Khaki Posted January 30, 2016 Share Posted January 30, 2016 Alright, here's a new forum game, post any jokes you know, no matter how bad they are, they go on the thread. I'll start: Why did the Russians lose the Winter War? Because they couldn't Finnish what they had started. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheGreatFanatic Posted January 30, 2016 Share Posted January 30, 2016 (edited) What's green and flies over Germany? Snazis. kill me please Edited January 30, 2016 by TheGreatFanatic Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Endless/Nameless Posted January 30, 2016 Share Posted January 30, 2016 Some Kid: "I was on the TV today" Some Other Kid: "Oh wow, that's cool!!" Some Kid: "Yeah it was, until my mom told me get off of it."AHAHAHAHA (I delved deep into my childhood for that one) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheGreatFanatic Posted January 30, 2016 Share Posted January 30, 2016 43 minutes ago, Endless/Nameless said: Some Kid: "I was on the TV today" Some Other Kid: "Oh wow, that's cool!!" Some Kid: "Yeah it was, until my mom told me get off of it." Took me a second :V 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chrysocyon Posted January 30, 2016 Share Posted January 30, 2016 A seal walks into a bar. The bartender looks and goes "what'll ya have?" to which the seal replies "anything but a Canadian Club on the rocks!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Caledonian Posted January 30, 2016 Share Posted January 30, 2016 What is green and slides of a mountain? a skiwi Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Caledonian Posted January 30, 2016 Share Posted January 30, 2016 The belgian priminiater visita the dutch prime minister. "Listen, we are sick of the dutch making jokes about belgians being stupid and all. We want to laugh at you too" the dutch minister nods. "That os a fair point. To benefit our relation with your country we will build a bridge in the middle of the sahara, so you can laugh at us too" and so it happens, the dutch build the bridge and the belgians laugh about it. about a year later the prime ministers meet again. "That was fun" the belgian sais "i think you could take the bridge down now" but the dutch prime minister shakes his head. "We would gladly, but the belgians keep going there for their fishing hollidays" 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sidewalk Surfboard Posted January 30, 2016 Share Posted January 30, 2016 A wife keeps hearing grunting coming from the bathroom. It's her husband. "Are you ok?" she asks. "I'm just on the John!" the husband replies. 10 minutes later, her husband and another man come out of the bathroom. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snagged Posted January 30, 2016 Share Posted January 30, 2016 What's the best way to cure gaming addiction? A Steam therapy 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DrDingo Posted January 30, 2016 Share Posted January 30, 2016 I told my girlfriend to buy some Japanese food Sushi did. It's funny because I have no girlfriend 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chrysocyon Posted January 31, 2016 Share Posted January 31, 2016 Kind of long, but here's an old favourite: Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson go on a camping trip. After a good dinner and a bottle of wine, they retire for the night and go to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend. “Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.” “I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes” replies Watson. “And what do you deduce from that?” Watson ponders for a minute. “Well, Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful, and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe. But what does it tell you, Holmes?” Holmes is silent for a moment. “Watson, you idiot!” he says. “Someone has stolen our tent!” 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Caledonian Posted January 31, 2016 Share Posted January 31, 2016 Do you know the joke of tge woman that sat on the toilet? me neither the door was locked. --- do you know that joke of "i knew it"? i knew it! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr.Kumquat Posted January 31, 2016 Share Posted January 31, 2016 Should i tell that sodium joke? Na. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chrysocyon Posted January 31, 2016 Share Posted January 31, 2016 35 minutes ago, Mr.Kumquat said: Should i tell that sodium joke? Na. Chemistry jokes don't get a reaction out of me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr.Kumquat Posted January 31, 2016 Share Posted January 31, 2016 2 minutes ago, Chrysocyon said: Chemistry jokes don't get a reaction out of me. How noble of you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mikazuki Marazhu Posted January 31, 2016 Share Posted January 31, 2016 1 minute ago, Mr.Kumquat said: How noble of you. Very sour Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Caledonian Posted January 31, 2016 Share Posted January 31, 2016 Dude you have beautifull teeth, are those your own? absolutely, i paid this set myself Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snagged Posted January 31, 2016 Share Posted January 31, 2016 Why do chemists call curium, barium and helium the medical elements? Because if you can't curium or helium, you barium Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maug Posted January 31, 2016 Share Posted January 31, 2016 Just now, Snagged Cub said: Why do chemists call curium, barium and helium the medical elements? Because if you can't curium or helium, you barium Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr.Kumquat Posted January 31, 2016 Share Posted January 31, 2016 Two guys are sitting in a restaurant. Waiter askes them what they want to drink. The first guy says "I'll have some H2O" second guy says "I'll take some H2O too!" The second guy died. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mikazuki Marazhu Posted January 31, 2016 Share Posted January 31, 2016 2 minutes ago, Mr.Kumquat said: Two guys are sitting in a restaurant. Waiter askes them what they want to drink. The first guy says "I'll have some H2O" second guy says "I'll take some H2O too!" The second guy died. Now that is funny :V Ooooo Myyyy Gaaawd! That is soooooooooooo funny, I'm actually laughing... Ha Ha Ha! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chrysocyon Posted January 31, 2016 Share Posted January 31, 2016 What's the difference between kinky and perverted? Kinky is when you use a feather, perverted is when you use the whole chicken. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted January 31, 2016 Share Posted January 31, 2016 Marie and Susie are talking when Susie says: ''You know Marie, Nick's dick is like a peanut''. Marie asks: ''Wow is it that small?''. Susie replies: ''Nah it just tasted kinda salty''. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Faust Posted February 1, 2016 Share Posted February 1, 2016 (edited) Three logicians walk into a bar. The barman says "I suppose you all want the usual?" The first logician says "I don't know." The second logician says "I don't know." The third one says "YES!" (If anyone needs me to explain this one, let me know) ------------------------------------------------------------ And a bad one: Q: What's white and slides gracefully around the nightclub? A: Cum Dancing Edited February 1, 2016 by Faust Added a separator for clarity Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Khaki Posted February 1, 2016 Author Share Posted February 1, 2016 I'm in trouble for causing the shed to explode whilst trying to make nitrocellulose, but got let off with a warning since oxidants happen. A bear is taking a crap in the woods when it sees a bunny rabbit doing the same, the bear asks "Do you ever have trouble with poo sticking to your fur?" to which the bunny replies "No". "Good" the bear replies, before grabbing and proceeding to wipe his arse with the rabbit. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Caledonian Posted February 1, 2016 Share Posted February 1, 2016 two friends are on a hunting trip when one of the two drops dead. the other calls 911. "my friend just died!" he cries out a calm voice on the other side of the line responds. "okay, first make sure he is really dead" the man remains quiet but the 911 worker suddenly hears a gunshot. "yes, he is dead, what now?" the man asks then. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chaosmasterdelta Posted February 1, 2016 Share Posted February 1, 2016 A blind person walks into a bar and a table and a chair 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LazerMaster5 Posted February 1, 2016 Share Posted February 1, 2016 Two men walk into a bar, but the third one's a duck. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Caledonian Posted February 3, 2016 Share Posted February 3, 2016 A man walks into a bar, makes a backflip and lands on a chair. "Where did you learn that?' the bartenders asks in awe. "In the circus" the man replies. later another man comes in, makes a triple loop and lands on a chair "where did you learn that?" The bartender asks again. "In the circus" the second man replies. then a third man comes in. He makes a salto and lands on w chair. "Let me guess" the bartender sais "you're from the circus too" "no idiot" the man replies "i tripped over the doormat" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Khaki Posted February 3, 2016 Author Share Posted February 3, 2016 Two deer walk out of a gay bar, one turns to the other and says "I can't believe I've just blew 50 bucks in there!" 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snagged Posted February 3, 2016 Share Posted February 3, 2016 On 1.2.2016 at 2:20 PM, Caledonian said: two friends are on a hunting trip when one of the two drops dead. the other calls 911. "my friend just died!" he cries out a calm voice on the other side of the line responds. "okay, first make sure he is really dead" the man remains quiet but the 911 worker suddenly hears a gunshot. "yes, he is dead, what now?" the man asks then. Sounds like the humor of Dr. House. Very dark and grim. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Faust Posted February 3, 2016 Share Posted February 3, 2016 Another couple! "I say. Holmes! Why have you painted the front door of 22 Baker Street bright yellow?" "A lemon entry, my dear Watson." - - - - - - - - - - - A man walks into a bar and orders a drink. While he's drinking, he notices a slab of tarmac sitting at the bar chomping on a packet of salted peanuts. He turns to the barman and says, "There's a piece of tarmac over there, eating nuts!" The barman smiles and responds "Oh yes, that's the M24 motorway, he's a regular. We get a lot of tarmac in here. The dusty slab over by the corner? He's from the M6 near Croydon. Then there's Marty by the door, he works hard up at spaghetti junction. See the black-and-white stripes chap over there? He's a bit of a local celebrity from Abbey Road, the Beetles actually walked over him back in the sixties. All lovely people when they're not at work." "Really? So who is that piece of red tarmac in the corner there?" "Don't go near him sir," the barman replies in obvious panic, "He's a cyclepath!" 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Caledonian Posted February 3, 2016 Share Posted February 3, 2016 two cows stand in the meadow, one is constantly shaking her udder. When the other asks why she does that she replies "well, tomorrow is my birthday so I decided to start whipping the cream" 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Faust Posted February 5, 2016 Share Posted February 5, 2016 A man goes to a carpenter and says "Look, I want to complain. Why are there so many holes in this table you made for me?" The carpenter replies "They're knot holes" "Yes they bloody well are, look I can put my finger right through them!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.