Failure again...

[Vallium]

You guys see all my dumb threads and posts?  You know why? I'm your stereotypical basement dwelling furry with no life in the real world. Most my friends are on the internet. I dont function well socially. I dont have a good personality. Im a dumb nerd with no social skills.

"But social skills are overrated, youre fine"? Am I? No, No one hires the asocial retard, no one trusts the shaky, awkward guy wanting to do professional work in a certain field. I dont have what it takes for survival. I cant get a job. Im lucky I have a job, from sheer dumb luck no less.

What now? Im very close to not doing well. Im short 95 sticks to pass my clinical course. 95. I have two weeks to go. Im transferring and from there I have to really put in more than before to make it. Lots of other factors outside my control didnt help, but the main downfall is my own non confidence and anxiety Ive been working really hard to dispel to little avail. Do they care? No. It doesnt look that way, its pass or fail. Im gonna buck up and keep trying these next two weeks and hope I break in some progress.

 

If I make it? Deep sigh of relief. If I dont? Im gonna have to keep applying for jobs and throw down yet more money for another degree.

I could get away with social anxiety as a kid, but as an adult? Its crippling and killing my life. I do well now, but am I going to be stuck minimum wage forever because thats all Im good for?

I would like to get professional help, but with what money? The money from the well paying job that I dont have? That I cant get because Im a loser? An endless loop right there.

 

Im not giving up, by the way. Just really stressed out. Being on here youve probably heard me always and forever complain about my incompetance and shit...because...you guessed it, I dont have actual proximal people to complain to.

[DrGravitas]

Best of luck with your clinical course! Study hard pull out all the stops!

 

And for the record, I like seeing your posts around here  :\ You do cute little doodles!

[Feelwell]

For an 

1 hour ago, WolfNightV4X1 said:

asocial retard,

You're pretty cool. I personally think you're amazing to talk to, and sorta inspiring.

Good luck! Y'know, anytime could be the time where you start to turn everything around. It just doesn't happen all at once.

[Vallium]

2 hours ago, Feelwell the Rabbit said:

For an 

You're pretty cool. I personally think you're amazing to talk to, and sorta inspiring.

Good luck! Y'know, anytime could be the time where you start to turn everything around. It just doesn't happen all at once.

Silly rabbit, internet doesnt count!

Thanks though, I am trying. It just isnr easy. Waiting for the turnaround still >:[

[Strongbob]

Do not give in to the fear.  Fear is the mind killer.  Luck favors the bold.  You can. 

[Snagged]

You think you're a socially awkward and a failure as a person? That exists first and foremost in your own mind. Does it exist in the minds of the others? You don't know unless you hear about it. 

But whether you're frowned not just by yourself but the others too, you need to prove yourself to be something else than what you think you are, since others will start to think you as what you think you are. I am talking about confidence. Prove yourself, the confident side of you to yourself and to others. But primarily, do it for yourself because I know what you think you are is not something you want to be. 

"Oh but I am not feeling confident"

You need motivating factors, which can be categorized into two subsets; fear and hope

To think yourself to be someone you don't want to be is fear. Like being that low wage fast food restaurant employee. That is nightmsrish. You need fear to grow yourself as a person. But you also need that hope too, something to work towards. Imagine yourself as the ideal person you wish to be and slowly work towards that, one bit at a time in small but noticeable increments of progress.

My advice: Take this moment to study as diligently as you can. And if you don't pass, try again with same or greater diligence. You said you are not giving up and I think we all here can agree that we will wish you to keep it that way. 

And don't say failure is not an option. We all fall. The question is how gracefully we can do that and if we can get up after falling and keep pouring on. By the sounds of your story, you are indeed in quite a bad spot at the moment. You have studies you haven't completed. You know, so do I and I feel bad about it but it's just more of that something to work towards. It fuels a person. 

One more thing. If you think your, quote, "awkward" personality is what's holding you back, then look towards changing the way you approach a social confrontation OR accept the fact that most people wouldn't mind it (The latter is the easier one, js)

The people that don't... Well, they might not the right type of people you want to hang out with. There's plenty of fish out in the sea and it just takes some more time and effort to find the right catch for you. The people here in Phoenix are like minded with you and at least I think you're a cool person. Would you believe it that there people in the world that would enjoy your (eccentric or "awkward") company? 

Now by no means I am not a professional but I do hope you find inspiration from my (gasp 😲, totally FREE) words, even though I think my words are arranged in a terrible order or that I am not conveying my thought through way I wish you to perceive them. But I still want to publish this miniature wall of text because I wish to help you. Stay strong out there.