Really stressed about upcoming family vacation

[Vallium]

Wasnt going to post here to avoid weirdness but fuck it

My parents suspect Im trans, Ive denied it several times and been dodgy with questions by uttering half truths.  Had they never found anything out I would have been content leading a peaceful double life, letting my parents see me as they want to and living my life as my own and those around me knowing it.

since they know though, it isnt easy. my mom sent me my birth certificate in the mail along with all manners of other passive aggressive things including a Gender Identity Disorder pamphlet from "Parents of Gays and Ex Gays" and women's deoderant. ive been too scared to read the notes sent with them.

...Ive said before, but Im starting to think Ive messed up too much to live the peaceful double life intended, I may have to officially come out...Im just...not ready though. I want to wait at least until the family vacation is over to avoid awkwardness and after my legal name has officially been changed.

hopefully it wont be long. maybe instead of having them tell me things like "you have a choice" "can a dog become a cat" "you are beautiful" "you need better self esteem" "satan has taken ahold of your life" etc. ilI can finally tell them everything I have suppressed for so long, pour everything out there, and admit everything, set the truth free, so to speak. if being the way I am is wrong, I cant possibly be right.

Regarding the family reunion, best case scenario is we all avoid that part of my life and have a good time, worst case is they stage some sort of intervention in front of my extended relatives and I get put on the spot. i simply dont know what to expect, but Im going to stick to my extended family more since they know the least about this and itll be less weird.

these past few days Ive felt awful for calling myself a guy or trans, falling back into feeling Im nothing but a dyke, that Im not a real man. The evidence is all there. 

the last thing I ended with to ease the pain was, in the end, Im myself. im not going back to being forced to present as everything I dislike. Having the expectations I was born to have based on certain traits. im doing this for me. im wearing clothes I feel good in, putting chemicals in my body to alter my appearance slightly and have a nice, deep voice and not a annoying whiny one, Im getting a name befitting of me, and Im cutting my hair. all of these qualities, despite lacking the genital and chromosomal traits, are me. it eases the discomfort, the apathy and indifference. it feels better and right, not meh. its a compulsion and drive to be more than here. To the world this is a man. To me these make me a man. im a man by those definitions. My mother told me "if you are unhappy, you change what you can, and accept what you can not" and that is absolutely, 100% what I am doing

sorry to rant, Im just having a bad time...and scared.
 

[Guest]

You do what makes you happy Val and you have my full support and admiration for it

[#00Buck]

A stress filled "vacation."

Yes, that's what every vacation is supposed to be. 

Welcome to the wonderful stress filled and anxiety causing beaches of Hawaii. At our lovely resort you'll enjoy sleepless nights and terrifying days. We have all inclusive packages that will create the highest levels of self loathing and depression. Book today! 

If you don't want to go then don't go. If want to go then go. 

You can't predict what's going to happen so who cares? 

If shit happens deal with it. If not then have fun. 

Be whatever you want. In the end nobody really gives a shit. Except you.  

[Vallium]

20 minutes ago, #00Buck said:

A stress filled "vacation."

Yes, that's what every vacation is supposed to be. 

Welcome to the wonderful stress filled and anxiety causing beaches of Hawaii. At our lovely resort you'll enjoy sleepless nights and terrifying days. We have all inclusive packages that will create the highest levels of self loathing and depression. Book today! 

If you don't want to go then don't go. If want to go then go. 

You can't predict what's going to happen so who cares? 

If shit happens deal with it. If not then have fun. 

Be whatever you want. In the end nobody really gives a shit. Except you.  

Touche,

 

fun fact, actually did go on a family vacation to the bahamas, everyone complained how shitty and awful it was and how they had spent so much money for such a terrible section of the beach...

...in the bahamas

I was so pissed off

#firstworldproblems

[Toshabi]

Will you have to wear a bikini?

[Jtrekkie]

Can you explain it a way they haven't heard? Just for them? 

 

My parents suspect Im trans, Ive denied it several times and been dodgy with questions by uttering half truths.  Had they never found anything out I would have been content leading a peaceful double life, letting my parents see me as they want to and living my life as my own and those around me knowing it.

 

Hey, you did that. I did that.

 

Don't do that. Even if it works it doesn't.

 

I don't know your parents and obviously you're in a different situation, so I can't give you much but I'll try anyway. 

I have four parents, two of them care about me and two of them couldn't care less. When I had to explain things, one pair said something like they would always love me (before dissappearing again) and the other were upset and wanted to talk a lot about it.

I'm sure you realize they love you yada yada but if they are showing concern over your life they probably do. So keep that in mind, it could help you. If there is anyway you can don't pit yourself against them. People lash out from fear, they may even be afraid they'll lose you. Let them know they haven't. Maybe let them know you feel the same?

It's OK to be scared, it's even OK to be uncertain. If you need to, wait until you aren't by yourself then take a bit to read the notes.

 

Remember, you aren't ever alone in the world.

 

[AshleyAshes]

21 hours ago, WolfNightV4X1 said:

a peaceful double life

Contradiction of terms.

[Fantasma]

@WolfNightV4X1

It's going to be hilarious to imagine you trying to do a high pitched voice, you are way too manly for that to work.

Becausr you are a man, an awesome man, and an olypmic cuddler.

I'll see you when you get back~

[LazerMaster5]

If you are going to have to jump in the fire, why not dive in headfirst? Grow a beard and get a packer for your pants. Wear cargo shorts or relaxed fit jeans. Wear shirts for your favorite bands, the heavier the better. Pick up a snapback from a death metal show and wear it. 

Hell, if you are feeling lucky you could try corpse paint and/or full on black metal makeup. 

Either way, you must not be afraid to express yourself. Assert yourself, and go from there. No matter what, we will support you here.

[Guest]

@WolfNightV4X1 Are there any updates about this? Hope all's well

[Toshabi]

34 minutes ago, Amiir said:

@WolfNightV4X1 Are there any updates about this? Hope all's well

They wore a bikini and their parents noticed their buldge.

[Guest]

1 minute ago, Toshabi said:

They wore a bikini and their parents noticed their buldge.

How do you know?

[Vallium]

46 minutes ago, Toshabi said:

They wore a bikini and their parents noticed their buldge.

I think that would give all the old people at beaches heart attacks if I started cross dressing, I dont want to be responsible for that much collateral damage of the last generation

45 minutes ago, Amiir said:

Update?

Its the end of this month, I'll probably keep my friends on hand via skype or text to avoid anxiety and panic attacks and discuss anything going on while Im there.

I have a whole list of major plans coming up after all of that so once I get past the hopefully-not-too-dramatic event things will be awesome

[Toshabi]

1 hour ago, Amiir said:

How do you know?

Toshabi is always watching

[Zaraphayx]

Who mails their child deodorant? lmao

[willow]

Oh boy, I've been in this position before. It sucks. It really sucks. I too even tried living a double life between school and home, but well...I made the mistake of joining a fraternity and eventually had to come clean about the reasons why this supposedly "co-ed fraternity" had no other girls in it. but I'm glad I did it, even if my parents still don't quite get it

Now I don't know your exact situation, but if I had to assume, outing yourself could potentially put you in an awkward position. Additionally, I don't know how close or reliant your are on your family so this might not be the best if there's a chance they're gonna ostracize you, but honestly if they confront you about it, own it

It is of course fine to be scared, of what they'll think, of losing people, but at the same time, don't feel you need to compromise yourself and your feelings to make the people around you comfortable. you're an adult, it's your life, and at the end of the day, the people who truly love and care about you will get over their own hang ups when they see you're happy

it doesn't exactly mean they'll be totally cool with it or that they'll fully understand what you're doing, but at least they accept that this is something you do to be happy

[Vallium]

On Saturday, August 06, 2016 at 7:06 PM, Sylver said:

Out of curiosity I Googled "Parents of Gays and Ex-Gays" and found these websites:

http://www.pfox.org/
http://www.sexchangeregret.com/
http://help4families.com/

You could always send her a dick in a box with some male deodorant :V

Sounds like a plan. Will buy bad dragon and do so once Im ready to come out as a gaytransfurryliberalcommie

3 hours ago, Zaraphayx said:

Who mails their child deodorant? lmao

A psycho person, is what. I have other crazy stories 

...like the time I woke up with my toenails painted

1 hour ago, willow said:

Oh boy, I've been in this position before. It sucks. It really sucks. I too even tried living a double life between school and home, but well...I made the mistake of joining a fraternity and eventually had to come clean about the reasons why this supposedly "co-ed fraternity" had no other girls in it. but I'm glad I did it, even if my parents still don't quite get it

Now I don't know your exact situation, but if I had to assume, outing yourself could potentially put you in an awkward position. Additionally, I don't know how close or reliant your are on your family so this might not be the best if there's a chance they're gonna ostracize you, but honestly if they confront you about it, own it

Noted.

I've changed my mind a bit, actually.  Thinking of waiting at least until I get into college and/or on my way to a stable career so that coming out isnt synonymous to being irresponsible, degenerate child with no real future, lest I be compared to something stupid like 'the prodigals son'. If at least to prove I can be successful the way I am and not how people force you to be.

3 hours ago, Toshabi said:

Toshabi is always watching

Creep, get off my FA!

[Azure]

It's your life, you should be able to.do.what you wish. Don't allow anyone, family or no, to guilt trip you into some vicarious living bullshit. Remind them that it's their job to provide guidance, not control, and that there is a line between them. And don't tie your success to a scheme of proving them wrong or anything like that, make it about something positive instead of possibly vindictive. If anything, you'll know where you stand by the end of this ordeal. Maybe a bit wiser.

[Guest]

12 hours ago, WolfNightV4X1 said:

Its the end of this month, I'll probably keep my friends on hand via skype or text to avoid anxiety and panic attacks and discuss anything going on while Im there.

I have a whole list of major plans coming up after all of that so once I get past the hopefully-not-too-dramatic event things will be awesome

Alright. In case you find me online on Skype you can hit me up. PMs here or on FA work too. Just keep in mind that I can't do much other than offering my company since I've never been in a situation such as yours. Regardless, I'll do what I can for my wolfbird comrade

11 hours ago, Toshabi said:

Toshabi is always watching

Wow stop watching me masturbate you perv

7 hours ago, WolfNightV4X1 said:

I have other crazy stories 

...like the time I woke up with my toenails painted

Dafuq

[Jerry]

That sounds jacked up 

I wish I could help you on that. But in all cases do what's best for yourself. Trying to please others and their expectations never works anyway, They just find something else to complain about.

That's all I can think of at the moment. But hey, if you need one more opinion, I'll be there. C=

[Wrecker]

You're you and only you. You've got shit to deal with that I could only imagine having to handle, but it's obviously something that is going to come up no matter what, and the only thing I know about it is it's up to you to determine how you're going to deal with whatever happens.

I wish I had something genuine to say like it's all going to work out because some shit, but I don't know the first fucking thing about what it's like to be in your position.

What I do know for certain, is that I hugely respect your courage to be facing all of this with an attitude that you're going to stop hiding it and get on one track.

I know people that have made a huge leap like that, and it sounds all kind of scary.

You've got balls!