I FEEL AMAZING

[TrishaCat]

I don't think I can express enough how amazing I feel right now. I got a good long rest yesterday and woke up late, intending to study for a test I had this morning at 11:00. But instead, I was distracted for a good long while before I finally started studying. I didn't put a whole lot into studying, but I put enough in to realize that the test I was about to take wasn't going to be too difficult. Remembering some important formulas, I went in semi-prepared for the test.

And when I came out, after turning in the test, I felt something I haven't felt in months. Pride. Pride, and even more importantly, joy. I felt good about myself. All these past months, I've been down in the dumps with nearly every assignment and every test making me feel terrible. I'd lost my sense of pride. I couldn't feel good about myself, and hated myself and how I've been doing. I'm pretty sure I even could have gone to the doctor and they would've told me I had clinical depression. Perhaps I still do. I felt terrible for months, with no desire to do anything. I slept a lot, feeling tired all the time. But that's changed. In this moment, I feel amazing. I don't even think I did all that great on the test. I just did good enough. Good enough to where I could still very well pass Calculus 2, one of the classes I've been having trouble in. One of the classes I've been failing. I took a test and I didn't do horribly. And knowing that, it filled me with pride and joy.

I've been smiling ever since that test, and its been nearly 2 hours now. I've called my parents, burst out screaming with joy in my room, and was smiling everywhere I went today before finally coming back to my dorms. People who don't know me might've thought I was on drugs, lol with how absurdly happy I must look. I feel amazing. I felt such a surge of emotion I even got a slight headache, if that makes any sense. But I don't care about some mild headache. I feel better than I've ever felt in months, because for once I didn't totally screw up. I put effort into something, and while I probably should have studied more, I still studied and I came out feeling good about how I did. I feel fantastic. I feel great. I feel like I could do anything right now, and I have a sense of pride again!

 

Edited November 20, 2015 by Battlechili

[MuttButt]

This post is adorable, I'm so happy for you! I recently sort of had the same moment actually, I couldnt remember the last time I got back a test or a paper where I didnt either cringe, or at best just think "eh, I can live with that." Then just recently I was assigned probably the longest paper I've ever had to write, and I went ham. Including procrastination I probably spent two full days writing it. When I turned it in I didn't feel good about it all, but lo and behold when it was returned to me I scored like a 97%. I havent felt that confident about school since I started college. Remember that ferling of oride, because that's what school is supposed to be like. It should feel rewarding, you should have pride and passion for the things that you're learning because you aren't doing this for anybody but yourself, and your future. Good luck <3

[TrishaCat]

This post is adorable, I'm so happy for you! I recently sort of had the same moment actually, I couldnt remember the last time I got back a test or a paper where I didnt either cringe, or at best just think "eh, I can live with that." Then just recently I was assigned probably the longest paper I've ever had to write, and I went ham. Including procrastination I probably spent two full days writing it. When I turned it in I didn't feel good about it all, but lo and behold when it was returned to me I scored like a 97%. I havent felt that confident about school since I started college. Remember that ferling of oride, because that's what school is supposed to be like. It should feel rewarding, you should have pride and passion for the things that you're learning because you aren't doing this for anybody but yourself, and your future. Good luck <3

Thank you so much! And I'm happy for you too! Yeah, it feels great to put forth some effort and then get rewarded for it. It feels amazing, and I'm happy that you got that sense of joy too. Like WOW, it feels so good to do something right for a change.

[Troj]

So happy for you!

For me, the big thing you said is that you PREPARED for this test and put EFFORT into it. You don't think you absolutely aced the test, but you feel like your efforts will be rewarded enough for you to pass the test, and that's what matters.

So in short: You did it! You applied yourself, and it paid off!

When you hit hard obstacles like this in the future, you can look back on this, and remind yourself of how YOU applied effort and perseverance in a tough situation, and got through it.

The pride we feel weathering these tough challenges is something nobody can take away from us.

Edited November 20, 2015 by Troj

[TrishaCat]

So happy for you!

For me, the big thing you said is that you PREPARED for this test and put EFFORT into it. You don't think you absolutely aced the test, but you feel like your efforts will be rewarded enough for you to pass the test, and that's what matters.

So in short: You did it! You applied yourself, and it paid off!

When you hit hard obstacles like this in the future, you can look back on this, and remind yourself of how YOU applied effort and perseverance in a tough situation, and got through it.

The pride we feel weathering these tough challenges is something nobody can take away from us.

Thank you and yes!

Although I don't even know that I passed it. I just know I didn't do horribly. The thing is is that the first two tests I took in this class I made a 14 and a 30 on. I've been doing dreadfully. And I know I did WAY better than that this time around. So much so where I feel absurdly good, especially after putting forth the time and effort to do well here. So much work I've done this year I wound up not getting anywhere with the work. But this time, it all paid off and yes it feels great!

[grassfed]

Hooray for feeling amazing!

[Sourdough]

You worked hard for this and deserve every smiley adorkable good feeling you get.

[Vallium]

Sounds like you had a surge of goodvibe hormones, not sure what triggered it but its best not to overthink it and just enjoy the moment.

I sincerely hope you get more of those moments and most importantly manage to stay afloat in school stuff

[#00Buck]

Finally someone who isn't depressed. 

Quick go ride a jet ski so you can keep this feeling going!

[TrishaCat]

Turns out I made a 31 on this test. I had a false sense of confidence. That surge of energy, that feeling of joy I had after taking the test thinking I did okay....It turns out it was all unwarranted. I did far worse than I thought I did.

Edited November 23, 2015 by Battlechili

[Troj]

Well, shit. Sorry, Battle.

Live and learn, then.

What's your next plan?

[TrishaCat]

Well, shit. Sorry, Battle.

Live and learn, then.

What's your next plan?

I don't really know.

At this point I'm fairly certain I've failed three college courses in one semester. The one time I thought I did something right I didn't.

I guess if the school let's me I'll just retake all these classes and try to move on. They surely couldn't be as difficult the second time around, and maybe this time I can work on better study habits as well as prepare over Thanksgiving and Christmas break. 

 I still don't feel as terrible as I used to for whatever reason, but this was a real downer. The fact that I even called up my parents and celebrated makes it even worse now, because now I have bad news to say, or else I'd come off as a liar. And as terrifying as that is, I'm even more fearful that for whatever reason the school won't let me retake these courses or I'll get kicked out or something. Its such a strange thing to experience. I've never failed classes before, and now its 3 at once. The school has something called "academic forgiveness". I don't really know the details surrounding that, but I believe the school forgives failing up to two classes and makes them have no effect on one's GPA. That would be a godsend, although I fear this will inevitably make me lose one of my scholarships anyways. That in turn may put a burden on my parents, which I really don't want to put on them. They've been pushing me to get a car of late, and I won't be able to afford that if I'm having to spend all of my money on college due to this.

Edited November 23, 2015 by Battlechili

[#00Buck]

Turns out I made a 31 on this test. I had a false sense of confidence. That surge of energy, that feeling of joy I had after taking the test thinking I did okay....It turns out it was all unwarranted. I did far worse than I thought I did.

Duh!

[evan]

 The one time I thought I did something right I didn't.

This statement alone warranted a lot of sympathy on my side. That has been a lot of this semester for me as well and it is EXTREMELY difficult to work past, so I really am sorry to hear you experience that. 

In regards to potentially failing, I was in a similar position earlier and while I can't offer a solution, I will say that all you can really do at this point is assess what you can do to solve the problem and try to continue as best as you can. It seems you're doing that as it is, but just try to not let the other thoughts come first. You're in a position that is unfamiliar and also puts your self-perception in a highly negative place, so you really need to not let that change your motivation. Do as you would usually do so that the rest can fall into place, even if things get worse for a while.

If you focus on just getting to the next place to the best of your ability, that can at least change this conversation from "being a failure" to "having failed". This is a much better place to keep yourself in because it's a matter of seeing your missteps as a chance to improve, not a state of mind. There is a class I might even still be failing, but because I've forced myself to at least go on as though there's a chance, I've at least pulled my grade up in an important way and I'm not completely lost.

Even if it's absolutely not salvageable, cut your losses and find what you can to improve in some way or another so that you do not enter a rut. Ruts are bad.

Edited November 24, 2015 by evan