over 2000 people). There's nothing where I live job wise aside from fast food restaurants, dollar stores, and gas stations. Were I to give up on college and grant me the rest I so desire, I would only continue to be poor and never be able to leave. I don't even have a car. Vehicles are expensive. I'd be stuck in this dead end town and poor forever if I gave up now. I don't want to be stuck on a minimum wage job. But I can't switch majors at this point either, otherwise I'll just end up with WAY more debt. I feel trapped, doing something I hate, something I loathe that I have difficulty bringing myself to do, and I have to keep doing this for another year. I don't even want to go through the next month and a half for the semester. Another year sounds nightmarish, and when I imagine myself as a programmer working at a job, struggling as I do now to understand what I'm doing, it horrifies me. I don't want to be a programmer. I don't want to suffer this constant struggle, this frustration and confusion that comes from writing code.

    Originally, before I latched onto the idea of CS, I wanted to study meteorology and get into weather. I'm fascinated by weather, but I put that aside because I had aspirations to get into video game development. As much as I love games now, after all this time, I'm not sure I could bear to be a programmer. But I can't exactly go back. Its too late now. I can't afford to keep accumulating debt and spending even more time in school, especially since my GPA isn't exactly amazing. I failed and had to retake classes quite a few times in some cases. This is also why I'm behind and might wind up with another year. I'm terrified that I might even wind up with a semester going into a 6th as I said.

    Though even beyond this, I feel like every inch of pride I used to have has died. I used to be so proud, feel so smart. I lack talent. My main source of pride in life was doing well in school. My 11th and 12th grade years I went to a new highschool and started to struggle, And once I got into college, the farther I've gotten, the worse it got. My pride has died. Everyone around me, all my peers, know more than I do about programming. I feel dumb and inadequate constantly. Group projects are especially terrible because everyone around me is discussing and doing work at a tremendously higher level than I and I feel completely useless. I want to pull my weight so that way I don't seem like I'm just trying to latch onto them for an A, but I have no idea how to help when I don't even understand what they're doing or what they want me to do. I get the feeling most of the people around me were programming before they came to college, while college for me was almost "just starting out to learn how to program" for me, minus an intro class I took in highschool that I didn't entirely understand. This is made worse when a teacher berates the class after getting a lot of bad grades or getting a lot of questions about a particular topic that he thinks we should know, going "You all should know this already!", making asking questions seem uncomfortable. But I'm at a point even where I'm not even sure what questions to ask in some cases, just plain not understanding what's being talked about in class. I'm falling apart here, struggling to latch onto things. I've learned some things in college to be sure, but not nearly enough to be useful in the workforce I imagine. But even trying to suffer through all of this, trying to deal with this confusion and lost pride....

    I don't want to do this anymore. I want out of this field. I want out of this college. I don't want to go to class.

    But I have to.

    I'm trapped. I'm too far in to give up now, so I've put myself into a position of constant suffering and confusion. 

    I wish I had someone to lean onto, to help me and guide me and go to when I'm struggling. If I wasn't so alone dealing with this wouldn't be so bad. But I don't have any irl friends to lean on that go to this school besides one, and she's constantly busy and with others. My parents used to be a source of comfort when I'm in need of someone to talk to, but they're hours away from my school. I'm completely socially inept; I have no idea how to make friends, initiate conversations, or anything like that. So I have no one to talk to when in need. Sure, there are people online, but talking to people online isn't the same as doing it in person. Its not a personal. Its not as comforting.

    I hate being alone so much. It eats away at me. 

    Beyond just needing someone to talk to, I'm lonely in other ways though. I often find myself craving a relationship. I want a girlfriend or a boyfriend. Someone to love and care about who'd feel the same way about me in return. But once again, I don't know how to talk to people. I'm terrified of initiating conversations. And I'm not attractive enough to have people throwing themselves at me or fawning over me. Some suggested I try online dating, so I did simple things like downloading apps like Tinder and Bumble. But I'm terrified of messaging people, and no one ever messages me, so said apps just became wastes of phone space. I've grown a fear that I might always be alone. Its gotten so silly. Looking at fucking pictures of anime girls of all things gets me depressed sometimes because its like "I'll never have a girlfriend like this" and whatnot goes through my mind. Seeing happy couples is sad. I used to love romance, and a part of me still kind of does, but imaginging couples being happy together while I'm not and am unsure whether I could or would ever experiences such makes me sad. I see online friends and people all happy dating, and here I am, so socially dumb that I have no idea how on Earth they ever wind up finding someone to date. I often feel like a lost cause.

    What's the point of living? What do I have to look forward to? Video games? Granted, I love playing video games. But whenever I stop playing video games, I'm back to real life. I have to deal with real life, this real world where nothing interesting ever happens. Its all so dull and boring. There's nothing exciting about this world. Even watching anime or playing video games makes me sad since all these characters go on these amazing adventures, fighting bad guys and saving the world, being whisked off to strange and fantastical places. Yet I'm on Earth. I'm stuck here. And when I stop playing a game, I remember that. Its not like my enjoyment from games is even alone sustainable either. I've got to deal with real life at some point. I can't keep up such a hobby without making money of course, and I'm not going to be making money unless I make myself ideal for good jobs. And dropping out of college isn't exactly attractive. Nor is failing. 

    I'm scared of failing. Right now I'm struggling to pass in Calculus III. I'm struggling to pass in Programming Languages. I'm taking a class I have no interest in and has no relevance to me called Cultural Geography and I'm doing poorly (but passably) in it. I'm suffering through Intro to Software Engineering due to a group project where everyone in the project is far beyond my CS knowledge level.

    I've got until the end of April to deal with all this. And then another year. And then possibly another semester solely due to my ineptitude. I hate it. I hate this all. 

    Admittedly I frequently think about suicide. But I'm not capable of it. I can't bring myself to actually take my life. In fact, I can't bring myself to let out these feelings at all ever beyond occasionally throwing it into posts like this online. I sometimes think about screaming in the middle of class, but then I don't, because that would be disruptive and cause trouble for me. I have trouble focusing in class whenever I am reminded of these problems, which only makes my already short attention span even worse when it comes to paying attention and actually learning in class. How can I ever pay attention when I feel like bursting out crying in the middle of class? Its enough effort just to hold myself together. But that, in its own way, is frustrating. I want to let it all out. I want to get help from somebody. I don't want to deal with all this alone. But I never let myself let it all out. I won't scream. I won't cry. I keep this all in, quietly to myself, silently and internally screaming and feeling like shit on a constant basis. 

    Seeing a mental health professional might certainly help. I don't know. I sometimes wonder what they could possibly do. How they could convince me that everything is going to be all right when I can't convince myself. I don't know what the point of telling someone these problems is beyond just making me feeling better that someone knows.  They're certainly not going to suddenly make me not have spent 4 years of my life studying something that I don't enjoy and have trouble understanding. I did look into it though. But the only counseling available here would make me have to see a doctor first and pay a doctor's visit fee and then get recommended for it. The fact that one has to go through such a process, the fact that it costs money when my family is not rich and money for school is needed just makes the idea of such less than ideal. I may still do this. I'm seriously considering it. But for now I keep holding this all in and I hate it.

    I have no one to lean onto here in real life. I'm all alone, and I'm just so tired. Tired of having to deal with all this. I don't want to go to class. I don't want to keep pursuing this degree. But I don't have a choice at this point really. I can't afford to be stuck with tens of thousands of dollars in debt, nothing to show for it, stuck in a dead end town with no decent paying jobs and no car. Such isn't the end I want. So I must suffer.

    If you're reading this, I'm sorry for being such a downer. I needed to write this out and get it all out so that I could at least have some peace of mind. This won't make things better, but I can at least feel like I got my feelings out in some manner and grant myself a little temporary peace of mind. I"m not even sure this is appropriate to post here, but it does say "blog" so I figure I'd....well, blog. 

  2. Co-written by Thurston Howl and Patch O’Furr. Full disclosure – Howl and Patch have received Ursa Major awards by community vote.


    Even in non-writing communities in the furry fandom, many furries are aware of the Ursa Major Awards. They’ve been around for about 17 years, have presence at cons, and each year they receive many voters. However, for all their legacy, Thurston Howl – (a furry publisher who assisted with social media and marketing for the UMAs in 2017) – has come forward with concerns involving the UMAs’ recent soliciting for donations and GoFundMe campaign.

    A transparency concern.

    Until now, there has been no formal budget or accounting for funding. Fred Patten, Secretary of the ALAA (Anthropomorphic Literature and Arts Association, which runs the UMAs), told Howl on 5/30/17: “I cannot remember that the Treasurer for the ALAA has ever submitted a formal treasury report.” Fred confirmed there were no records for 17 years, and later added:

    I don’t know how much it costs to print UMA award certificates, buy frames for them, ship them to the recipients, make and ship powerpoint presentations, etc., and I don’t know how much total in donations we’ve gotten over the years…

    There have been complaints in email discussion by associates.  ALAA member Bernard Doove said: “I would like a report on the finances that is more than ‘we’re broke.'” And on 5/4/17, a donor reported that they considered their donation “an unwise decision that could have been put to much better use elsewhere.” There were even fears of misappropriation, but Bernard Doove found no evidence when he looked in the bank accounts. The explanation seems to be fees of $156/year to maintain a Checking and Savings account if they have under a $300 minimum balance each.

    It honestly seems like an issue of mixing small fan efforts with more formal organization, like how fandom started. ALAA Treasurer Rod O’Riley was a fandom founder who helped start Confurence in 1989. He responded to a request for comment:

    The problem is not transparency — the problem is a lack of funds to be transparent about.

    All donations have made their way into our bank account, and have been spent on either what they were supposed to be spent on — making and mailing out our trophies and plaques — or else were swallowed by the bank fees. ALL donations. Sometimes they took a while to get where they were going — as recently, when PayPal and our bank’s on-line system had difficulties talking to each other, for reasons I still do not understand. But eventually, they got where there were going.


    Good faith is evident when many operation costs have been paid out of pocket by Rod and other ALAA members.  However, when public contribution is wanted, more formal fiduciary duty should be expected. Can we see a budget for expenses?  Will there be accounting for what is received and spent, and a report? Without such efforts, donations could be received under mistaken expectations. There should be clarity for donors reached by public appeals.

    The understaffed committee.

    When Howl consulted ALAA members in 2017, Fred Patten explained:

    The ALAA has always been an understaffed volunteer organization. We have had to take who we can get. Rod is literally the only person who has shown any interest in handling the ALAA’s assets. We can’t afford to fire him; who would we replace him with?

    Let me emphasize that the ALAA does have some real expenses, and with all donations going into Rod’s pockets and him paying for those expenses personally, we are basically trusting that his financial contributions outweigh the amount of the donations we get from other people.

    On top of all of this, for con presentations of the UMAs, Rod apparently charges the ALAA for some services, such as assembling “and delivering” a Powerpoint presentation. Volunteering is work, but isn’t every con run without compensation? It seems that Rod puts in a great deal of work into both the ALAA and the UMAs, and the ALAA board allows respect for his long experience and devotion. A clear budget could help assure that to the public.


    Here’s some steps for proper accounting to solicit more and better help:

    • A finance 101 book for indie business could solve some issues such as what the IRS expects.
    • Start a basic bookkeeping system – such as with Quickbooks or free Google Sheets.
    • Optionally, set up a Chart of Accounts for income and spending categories.
    • Make sure all income and expense transactions are tracked.
    • Post a clear budget and promise annual reports.
    • THEN crowdfund for expenses with full transparency.

    Rod responded:

    I’m actually very appreciative of the system you laid out. Other than the paperwork to fill out for the US of A (which is new now that we have a Tax ID number), much of it is things we’ve already been doing — again, when asked. We simply have to make them habitual even even not asked. Can do.



    Let’s solve this to raise donations and make the Ursas what they always promise to be – a fandom institution to rely on, be proud of, discover with and enjoy!

    Are you willing and able to volunteer skill for the understaffed needs? How about donations to offer, contingent on progress?  Specifically, there’s a wish for small, stable, solid yearly contributions out of the budgets of big cons to sustain the awards. Can any con organizers assist?

    Soon, the UMA GoFundMe campaign will be reposted on Dogpatch Press and promoted with a reminder about needs that generous people can help address. Solving these problems would be a good way to help repay what Rod and associates have done for fandom since the beginning.

    Additional comments from ALAA members, February 2018.

    Bernard Doove:

    The ALAA has needed volunteers for years, but we have lost members rather than gained, and we are all doing as much as possible to keep the Ursa Major Awards running. I’ll be donating money from my personal funds once again for the 2017 Award trophies, and I will be flying up to Queensland where the awards ceremony will be held at FurDU this year in order to run the event. The cost of that comes out of my own pocket too. I’m willing to do my bit for the cause, but we desperately need more people with the skills required to improve it.

    Fred Patten adds:

    Often it isn’t as much the money as the time & effort to cover the bureaucratic details. Rod has also been handling all the correspondence and financing to have our trophies made and mailed to the recipients. I don’t know exactly how much labor and money is involved, but Rod has been taking care of it alone for over 15 years now.

    Since 2015, we have replaced the first UMA trophies — the framed certificates — with the lucite trophies, which are more expensive.

    I have told McFarland & Co., the publisher of my Furry Fandom Conventions, 1989-2015, to donate all my royalties directly to the ALAA, but so far this has been less than $200.  Something else that I have been trying to get is some of the better-established furry conventions to regularly donate $100 a year to the ALAA. Is there any way to arrange for a regular small donation from, for example, Anthrocon or Further Confusion or Midwest FurFest or Megaplex or Biggest Little Fur Con or Furry Fiesta or Anthro Weekend Atlanta? If we could get just $100 each from some conventions, we should meet our annual budget.

    Visit the Ursa Major Awards site to learn more about what they do.

    View the full article

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    I'm gay

    how are you

  3. Ok, I'll be honest: I'm never going to get around to uploading those vacation photos and writing out the rest of it.

    Moving on!

    The young cousin we met last year on vacation is coming to America to visit! The plan is right around the same time last year. My father is quite excited and has found a festival to go to with him and then were going to show him around the Midwest. The catch is, the tail-end of the visit overlaps with my plans to attend Anthrocon. While it's becoming increasingly difficult to obscure where I'm going to be, I think it'll work out.

    There's just 3 days where my folks won't be available, before I'll be off to AC. Since it doesn't make sense to work 3 days in between two vacations, I've taken them off as well (leaving me with only 4 more in my time bank! eek!) But, since I'll be available, I'll be expected to entertain my cousin for some of those 3 days.

    Hmmm, well there's a Bowling Alley nearby...

  4. Remember when I said I would try to sketch a couple times a week and then only made two blog posts ever? Hahaha... ha. ._."

    I've been sketching more now so I might as well dump stuff here. Been working on faces.




  5. Sidewalk Surfboard
    Latest Entry


  6. ZorroValdez
    Latest Entry

    So my presence will be lacking over the next week or so. Quite a few coworkers have taken vacation all at the same fucking time so I'm left to pick up the slack since I have no life. Imagine that.

    Also, there was a massive brush fire nearby my home that started Sunday afternoon, and went straight to hell the next day. So when I'm not working I've been on fire watch due to the still smoldering ashes after the blaze was finally "contained". That hopefully shouldn't last another day if it rains. My neighborhood and my house smells like a campfire right now.

    Catch ya later if I don't burn out.

  7. It happened to Lake Peigneur in Louisiana on November 20, 1980.

    "The drilling crew, who had wisely abandoned the tilting rig, watched in amazement from ashore as their 150-foot derrick disappeared into a lake that was less than ten feet deep."

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    Last Sunday I went to a different zoo than the one I usually visit. They opened their new lemur enclosure for the first time and I had to be there.

    Before the enclosure was opened at 11am I went to see their Barbary macaque enclosure though. It is open as well, so you can go in there to hang out with some stinking, disgusting and slightly dangerous monkeys.

    26691814071_7d46c68bdf_b.jpgmonkey by Mathias Appel, auf Flickr

    There was a sign at the entrance that said that they know how to get into bags and backpacks and that they are known to steal stuff from visitors. You are adviced to take off your hat and glasses and to keep everything closed. So I put everything away, put my bottle of Coke where I usually keep my camera (I had it hanging from my shoulder so that place was free) and tied the two zippers of my backpack together.

    Spoiler alert: That wasn't enough. Obviously.

    At first everything went well enough. One of the monkeys had an eye on my backpack and kept coming over to look at it, but he didn't really dare to come close enough to open it.
    When I sat down with my backpack on my back to take the photo I posted above I suddenly felt that one of the monkeys jumped onto my backpack. I gently tried to get him off by poking him a little and by shaking my backpack a little. I really wanted to get him off quickly, I didn't want them to shit on my head...

    Then I suddenly heard a zipper opening... And when I turned around a saw a monkey running up a tree with my food. Yay. At least he didn't take my tablet which I had in there.

    Their new lemur enclosure was great though. Besides a group of ring-tailed lemurs they also have crowned lemurs, which I have never shot before.

    26155034063_82d026e34a_b.jpglemur by Mathias Appel, auf Flickr


    26691728401_610205fa84_b.jpglemur by Mathias Appel, auf Flickr


    26485631190_01f9b6cbf8_b.jpglemur by Mathias Appel, auf Flickr

    Their ring-tailed lemurs are adorable as well:

    26485643780_6033904c3f_b.jpglemur by Mathias Appel, auf Flickr

    It's an all male group of 11 animals. They are all still very young so they play around a lot, it was great :)

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    Ah Devo, one of my favorite bands. I love the false optimism of the song. I know false optimism is not an original concept in music, but this has to be the catchiest song to use it.


    I love hard psych rock like this. Especially love the guitar riffs. Not much I have to say about this.


    I'm not a huge fan of 80's pop, personally. However, if I had to name my favorite pop band of the 80's, it'd be Tears for Fears. I've had this song stuck in my head for the past couple days. What I like most about it is the song's piano (I don't know the correct terminology for this) and it's lyrics.


    I have an obsession for songs like this, but I don't know what they're called. The nice swinging bassline. The rockabilly-esque singing. I call it Greaser-core since it reminds me of 50's Greasers. This is the type of music bikers would listen to while beating each other up. Also, how could you hate a song with a random toilet flushing sound effect.


    Another song I've had stuck in my head for a while. I like it's choice of samples. Who would have known computer startup soundeffects would have made for a good song.

  8. Good day, all you wonderful people! Today, there's absolutely nothing to talk about in regards to the FFVII Remake, or FFXV.  I've already said my two cents on them.  If I were to talk about them right now, I'd just be all: "YAAAAAAAAAAASSSSS!" and start foaming at the mouth.  So, instead of Final Fantasy, I want to talk about a franchise that I've played for quite some time: The Legend of Zelda.  I've only played a few games from this series: Four Sword AdventuresOcarina of TimeMajora's MaskZelda IZelda II: The Adventure of Link, my personal favorite Twilight Princess, and Wind Waker; in that order.  Four Sword Adventures was my first Zelda game.  However, I never completed it; like five others on the list. As for the four games after that: My brother and I had a collector's edition disk for our Gamecube, which is how I got to play those. Like Four Sword, I never finished them; Even the 3DS versions of OoT and MM are incomplete. Zelda I and Zelda II are my least favorite bay far; I got lost so many times that I just rage quit.

    See, guys, I actually found the fifth temple;which was pitch dark. Turns out I needed a candle.  So, I wander about for a bit until I come across an old lady in a random cave. Lo and behold: She's selling candles for 200 Rupees (Or less. I can't remember).  I stared at the screen, and then I reset and played the Wind Waker demo. That was the last time I ever even attempted Zelda I.  As for Zelda II...Well let's just say that the battles were a tad too jarring for my taste; I quit after running into five battles.

    Twilight Princess; one of my all-time favorite games ever.  I could go on for ages about it.  However, I'll show some restraint here; if I don't throw caution to the wind first.  What is it about this game that I absolutely adore?  For starters, the wolf mechanic was pretty damn cool in my opinion. I loved changing into Wolf Link and running around Hyrule Field.  Also: Running around the Castle Town and scaring the shit out of everyone is fucking fun.  That had to be said.  Besides the wolf stuff, the moves that the Hero's Shade teaches you are absolutely glorious!  Especially the Finishing Blow and the Hurricane Spin; I used those all the damn time.  The main characters were great, the story was great, and even some of the dungeons were great. Some of them.  The Snow Peak Ruins and the City in the Sky were absolute hell. No, Yetto, I will not give you shit for your soup.  The Ruins have virtually no redeeming qualities  Unless you count the FFVII-inspired snowboarding mini-game that takes you there.  The City in the Sky, however, has a fucking dragon for a boss; that is the only redeeming quality for that dungeon.  This game is amazing.  However, I will admit one thing: It hasn't aged all that well.  The textures are all muddy and gross-looking, the models are borderline low-poly, and the bloom effect that Nintendo did for the Twilight Realm is too much.  Thankfully, there's a remaster to play.  To be honest though, I don't think I'll be getting it. Because one: I don't have a Wii U, and two: They've remastered the Gamecube version of the game; which I've played, and finished, eight times.  Besides that, I want a PS4 with the passion of a thousand suns.

    Unlike Twilight Princess, The Wind Waker was something new for me.  Everything in it was cute, brightly-colored, and highly atmospheric with some cartoonish comedy sprinkled in.  It's cell-shaded art style was quite amazing to behold; especially after staring at TP's muddy colors for several months.  Back when it first came out, everyone tried roasting this game because of how it looked.  Honestly though, I really like it. Granted, I never finished it because I got stuck.  The King of Red Lions kept telling me to "Seek knowlege from the people of the sea!", and that still makes no sense to me.  Back when my brother and I still had the Gamecube (He sold it without asking first....Asshole.), I didn't have a laptop to search for walkthroughs.  So, as I previusly stated, I never finished the game.

    Well, guys, that's about it for me today!  I hope you enjoyed this long-winded ramble about Zelda games.  I'll catch you guys and gals later!

  9. Endless/Nameless
    Latest Entry

    Ok, I'm gonna list my personal top 5 albums of all time.

    Note that I said personal; as in this is my personal opinion. It's not meant to be the definitive list to take on the world.

    Anyway, here we go:



    Blonde on Blonde -Bob Dylan
    Bob Dylan. My personal favorite artist ever, and the single most influential songwriter of our generation. He reintroduced the world to the idea that songs can be something more; that they can be a kind of poetry. He has a lot of good albums, but this one finds him at the top of his game. The songwriting ranges from melancholy and cryptic, to boisterous and tounge-in-cheek. And the sound--that sound!!--is wonderful. Or, as he himself put it, it's got that "thin, wild mercury sound".
    Picks: "Visions of Johanna", "I Want You", "Sad-Eyed Lady of the Lowlands"


    Abbey Road -The Beatles
    And then there's Beatles, the other hugely influential band. These guys were incredibly important to shaping what music was to become; they showed people that 'popular music" can be a real form of art, and pioneered many of the modern recording techniques that we still use today. But why didn't I choose Sgt, Pepper? The one everybody chooses?? The one that rocked the music industry to its core??? Well, here's why: It may have been a bold and incredible album in '67, but it just doesn't hold up all that well today. Frankly it just sounds like silly fluff. Not that there aren't some fantastic songs on there, mind you, but overall it just doesn't have the same effect that it did then. So I chose my personal favorite instead, Abbey Road. It's their best album in my opinion. It's got fun songs, good production, a great vibe; hell, even the cover is stunning!! Yes, this one has some silly songs too but I think they hold up much better here. The medley section on the 2nd half is fantastic. And with this being the final album they recorded before their breakup, who could ask for a better closer than "The End"?? This album is just plain beautiful.
    Picks: "Come Together", "Something", "Here Comes the Sun", "She Came in Through the Bathroom Window"


    The Dark Side of the Moon -Pink Floyd
    Well this one's a no-brainer. Pink Floyd, after a fair few albums of stumbling around trying to find their niche, really came unto their own on this one with a masterfully-crafted concept album about the stress and seeming futility of life. It struck a chord with millions, and became one of the highest-regarded and best-selling albums of all time. If you haven't listened to it yet, you really should--preferably in a quiet, dark room. It's like a beautiful depression. 
    Picks:....you better just listen straight through. It'll be obvious.


    The Joshua Tree -U2
    Here's an awesome aural experience!! U2 does America. This one's great for taking long walks outdoors. Every song is of the highest quality. You can feel the air and wide, open spaces.
    Picks: "Where the Streets Have No Name", "With or Without You", "Bullet the Blue Sky", oh godammit I want to list all of them..... 


    OK Computer -Radiohead
    A modern gem right here, made for the claustrophobia of the modern age. Radiohead are some of the most masterful, intelligent musicians of our time, and they can carve out a great album like nobody's business. This is their masterwork. Written and composed during a time of great stress, the band just coming off a tough tour, this is an album about fear: fear of travel, fear of technology, fear of others, fear of death. Every song is perfection. I'd recommend grabbing a lyric sheet your first time around.
    Picks: "Airbag", "Paranoid Android", "Karma Police"









    Yay you read it what do you want a cookie or something go home geez

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    A friend of mine suggested that I try it on a whim and I did since we discussed classic sodas like rootbeer and ginger beers coming back in popularity.

    The 7-11 across the street from my apartment carries it, and I was in the mood for something Boozy...and not Mike's Harder Lemonade.

    Henry's Hard Soda made it around the market with the Ginger ale, which is okay. I've been spoiled on Scottish and Jamaican Ginger Beers, so I have to say that it was "meh" in comparison to Not your dad's ginger ale. It was missing the bite that a lot of the more popular ones, like Crabbes, were missing. I guess it was trying to mimic the soda you'd find in your convenient  store fridge. *shrug*


    Anyways, the orange variety is fizzy like a soda and a clean sweet in comparison to Mike's hard (Which has a heavy syrup aftertaste). As for the orange soda flavor...it's not as strong as if I were to drink a regular Fanta orange or Sunkist with a little vodka or everclear. It reminds me more of cheap malt liquor, sadly. The ABV is 4.2%, so it is good as something good to drink without the excessive alcohol.

    My rating a 3/5. Not the best thing, but it's okay. It's a good chaser or something to sip on if you are looking for a fruity drink that isn't that strong. 

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    Recent Entries

    Latest Entry

    I adopted a cat recently. I was meant to pick her up on the 22nd, but there were complications during surgery (apparently the surgical incision was a bit too large and they wanted to ensure it healed properly) and they changed the pick-up date to today, the 24th.
    I picked her up and she's just a sweet little baby, she's so happy to finally be able to walk around, stretch out, and lay on the couch instead of being cooped up in a kennel/cage. I saw her a while back and knew I had to adopt her; she looks just like my current cat, Mink. I asked for more details on my new cat (who I've named Tizzy) and was told that she was found in the south of my city as a stray and is about 4 years old. Mink was sold to me by a breeder in the south of the city and is 4 years old as well. Their similarities in appearance, location, and age all said to me that they may be long-lost siblings.
    Upon meeting Tizzy, I noticed that she has the same short-ish legs as Mink, the same silky fur and long tail hair, and exhibits the same quirky behaviour as Mink. I adopted her and I have her in my roommate's room for a week or so while I slowly introduce the two cats.

    I originally had Moose (my sister's cat, who she left at my dad's house because she felt he was bored all alone at her house, and who I took with me to be with Mink for company), but my dad missed him so I gave him back. I miss him, but I know he's happier there where he can see my other two cats (Timmy and Red) and be able to roam around without competition from Mink. (Moose and Mink got along well, but Moose likes to play rough and Mink doesn't. This way Moose can see the older cats but also won't be able to smack Mink when he gets excited).

    Anyways, I have two cats now, here's pics of both of them. New cat (Tizzy) is wearing the Cone of Shame, obviously.




  10. Just because I took a bunch of screens in the process of making this paint.
    This took around 18 - 20 hours, start to finish.


  11. It's also 3 in the morning and I'm shitposting on the internet while pretending to look for a job.

    The American Dream...god bless.

  12. I'm not angry enough to lash out; especially with my fists.
    I'm not sad enough to cry and shed tears.
    I'm not happy enough to smile.

    Yet, I do it anyway.


    Smile...that is.

  13. I'm going to buy so much underwear. RIP wallet

  14. Hell_Charm
    Latest Entry

    Well, I finally got to do some more sculpting, however my trial licence had expired by today and using a 2nd e-mail address to get another key wasn't working, so I decided to give Mudbox a try.

    Best decision ever, I'm used to working with Maya and 3DsMax so I got the hang of it in no time, still have some stuff to fix but I think the base mesh is getting close to finished :D

    WIP pics:





  15. the link is in the writer's bloc. Let me know what you think. The next chapter might take a while since I need to think of stuff to put in it.

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    Recent Entries

    It has been a few months since I got PERMANENTLY BANNED (yes, caps are important :V) from FA over the #FATransparency drama (for violating something I didn't even sign)  and things have been coming along ok I guess.

    It does indeed suck that the traffic on Weasyl and SoFurry is significantly down on numbers than that of FA. That was always a given. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't annoyed by that fact though, I am. I've lost pretty much half of my watchers if we compare my weasyl watchers to my FA ones and I find that it's just pretty quiet here in general. A lot of artists I used to follow either aren't on here or just have account and don't post all that often. Again, not unexpected, but very frustrating nonetheless.

    Frustrating not only because I now can't follow some amazing artists as regularly as I used to, but a lot of my friends are from FA and quite a few of them haven't made the transition yet, hence resulting in less community participation over here than I was used to.

    It's a vicious cycle. People don't want to join less popular sites because they believe it's not worth their time for the very small amount of exposure they'll get, but this very behaviour results in there being a small audience on the site in the first place.... so people don't make a point to make themselves active here.... and on goes the cycle. It's the exact same thing as with YouTube. Everyone at every opportunity shits on YouTube (quite rightly a lot of the time, same with FA) and there are better alternatives, but  very few content creators want to commit fully to them because they'll take a hit to their audience and hence income. Staying where the audience is, I understand, makes a lot of sense and I guess to a lot of creators is worth more than what features a site has, how it's run or how it looks.

    Creators: - I often make the case that you should put your work in as many places you can post it. I do so with my music for example. I post it to FA (well, used to), weasyl, SoFurry, YouTube, Soundcloud, Bandcamp, etc.... It's simple marketing. Get your stuff EVERYWHERE to gain maximum exposure. People see this as too much work to maintain stuff on all those sites, however, there are definite benefits as shown by decades of..... well, just look at advertising today. It's doing the exact same thing. Getting the product EVERYWHERE so people can see it. If they don't see it, they won't engage with or buy it. Think of the content you create as that product. You will reap the rewards eventually.

    However, as a start this journal is a GREAT guide on how to increase your watcher's activity on your accounts that aren't FA. It can apply to any site. - https://www.weasyl.com/journal/69579/faster-better-cheaper-traffic-funneling-for-content-creators

    Another idea in a journal I found (which is being a pain to find again) is to make site-specific offers or deals. Offer for example a YCH on one site that you want to direct traffic to and not the others, and advertise it on other sites. Open site-exclusive commissions. Maybe you can do what I've seen some artists do and offer a higher quality/full version pictures on the sites that you like and link them. This is a more extreme option and you'll have to be careful of your userbase's reaction (perhaps ask for feedback beforehand!), but it's an option.

    Work at it and you'll reap the rewards.

    To both creators and watchers: - INTERACT and use the site that you like the most. If the artists you love are 'struggling' on your site, then help them out with interaction. Be supportive. Comment on and fav stuff, watch new artists. Make it 'worth the effort' for them to continue posting there and they'll definitely be more tempted to.

    I have rambled on a bit, but this is a topic I'm quite passionate about and I'd love to see better, more efficiently run sites rise up and reach the popularity they should have. In my opinion, FA should not get all the glory and traffic, it does not deserve it. It has neglected this community's for too long and as long as the current leadership are in power, it'll be very hard for me to support them unless a miracle happens. This is the only overly opinionated part of this journal, but it's something I felt I needed to say after interacting with FA's leadership for so long.

    Thanks for reading my long, rambly journal. I hope you have at least gained something from it. Feel free to share it with your friends, creators or not.

    - Kalmor Isvaeng