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Accomplishments Thread


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Had a kind of 'mental collapse'/'nervous breakdown' over the weekend, and am still here, and managed not to go to the emergency room, but it was close. I have some bruises, and no idea how I got them, and have been trying to act normal, as in 'to all outside appearances I am OK:, even if inwardly, I am not. I guess I sent an odd e-mail to work, saying I wasn't going to kill myself, so don't worry (which I have no memory of), which made them worried (I mean, who or why would one send such an e-mail, and on a day I wasn't working, anyway, saying they weren't going to kill themselves?)

And so I accomplished being here, still.

 

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On 31/01/2017 at 5:37 PM, Fossa-Boy said:

Had a kind of 'mental collapse'/'nervous breakdown' over the weekend, and am still here, and managed not to go to the emergency room, but it was close. I have some bruises, and no idea how I got them, and have been trying to act normal, as in 'to all outside appearances I am OK:, even if inwardly, I am not. I guess I sent an odd e-mail to work, saying I wasn't going to kill myself, so don't worry (which I have no memory of), which made them worried (I mean, who or why would one send such an e-mail, and on a day I wasn't working, anyway, saying they weren't going to kill themselves?)

And so I accomplished being here, still.

 

Fossa ;^; hope you're okay.

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On 2017-01-31 at 0:37 PM, Fossa-Boy said:

Had a kind of 'mental collapse'/'nervous breakdown' over the weekend, and am still here, and managed not to go to the emergency room, but it was close. I have some bruises, and no idea how I got them, and have been trying to act normal, as in 'to all outside appearances I am OK:, even if inwardly, I am not. I guess I sent an odd e-mail to work, saying I wasn't going to kill myself, so don't worry (which I have no memory of), which made them worried (I mean, who or why would one send such an e-mail, and on a day I wasn't working, anyway, saying they weren't going to kill themselves?)

And so I accomplished being here, still.

 

This sounds scary as hell... I'd freak the fuck out if I started losing my consciousness in such a way

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23 hours ago, Saxon said:

Fossa ;^; hope you're okay.

Thanks, Saxon, and everyone. I'm holding in there. It's been a rough time, but I'm making efforts to get on a more stable footing. After getting some rather bad news, or 'losing' a close friend, on top of a lot of other ongoing things, I had taken who knows how many sedatives (klonopin, Valium), and drank over a pint of whiskey, in what is now, in retrospect, what must have been some foggy notion of 'offing' myself. Oddly, I awoke the next day at maybe 8 AM, had sent that note to work, and then, walked to the Baltimore Museum of Art, several blocks from here, to see this painting I like, by Kirchner. Then, I went home, and went to bed.

Here is the painting: (Flower Beds in the Dresden Gardens, 1910)

3407_01_01.jpg

 

I think it is the figure, walking away from so much beauty, in the background, that drew me there, among other things.

And so I saw my 'talk' therapist on Saturday, and since that night, have decided not to drink at all, because it makes me very moody, dangerously so, especially with the meds I take for TMJ/anxiety, that it's to be avoided. So there has been a lot of sleep, and a lot of water, this week, and I think I will be OK.

It's hard; I've fought depression most of my life, and tried many things; as they say, it may be a 'treatable disease', but not always, and the side effects of the many of the meds can be pretty horrendous, and some simply can not tolerate them. I think my psychologist has been more helpful, all in all, from keeping me from going under.

Also, I'm easily prone to lonliness, and feelings of alienation: something made harder by very long work/commute days: I leave at 6:45 AM, and get home at 8 PM. So that there is not enough time for a lot of RL social connection, and that's taken a toll. I wish I could find a local furry group, here...especially one where maybe you got together, and learned to make fursuits together, and then, say, went bowling, or other such fun things. It's been almost impossible for me to find any RL furry outlets.connection, you could say, and not being able to share/express (except online) this part  of me is hard.

Well, again, thanks, and you'll be seeing me about.

14 hours ago, Jerry said:

This sounds scary as hell... I'd freak the fuck out if I started losing my consciousness in such a way

Ah, yes, it was, even if it was also ( mostly) self-induced: there is that sense of the unaccounted for, and of the moods that lead one to such rash actions, in the first place.

Well, again, thanks, all.

 

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36% of the threads currently on the 1st page of the forum games sub-forum were created by me. Somehow this feels like an accomplishment to me :)

 

Granted, 3 of those 9 threads were ancient failures that folks inexplicably decided to bump, but page 2 holds another 2 legit threads that could easily come back!

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