Fantasma Posted October 18, 2016 Share Posted October 18, 2016 I've uh, fucked up... just when things were looking good. Financially, socially, all my dreams were coming through. I let slip to our apartments that we have cats, and well the deposit is.... $800 for the two. Now that doesn't sound like alot, and it's not. My problems are nothing compared to many posters here who handle it well. I don't know if interest on credit cards is annual or monthly, I know mine have 30% interest rate and I'm about to be loading a grand total of $800, thereby maxing them out. Why it's a big deal, why I'm worthless, why literally everyone is better than me, is I had dreams. Achievable dreams. Using a combination of credit cards and next paycheck I was going to set up a digital audio workstation. Yeah, I'm spoiled and selfish and a fantastic idiot. You don't need to say it, I get it. I fucking get it. Does anyone have tips for better financial management, like ideal meals to prepare for work and home that are cheap? I've never been good at these, and since I eat probably 3k calories a day due to my metabolism, my food budget is the one that always kills me. Hell I don't know how to be a responsible adult, I barely remember my own name somedays and I am just very fucking lucky to have a middle class job through some fluke (haha they hired the fuckup to do a job that they aren't qualified for). I don't know, but I fucked up bad. I had val cosign the new apartment with me because I thought his credit would help with the deposit. Guess what, now he is responsible for me. I shouldn't have, and if it weren't for him I would simply default on the apartment, medical bills, and just let my credit die. Jesus fuck what was I thinking having him cosign, anybody think it is possible for him to un cosign the apartment, like, at all? Essentially I can't fucking kill myself because a fine young man would be bankrupt and homeless if I did. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissFleece Posted October 18, 2016 Share Posted October 18, 2016 First, condolences for your shitty situation. Second Stock up on pet supplies as soon as you get cash. You can go out and find food, they can't. For when you have money to buy groceries For when you don't Locate your local food pantries and go there. If you need budget or money help, ask here You're gunna be okay, this will blow over and you'll come out on top. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vallium Posted October 18, 2016 Share Posted October 18, 2016 17 minutes ago, MissFleece said: You're gunna be okay, this will blow over and you'll come out on top. Its really not a big deal, actually pretty manageable The cats were supposed to be paying for anyways, It was the plan to do it this month just not all at once so hell fuck it, I love them to pieces so its worth the stupid money, I make more everyday Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Enigma Posted October 18, 2016 Share Posted October 18, 2016 Just have to be more careful next time. You'll find a way out of this minor hole Don't give up on your dreams. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fantasma Posted October 18, 2016 Author Share Posted October 18, 2016 Thanks guys, and thanks for the advice. I guess it just seemed like a much bigger deal at the time, maybe in part because I've been sick alot recently and I recently gave myself a concussion. I suppose it is not as bad as it seems, thank you. But...... fuck, I think I'm losing my sanity. I'm going to keep trying to work, but my Dissosciative Identity Disorder is starting to get really bad and I don't think it's the only thing I have. I believe I might also have schizophrenia coming on and possibly some kind of brain damage. Sometimes, I forget who I am, where I am, what things are, how to move, how to speak, what to do. It's happenning like 4 episodes a week right now and I don't know if it's going to get worse. I believe I have myself some sort of brain injury a couple of years back following severe depression and intense suicidal ideation. I felt a tearing pain in my head and it seems like I had to rebuild from nothing, it's like my IQ dropped, I lost energy, creativity, and just everything came to be in this frustrated gray period for the last two years where I have had a hard time even keeping our house organized. I honestly feel like there are walls closing in at times, like I will be driving my car and I won't be able to move or speak. I will be watching my body frozen in time and it's really hard to snap myself out of it. I will be talking and I will simply watch motionless as I am unable to speak. I will forget to move my arm, I will forget how to speak, I will forget how to get up out of my chair. There are now a total of 2 other people inside my head, who just came to be and don't quite have names. One who is more like I aspire to be, calming and teaching and really the most in control of my... our? mind, she is very nice. The other can be a bit abrasive in the way of a guy who hasn't had many years under his belt but seems to be an overall decent person. There are 16 faceless people watching from the background, identities the others are doing their best to keep from gaining a voice as I have done to them. As soon as someone becomes conscious they truly do become an individual with their own memories, patterns, voice, thoughts... and if they do I can't deny them that but jesus fuck I do not need another 16 people living in my head. I'm 20 years old, in a promising career with job security, all the love I could want, friends, hobbies, dreams, a natural penchant for music due to synesthesia, a strong love and natural talent for silat, a decent understanding of the human mind, and almost a supernatural ability to see into people through the faces they put on..... and I don't know how much longer I have to live. I don't know if I am going to be able to keep working, I don't know if I am going to be able to drive a car, I don't know if I will ever feel my memory become good again, I don't know if I will ever not feel sick to my stomach every day for some reason, I don't know if soon I will be able to move my body, I don't know if very soon everybody I know and love will watch me wither away into a hospital bed. Some days I wonder if I have brain cancer. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jtrekkie Posted October 18, 2016 Share Posted October 18, 2016 54 minutes ago, Johanna Waya said: Thanks guys, and thanks for the advice. /snipped/ Shhh, slow down, you will be alright. You aren't dying. I recommend that you do get a doctor if you don't have one now, though, and you'll probably be better off not self-medicating. But either way, if you're having to stuff yourself to keep from losing weight you need to be watching just what you're stuffing yourself with. I think you would benefit from supplementing your diet with a few vitamins, specifically folic acid and B12. If you find B-complex that contains those. Give it a try, maybe? For food in general, you can do pretty good on a budget by buying raw vegetables and carbs in beans, potatoes,or pasta, something like that, with only a few meats. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fantasma Posted October 18, 2016 Author Share Posted October 18, 2016 @Jtrekkie I went legal, and my liver tests good. I'm eating decently healthy, and I should not be deficient in anything. But thank you. I... can kind of remember today, it's a blur and I keep forgetting to breathe and I don't know where I am. Oh, what's this thing? Am I texting somebody? Well hai! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jtrekkie Posted October 19, 2016 Share Posted October 19, 2016 Additional B vitamins have been shown to be beneficial in some situations. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
#00Buck Posted October 19, 2016 Share Posted October 19, 2016 5 hours ago, Johanna Waya said: Thanks guys, and thanks for the advice. I guess it just seemed like a much bigger deal at the time, maybe in part because I've been sick alot recently and I recently gave myself a concussion. I suppose it is not as bad as it seems, thank you. But...... fuck, I think I'm losing my sanity. I'm going to keep trying to work, but my Dissosciative Identity Disorder is starting to get really bad and I don't think it's the only thing I have. I believe I might also have schizophrenia coming on and possibly some kind of brain damage. Sometimes, I forget who I am, where I am, what things are, how to move, how to speak, what to do. It's happenning like 4 episodes a week right now and I don't know if it's going to get worse. I believe I have myself some sort of brain injury a couple of years back following severe depression and intense suicidal ideation. I felt a tearing pain in my head and it seems like I had to rebuild from nothing, it's like my IQ dropped, I lost energy, creativity, and just everything came to be in this frustrated gray period for the last two years where I have had a hard time even keeping our house organized. I honestly feel like there are walls closing in at times, like I will be driving my car and I won't be able to move or speak. I will be watching my body frozen in time and it's really hard to snap myself out of it. I will be talking and I will simply watch motionless as I am unable to speak. I will forget to move my arm, I will forget how to speak, I will forget how to get up out of my chair. There are now a total of 2 other people inside my head, who just came to be and don't quite have names. One who is more like I aspire to be, calming and teaching and really the most in control of my... our? mind, she is very nice. The other can be a bit abrasive in the way of a guy who hasn't had many years under his belt but seems to be an overall decent person. There are 16 faceless people watching from the background, identities the others are doing their best to keep from gaining a voice as I have done to them. As soon as someone becomes conscious they truly do become an individual with their own memories, patterns, voice, thoughts... and if they do I can't deny them that but jesus fuck I do not need another 16 people living in my head. I'm 20 years old, in a promising career with job security, all the love I could want, friends, hobbies, dreams, a natural penchant for music due to synesthesia, a strong love and natural talent for silat, a decent understanding of the human mind, and almost a supernatural ability to see into people through the faces they put on..... and I don't know how much longer I have to live. I don't know if I am going to be able to keep working, I don't know if I am going to be able to drive a car, I don't know if I will ever feel my memory become good again, I don't know if I will ever not feel sick to my stomach every day for some reason, I don't know if soon I will be able to move my body, I don't know if very soon everybody I know and love will watch me wither away into a hospital bed. Some days I wonder if I have brain cancer. See your doctor and get a referral for psychological help. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FlynnCoyote Posted October 19, 2016 Share Posted October 19, 2016 I'd be getting off the credit cards if you can. They're too convenient, even when you think you have it under control. One little slip up could land you in a pile of debt you're much less suited to handle. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Strongbob Posted October 19, 2016 Share Posted October 19, 2016 43 minutes ago, FlynnCoyote said: I'd be getting off the credit cards if you can. They're too convenient, even when you think you have it under control. One little slip up could land you in a pile of debt you're much less suited to handle. Agreed. Credit cards should be used for convenience and emergencies and should not be part of a long-term financial plan. I'd suggest paying off the credit cards before you do anything else with your money. This will pay off huge in the long run. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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