#00Buck Posted June 10, 2016 Share Posted June 10, 2016 I’ve been very lucky in life to have many close calls. I’m a huge fan of close calls because if you learn something from them you become a better person. The only thing more surreal than the super slow motion effect that takes place when you are almost killed is the experience of having your life flash before your eyes. It’s really quick and it isn’t your whole life. It’s more like a rapid-fire slide show of things that happened to you. Why the brain selects the moments it does I have no clue. After the car stops spinning and comes to a halt sideway on the sidewalk and you reach down and touch your chest and legs and realize that you’re still in once piece, you get out dazed and vibrating from the adrenaline, which is then followed by shaking and tiredness from the adrenaline wearing off, which is then followed by introspection and self examination. A near death experience is like getting your ass kicked in a fight. There’s something very philosophical that comes over you after just having your faced punched in. I’ve walked or crawled away from car crashes, having a sawed off shotgun shoved in my face, a convenience store robbery, tons of fights, half a dozen muggings, trying to jump my bike across things that were far too ambitious for me. Sometimes I was uninjured. Sometimes I was permanently scarred. I have a scar on my chin from jumping my BMX bike off a parking garage and badly miscalculating the landing. The nurse kept telling me to stop moaning as she stitched up my chin. “I’ve given you painkillers you shouldn’t feel anything.” The reason I was moaning was her giant breasts were flopping all over my forehead as she leaned over to put in the stiches. Just like my first ever bike accident there was at least one good thing that came out of every close call I’ve had. My wrists, thumbs, and ankles all crack and creak from being broken so many times. My spine has no cartilage left in it. I can literally feel the little grains of sand running between the bones when I lie down to sleep at night. I have scars but none of them are terrible or obvious. Plus my knees and joints are all damaged. But I’m alive and overall in good condition and I learned from every close call. Every time I dodged a bullet I learned something. I used to have a girlfriend in another city. Every weekend after work I would run into the parking lot and jump in the car and start my fast paced nighttime drive to go and see her. I’d drive flat out in the darkness with the music blasting swerving through the bends happy that I’d soon be with someone I was so in love with that it made my life wonderful. I had perfect days with her. Literally perfect. Then one day she told me she was moving away. Very far away. My heart sank and I knew that if I didn’t chase after her I’d never see her ever again. She left. I cried. I never forgot her. I still have every card and little gift she ever gave me. This all happened before the internet was a big thing. So one day I’m on Facebook many years later and I get a friend request. Guess who it was? I accepted and clicked on her profile and saw photos of her looking as beautiful as ever with a handsome husband and a child in her arms. I never wanted kids. I’ve never wanted to be a father. I did love her but I never liked all of the things that she liked. In that moment I realized that I never could have made her happy. She messaged me her phone number. We talked and I knew I still loved her. I didn’t ask her to say the same but I heard it in her voice. After I hung up the phone I realized… I was the bullet she dodged. If she stayed with me neither of us would have been happy. She had to get away from me in order to have the life she needed to live. To this day I’m very happy for her. She has two kids now and it is awesome watching them progress as a family. I love the smile she has now. It is the smile I could never give her. I’ve always tried to be a good person. I never thought that I would be the close call that someone else would narrowly escape from. That’s exactly what I was to her and everyone I’ve ever had a relationship with. I used to think that in the story of my own life that I was the hero. Now I see that I’m something else. I’m not a villain. I’m more like a car accident, tornado, or flash flood and although none of those things are evil none of those things have a conscience. I do have a conscience. I don’t like being the bullet other people dodged. I try to think that by being in their life I’ve done more good than harm but I know that’s not true for all of them. I’ve accepted the fact that I am the bullet. I feel better about everyone who did learn something from their close call with me. I also feel bad for everyone who didn’t. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.