Conglomerate

[Silo]

I have nobody to vent to but myself (earned it, didn't I?). I'm watching the few friendships I have die left and right and family isn't able to fill that hole. Mentors and teachers are beginning to move on with their lives, approaching retirement and all - leaving me with a stalking father and an inflammatory mother, who seem to be getting back together. To be blunt, it made the constant back and forth between court cases a waste of time and breath.  The infighting within the apartment  isn't changing, and in fact, got violent again (my sister and her boyfriend spoke of slitting each other throats as well, but thankfully never happened)

The pastor of my has now left to a different place - possibly due to the uncooperative nature of the consistory. They simply were not able to keep the children within the church walls, and there's only so many times you can teach the same sermon to the same people before you come to the realization that you're wasting your time. In a conversation with him, he has entrusted me with the children again, and I'm unsure with how well I'll do (I've been disconnected with the church and Christianity for quite a few months now). As he was someone I could vent to, he's no longer going to be an option for the time being. Perhaps, after he's installed into the new church.

Friendships,are beginning to loose their meaning, especially emotionally. Even some of my highschool 'friends' who I've had the pleasure of living with for 4 months (total) seemed to be incredibly distant after college started. Maybe, it was because they didn't like me from the beginning, and that I was, at most, tolerable. They never seemed to want to tell me back then. Hell, they didn't even tell me of the things they were doing (parties, drinking and all other nonsense). Throughout the year, I had to gradually cut ties with those people but it's only making me feel more desperate. It's terrible, honestly. There's one friend that I wish to talk about, but that's far too deep down the rabbit hole. The story ends with much guilt beyond what this forum can allow.

I can understand if relationships are difficult, but abusive relationships are a no-go. Threatening each other (You're engaged!) solves nothing and only shows how unstable the relationship actually is.  Judging by the arguments that they frequently get into (the last notable one was on Father's Day) my sister seems to only care about how much money a man can make and consistently flaunts her associates degree in his face. She seems to always require some assurance from someone else (especially me: youngest, as she has told me was angry-jealous of me and how I seem to get away with everything)  He's a stoner, his future has already been set in it - and there's very little she can do about it. It's probably the last string that keeping him the slightest bit sane. He's probably just as prideful as her and seems to always point about how he and I  are Leos and she's a Gemini who will never understand him. Because he 'doesn't care' about money, he sits and does nothing apart from walking the dog in front of the building in back. No searching for a job... Nothing.

 

[Jtrekkie]

I've read a few coming of age type stories, where instead of finding adventure, the protagonist stands emptily in a mess while everything sours and decays. I couldn't help but to think of them reading your post.

One of the most unnerving things I've noticed about growing up is that friends tend to disperse on their own at about the same time it gets harder to make new ones. And the adults you knew as a child start to fade away, too. It's very lonely and a very hopeless thing. Everything decays eventually, yes, but there's no need for so much despair. I hope things aren't quite that dismal for you. Either way, try not to let yourself get desperate. That can get you in more trouble later on if you settle with people who aren't so good for you. 

You seem to be a pretty OK guy. If you need someone to vent to, you're always welcome here, and I'd be more than happy to listen if you'd like.

[Silo]

9 hours ago, Jtrekkie said:

I've read a few coming of age type stories, where instead of finding adventure, the protagonist stands emptily in a mess while everything sours and decays. I couldn't help but to think of them reading your post.

One of the most unnerving things I've noticed about growing up is that friends tend to disperse on their own at about the same time it gets harder to make new ones. And the adults you knew as a child start to fade away, too. It's very lonely and a very hopeless thing. Everything decays eventually, yes, but there's no need for so much despair. I hope things aren't quite that dismal for you. Either way, try not to let yourself get desperate. That can get you in more trouble later on if you settle with people who aren't so good for you. 

You seem to be a pretty OK guy. If you need someone to vent to, you're always welcome here, and I'd be more than happy to listen if you'd like.

It would seem that way, that everything is decaying around me, but sometimes I have to question how much of it is my own doing and how much is natural. Distance and time naturally separates people, I won't dispute this, but I don't really understand what I've done wrong in order to get my previous friends to want to stay distant from me. It's just concerning. 

Even people of poor character are distant to me - a blessing in its own right. They don't seem to want me to get caught up in any of the wrongs they're doing and always try to keep me out of it. Those people of good character (based off of their interactions with others and me) seem to just be physically distant from me. There's maybe 3 or 4 people that I can talk to that's from highschool, and the rest feel impossible to reach. 

Some of the adults that I've grown up with have passed away. Some are now sickly and their time is slowly coming to an end. A few have abrupt endings that nobody could forsee, others have been in the hospitals for years now. These things make me wonder what I should do now.

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[WileyWarWeasel]

Perhaps this quote on conglomerates will inspire you: