To Be Myself Again

[#00Buck]

The only times I’ve felt like myself is when the ship is on its side with waves swamping the deck and lightning threatening to strike the mast. When everyone else scatters and hides I finally get a chance to enjoy the view. When everything is on fire, when all things are destroyed, in the seconds that I’m flying through the air before I crash. That’s where I feel like I belong.

It is only in the moments where the world around me is consumed with terror and chaos that I have the peace to feel comfortable being myself. I find peace in solitude. So I seek solitude in public. In a crowd of people that moment where you say the wrong thing and everyone takes a sold step back and silence covers everything like a warm fuzzy blanket. In that moment I am alone and I am myself.

Most of the time I am not needed. I’m the fire extinguisher, defibrillator, flare gun, parachute, red handled axe with “in case of emergency break glass” written across the door. But when people need me they really need me. I stand beside them in my pile of broken glass. Everything chaotic, out of control, but standing fast the calm little center in the eye of the storm ready to be swung.

When everything is done they put me away and I wait. Ignored or sometimes even asked to make excuses for my existence. I sit in my glass case and wait for someone to break it. I know someone will they always do. I love the sound of breaking glass. It signals that I am born again. When that day comes I’ll be needed but until then I sit uncomfortable… Until I get a chance to be myself again. 

[Endless/Nameless]

FUCK YOU FISHFACE

*breaks glass*

*commotion ensues*

*fire breaks out somewhere*

[Enigma]

So you feel empty until someone needs you? 

Create meaning for yourself. You shouldn't rely on others for purpose in life. Not to say people cannot give you a greater purpose in life. They just shouldn't be your only reason for existance. 

 

Not sure if I translated that correctly. I do apologize if I assumed too much.

[#00Buck]

4 hours ago, Endless/Nameless said:

FUCK YOU FISHFACE

*breaks glass*

*commotion ensues*

*fire breaks out somewhere*

Thanks for making me feel at home. 

4 hours ago, Enigma said:

So you feel empty until someone needs you? 

Create meaning for yourself. You shouldn't rely on others for purpose in life. Not to say people cannot give you a greater purpose in life. They just shouldn't be your only reason for existance. 

 

Not sure if I translated that correctly. I do apologize if I assumed too much.

I wait until I'm needed. 

Most people rely on other people for a purpose in life. 

Unless they have no friends and nobody to talk to in which case they are usually horribly lonely. 

[Enigma]

3 minutes ago, #00Buck said:

I wait until I'm needed. 

Most people rely on other people for a purpose in life. 

Unless they have no friends and nobody to talk to in which case they are usually horribly lonely. 

I must be odd then. I have friends and people to talk to, but I'm self reliant. Caring about others and being there for them doesn't always mean you have purpose.

[#00Buck]

Just now, Enigma said:

I must be odd then. I have friends and people to talk to, but I'm self reliant. Caring about others and being there for them doesn't always mean you have purpose.

What is your purpose?

[Enigma]

Just now, #00Buck said:

What is your purpose?

To live.

Life needs no greater purpose than that. I live without regrets. Everything I have done has lead up to this point. If I have helped people, been successful, made something useful, then it is all the better. As long as I am alive, I can do some good. For the ones I love, care for and those in need.

[#00Buck]

Just now, Enigma said:

To live.

Life needs no greater purpose than that. I live without regrets. Everything I have done has lead up to this point. If I have helped people, been successful, made something useful, then it is all the better. As long as I am alive, I can do some good. For the ones I love, care for and those in need.

I need to do more than just live. Just being alive is okay but I don't find it satisfying. 

[Enigma]

Just now, #00Buck said:

I need to do more than just live. Just being alive is okay but I don't find it satisfying. 

 

Just because you are alive doesn't mean you are living.

[#00Buck]

Just now, Enigma said:

 

Just because you are alive doesn't mean you are living.

Actually yes it does. Unless you're trying to make some kind of philosophical point which you'll need to explain in depth for me to understand it. 

[Enigma]

1 minute ago, #00Buck said:

Actually yes it does.

So brain dead people on life support are 'alive'? Only by the lowest of standards I guess.

3 minutes ago, #00Buck said:

Unless you're trying to make some kind of philosophical point which you'll need to explain in depth for me to understand it. 

I am, and I have. You are more than a tool for others. If you believe your only purpose in life is that of a fire extinguisher, I'm sorry. After a fire extinguisher is used once, it has no purpose.

[#00Buck]

2 minutes ago, Enigma said:

So brain dead people on life support are 'alive'? Only by the lowest of standards I guess.

I am, and I have. You are more than a tool for others. If you believe your only purpose in life is that of a fire extinguisher, I'm sorry. After a fire extinguisher is used once, it has no purpose.

Yes anything that is living is live. The fire extinguisher was one of many examples I gave. Also you can refill them and use them again. All my examples were re-usable. You have not defined what "living" means to you apart from just simply being alive. You stated having no regrets. I don't have any regrets either. 

16 minutes ago, Enigma said:

To live.

Life needs no greater purpose than that. I live without regrets. Everything I have done has lead up to this point. If I have helped people, been successful, made something useful, then it is all the better. As long as I am alive, I can do some good. For the ones I love, care for and those in need.

I am capable of the same things. I think what you are saying is you are capable of purpose but don't really care. I on the other hand do care about having a purpose and I seek and anticipate those purposes. 

[Enigma]

1 minute ago, #00Buck said:

Yes anything that is living is live.

I disagree, that is a debate for another day.

3 minutes ago, #00Buck said:

The fire extinguisher was one of many examples I gave. Also you can refill them and use them again. All my examples were re-usable.

I suppose they can be. I will concede you that point.

6 minutes ago, #00Buck said:

You have not defined what "living" means to you apart from just simply being alive. You stated having no regrets. I don't have any regrets either.

I guess my responses are too vague. Living, to me, is to live your life at peace. To do what you love. Let every aspect of your life give you meaning, not just a singular thing.

12 minutes ago, #00Buck said:

I am capable of the same things. I think what you are saying is you are capable of purpose but don't really care. I on the other hand do care about having a purpose and I seek and anticipate those purposes. 

Every challenge in life defines you and drives you. So, I do anticipate new "purposes", as you call them. I find that word too... extreme. Otherwise, I can agree with this mostly.

[kazooie]

3 hours ago, #00Buck said:

What is your purpose?

 

[Jtrekkie]

Life itself is a tool which can be used in many ways. It's fulfillment depends on that use. Ultimately everyone is going to have to decide what is important to them in order to discover the use that fits them. But, where am ax is only valuable to a person with a need of one, a person has the same value whether he is appreciated or not.

 

That appreciation is needed, though. Humans are not lonely creatures. We need other people throughout our lives in order to develop properly. Even when we can take care of ourselves, it takes an outside voice to pull us out of our own minds and into the world. That connection moors us together.

[Endless/Nameless]

This has actually been a pretty good thread with some worthwhile discussion. Keep it up.

[Another Ampers&]

7 hours ago, Enigma said:

I guess my responses are too vague. Living, to me, is to live your life at peace. To do what you love. Let every aspect of your life give you meaning, not just a singular thing.

I'm afraid you're still being rather vague

in the case that buck believes his singular purpose is to bring order to any overt chaos around him, what's to differentiate acting in the interest of that purpose from "doing what you love"? One can imagine someone who views themselves as a tool with unified purpose would be glad for the opportunities presented to them

[Snagged]

If you rely on a feeling of being needed, then make yourself be needed. Let the world know of your noble intentions and show them what you are capable of

[Enigma]

3 hours ago, Another Ampers& said:

I'm afraid you're still being rather vague

in the case that buck believes his singular purpose is to bring order to any overt chaos around him, what's to differentiate acting in the interest of that purpose from "doing what you love"? One can imagine someone who views themselves as a tool with unified purpose would be glad for the opportunities presented to them

9 hours ago, Enigma said:

Let every aspect of your life give you meaning, not just a singular thing.

Im saying he can be there for people and help others, but that shouldn't be his only 'purpose' in life. When people don't need him then he has no purpose but to wait for someone to need him. He is too reliant on being needed, he can live for more.

He compared himself to a tool, he isn't. @Sylver made a good point. All those people who work to help others use those tools, they aren't those tools. They have lives outside their careers of helping others. 

Basically, he kept describing himself as an object of utility more than a person. Humans are so much more than that. We can be so much greater than that. 

[Another Ampers&]

5 minutes ago, Enigma said:

Basically, he kept describing himself as an object of utility more than a person. Humans are so much more than that. We can be so much greater than that. 

you're predicating this statement on two assumptions

1) an unknown definition of human potentia which you are citing and

2) assuming that Buck has the ability to reach this potential

now unless you mean to say that Buck by virtue of being classifiably "human" he has this ability to reach your vaguely defined purpose I think you need to expand your argument a slight:

- to define what exactly you deem "living" to be, if ones satisfaction with a singular purpose cannot be considered sympatico

- to define why exactly you believe every "human" has the potential to reach this state of "living"

{ OR

- Why you think buck specifically has this potential

[Enigma]

5 minutes ago, Another Ampers& said:

- Why you think buck specifically has this potential

Because I believe in him. 

[#00Buck]

11 hours ago, Sylver said:

I disagree that simply living is to 'live'. People need moments in their life, otherwise they're just turning food into shit.

Have you thought about becoming a fireman, emergency response worker, police officer, or something along those lines? You seem like the type of person who would enjoy that type of work. Idk.

I don't think any of that kind of work could be enjoyable for me. What I do is more of a compulsion than anything else. Maybe I'd work too much and get burned out? Over the course of my life I've been first on the scene to several car accidents, heart attacks, stopped a robbery at a convenience store, ended a mugging on the subway, and chased down a hit and run driver and got him to surrender to the police. None of it is my job. I really don't know why I do it. I don't enjoy doing it. I just can't stop myself. I also don't feel good about it afterwards. I can only think about the terrible thing that just happened and how awful it was. I mostly also feel angry at other people for not doing anything to help. I think I do these things because I believe nobody else will. The sad thing is I'm always right. 

3 hours ago, Snagged Cub said:

If you rely on a feeling of being needed, then make yourself be needed. Let the world know of your noble intentions and show them what you are capable of

Even the guys at the fire station spend a lot of time waiting around for a 911 call to come in. This does not mean that waiting for the call is meaningless and that they should all quit and get other jobs. It also does not mean they should go around setting things on fire just so they have something to do. I think it is impossible to occupy 100% of your time in a meaningful way. In some ways the more meaningful or important the tasks are the less frequently they occur. For example a high-rise fire might take place once a year. Someone else might serve coffee all day every day. The firefighter spends more time waiting. The barista spends more time actively doing their job. But the firefighter is more important and they really don't have a choice about waiting to fulfill their purpose. 

[Vallium]

13 hours ago, Enigma said:

To live.

If we're discussing the purpose of 'le meaning of life', I find thats far too simple.

Self reliance is great, but I think there are cycles of good and bad in the world, being introspective enough I think its in each person's best interest to replicate the all the good feelings theyve ever had or all the compassionate things done to them and transfer it to others around them, as well as break the chain of awful things done to themselves by never transferring the same discourtesy to others. It's karma, in a eay, but less fixed and more an internal function.  

Of course beyond that there is more to it, but I'll leave that to each person.

 

In any case, finding 'meaning' or 'purpose' is far too daunting, and honestly is not worth looking at the big picture in the end. Overthinking being alive tends to cause a lot of distress. Thinking is great, but this is one of the few times where proactively thinking leads to more harm than good. Living in the moment, finding  pleasure in the strangest and smallest details and activities, letting yourself feel, living in the moment, just doing and being; its what every other living creature does, and they fulfill their purpose by just being, even if its just drives and compulsions that lead them

17 minutes ago, #00Buck said:

I don't think any of that kind of work could be enjoyable for me. What I do is more of a compulsion than anything else.  I think I do these things because I believe nobody else will. The sad thing is I'm always right. 

Sounds like something you'd be good at, though. It would be a nice action and it would help others who might have different perspectives of life than you

 

In any case, the metaphor you used of the firefighter being useless in times of not fire, and the barista being useless in times of fire...well, theyre occupation may be a big part of their life, but its not the only one.

The barista is probably also a sister, a daughter, a writer, a volunteer at her local animal shelter, a travelor, a beverage enthusiast, a bookworm, a music hipster

The firefighter might also be a father, a husband, a hiker and outdoorsman, a weightlifter, a current events enthusiast, a civil rights activist, an weapons fanatic, a lover of board games

 

People dont always have some large purpose, sometimes they live on various things like families and passion, random things with no goals but just things that have a spark of interest in their minds.

 

Not to say this is going to apply to you, just thought Id add that your firefighter or barista dont remain apathetic until the phone call

[Enigma]

@WolfNightV4X1 would love to engage you in dialog when I get home. Unfortunately I can't do so efficiently on my phone. I like your stance but I disagree on a few points.

@#00Buck just become Batman already.

[Vallium]

Just now, Enigma said:

@WolfNightV4X1 would love to engage you in dialog when I get home. Unfortunately I can't do so efficiently on my phone. I like your stance but I disagree on a few points.

@#00Buck just become Batman already.

Fair enough mate, Im just speaking as myself though, but Im ready to hear a counter

[Enigma]

24 minutes ago, WolfNightV4X1 said:

Fair enough mate, Im just speaking as myself though, but Im ready to hear a counter

I do not mean any of this to impose on other people's beliefs. This has been my opinions and outlooks on life and greater meaning.

I do enjoy a good discussion/debate though. A hint of humor keeps things light, hopefully this topic doesn't get derailed too soon.

[Strongbob]

This is an interesting discussion.  I am compelled to take a few moments from my 'career' to weigh in on this lofty subject.  First of all, I'd discourage anyone from thinking that their purpose in life and their career need to be the same thing.  This may be true for some people, but I believe that separating your career from your purpose will help keep you sane.  I have a good career I guess, but I derive no great meaning from it.  My career is my opportunity to contribute to society in some humble way to keep the wheels of the community turning.  I'm sure my community could go on without me, but I do provide some valuable and essential services.  But this is not my purpose in life.  I find much greater purpose and meaning in contributing to the communities I actually derive pleasure from.  I belong to a variety of clubs and social groups that join together in certain recreational activities.  I also find meaning in helping others and volunteering.  For myself I find I need alone time doing the things I love to improve my personal and spiritual health.  All of these activities provide meaning to life in varying degrees.  So what is the meaning of life?  Life is what you make of it and the clock is ticking, so get out there.

Tick

Tick

Tick

 

[kazooie]

things to do in life:
*exist

[FlynnCoyote]

This whole thread is asinine and pointless. Just like life itself.

[Sidewalk Surfboard]

9 minutes ago, FlynnCoyote said:

This whole thread is asinine and pointless. Just like life itself.

Damn kid, that's edgy.

[#00Buck]

3 minutes ago, Sidewalk Surfboard said:

Damn kid, that's edgy.

 

[Enigma]

29 minutes ago, FlynnCoyote said:

This whole thread is asinine and pointless. Just like life itself.

*Slow clap*

I love this place.

[Zeke]

Existentialism's like green tea- it's filled with beneficial things if you drink it in small doses and somewhat enjoyable. It can also turn bitter and cause depression if left out and you imbibe too much of it. It can also taste like shit and piss if you get the crappy kind too.

[Xaende]

 

[Enigma]

@WolfNightV4X1

Im home, too tired to discuss/debate this topic. Plus things here seem to be reaching its end. Im sure there will be other chances.

2 hours ago, Zeke said:

Existentialism's like green tea- it's filled with beneficial things if you drink it in small doses and somewhat enjoyable. It can also turn bitter and cause depression if left out and you imbibe too much of it. It can also taste like shit and piss if you get the crappy kind too.

[Endless/Nameless]

I've determined my purpose in life is to not have one. 

I'll be a dirty sacrifice on the altar of others. 

[Enigma]

10 minutes ago, Endless/Nameless said:

I've determined my purpose in life is to not have one. 

I'll be a dirty sacrifice on the altar of others. 

Hail Satan! 

Get ready for the blood orgy!

[FlynnCoyote]

I'm not a nihilist. I'm a humanist.

I simply choose to acknowledge that there is no objective purpose to human life. It amuses me that people feel a need to be needed. That they can only find a meaning for themselves through other people. To a degree I kind of understand how it can happen, but I don't see logic in basing my life's worth on others.

[Enigma]

2 hours ago, FlynnCoyote said:

I'm not a nihilist. I'm a humanist.

I simply choose to acknowledge that there is no objective purpose to human life. It amuses me that people feel a need to be needed. That they can only find a meaning for themselves through other people. To a degree I kind of understand how it can happen, but I don't see logic in basing my life's worth on others.

If you said this in the first place you could have avoided looking like a dick.

Life doesn't have any inherent meaning to it. We give ourselves a purpose and meaning. Life is just a happy accident and we should all take advantage of it to the fullest.

As long as you are happy, you can live however you want.

[Khaki]

You must not console your self worth through the means of others in order to rationalize your existence, but rather man should prove his worth to himself by

setting new goals and accomplishing them over and over again, for what is achieved through hardwork is the most prized reward, in a world where your existence has no meaning, you must become your own master and continue to strive to make yourself better in what ever way you see fit so that you may take pride in the fruits of your labour.