Starting writing, constructive criticism would be much appreciated.

[Muugu]

So here I lay, suffering from my nightly dose of can't go to fuck to sleep, so I get the crazy idea of starting to write a short novella taking place in the Star Citizen universe.

The story is about a young woman pursuing her dreams and she winds up on an adventure of her lifetime. Kinda basic, but here's the rough prologue that shoud set the mood for the story to follow.

Somewhere in Virgil sector floats Hope class Endeavour, passing dangerously close to a dying star.

Named the Pinnacle of Hope, it had served many years in UEE as a field hospital in the frontier wars against the unclaimed territories independence. A gunshot echoes the hallways, bouncing off the cold corridors. It was not followed by additional bangs, nor screams. Just pure silence.

Like space itself it became calm again.

 

However being absolutely and totally inexperienced writer (I've written nothing beforehand) I have no idea of structuring my text or creating interesting way of writing. So I'd much appreciate even the harshest feedback on those parts mostly. Story, characters and everything is a very ROUGH WIP. But I do have the basic storyline figured out.

Here's what I've come up so far 

https://docs.google.com/document/d/13Mp3r-4r2QDdJqaeMGoaBhSaXCLLhg6FrtpF905yVO4/edit?usp=sharing

 

Do bear in mind I haven't done proper formatting for this yet so it goes to shit in terms of readability after the first half or so

Edited January 4, 2016 by Muugu

[Conker]

Honestly, I quite like what you have there. It's very much a first draft, but editing will fix the grammar problems and allow you to update wording here and there.

My only piece of advice is: Don't be too willing to jump the backstory gun. You give us your main char's past pretty quickly and with little buildup. It can wait until later. The biggest problem new writers have (generally) is wanting to put too much information out in the open. Keep some of it hidden for later. I can tell you, the way you built up your character's voice and struggle with finding a job, she's already very relatable.

My only concern then is this: try not to make it too much like Firefly. I got some minor vibes as the story started, but those are mostly genre things right now. But keep that show in mind as you go, lest you tread too carefully into it.

Otherwise, yeah. I enjoyed what you have.

[Muugu]

1 hour ago, Conker said:

Honestly, I quite like what you have there. It's very much a first draft, but editing will fix the grammar problems and allow you to update wording here and there.

My only piece of advice is: Don't be too willing to jump the backstory gun. You give us your main char's past pretty quickly and with little buildup. It can wait until later. The biggest problem new writers have (generally) is wanting to put too much information out in the open. Keep some of it hidden for later. I can tell you, the way you built up your character's voice and struggle with finding a job, she's already very relatable.

My only concern then is this: try not to make it too much like Firefly. I got some minor vibes as the story started, but those are mostly genre things right now. But keep that show in mind as you go, lest you tread too carefully into it.

Otherwise, yeah. I enjoyed what you have.

Thank you for the feedback. Helps a lot.

I'll push the backstory for later, maybe bring it up in a conversation. I didn't have Firefly in my head when I started but I can see how it could send off that vibe. And I'll definitely tone down the age of the ship, she isn't meant to be a rustbucket like Serenity or Millenium Falcon but I've already over emphasized it.