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Paranoia!


Faust
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Another fun game for everyone! (Don't think this one has been done here before.)

First person posts a completely innocent event that happened today. The next person in line posts the most extreme paranoid delusion or conspiracy theory they can think of based on that event, followed by an event of their own. So, for example:

Quote

"I saw a squirrel today!"
"That's the government spying on you. They fitted all squirrels with video cameras."

So let me start! Ahem.

My shoes are too tight.

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The Chinese are attempting to weaken the military and industrial capability of the Western world by flooding their markets with uncomfortable and poorly manufactured footwear rendering you unable to continue the fight against Communism.

 

I have been unwell today.

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That flat tire was no accident, it was deliberately slashed by a hitman. It's all part of a larger plot by top secret middle-eastern agencies conspiring to keep us oil dependent. 

I tried to eat a peppermint candy today but I dropped it in the tub and it shattered. :( 

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The shapeshifting Leviathans own the company that makes you mac and cheese and they have added hormones to it that makes you addicted to it while also passivizing you. Can't you see that they are breeding you to be their human livestock? 

I went to toilet

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It's a well-known science fact that water has a memory. That water is learning everything about you. Your credit card numbers, your secrets, everything. When you drink it and pass it on into your toilet it will be collected by the Mafia, its secrets extracted with top-secret Cosa Nostra scientific techniques and all its information used against you!

Meanwhile, it looks like it's going to rain all weekend.

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It's conforming to stereotype in order to lull you into a false sense of security. Turn your back for one second and WHAM! It'll drop an anvil on your head! I saw it in a documentary. Think it was called 'Looney Tunes'.

The world didn't end in 2012.

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If it was contactless, somebody probably stole all your card details while you were standing there. You can do it with a mobile phone these days - I've seen it done (I really have!) They'll no doubt be hacking your bank account and spending your life's savings on drugs, prostitutes, firearms, Nubian slaves and a weaponised form of the ebola virus even as we speak!

England is thinking about leaving the EU.

(Go on, I dare you to try and beat our government's claims of impending doom!)

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