Vallium Posted November 20, 2015 Share Posted November 20, 2015 Alright, this isnt your average rant or vent, actual advice is legit welcome here.So there's this kid my parents introduced me to at a 4th of July party, and, Go figure, we're both artists. I really admire his stuff and think he's a cool kid, but like around a lot of guys Im also a bit wary, because I dont know if they're befriending me, but also like me...and in this situation, uh, well, I just want to be friends, because Im taken. The thing with meeting new people is there's always the social dance of are they single and will they end up like me? And there's no simple way to drop the 'btw Im taken' card...Well, Im still talking to this person, and they invited me to this convention, which is neat I love cons. Thing is, though. I'd probably feel really really uncomfortable going with just him...I dont know him very well and I want to avoid giving the idea that Im interested or something...it'd be different if our social boundaries are well set, and if I was a bit more comfortable in our friendship but we really only emet one time. At least with my other male friends if they ended up liking me I wouldnt feel as bad or it wouldnt be as awkward if I turned them down, because we're still good friends and it wouldnt change our relationship as much. It's a whole different story with a person you hardly know because maybe they just want to get to know you for relationship purposes and suddenly that ship sails when they learn youre not avaliable. So my plan was to bring along one of my best friends, which he said was okay. So yeah, my friend is another dude, and I should've known he expected my friend to be a girl because I am a girl and I should be having gal pals cuz thats normal *eyeroll* eh...so...I shouldve known there'd be a whole different kind of awkward. Now the silent message he'll read is Im taking my boyfriend/love interest (which isnt true at all) as a passive aggressive no-you-cant-date-me assuming he wants to, and if thats the case it'll be a different kind of awkward. Oh gosh Im an idiot... Im kind of nervous how this is going to turn @-@ I want to have fun but human interaction (especially with new people) is strange and dramatic. Do I get a gold star for attempting real socializing instead of chatting up furries all day? Or is the sheer amount of social uneasiness not worth it cuz tbh Im starting to feel like I should have declined and went back to talking to furries about yiff online all day.I want to have fun but human interaction (speci Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GarthTheWereWolf Posted November 20, 2015 Share Posted November 20, 2015 Instead of just saying. "Btw, I'm taken." Why not just casually name drop your boyfriend into the conversation?"Oh, me and my boyfriend saw that together...""My boyfriend loves that place!""Thats so cool! I'll have to show my boyfriend it later."Etc.Most guys assuming they're not super aggressive or retarded will get the hint if he was interested in pursuing you romantically. No face will be lost on either side this way, so you can both enjoy the con without it getting weird. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vallium Posted November 20, 2015 Author Share Posted November 20, 2015 Instead of just saying. "Btw, I'm taken." Why not just casually name drop your boyfriend into the conversation?"Oh, me and my boyfriend saw that together...""My boyfriend loves that place!""Thats so cool! I'll have to show my boyfriend it later."Etc.Most guys assuming they're not super aggressive or retarded will get the hint if he was interested in pursuing you romantically. No face will be lost on either side this way, so you can both enjoy the con without it getting weird.Thatnever feels casual to me, I cant even casually tell my regular friends. I actually dont know how to casually bring up anything regarding people I know. Uh, I guess I should just try, its supposed to be nonchalant and easy I guess. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Toshabi Posted November 20, 2015 Share Posted November 20, 2015 Did I reply to this topic yet? Guess I didn't. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Misomie Posted November 20, 2015 Share Posted November 20, 2015 (edited) If you have a phone, make your bf your lockscreen (bonus points if you are in it as well) with tacky hearts on the pic. Hang out with him before con and ask him to grab your phone and check the time for you. Boom. Edited November 20, 2015 by Misomie 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sourdough Posted November 20, 2015 Share Posted November 20, 2015 Maybe he is looking for a relationship, maybe he's interested in friendshippery. If it comes up (which it will if he's interested in relationship), just be honest and make your position clear. The casual bf drop is a really good suggestion too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vae Posted November 20, 2015 Share Posted November 20, 2015 (edited) Why do people think the only reason a boy can interact with a girl (and vice-versa) is in the interest of boning?You kids need to chill your hormones the fuck out a little bit.If you're worried about him regarding your personal safety, bring along something to protect yourself. A knife, a little fold-out beating rod, something. Although you're taking a friend, so they effectively serve that function, anyway.Otherwise, I wouldn't worry too much about it, myself.You can have dude friends that don't want to bone you. And hell, I even have some that do, but I still get along with them because they know how to respect my personal boundaries. Edited November 20, 2015 by Vae Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sourdough Posted November 20, 2015 Share Posted November 20, 2015 Why do people think the only reason a boy can interact with a girl (and vice-versa) is in the interest of boning?You kids need to chill your hormones the fuck out a little bit.If you're worried about him regarding your personal safety, bring along something to protect yourself. A knife, a little fold-out beating rod, something.Otherwise, I wouldn't worry too much about it, myself.You can have dude friends that don't want to bone you. And hell, I even have some that do, but I still get along with them because they know how to respect my personal boundaries.Because teenagers (I'm assuming). If you can't make friends with a member of the opposite sex by the time you're an adult, well you still got some maturing to do.Sometimes I do worry if the women I'm friendly with think it's to get a relationship out of it. Dude, I just want friends. If some of those friends have boobs, well alright then. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hewge Posted November 20, 2015 Share Posted November 20, 2015 I can confirm that all dudes just wanna bone youNot that I mind, or anything Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vallium Posted November 20, 2015 Author Share Posted November 20, 2015 Why do people think the only reason a boy can interact with a girl (and vice-versa) is in the interest of boning?You kids need to chill your hormones the fuck out a little bit.If you're worried about him regarding your personal safety, bring along something to protect yourself. A knife, a little fold-out beating rod, something. Although you're taking a friend, so they effectively serve that function, anyway.Otherwise, I wouldn't worry too much about it, myself.You can have dude friends that don't want to bone you. And hell, I even have some that do, but I still get along with them because they know how to respect my personal boundaries.I have a lot of guy friends though, I dont really care what gender my friends are, but attraction usually does happen and I never like those situations, its more weird if its someone I dont know. I dont know though, Im probably reading into the intentions too much and its just friendliness, but its just past experience that taught me some interest isnt always just friendly.I probably get too worked up over my perceptions of others though, I guess I'll just go and have agood time If you have a phone, make your bf your lockscreen (bonus points if you are in it as well) with tacky hearts on the pic. Hang out with him before con and ask him to grab your phone and check the time for you. Boom.hahaha, a good idea x3 I like it... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Troj Posted November 20, 2015 Share Posted November 20, 2015 (edited) I'm unclear as to whether your new friend has acted awkward or put-off, or whether you're assuming he will. It's fine to anticipate outcomes and try to ward off bad ones, but if you become too convinced that your nightmare scenario will come to pass, you may end up acting like the awkward, twitchy one here, when there may be no reason for it.If he asks directly, just say you're not interested in a romantic relationship with him and/or right now, but you do absolutely want a friendship.You might also non-defensively drop the fact that you're not interested in dating right now into a conversation, if the issue doesn't come up directly.You might also casually refer to your friends as friends, to make things clear. "Jim, this is my good friend, John." "Bill and I have been friends since high school." "Harold and I became friends when we realized we both liked Pokemon." "Thanks for coming, guys; these things can be so awkward without having friends to go with."My sense is that if one friend acts twitchy, grumpy, or pissy for not dating them or for dating someone instead of them, they're a ticking drama bomb that you probably don't want to spend too much time with anyway. Edited November 20, 2015 by Troj 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vallium Posted November 20, 2015 Author Share Posted November 20, 2015 I'm unclear as to whether your new friend has acted awkward or put-off, or whether you're assuming he will. It's fine to anticipate outcomes and try to ward off bad ones, but if you become too convinced that your nightmare scenario will come to pass, you may end up acting like the awkward, twitchy one here, when there may be no reason for it.If he asks directly, just say you're not interested in a romantic relationship with him and/or right now, but you do absolutely want a friendship.You might also non-defensively drop the fact that you're not interested in dating right now into a conversation, if the issue doesn't come up directly.You might also casually refer to your friends as friends, to make things clear. "Jim, this is my good friend, John." "Bill and I have been friends since high school." "Harold and I became friends when we realized we both liked Pokemon." "Thanks for coming, guys; these things can be so awkward without having friends to go with."My sense is that if one friend acts twitchy, grumpy, or pissy for not dating them or for dating someone instead of them, they're a ticking drama bomb that you probably don't want to spend too much time with anyway.The funny thing is me and my friend did become friends because we both liked pokemon x3 You accidentally nailed it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Troj Posted November 20, 2015 Share Posted November 20, 2015 The funny thing is me and my friend did become friends because we both liked pokemon x3 You accidentally nailed it. AM I HELLA BOSS OR AM I HELLA BOSS? (Though, assuming furrily-inclined or geekily-inclined folks are into Pokemon is usually a safe bet.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Taikugemu Posted November 20, 2015 Share Posted November 20, 2015 How about stop assuming things and blowing them out of proportion?IF the situation arises, just say "Sorry, i'm taken" or any other polite reply. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
#00Buck Posted November 21, 2015 Share Posted November 21, 2015 It does not matter what you do or say. You can say you are married and it won't matter.All straight men want the pussy all the time. That is all. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wrecker Posted November 22, 2015 Share Posted November 22, 2015 (edited) it's not a big deal. tell the guy and move on...i'll bet you if he was so crazily involved as to throw you away as a friend over the whole ordeal, then he probably has a few screws loose himself.but really though, if you think that he or anybody feels that you're leading them on, tell them that you're taken. you could have got far away from any awkward shit like what you're in miles ago. it's not hard to do. Edited November 24, 2015 by Wrecker Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.