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Panic Attacks, mental illness

Kellie Gator

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If I may be so bold, it seems like you often don't particularly like yourself, or feel like you're worth much.

When people don't like themselves, or don't have confidence in themselves, they are more likely to grab onto anyone who'll give them the time of day.

Many people can "smell" others' poor self-image and self-esteem. Some people will react by stepping back from that person or avoiding them--and there are multiple reasons why they react like this. Some people will react with sympathy or empathy, because they see that the person is hurting. And, predators will react by going in for the kill, because they feed on insecurity and vulnerability.

The story you're telling yourself about being "disgusting" and about being defective because you're a 25-year-old virgin is feeding your sadness, despair, self-hatred, and anger, which is driving you to seek solace and comfort any way you can--for example, by clinging to people who aren't worth your time. When you continually tell yourself this story about being disgusting, defective, and bad, you give off a "scent" that draws in predatory people who prey on those who feel they're worthless and disgusting.

The objective reality is that you're a 25-year-old virgin who's been in relationships where people did and said things that hurt you.

The subjective story you're telling yourself is that this makes you disgusting and bad, because other people don't have these same problems or issues.

Ask yourself: Is this story helpful? Is it true? How is this story true? How is this story false? What are possible alternatives to this story?

Would you let your best friend or most beloved family member tell themselves a story like this?

Well, most of my relationship-hunting was online so I dunno if people could smell me there. Maybe, 'cause my third relationship was with an abuser.

I can see what you're trying to say, I'm just trying to make sense of everything, make sense out of why I'm single and a virgin and all that shit. Me being disgusting feels like the only logical narrative I can think of.

But I've been trying to think more about this. I denied that I was being pressured because people keep having sex at younger ages but then a friend pointed it out, that I am being pressured because I want to have sex so I'll feel like I'm normal. It's an immense pressure that's been literally killing me from the inside and out. Yesterday I just kept bashing my head into a wall over this which I kinda forgot about until I showered today and my head was sore when I was shampooing it because of what I had been doing with my head.

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Really doubt it's gonna make you feel normal. Though I guess you might find something else to blame your feelings on, for better or worse.

Hard to know for sure. I feel like it'd help me come to terms with my past if I found someone but I guess the preferable thing would be to learn to be content with being alone. Which I'm not right now.

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