Callous

[#00Buck]

The word callous has two meanings. In the first and most traditional meaning it is a word to describe tough skin usually built up by friction. I used to play guitar and it was painful at first but after a while the thick skin on my fingertips made it easier to play. These days I have thick skin on the palms of my hands from working out and lifting weights. Then there is the other meaning of the word: an insensitive or cruel disregard for others.

I recently went to a comic con and made the rounds visiting with the various artists I know. I meet a lot of new people and that’s the fun of going to these shows. I met up with an artist I’ve known for several years and talked for a while. I didn’t notice until after the conversation was done that he had another artist at the table next to him. The man at the next table was physically handicapped, disfigured, and confined to a wheelchair. He had some very crude paintings he had done. I could recognize they were superhero paintings. Nobody was talking to him or checking out his artwork. I felt uncomfortable looking at him. I had no idea how to approach him or what to say to him so I walked away. 

Days go by and my artist friend posts up about his time at the convention and mentions his wheelchair bound tablemate next to him. He talked about how great his artistic spirit was and how he even bought a painting from him. My heart sank and I felt like a piece of shit. I shunned him and now I felt like a terrible person because I am a terrible person. It is brave to get a table at a show as a first time artist especially if you already have mobility problems to deal with and look kind of strange. I was a coward for not talking to him and I was callous. I was insensitive and showed total disregard for a brave human being who at the very least deserved the same attention I’d give to anyone else at the show. 

Since that time I’ve wanted to be a better person but I know I have not changed. I’m still callous. Like all the other bad things I’ve done in the past there isn’t any way to make up for this. I’m worried that the next time I have a chance to do the right thing I’ll miss it because I’ll disregard the situation completely.  There is no public shame in what I did. Nobody knows I ignored him except me. I know I did it. I know I’ll probably do it again. I feel bad about it. As brave as he was to put himself out there I was cowardly in equal measure. In my mind there’s a difference between who I am and who I should be. I don’t know if who I am is a choice or a condition of all the things I’ve lived through. I just know sometimes I really don’t like being me. 

[Mikazuki Marazhu]

I'm not particularly sure how to approach people with disabilities. Sometimes I'm torn with the thought that they don't want attention and wanting acknowledgement

I normally go with the former, since I wanna play safe. I cant blame you also, I'd think the same

[Luka]

What the fuck fishy

[#00Buck]

2 minutes ago, Mikazuki Marazhu said:

I'm not particularly sure how to approach people with disabilities. Sometimes I'm torn with the thought that they don't want attention and wanting to be praised

I normally go with the former, since I wanna play safe. I cant blame you also, I'd think the same

When I played guitar the callous skin make it possible for me to play without feeling anything and without pain.

I think my mental callousness does the same thing.

I'm just not sure that's such a good thing. 

[Osrik]

I myself find that i tend to feel uncomfortable around disabled people that I do not know, and usually as a result will avoid them. I don't know if it is because they remind me in a way of our mortality and weakness or my own personal weaknesses, but I always feel terrible for being so rude to them, when their physical characteristics obviously reflect nothing of their character.

A very good piece of writing in itself, the juxtaposition of the two meanings is very well done, again it reminds me of some short works of fiction I have read.

[FlynnCoyote]

It amuses me when people feel guilty about flaws in their own character.

[Wax]

2 hours ago, FlynnCoyote said:

It amuses me when people feel guilty about flaws in their own character.

Why?

[FlynnCoyote]

32 minutes ago, Wax said:

Why?

Never could figure out why. Never tried to.

[Strongbob]

I'm always one to root for the underdog and I have no problem talking to people with disabilities, but it can be a hard thing to balance.  A lot of disabled people I talk to are pretty desperate to be treated with respect and talked to like a normal person, which I'm happy to do, to a point.  If you try to be too nice you can get sucked in and then it's hard to extricate yourself without feeling like dick.  I think I have the same problem in relationships too. 

[Mikazuki Marazhu]

9 hours ago, FlynnCoyote said:

It amuses me when people feel guilty about flaws in their own character.

.......

Probably on a related note......

I feel shitty about myself knowing that young people knows how to draw and I don't

I hate you all

[Hewge]

My mum has been in a wheelchair since way, way before I was even born.
As such, I've noticed a lot of people see her as 'innocent little lady forever glued to a wheelchair'. But - I don't . I just see her as my super cool, always-there-for-me mum. Because that's exactly what she's always been to me.
Mayhaps this "experience" has adjusted me so, but peoples is peoples. Do you see someone with a broken arm, or those that are ill, and feel awkward/or uncomfortable? Probably not.
Just as someone that is ill and obviously doesn't want it so, so does a disabled friendo. Again - peoples is peoples. Nobody chooses to be ill... or disabled.

Them feeling uncomfortable for their own attributes is no different than you feeling insecure about this very hollow *issue*. You insecure little dumb ass fish, you.

Although, X disabled person is still able to push past their personal problems and continue being themselves, regardless of anything. Guess you're not able to do the same.

Which raises a question; In the end, is this not a disability in itself?
Enjoy being unable to be comfortable and act as your true self for no actual reason. Nice disability you got there, man. I may as well ignore your very existence for your own insecurities.

[Butters]

Isn't complaining about something you refuse to change about yourself just whining? 

[Red Lion]

I also don't really know how to handle disabled people. I know someone who's blind and most of the time I didn't really think of his disability because it didn't affect how we interacted that much, he seemed plenty capable and I didn't feel like I had to feel sorry for him.

When it comes to people who are more handicapped than that, especially if it's mentally developmental, things get a little more murky. I usually don't interact with them because I'm afraid the interaction would just be an act of pity, me trying to be a "nice person"  Honestly I'd hate myself a lot more if I bought a painting or said a nice word out of pity. I fucking hate pity, it's the worst, most condescending sentiment you can give someone. It's just contempt's more nicely dressed reflection and no one deserves it. On the reverse side of that, I think I hate it so much because I know what it feels like, when some of my friends found out that I have PTSD they started acting like I was made of glass for awhile. I know that came from a good place, but it seriously pissed me off. Eventually they got over it and realized that they didn't need to change how they interacted with me and things went back to normal. So if nothing else I can at least say "Don't be that asshole who is only nice to people because he feels sorry for them".  

I seem really aloof to a lot of people, I know I do but at least when I do act with compassion it's genuine. Maybe I'm not as compassionate as I could be but trying to be a better person isn't about behavior it's about mindset. You are not what you do and your actions don't mean anything without the sincerity to back them up. If you try to be a better person you'll have to change the way you look at people and cultivate a new mindset. That's something that can be really hard to do. My advice, just try to be genuine. If you see a guy like that in the future, talk to him, don't talk at him or down to him, talk TO him. Maybe you'll find out he's a nice guy and you like him or maybe you'll come away from him thinking he's a douche pickle but your future interactions won't be centered around feeling sorry for his disability if you think of him as an individual. 

[Alexxx-Returns]

Don't worry about it for one moment dude. If someone makes you feel uncomfortable, and you don't want to approach them, you can respect that.

Disabled people should get the same treatment as everyone else- so if they make you uncomfortable and you want to avoid them, you should avoid them. It would be special treatment if you went against your better judgement. Besides... If you approach a disabled person who makes you uncomfortable, you're enabling whatever it is they're doing that makes them so hard to be around, and they won't stop. Second, there might be a good reason you get the feeling from them and they might be dangerous. Is it worth risking your safety so that some random person's feelings aren't hurt?

[Endless/Nameless]

The way I see it

Just do what you feel comfortable with.

Treat people well

But don't act obligated. 

[Ricky]

I think it's funny reading all the responses saying people don't know how to talk to the disabled, like there's some secret rulebook about it. It smells like social disability in here. If you see someone in a wheelchair, everyone knows you should talk to that person as though they were a small child, and make sure to constantly pat their head. Always ask if they would like some water, or maybe a banana and always, I mean ALWAYS ask if they need help with the potty :V

Seriously people, it isn't rocket science here, lol. Imagine your friend broke his leg. How would you talk to him, or treat him? There's your answer.

Feeling bad because you didn't view art that someone made because they are disabled is silly. The art has nothing to do with the fact someone is disabled. It's either good art or not, and a disability doesn't affect the subjective quality of the art, unless perhaps you are this guy:

That's not to say I don't have respect. For example, there's a furry here I met IRL for the first time who was chronically disabled and in leg braces. We met up to go hiking and she told folks not to slow down and in fact hiked BETTER than most people there who WEREN'T disabled. That impressed the hell out of me.