The Grimiore LIbrary--First Ten Pages

[Conker]

Hey all, I've just started the wonderful joy of EDITING THE FIRST DRAFT of my novel, The Grimoire Library and wouldn't mind some feedback on the first ten pages. The project started off as a novella and then got really long, and I'm thinking I'm still not done fixing up chapter one yet. I've certainly bettered it over the last few hours, but yeah. Not quite where I want it.

Feedback might help!

And since I post so much here and give feedback, I probably should put my money where my mouth is.

First ten pages can be found on this Google Doc https://docs.google.com/document/d/1TJpW9NS_xZJT4vkf49bUvhtO3V9mv5q1RC-XeOs33RY/edit?usp=sharing

I guess I'm not really sure waht I'm looking for. It might move by too quickly, but it wound up being a young adult novel, and that's kind of the norm. The writing style is a bit leaner than waht I'm used to as well, but once again, that's a YA norm.

Plot of the book is thus: Norbert Krickman is a lonely and depressed kid on some new medication, stuff that hopefully will work. He takes it and hey, it kinda does, but whenever he sleeps he goes to a library filled wiht nothing but spellbooks. He eventually finds a book in English and begins to learn magic that works in the real world. Problem is, the library aint a nice place, and the guy who runs it is pretty well out for blood. Book is mostly about Norbert navigating both worlds, trying to make the best of both situations because damn, his new meds are working and learning magic is making his life better. Shame that sleep is now dangerous as hell.

So yeah. that's about it. Editing has been strange. Normally I cut cut cut cut cut, but here I've been adding just as much as I've been cutting. I think some of my transitions suck. I'm trying to fix that. Also some other stuff. I dunno. It's a fucked up process.

 

[Chaosmasterdelta]

Hey all, I've just started the wonderful joy of EDITING THE FIRST DRAFT of my novel, The Grimoire Library and wouldn't mind some feedback on the first ten pages. The project started off as a novella and then got really long, and I'm thinking I'm still not done fixing up chapter one yet. I've certainly bettered it over the last few hours, but yeah. Not quite where I want it.

Feedback might help!

And since I post so much here and give feedback, I probably should put my money where my mouth is.

First ten pages can be found on this Google Doc https://docs.google.com/document/d/1TJpW9NS_xZJT4vkf49bUvhtO3V9mv5q1RC-XeOs33RY/edit?usp=sharing

I guess I'm not really sure waht I'm looking for. It might move by too quickly, but it wound up being a young adult novel, and that's kind of the norm. The writing style is a bit leaner than waht I'm used to as well, but once again, that's a YA norm.

Plot of the book is thus: Norbert Krickman is a lonely and depressed kid on some new medication, stuff that hopefully will work. He takes it and hey, it kinda does, but whenever he sleeps he goes to a library filled wiht nothing but spellbooks. He eventually finds a book in English and begins to learn magic that works in the real world. Problem is, the library aint a nice place, and the guy who runs it is pretty well out for blood. Book is mostly about Norbert navigating both worlds, trying to make the best of both situations because damn, his new meds are working and learning magic is making his life better. Shame that sleep is now dangerous as hell.

So yeah. that's about it. Editing has been strange. Normally I cut cut cut cut cut, but here I've been adding just as much as I've been cutting. I think some of my transitions suck. I'm trying to fix that. Also some other stuff. I dunno. It's a fucked up process.

 

I'm writing this as I read and I have never done this before so It might be bad or something.Sorry.

The first thing I noticed was the censoring. It always has "swear" or "curse word" instead of the actual word, wich kinda makes it sound like the story is holding back since it's going to be shared in one of those really prudish and goody-goody christian group things. Though its susposed to be like that for all I know. (Now that I have read it all, just the first part was like that. It's kinda inconsistint though.)

The other thing is where at the begining, there seems to be to much describing/ exposition and not enough doing.

I dont have anything to say about the rest of it. Just the first part. I hope this helps.

Edited November 6, 2015 by Chaosmasterdelta

[Conker]

I'm writing this as I read and I have never done this before so It might be bad or something.Sorry.

The first thing I noticed was the censoring. It always has "swear" or "curse word" instead of the actual word, wich kinda makes it sound like the story is holding back since it's going to be shared in one of those really prudish and goody-goody christian group things. Though its susposed to be like that for all I know. (Now that I have read it all, just the first part was like that. It's kinda inconsistint though.)

The other thing is where at the begining, there seems to be to much describing/ exposition and not enough doing.

I dont have anything to say about the rest of it. Just the first part. I hope this helps.

Totally forgot you posted in this.

The swearing thing I don't really plan on changing. I tend to overswear in my stories and I'm making a conscious effort to cut back. I think I had to take out 20 fuckbombs in my first novel, which is just...yeah. I have a problem.

As to the exposition, I kind of agree with you but am not sure where to cut down. At the moment, it all feels like it's important info.