Rant: Bumpy Integration

[Feverish]

Well I've been here for quite a while, yet I have less than 30 posts, and only really posted in the same few threads. I've been popping into the discord chat often but usually don't say much, but I really like the people and community here. I really want to talk to everyone and become a good member here. It's just been tough because of some long lasting personal issues that discourage me from talking to people too often, like, nasty things. The problem is very much internal, not really anything external happening to me. Well, it's hard for me to just, y'know, say this to a number of people, but I've been dealing with minor to moderate depression and anxiety, which I recently learned family on my mom's side deals with, and which recently got to a nasty point. Specifically dealing with the forums, whenever I click on the reply box to say something, I often think that everyone will hate what I say and will jump me for saying it, even though it's something simple. The thought is irrational, really. Yet I still get waves of 'everyone will hate you,' but people are rather warm towards me. I've integrated into communities before, but they were always small, with maybe 15 active members. I guess where I want to go with this is that I want to fight through that in order to be able to be a part of this community for real, and I want to ask if anyone else had to deal with this kind of thing too.

[DrGravitas]

A number of people deal with similar issues around here. Above all else just remember this: It's only a furry forum. If you really want to become an active part of this community, I'm sure you'll be welcomed! You might not always get a positive reaction, but most folks here are forgiving enough

[GarthTheWereWolf]

[Hux]

8 minutes ago, GarthTheWereWolf said:

This my personal approach to all my problems.

[Chrysocyon]

Wow, you sound so much like me.

I joined my first big forum, FAF, in 2009 and would mostly lurk and only occasionally post. Even though I felt like I had more to say and could think of replies, I would just get too anxious and fear I would only embarrass myself. In six years I only had about 50 posts, lol. It wasn't until 2015 when I finally made a conscious effort to start posting more, and little by little I started throwing myself out there posting whatever I thought was nice.

One weird problem I had was I would nervously wait to see reactions to my posts, which often there wouldn't be any, and it was a little discouraging because I almost felt like people weren't even reading them. But as I started to build a forum presence, I realised people seemed to like me and do read what I post. I started to just post more and more without worrying about it and have met a lot of cool people and had an overall pleasant experience. I helps that I tend to avoid any drama or serious issues and stick to light-hearted posting. I still tend to disappear when life gets hard and I'm under stress or depression, but just joking around with the folks here usually makes me feel better and has got me through a lot.

So that's my experience, if that makes you feel any better, and as Garth/Dory said... just keep posting.

[Eggdodger]

Based on what you contribute in the Discord chat, I think you would be a great addition to the forums.

[Dr. Doggo]

Just post.

Regards,
A. Poster

[Feelwell]

10 hours ago, Feverish said:

Specifically dealing with the forums, whenever I click on the reply box to say something, I often think that everyone will hate what I say and will jump me for saying it, even though it's something simple. 

I mean for what it's worth, I've never hated or even disliked anything you've ever said, and you yourself seem cool.

Also I dig the name, just because I enjoy the word "Feverish".

[Mapa]

I've been here almost a year, and I'm sort of in the same boat, although my problem is more with talking to others like a normal human being than it is with posting. I can't give you any advice as I'm still trying to figure things out myself, but I can give you comfort in that you're not alone.

[Endless/Nameless]

you actually seem pretty ok; just need to build those social skills.

can't do that unless you just dive in; remember that everyone else is doing the same thing.

[Feverish]

5 hours ago, Endless/Nameless said:

you actually seem pretty ok; just need to build those social skills.

can't do that unless you just dive in; remember that everyone else is doing the same thing.

I usually do okay with these types of things, I talk to people all the time and make jokes, have a decent number of pals. Maybe it's just stuff messing with my head, like I'll randomly think all my classmates in the room with me despise me when they probably couldn't care less if I was there or not. There's been other stuff worse than that which have been causing some issues with friends and I'm having an appointment in January for it. The feeling I talked about is really random. It goes off and on at random days at random levels, last night it was at a pretty bad point. So I'm looking forward to January

[Endless/Nameless]

16 minutes ago, Feverish said:

I usually do okay with these types of things, I talk to people all the time and make jokes, have a decent number of pals. Maybe it's just stuff messing with my head, like I'll randomly think all my classmates in the room with me despise me when they probably couldn't care less if I was there or not. There's been other stuff worse than that which have been causing some issues with friends and I'm having an appointment in January for it. The feeling I talked about is really random. It goes off and on at random days at random levels, last night it was at a pretty bad point. So I'm looking forward to January

Yeah hopefully you can get some help with that

Best of luck

[Fiab]

4 hours ago, Feverish said:

I usually do okay with these types of things, I talk to people all the time and make jokes, have a decent number of pals. Maybe it's just stuff messing with my head, like I'll randomly think all my classmates in the room with me despise me when they probably couldn't care less if I was there or not. There's been other stuff worse than that which have been causing some issues with friends and I'm having an appointment in January for it. The feeling I talked about is really random. It goes off and on at random days at random levels, last night it was at a pretty bad point. So I'm looking forward to January

This part in particular I can relate to. Believe me when I say that's most definitely in your head like it was mine. My favorite quote for dealing with overthinking like this is "It's none of your damned business what other people think of you." So pretty much train yourself to care less about what people may be thinking and take it as it comes when you're working on being more involved in the community. Also don't know if it's just me or people working on their social skills in general, but "only a few words" posts seem hard as hell. All I myself manage to pull off are paragraphs. 

 

Either way people seem to "not be bothered"/like your posts everytime when I pop in here from time to time

[Jtrekkie]

Hey there. I have the same problem, not here, but elsewhere. The Psychologists even have a name for the phenomenon, but I forgot what it was.

Anyway, not to worry. You'll gain confidence with exposure. Just remember that we mean no harm, and if you don't go out of your way to cause harm a faux pas will be forgiven and quickly forgotten.