Love Substitute

[#00Buck]

During the winter I decided to take an interest in my physical health. So I started a diet and began exercising. Cutting sugar out of your diet is a common theme but when you look into it you discover that it is incredibly hard to do. It isn't so much the willpower required to resist the lure of sugar. It more has to do with the fact that people put sugar in everything. Unless you're picking up a vegetable or piece of steak there's sugar, starches, salt, and all kinds of things added to food and beverages. It isn't so much giving in to the craving as much as giving up on trying to avoid something that's everywhere.  

I enjoy soda pop so I switched to the diet version of the one I like. I know sugary pop is bad for me so the diet version is a substitute for the one I really want. The funny thing is the substitute is full of chemicals and is also bad for me. 

I really should be drinking water. 

So why is it I don't crave water? I wasn't born drinking soda pop. I know my parents wouldn't feed it to me as a kid. They were too poor to afford it. At some point in my childhood I must have had my first drink of pop. I don't remember that experience but here I am today drinking the stuff so there must have been something to it that stuck with me. Soda is something that reminds me of all the things in life that I've craved over the years that were bad for me. So to avoid the harmful effects I'd try and substitute other things in their place. 

What I really needed the whole time was water. 

I've spent my whole life wanting to be loved. I mean in the normal relationship kind of way not in terms of being popular or anything. I knew something of what a healthy loving relationship was supposed to be. Yet for some reason I veered off into dysfunctional relationships. I knew that they were bad for me and I kept getting involved in them until I couldn't stand it anymore. So I decided to substitute other things for those relationships. 

I tried to use hobbies, books, movies, games, food, alcohol, and all kinds of other things as a substitute for that thing that I knew was bad for me. In this case the substitutes (escapism) were also bad but probably not as harmful as what I was trying to avoid. This problem haunted me for an incredibly long time.

There was an older girl who lived up the street from me. She was a dyke (her description of herself) so we both had a mutual interest in girls. We used to exchange dating disaster stories. This went on for over a decade. It seemed that neither of us were destined to have a functional relationship. She would be walking her dog and I'd be coming home late from work. We'd tell each other our latest horror stories and laugh and shake our heads. Her relationship problems were way different than mine like girls deciding that they weren't gay anymore and she had a much smaller pool to choose from. My problems on the other hand were self inflicted and she told me so. 

One evening she told me I was dating the same person in a different body over and over again. She was right. I knew she was right. I was looking for the wrong thing. I was reaching for that soda again when what I really needed was water. I didn't want water. So I didn't bother looking for it. 

So many years later I'm in the old neighbourhood and guess who I run into? She's getting married to her partner and things have worked out well for her. So she asked how I was doing. I told her I was in a long term relationship with someone. She asked what I did differently. I said "absolutely nothing." I didn't go looking for bottled water. I went and grabbed a bottle of soda. The thing is they made a mistake at the factory and forgot to add the sugar. So I ended up with a bottle of water by accident and it was exactly what I needed at exactly the right time. 

So you think I'd learn from this. Well I sort of did. It's that substitute for the healthy choice that's the problem and those substitutes are too easy to find. Just like the sugar it's in everything. Sprinkled into movies, shows, music videos, relationships, social media, advertising, and the internet. It's just so easy to make the unhealthy choice and there are entire industries dedicated to making the unhealthy choice accessible and appealing. 

I drink more water than I used to but as I type this I'm drinking diet soda. I think about the person I could be if I could just cut all the crap out of my life and it makes me feel frustrated about where I am. Mostly because when I do the unhealthy thing it's because I gave up on trying to avoid it because it just seemed like it was too much effort to avoid it. 

I'm kind of tired of unhealthy stuff being in my face all the time. I guess I'm not strong enough yet but maybe someday... I'll drink nothing but water. 

[Guest]

Some of us just really need water, man. Even if we don't go searching for it.

As an aside, please never leave buck. 

[Conker]

Fucking hell that was wonderfully written. Got nothin' else to add though

[Jerry]

The analogy is perfect. 

A lot of what you wrote I could apply it to myself as well. I'm realizing this is exactly where I was headed toward, had I not stopped hiding from my own self to the point of not even knowing who I am,

By writing this you're telling me that I'm doing the right thing, and I thank you for that. 

[#00Buck]

3 hours ago, Lemon said:

Some of us just really need water, man. Even if we don't go searching for it.

As an aside, please never leave buck. 

Isn't it ironic that I'm a fish?

Don't worry I'll stick around for now. 

1 hour ago, Conker said:

Fucking hell that was wonderfully written. Got nothin' else to add though

Thanks. You don't have to add anything.

 If people get something out of it I'm happy. 

7 minutes ago, Jerry said:

The analogy is perfect. 

A lot of what you wrote I could apply it to myself as well. I'm realizing this is exactly where I was headed toward, had I not stopped hiding from my own self to the point of not even knowing who I am,

By writing this you're telling me that I'm doing the right thing, and I thank you for that. 

Keep doing the right thing. I'm glad you are taking care of yourself and making healthy choices. You should be proud of that. Also you are no longer a low rep scum. I gave you a like to put you over the top to 200 likes. Congratulations! 

 

[Strongbob]

Nicely written Buck.  The sugar is very hard to resist, and sometimes the Angels punish us by answering our prayers. 

[Frozen Glacier]

I'm not going to lie, I've been drinking sodas all my life, but every once in awhile, I go for a bottle of water just to make it easier on myself. I drank a bottle last February, and it turned me into a full time water drinker. And I've been drinking water since!....

 

 

 

.....This is a confession thread, right...?

[Spot]

Sugar is in everything because it's an addictive substance, so it's not surprising.

Good to see that you're making an effort for a healthier lifestyle, though; I can support that.

[#00Buck]

1 hour ago, Strongbob said:

Nicely written Buck.  The sugar is very hard to resist, and sometimes the Angels punish us by answering our prayers. 

Thanks and yes sometimes the angels are devils. It gets really hard to tell. 

57 minutes ago, Frozen Glacier said:

I'm not going to lie, I've been drinking sodas all my life, but every once in awhile, I go for a bottle of water just to make it easier on myself. I drank a bottle last February, and it turned me into a full time water drinker. And I've been drinking water since!....

 

 

 

.....This is a confession thread, right...?

Good for you! As for confession I guess you can confess whatever you want. I just posted the thread because it has been on my mind lately. There really isn't any purpose to it. It just seemed like something I wanted to share and I thought maybe other people might have similar experiences. 

56 minutes ago, Mr. Fox said:

Sugar is in everything because it's an addictive substance, so it's not surprising.

Good to see that you're making an effort for a healthier lifestyle, though; I can support that.

I'm trying and making some progress. I've lost 31 pounds since December and I've gone down two inches on my waist. I've also gained one inch everywhere else from muscle build up. I could be farther along if I was better with my diet. That is what disappoints me most. I will reach my goal but it will be later rather than sooner. 

[Osrik]

Very well written, it actually reminds me of a short story I read a while ago, I think it was called "Carnal Knowledge"?

I myself used to drink quite a lot of soda, but I was able to switch over to water as my main drink a few years ago. It seems that after not drinking most of my favorite sodas for a few months, I had lost my taste for them, actually disliking their taste instead.

Don't know if it would be the same for you, but it might be worth a try to cut out all soda for an extended period.

[Kinare]

I drink water when I don't need the caffeine from pop/energy drinks to keep me conscious, so most of the time I drink water now. Even when I do drink pop/energy drinks, I try to get at least one glass of water in as well - sometimes 2 - at the end of the day when I no longer need to energy boost. My indulgence comes in the form of... everything else. Meat, cheese, white grains (which I guess have high calories/carbs/stuff), and of course sometimes sweets.

The analogy is pretty funny though. I used to drink pop as my main drink whenever I could. I also made some bad/silly/desperate choices when it came to relationships back then, but not quite as horrible as some people. Only one was a "catastrophic" incident to me, but compared to other people it was just a "meh" incident.

However, even though I drink water mostly now and only the occasional soda, the analogy doesn't really fit the current me since I haven't had anything happen relationship-wise for oh, I dunno, 3 years now? Something like that. And before that, it had been 2 years in between the last two. Fun times for Kinny.

[LazerMaster5]

I don't drink soda much. If I am thirsty at work or in the car, I use my Camelback full of water. Sometimes I like getting lemonade instead of soda. 

But if I am going to drink soda, give me the good shit. Cherry Pepsi, Code Red Mtn Dew, Orange Crush, etc.

[root]

9 hours ago, #00Buck said:

I've also gained one inch everywhere else

Oh my~

[#00Buck]

Just now, root said:

Oh my~

Sempai noticed me! 

[Pignog]

just dont switch to stevia, switch to sensu beans instead

 

[#00Buck]

I'd try and look up sensu beans but I'm really lazy.