Gator Posted December 14, 2016 Share Posted December 14, 2016 excuse me if this is totally incoherent; i type how i think and i think in a scrambled mess :^) but how is it that every time i'm not at work and thus kept moving constantly on what is more or less a timed schedule, i just suddenly find that i've lost hours and gotten absolutely nothing done? it's aggravating as shit, i tell u hwat. for real, though. this keeps happening. if i make myself look back, i can remember the basics of what i have (or haven't) done. it's not like i've just blacked out or anything. but usually it's kinda just like i spend my day in this little fog, feeling like "i want/need to do X, but i want/need to do Z first..." and somehow "X" never got done at all because "Z" turned into the whole goddamn alphabet? and yet that entire alphabet consists of basically nothing. it kills me that despite having time off, i never seem to use it constructively no matter how much i want to. the only time i seem to have motivation to do anything is very late at night (or rather, late in the morning; i work nights so my schedule is backwards) when i should be going to bed. it's like it takes that long for my mind to settle and be like, "OK LET'S DO THIS"... only for me to realize how late it is and go "oh darn, i can't stay up any more because i have to get up and go to work. guess nothing gets done again today." sometimes i just don't have the motivation or energy to do the things i want/need to do. i feel tired, lonely, stressed, overwhelmed, etc etc, place your excuses here. then sometimes i just completely forget. usually it's a combination of the two: i'll lack motivation and thus say "i want to do something else first and then i'll get to that thing", but when i start doing something else, i forget all about the thing i was going to do afterward. aaaaaannnnd then somewhere along the line, hours go by and just, nothing? it's not even like the things i -am- doing in that time are productive. at best, i'll find silly doodles that i barely remember drawing just sitting there on my art program. i have no idea how something like that can take four hours. something something something watching youtube videos to fill the void where human conversation should be, something something something doodling, something something making food, followed by what may or may not be just staring off into space i don't even know. then i look at the clock and "wtf i was only googling stuff for like ten minutes how is it so late already" what am i doing what is my life how did i even get here and why do i always end up doing laundry the "morning" of going to work instead of one of my days off beforehand? the worst part is, not having the will to work on anything until it's bedtime will result in me staying up too late, thus sleeping too late or too little, making everything worse and worse. hallelujah. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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