Fantasma Posted March 3, 2017 Share Posted March 3, 2017 It wasn't always like this. Once there was hope, there was happiness, there was home. Once I was someone that could be looked up to, a strange teacher despite my flaws... now all is torn from me but my failings. It's all that I am, it's all that I've become. It's been a long struggle, trying to be more, trying do some good. Trying to be the person I used to be. But I'm not her anymore, I'm broken, I'm desolate.... and I may finally be.... gone. I don't know how much longer I intend to live, but I'm leaving phoenix and skype and all that.... I don't expect to see or talk to any of you ever again. It's better for you this way. Goodbye. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Feelwell Posted March 3, 2017 Share Posted March 3, 2017 I don't know dude. I mean, I personally prefer you around, and I think a fair few here would mirror that sentiment. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snagged Posted March 3, 2017 Share Posted March 3, 2017 1 hour ago, Johanna Waya said: But I'm not her anymore, I'm broken, I'm desolate.... and I may finally be.... gone. I don't know how much longer I intend to live, but I'm leaving phoenix and skype and all that.... I don't expect to see or talk to any of you ever again. It's better for you this way. Goodbye. When I was depressed not all too long ago, I think my worst mistake was isolating myself from the others. In retrospect, that was indeed stupid. It allowed me to bathe in my sea of sadness and hopelessness without anyone coming to interrupt me by shining light on me. But the truth is, we humans need each other. Not just physically, but on a emotional level too. We want to feel needed. Quote It's better for you this way. ... Just like the others have a need of you. You might not realize it yet --- If you were once better, according to your own words, then figure out at what point things went wrong and how you could fix them. Make it as your goal. You might ask yourself "what's the fucking point?" The point is that we live for our goals. Each one of us has a different set of goals and I am certain you have or at least used to have one too. Then the depression got the best of you. Whatever stopped you from reaching towards your goals is a setback. Depression is a setback. It's not something that makes you worthless as an individual. It's more like a mental cold; Everyone gets once in a while, some more often than the others but it's not like cancer. You can get better, or dare I say, cured. Whatever your hurdles are, I am certain you have enough physical capacity to get over them. In tough times, you can even ask friends, family members or even professional mental consultants (like psychiatrists) to give a lift so you can make the jump over the hurdle, instead of down from the bridge. I can't say it will be easy and you may feel powerless, but you being powerless is an illusion. My advice: Get off the bed/couch, contact people, stay and chat with us and do things you used to love once again and suddenly the hurdles ahead of you seem a lot smaller (PS: I don't expect this to solve your problems but I do hope you find inspiration and hope from my words to carry on, even if you might initially loathe them and get back to point of "what's the point?") 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Socketosis Posted March 3, 2017 Share Posted March 3, 2017 1 hour ago, Snagged Cub said: When I was depressed not all too long ago, I think my worst mistake was isolating myself from the others. In retrospect, that was indeed stupid. It allowed me to bathe in my sea of sadness and hopelessness without anyone coming to interrupt me by shining light on me. But the truth is, we humans need each other. Not just physically, but on a emotional level too. We want to feel needed. As true as this is, I keep believing it's a better path for me. I keep thinking about all of the negative social experiences I've had and continue to have. It's just very difficult to accomplish for someone who wants to be social but feels like they can't be. I've never looked down upon you Johanna, but if you feel like this place is having a negative impact on your mental state, then leaving may be your best choice. Just know that there will be some who will miss you. As for the suicidal thoughts, I can only urge you to seek help for that. Sorry. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jtrekkie Posted March 3, 2017 Share Posted March 3, 2017 2 hours ago, Johanna Waya said: It wasn't always like this. Once there was hope, there was happiness, there was home. Once I was someone that could be looked up to, a strange teacher despite my flaws... now all is torn from me but my failings. It's all that I am, it's all that I've become. It's been a long struggle, trying to be more, trying do some good. Trying to be the person I used to be. But I'm not her anymore, I'm broken, I'm desolate.... and I may finally be.... gone. I don't know how much longer I intend to live, but I'm leaving phoenix and skype and all that.... I don't expect to see or talk to any of you ever again. It's better for you this way. Goodbye. Can you think of any teachers that didn't have flaws? Most of the useful ones do; they enable them to reach those weaker than they are. Trying to become who you used to be won't help you. You can try to retain whatever good things there were, but it's important to move forward. Whether you decide to stay here or not, don't count yourself abandoned. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Silo Posted March 8, 2017 Share Posted March 8, 2017 As time passes, you will also pass (or at least change). Failure is a catalyst for it: neither good or bad. I wouldn't be surprised if you took it as a blow to your esteem and decided that it was a good idea to give up. You've believe that your life's trajectory is clear-cut: that it will amount to nothing. I can assure you that life is far too unpredictable to make hasty decisions. A while ago, I was talking to a user named @Luccus (I'm not sure if they're still around) and they shared with me an open letter. It was a teacher writing to his daughter, Sophie warning that it seems that a person's value in this world is simply the sum of their performances. If she had focused only on what would make her be seen as "good", she would have missed out on what life has to offer, from small pleasures to important learning experiences. Even further, she wouldn't be able to enjoy herself with the high expectations she gave herself.(The thread's link is here > Luccus' translation of the letter is at the bottom of the page) People want to "run wild, live free" and "love strong." There's no need to restrict yourself in a way you don't like, want or need. If you need to take a breather and stay away for a while, I'll support it. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WileyWarWeasel Posted March 8, 2017 Share Posted March 8, 2017 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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