Rant: Fuck Yogurt

[Conker]

I really made a good, honest try to eat healthier this year. Starting in January, I got me a blender (gift from a friend) and did the whole "fruit smoothie" thing for breakfast. One ingredient was 100% Greek Yogurt. It's unsweetened and maybe even fat free. I dunno. I don't have the container in front of me.

For a month and some change there were no problems other than taste. But I chocked those smoothies down in place of shitty cereal and pop tarts, and damn, I think I've lost a bit of fat. My love handles are less lovey. Hoorah!

And then the stomach pains, bloating, and shits hit.

I don't normally go to the doctor. I'm a, "if you ignore the problem, it will go away" kinda guy, but after five days of this only getting worse, I made an appointment.

Sidenote: Insurance is fucking awesome thanks Obama!

Me and the doc ran down the normal things, and he did some poking and prodding that was mostly uncomfortable. We started talking about diet. He said I drink too much. Whatever. I mentioned the smoothies and the yogurt, and he said that was very likely the cause for all of this. After a month and a half of that, the bacteria in my bowels are now all fucked up. His recommendation was to take a fiber supplement. It should all go away soon!

I did what he said, mixed my smoothie this morning, and two hours into work I had shit four times and was fucked if I was gonna stay.

Now I'm just pissed. Ya try to eat healthy, ya fucking try, and this is what happens. Pop Tarts never betrayed me (cept with fat).

I don't think i'm going to be eating smoothies in the morning anymore, or at least not for the rest of the week. I gotta be back to normal this weekend because I got shit to do, and not the kind of shit that involves sitting on the toilet as liquid comes a pourin' out my ass.

It's almost 2:00 and I haven't eaten anything since that smoothie and just have no urge too I mean, I'm half hungry but my stomach is so uncomfortable that I dare not put anything in lest it come back up.

[Zytan]

Everything in moderation springs to mind, kudos to you for actually sticking it out though!

[Fantasma]

I recommend Soylent, aside from being quick to make it doesn't contain any bacteria.

It's super healthy

[Snagged]

That doesn't happen to me with natural yogurts. In fact, I love them. Bless yogurts

But it's unfortunate to hear your body could not tolerate it. Usually the bacteria in the yogurt are probiots, meaning they should not interfere with your natural bacterial biome in your guts... At least in a bad way

Sucks to be you but now you know what you said avoid

[Conker]

2 minutes ago, Snagged Cub said:

That doesn't happen to me with natural yogurts. In fact, I love them. Bless yogurts

But it's unfortunate to hear your body could not tolerate it. Usually the bacteria in the yogurt are probiots, meaning they should not interfere with your natural bacterial biome in your guts... At least in a bad way

Sucks to be you but now you know what you said avoid

Yeah. I did some googling and apparently what happened to me isn't completely uncommon, but it certainly isn't the norm.

I mean, those smoothies never tasted all that good, so an excuse to stop is kinda nice. But I was getting like 3 servings of fruit and two servings a of veggies a morning from them

[Ieono]

One of the stranger rants, but intriguing nonetheless. I agree that the key to health and pretty much everything is indeed moderation. SIBO is a real thing and it has a lot of bad symptoms. I got the same thing when I decided to drink kombucha more than twice a day for a few months 2 years ago. Talk about gross side effects! 

 

All the best!

[Snagged]

1 minute ago, Conker said:

so an excuse to stop is kinda nice

There is no real excuse for not having a healthy diet as long as you can choose what you will eat

[#00Buck]

You can't go from eating total crap and being fat to eating nothing but one thing and be healthy and skinny. 

Eating only one thing is never healthy. Ever heard of a balanced diet?

You have internet access. Do some research on how to eat properly. 

[Zeke]

if it's the yogurt, you may want to sub it for something else. 

[#00Buck]

Just now, Zeke said:

if it's the yogurt, you may want to sub it for something else. 

Like a variety of fruits, vegetables, eggs, meat, dairy, and grains all in moderate quantities. 

This is a balanced diet. This is healthy.

Or you could switch to eating BBQ chicken wings full time. Since eating one thing only is so "healthy."

[grassfed]

Sounds like what happens when you go through a die-off of bad gut flora. When I first started making and eating fermented foods and such I would get those stomach cramps and the shits. Those processed foods and lack of pre/probiotic food Probably made the balance Of Good Bacteria in your Gut A Little Thrown off, those foods can actually feed yeasts like Candida. You need to stick through it and keep up on that healthy diet andd drink plenty of water, at the very least twice as much water as you drink smoothie because yogurt can have a decent amount of lactic acid and with any fermented food/drink you need to offset those acids with water or it could dehydrate you.

I'm clearly no doctor but this sounds exactly like what happens when someone goes through a die-off. I'm glad someone mentioned kombucha,  good stuff!

[Zeke]

1 minute ago, #00Buck said:

Like a variety of fruits, vegetables, eggs, meat, dairy, and grains all in moderate quantities. 

This is a balanced diet. This is healthy.

Or you could switch to eating BBQ chicken wings full time. Since eating one thing only is so "healthy."

That and if you are making smoothies, flax seed, banana with some 2% milk (Or almond) and matcha powder for energy.

And your body gains a lot of benefits eating more veggies and some lean meats and fish than deep friend chicken quarters.

[Conker]

Ya'll are acting like I ate like complete shit and will go back to that. I've always counted my calories, I'm just really lazy with breakfast because it's early in the morning.

The smoothie itself only had like 3/4 cup of yogurt per, but I also never expected this to happen at all. still, I believe that's under a serving size.

But the smoothies weren't very good and the texture gave me the willies when swallowing em down. I'll probably switch to bagels and fruit--since I still have a shitload of fruit left--and then try and eat more salads to use up that spinach. Spread it out between a few meals instead of lumping it down in one go.

Ideally anyways. I really am not a morning person.

[Käpt'n]

Ah yes, the healthy smoothe craze. I went on that train once, never again. A grown man can't live only on fluids without getting the shits 24/7!

If you want to eat healthy you need to mix it up a bit. You need fibre and protein in the mix.
Do you like oatmeal? Here is what I like to do: I put the oatmeal and the milk into a glass and put it in the fridge over night. In the morning I just have to dump it into a pot, heat it up and it's ready to eat within minutes!
Protip: Use honey instead of sugar! It's sweet and healthy!
Other than that I add some raisins and nuts to the mix. Nuts are amazing! Super healthy, great for your guts, everything in them is good for you. Except for the cyanide in almonds I guess... Oh well!

Another great trick to lose weight: Eat more often but a smaller total amount! 5 meals usually work pretty well. That's the regular three (breakfast, lunch and dinner) with two small meals between breakfast and lunch, and lunch and dinner.
This way your stomach is always a little filled which signals your brains that enough food is available, so you won't store as much as fat!
That also makes it easy to stay under the amount of calories you usually need for the day. And as long as you do that you will lose weight, even when you are lazy.

And as for excercise... Let's put it this way: Eating a Snickers and then getting rid of the calories throuch excercising takes much more time than simply not eating the Snickers at all. Being lazy and losing weight at the same time is absolutely possible.

[Nova]

I think you may have a intolerance against lactose

[Misomie]

I love smoothies but I'm very picky about them. I make mine with fruit juice and ice, never yogurt. I also avoid veggies in it.... So strawberries and bananas with a bit of apple juice is pretty dandy. I haven't made one myself in awhile though.

Blenders also make the best milkshakes~ ;D

[#00Buck]

4 minutes ago, Nova said:

I think you may have a intolerance against lactose

At least it isn't an intolerance to ghetto blacks. 

[malibu]

I've never had a smoothie with yogurt as the base. That seems like it would be too thick and chunky to drink. I can see why you're choking them down. I'd recommend some 2%  milk, or almond/soy milk instead. I make my smoothies with 2% milk and a raw egg in there and it's usually pretty good.

[Conker]

11 minutes ago, Käpt'n said:

Ah yes, the healthy smoothe craze. I went on that train once, never again. A grown man can't live only on fluids without getting the shits 24/7!

 

To be perfectly clear, I've only been doing the smoothie thing for breakfast. I make em the night before, pour and slam in the morning, and then I'm off to work.

I'm not living on any of this stuff. Good god that would be the worst D:

Everything else you say holds merit and I'll look at putting that into motion. I don't want this whole, "i'll be a healthier person" thing to die with the first attempt, and maybe I won't give up the smoothies entirely. But for now, I gotta not be a bowl-movement mess by this weekend. Ideally not tomorrow either, since I'd like to work at least a full day this week >.<

7 minutes ago, Nova said:

I think you may have a intolerance against lactose

Naw. I handle milk and cheese fine, and this isn't my first attempt with yogurt either. I used to eat the stuff with fruit mixed in somewhat regularity. It wasn't the 100% Greek stuff I'm eating now though, so I imagine the bacteria in it were different. Plus, it had more sugar which also helped.

[grassfed]

21 hours ago, Nova said:

I think you may have a intolerance against lactose

If that was the case, I would try putting kefir in the smoothies rather than yogurt. Since yogurt is only partially fermented, the lactobacillus haven't digested all the lactose. But kefir is entirely fermented and practically no lactose is left.

Edited February 24, 2016 by grassfed

[Spot]

It's not the sort of thing you have every day you twit. Nor is it the type of thing you have a lot of in one sitting. Also changing diets is supposed to be a gradual process or it does what happened to you.

Bloody hell...

Edited February 23, 2016 by Mr. Fox

[Conker]

35 minutes ago, Mr. Fox said:

It's not the sort of thing you have every day you twit. Nor is it the type of thing you have a lot of in one sitting. Also changing diets is supposed to be a gradual process or it does what happened to you.

Bloody hell...

People eat yogurt every day. That probiotic craze has been going on for some time now; I mean hell, you can BUY capsules with the bacteria in it.

Plus, 3/4 a cup aint a lot. It's not even a serving size.

Edit: That's not to say I didn't think there'd be some strange changes when I started, but I also figured those would happen right away. Not a month and a half later.

Edited February 23, 2016 by Conker

[Spot]

22 minutes ago, Conker said:

People eat yogurt every day. That probiotic craze has been going on for some time now; I mean hell, you can BUY capsules with the bacteria in it.

Plus, 3/4 a cup aint a lot. It's not even a serving size.

Edit: That's not to say I didn't think there'd be some strange changes when I started, but I also figured those would happen right away. Not a month and a half later.

That's not what I meant. Changing diets on the fly without easing into them can do more damage than good. You're introducing what is essentially a foreign object into your body so you need to ease into it to give your body time for it to metabolize / adjust. Yogurt is quite acidic, too, and large quantities of high probiotic yogurt can hamper your natural gut bacteria and cause all sorts of digestive problems.

The health and nutrition craze was something I was quite full on with myself for a few years. My advice is and always has been to ease into any change of diet and exercise. The exercise will help with transitioning into a new a diet.

Also try a few of these smoothies. I'd start out with 2-3 a week, see how that goes. I'd aim for the more low acidic ones, too.    

Edited February 23, 2016 by Mr. Fox

[#00Buck]

14 minutes ago, Mr. Fox said:

That's not what I meant. Changing diets on the fly without easing into them can do more damage than good. You're introducing what is essentially a foreign object into your body so you need to ease into it to give your body time for it to metabolize / adjust. Yogurt is quite acidic, too, and large quantities of high probiotic yogurt can hamper your natural gut bacteria and cause all sorts of digestive problems.

The health and nutrition craze was something I was quite full on with myself for a few years. My advice is and always has been to ease into any change of diet and exercise. The exercise will help with transitioning into a new a diet.

Also try a few of these smoothies. I'd start out with 2-3 a week, see how that goes. I'd aim for the more low acidic ones, too.    

Guy gets horrible diorreah and stomach pains from smoothies.

The cure?

Drink more smoothies?

WTF?

[Conker]

The whole thing MAY be a viral infection going around per my roommate who apparently had it last week and didn't tell anyone

I'm still willing to hate on yogurt though.

[#00Buck]

6 minutes ago, Conker said:

The whole thing MAY be a viral infection going around per my roommate who apparently had it last week and didn't tell anyone

I'm still willing to hate on yogurt though.

Don't stir your smoothies with your roommates cock. 

[malibu]

10 minutes ago, #00Buck said:

Don't stir your smoothies with your roommates cock. 

How else do you expect to get that savory flavor?

[#00Buck]

1 minute ago, malibu said:

How else do you expect to get that savory flavor?

Dip the choda. 

[MagnusGear]

10 minutes ago, malibu said:

How else do you expect to get that savory flavor?

[Spot]

1 hour ago, #00Buck said:

Guy gets horrible diorreah and stomach pains from smoothies.

The cure?

Drink more smoothies?

WTF?

Now now, proper dieting and exercise is a lot harder to do than what some may think. Take food groups, for example: just because you don't have an intolerance to a specific food, it doesn't mean that you will with another type.

I got a test done (for science) a few years back to see just how resistive my body is towards certain foods and liquids. I was quite surprised to see that milk and cheese is something that really doesn't agree with me but other foods under the same food group I seem to have no problem with.

Edited February 24, 2016 by Mr. Fox

[#00Buck]

Just now, Mr. Fox said:

Now now, proper dieting and exercise is a lot harder to do than what some may think. Take food groups, for example: just because you don't have an intolerance to a specific food, it doesn't mean that you will with another type.

I got a test done (for science) a few years back to see just how resistive my body is to certain foods and liquids. I was quite surprised to see that milk and cheese is something that really doesn't agree with me but other foods under the same food group does.

Man is allergic to bees.

Goes to the doctor. 

The doctor prescribes a hive full of angry stinging bees.

Dr. Bees.

[Conker]

31 minutes ago, #00Buck said:

Don't stir your smoothies with your roommates cock. 

Never change, Buck

[Käpt'n]

15 hours ago, Conker said:

To be perfectly clear, I've only been doing the smoothie thing for breakfast. I make em the night before, pour and slam in the morning, and then I'm off to work.

I'm not living on any of this stuff. Good god that would be the worst D:

Everything else you say holds merit and I'll look at putting that into motion. I don't want this whole, "i'll be a healthier person" thing to die with the first attempt, and maybe I won't give up the smoothies entirely. But for now, I gotta not be a bowl-movement mess by this weekend. Ideally not tomorrow either, since I'd like to work at least a full day this week >.<

I couldn't handle an all-smoothie diet either... Holy crap that would suck! I need some solid food. I mean, the best part of eating food is to see corn in your poop in the morning!

Eating "healthy" is relative anyway. As long as you put all the necessary stuff in your mouth and not too much of the optional crap you are good to go. Excercise is only necessary if you also want to be in a better condition overall, but who cares about that! We all sit in an office all day long anyway

[AlexInsane]

20 hours ago, #00Buck said:

You can't go from eating total crap and being fat to eating nothing but one thing and be healthy and skinny. 

Eating only one thing is never healthy. Ever heard of a balanced diet?

You have internet access. Do some research on how to eat properly. 

We're Americans - we don't do things in moderation. 

It's either extreme or nothing. 

[TrishaCat]

Congrats on sticking with a diet and losing weight OP! Although I'm sorry that you're having stomach problems as a result (or maybe its your roomate's sickness?). Whatever the case, I hope you get better soon and find a better solution!

Edited February 24, 2016 by Battlechili

[Zeke]

20 hours ago, Conker said:

People eat yogurt every day. That probiotic craze has been going on for some time now; I mean hell, you can BUY capsules with the bacteria in it.

Plus, 3/4 a cup aint a lot. It's not even a serving size.

Edit: That's not to say I didn't think there'd be some strange changes when I started, but I also figured those would happen right away. Not a month and a half later.

You also have to be careful with probiotic stuff since eating too much of it can do more harm than good for your gut. People going crazy on it are somewhat ignorant of endotoxins.

[Conker]

2 hours ago, Zeke said:

You also have to be careful with probiotic stuff since eating too much of it can do more harm than good for your gut. People going crazy on it are somewhat ignorant of endotoxins.

/raises hand

[Zeke]

1 minute ago, Conker said:

/raises hand

It can cause leaky gut syndrome.

[Conker]

Just now, Zeke said:

It can cause leaky gut syndrome.

That sounds horrifying.

Never say those words again.

Ever.

[AlexInsane]

*eats yogurt*
*doesn't feel well*
*goes to doctor*
"You're going to die of Bowel Revolt Syndrome."
"What's that?"
"You know the War of American Independence?"
"Yeah?"
"It's like that but in your pooper."
 

#fuckyogurt

Edited February 24, 2016 by AlexInsane

[Conker]

1 minute ago, AlexInsane said:

*eats yogurt*
*doesn't feel well*
*goes to doctor*
"You're going to die of Bowel Revolt Syndrome."
"What's that?"
"You know the War of American Independence?"
"Yeah?"
"It's like that but in your pooper."
 

#fuckyogurt

That's pretty much it, though he also talked about how awesome the new Deadpool movie was for a few minutes.

[Zeke]

5 minutes ago, Conker said:

That sounds horrifying.

Never say those words again.

Ever.

Only if you keep inhaling those wings.

 

Edited February 24, 2016 by Zeke

[Conker]

4 minutes ago, Zeke said:

Only if you keep hailing those wings.

I don't get this reference D: